They hadn't seen each other in a week.

After almost giving in to his desire to kiss Theodore, Valerio believed it was best to keep some distance between them for a bit. He needed time to sort through his feelings, as well as give himself the necessary push to try and dampen them too. He could only begin the process of weaning by separating himself from the equation.

Unfortunately, though, as the saying went: distance made the heart grow fonder.

Days spent away from Theodore were...

Well, they weren't peaceful at all, to be honest.

Valerio wasn't sleeping much anymore. Rampant thoughts plagued him at all hours, each one drawing back to his romantic dilemma. His mind was constantly at war with itself.

A part of him whispered, with a kind, gentle voice, that being open was the best course of action to follow. Reminders were given on the authenticity of Theodore's character—about how different he was in comparison to those who previously dragged mud along the path Valerio paved for himself. He was soothed by memories of sharing food, laughing together, and hugging. The simple concept of experiencing tranquil mundanity with someone who had a heart made of gold was, in itself, a priceless treasure.

But there was another voice too. A louder, more unhinged one whose wails drowned out consoling declarations.

That voice was firm in chanting how Theodore was clearly heterosexual. Shrieks belted toward the heavens pointed out how, even if he was interested in men, he would've made a move by now if any attraction, emotional or physical, was present. Heartbroken sobs pushed the notion that Valerio opening up about his hardships would make Theodore realize how incompatible they were.

Because Theodore was like a gorgeous, radiant sun; and Valerio acted as the dark, menacing overcast shielding all traces of warm light.

They didn't belong together.

And he had to come to terms with it.

Even so, Valerio felt horrible for falling off the face of the planet without warning.

No texts, calls, or emails had been utilized to make Theodore aware of what was going on. Meetups for dinner, movies, football games, and work out sessions stopped happening. Messages pertaining to missed ballet classes were never answered. Occasional sheepish knocks at the door were ignored with a heavy heart. 

Valerio didn't mean to act in such a way. Cutting all contact hadn't been his end goal.

He just couldn't help but hide away when the ugly, sneering face of Julianna kept popping into his head without mercy.

She kept telling him he wasn't meant to experience any form of a healthy relationship; he wasn't meant to be safe around anyone; he wasn't meant to have a happy ending.

Her declarations—they angered Valerio.

Julianna didn't have the right to continue dictating his emotions. She wasn't in charge of his heart or the choices he made. Her word wasn't supposed to mean anything more than the dirt beneath his feet.

Yet here Julianna was, in the form of a malevolent ghost, whose only objective was to cause harm.

Nearly seven months after their separation, she still had her mangled talons embedded in Valerio's person.

A continuously crumbling mental state kept him rooted in his dorm since the whole sketch-a-model-for-the-midterm ordeal. Valerio hadn't left the stale comfort of his own space for any reason: missed class assignments were handed in online, takeout was delivered to him, and groceries were ordered electronically.

In the harsh silence of a shackled cage, he was allowed to let his internal wounds bleed.

It was hard, still, to ignore additional gashes which formed inside of him, courtesy of his decision to lock himself away.

In the end, of all things, only a drastic change in the weather—bright, sunny days turning into constant gloomy, rainy, frigid ones—gave him the courage to finally escape his blatant hermitage.

The prospect of taking in a nice, deep breath of fresh air seemed like a concrete method to stave away his suffocating turmoil.

And as soon as the soles of Valerio's shoes touched the outside world, he knew he was right.

Stepping onto wet cobblestone was...freeing.

Witnessing the rain-covered campus, desolate since most people turned in for the evening, gave off the sensation of falling into a vibrant, intricate, comforting painting.

A cold breeze on Valerio's skin brought him out of his head to experience the slow passage of time in a blissful state.

While taking in the sights of his university bathing in the night, automatic doors resounded from the building's infirmary wing. Curious eyes drifted to the left. An inquisitive head tilt made strands of hair fall into his field of vision.

A tighter grip against the handle of his umbrella made his palm ache. 

Theodore, clad in only a sweatshirt to protect him from the elements, walked outside with his hands stuffed in his pockets. 

He was limping, and a white knee brace stood out against the black fabric of his athletic pants.

Valerio ran forward without hesitation.

