Tom shot up from the bed gasping for air after being startled away by an awful dream. He sweated and did breathing exercises to collect himself.

Tord shot up gasping for air as well. But in someone else's bed.
He whimpered with guilt as the nude blonde breathed so peacefully next to him. His head pounded with a hangover as he collected his clothes from the floor.

Walking out of the foreign house, he lit a cigarette and started crying.

'That was pathetic.'

Tord rubbed his eyes with his fist and continued to puff his cancer stick, the painful images of Tom looped in the back of his mind.

'How could I do this to him? What is wrong with me?'

Not that Tom would find out about it, but he'd feel guilty if he didn't say something.

Tom showered and redressed himself in a tshirt and grey sweatpants that he had cuffed at the bottom, due to being to short for them. He wrapped himself up in a blanket he stole from Tords bed.

He thought about calling him.
Tom just wanted to talk about what he saw last night, he didn't want to fight.
He wasn't into fighting with him anymore.

Tears rolled down and into his ear as he stared at the empty bed across the room.

Lyrics from the bar last night rung in his mind for the millionth time that morning.

'I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you, And I need you like a heart needs a beat. But it's nothing new.
I loved you with a fire red
Now it's turning blue and you say, Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you. But I'm afraid It's too late to apologize'

Tom had seen enough to come to a conclusion about what two had.
And that was nothing.

'He doesn't even want to be together! This is all for his own personal gain....'

It made his stomach churn more. He clenched his teeth and sobbed harder into the mattress, his body trembling.

•••

Tord eventually found his way home. He walked in and tracked water in behind him because he was to lazy to take his boots off.

He walked quietly past Edd and Matts room and went into his own, locking the door behind him.

There was Tom, wrapped up in his blanket and sleeping on his tshirt. His body was sprawled out on his mattress as he slept.
It had been quite obvious that Tom missed