"Theo? Are you okay? Are you injured?"

"Huh?" His distant gaze moved away from rippling puddles. "Oh, hi, Lerio. Don't worry, I'm fine. I was getting some extra practice in for dance, but, y'know, since it's been raining a lot, I've been having more frequent arthritis flares. I ended up spiking one while rehearsing just now. It's nothing too bad. I only had to stop by the nurse because I forgot to get a new brace from the pharmacy."

"Oh, I- I see."

Valerio gnawed on his bottom lip out of worry.

Theodore looked...tired.

Heavy bags lined his lower eyelids. His usual bright grin was replaced by a more neutral expression. The normal spark of excitement in green irises was nowhere to be seen.

He really didn't appear well.

"Hey- uh- I know this is out of the blue, but..." Valerio scratched the back of his head. "Would you maybe want to...hangout? We haven't had the chance to in a while, so...And it's Thursday, so we could do a sleepover too? Maybe?"

Theodore's offered smile didn't meet his eyes. "Sure. I'd like that, Lerio."

"Good. I mean- I'm- I'm glad. C'mere, you're getting soaked."

A gentle tug of the sleeve brought Theodore out of the rain to stand under the protection of a wide umbrella. His arm was cradled to keep him close.

Together, they walked back up the ramp leading into the residence building. Glaring light was met with eyes squinting from such a drastic change in vibrancy. A quick wave was given to the security personnel working at the front desk on the way to the elevators. An occasional clearing of the throat accompanied both friends as they waited for metal doors to open.

"I...still have a drawer full of your extra clothes. If you want to change."

"I'm starting to get a bit of a cold, so that might be for the best."

Valerio nodded, fumbling with his jacket's zipper. "Are you...hungry? I don't know if you've eaten yet. I haven't. We could do some late takeout. I know the pizza place up the street is still open."

"I'm good with pizza."

Shifting his weight from side to side, Valerio turned to get a quick peek at his friend.

Calculative green eyes were already staring at him.

His head darted forward again.

The rickety elevator was way too confined of a space to share as they ascended up to the fourth floor. Valerio clenched his jaw each time his shoulder was brushed against. He had to hold back an involuntary shudder when a warm hand rubbed the skin of his colder knuckles. The diluted smell of cedarwood wafted in his direction, filling him with both ease and anxiety.

Asking for a sleepover without really considering the drawbacks was a stupid idea in hindsight.

Valerio just didn't know what else to do when seeing a pained, upset Theodore.

Hopefully, they'd be able to fall back into their old habits without continuing to be so awkward.

Valerio held the door to his room open. His gaze was kept on the carpeted floor of the hallway until switching to the linoleum tiles of his personal space. Dirty rain boots were put in their designated spot near the welcome mat, and the umbrella was hung up alongside a thin coat.

An automatic locking mechanism sounded like a violent bang alongside the piercing silence actively lingering around them.

Theodore busied himself with picking out a pair of pajamas for the night. He began stripping out of his wet hoodie with his back pointed outward. The shirt underneath clung to the drenched fabric. 

Valerio looked away to not stare at smooth, bare skin.

He instead found refuge in the food delivery app on his phone.

Shaky thumbs swiped through a plethora of different options to pass the time. When landing on the designated pizza place, each individual item was read through at the slowest pace possible. It gave him an excuse to not let his eyes wander like they wanted to.

"You cool with a plain pie?"

"Yeah, that's fine. Let's get some soda with a zeppole order for us to share too."

"Sounds good to me. Let me just complete the order, and I'll get settled in with you."

"Sure."

Valerio ignored light fluttering in his chest and stomach. He pushed it to the back of his mind to focus on a new self-appointed task of finding something to dissipate his tension.

Putting on music would be a good way to go if not for moments of quiet between songs. A long, drawn out movie had more promise in that regard.

The t.v. remote was almost grabbed off of a nearby dresser.

Delicate fingers wrapped around Valerio's elbow to get his attention.

He froze in place, an arm still outstretched.

"Lerio...did- did I do something wrong?"

A clear waver in Theodore's voice made Valerio turn around. Long hair whipped against his cheek before falling back around his shoulders. A bundle of strands were pinned behind his ear to ensure his entire face was visible.

"What? No- of course not. You haven't done a single thing wrong."

"Well..." Theodore released his hold to rub against the back of his neck, his eyes moving to the side. "We stopped talking and seeing each other all of a sudden. I thought I did or said something the last time we hung out, and that's why you didn't want to see me anymore."

Valerio deflated. The motion caused his lower arms to sway, limp and lifeless.

Theodore really believed everything was falling apart because of him?

Tears building in his eyes only revealed how much he truly thought so.

Valerio was wracked with a greater sense of guilt than before.

"No- no, Theo- I promise, you haven't done anything like that. Things getting all weird between us- really, it's just me. I'm- I'm being stupid. Like always..."

"What? Lerio, you're not stupid. You've never been stupid. Why would you say something like that about yourself-"

"Because I keep letting the past screw up the present!"

Valerio's mouth clicked shut.

He hadn't meant to admit that so quickly or so abruptly.

Confusion being thrown his way only worked to make him sigh.

No point in hiding anything now...

"Theo, I-" Uncoordinated stammering made Valerio more frustrated with himself. "None of this is because of you. I didn't mean to go completely AWOL without saying anything. I just- so much has been going on in my head, and I don't know what part of me I should be listening to. I'm so scared, and I'm so confused, and I really don't want to mess anything up. But I feel like that's all I ever do. I felt like I was going to mess us up, so I distanced myself to try and keep us afloat. But now I'm seeing me being a coward only worked to hurt both of us. I'm so sorry."

Theodore shook his head, walking closer. "There's nothing to apologize for. But if you're going through something this bad, I would've listened to you."

"It's different when the reason I've been panicking is because of how close I am to you."

Valerio hung his head in shame. He felt like such a mess. Attempting to talk about his issues in such a clumsy manner was embarrassing. Admitting his emotions without really planning to do so gave him whiplash.

Things were moving a little too hastily than he was prepared for.

"...I know we talk about a lot of things, like stress from school and stuff like that. But there's one thing I've never told you. And it's what's making me so uncertain about everything else."

Fingers under Valerio's chin guided him to look upward.

Theodore glanced between both eyes, his expression serious.

"Tell me. Please."

It only took three words for Valerio's walls to crumble.

"...You know that I've been with people before. You know I have issues when it comes to close relationships, but I never really told you why. It's because...because..." Brown eyes filled with tears. "I've constantly been made to feel like I'm not important by the people I surrounded myself with. I was always the friend who gave but was never given anything in return. I was always the friend who listened but never got to talk. I was always the friend who stayed up all night to help people deal with their problems, while I was left to deal with my own by myself.

"I had to take a year off from school because I was trying to fix my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. I took her abroad because I knew we were failing, but I didn't just want to throw in the towel. I thought it was something I needed to fight for- to bring the spark back. But it didn't work. And after we came back, after I told her what I was feeling, she left me. Without any type of issue- or regret- or even a damn apology for treating me like garbage while we were together. She just left me and continued living her life without caring about how much she, and everyone else, scarred me. The rest of my break from school was me spending time trying to pick up my pieces after having my heart shattered.

"After considering it, I knew our breakup was a good thing. But it's because of it- because of my ex and all the crappy friends I made in the past- it's because of them that I'm afraid of going for things. It's because of them that I'm terrified of getting close. They're the reason I think everything in my life is going to fall apart- and that fear almost tore us apart. I never wanted that to happen, Theo. Never. But I just- I didn't know what to say."

Theodore's expression was difficult to decipher. He didn't appear guarded, though. He did, on the other hand, look like he was angry.

Not at Valerio, but for him.

"...What were you- or are you- so afraid of telling me that you think I'll leave you? What's making you freak out so much that you think isolating yourself is the better option? Please- I just want to understand. So I can help. You know you're worth that to me."

Would he still be after this?

There was only one way to find out.

"Theo...you're one of the most genuine people I've met in my entire life." Valerio knotted his fingers together. "You've given me so many great memories and have let me experience a lot of really nice things. I thought you were just like everyone else at first- that all you expected was to take something from me and move along. But you didn't. You've stood by me since we met. You're even standing by me now when I almost accidentally broke us apart like an idiot. It's just- I thought I needed to separate us- at- at least to an extent because...

"You make me so happy. You make me feel like I've finally found someone who actually cares about me. You brought me so much light, I started believing maybe I was allowed to have nice things. Maybe I was capable of being someone's choice. And it's because of that, that I- things started changing.

"I started getting really confused because I thought I knew who I was. What I wanted out of life. But then you waltzed in with a smile and changed everything. I've been at war with myself all this time because...I wanted to listen to my heart instead of my brain. But things have been so jumbled and crazy- I had to push myself away so I wouldn't say or do something stupid."

Valerio's grip tightened, and his bottom lip trembled.

He couldn't hold it back anymore—he needed to say it.

"...And now, you're in front of me. And I can't act like I don't really, really, really like you. Because I do. And I was really hoping that you like me too."

Theodore didn't say anything. He didn't move. He barely breathed.

The only thing he could do in his shocked stupor was stare.

His reaction made Valerio curl in on himself.

"It's fine- you don't have to feel the same. I'm not expecting you to feel the same. If you want to reject me, I totally get it. But I was hoping we could still be fr-"

"Can I kiss you?"

His head shot upward. "W-what..?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"...You...I..." Hot tears finally spilled. "Yes."

Before knowing what was actually going on, that this was his reality, Valerio's face was cupped. Wetness falling down his cheeks was wiped away, his skin smoothed over. His breath hitched as he was pulled forward.

And their kiss—it wasn't the way people described it in movies or books.

There weren't fireworks or anything crazy like that.

No, just like in being with Theodore, kissing him made Valerio feel cozy.

His nervous heart slowed down. Negative thoughts were, if even for a moment, put to rest. Being held in such a gentle, tender way could only be described as sweet, soft, endearing, and, above all else, right.

Kissing Theodore felt right.

He chuckled after their lips parted. "You know, with all the flirting I've done, I thought you would've guessed by now that I'm not straight either. You don't see me getting as handsy with my other guy friends as I do you."

"How was I supposed to know that? You never said it outright."

"Then I'll say it now." Theodore leaned down again, causing them to stand at the same height. "I'm super-duper-ultra-mega-one hundred percent-absolutely Bi. And I've had a crush on you from the very beginning."

"WHAT?" Valerio felt intense heat extend across his entire face and down his neck. "If you like me, why did you never make a move?"

"Me approaching you the first day of class was me making a move. Just one that was more subtle than I initially intended."

"So- so all those times you asked me to go get food or go to the library were..."

"All really lowkey attempts at me asking you on a date? Yeah."

Valerio stepped back so he could give himself a good, well-deserved facepalm.

Gosh, he was stupid.

Relieved, yet extremely stupid.

"...I'm the biggest, densest idiot, aren't I?"

"A bit. But you're my big, dense idiot," Theodore teased. "I'd be more than happy to take things a step further with you, Lerio. I've wanted it for a long time. But the reason I never legitimately went for it was because I knew there were certain things you needed to figure out first. If you're still afraid, I can wait. But if you're ready to actually be my boyfriend, you just have to tell me and we can go from there-"

Valerio leapt forward, initiating another kiss. He wrapped one arm around a set of broad shoulders, while the other was bent to make it easy for his fingers to take refuge in curly dyed hair.

A dreamy exhale was let out in time with firm hands settling on his back and strong arms snaking around his waist.

Weeks upon weeks worth of pining came rushing forward all at once. A desire to stay close, hearts beating against each other, pushed both men to deepen their kiss.

Their heads craned in either direction. Affectionate pecks built up in speed. Playful swipes of the tongue became more daring with each quiet, delicate moan. Clumsy hands took hold of random spots on their clothes. Blind steps were taken backward toward the bed.

At first, Valerio was pushed onto his back; but he swapped their roles to straddle Theodore's lap.

They took hold of each other's faces, smiling against the other person's mouth.

Another round of kissing was interrupted, however, in time with a hefty knock on the door followed by a cheerful, "Delivery!".

Valerio laughed, leaning his head against Theodore's shoulder. 

"...So, pizza?"

"Yeah, pizza."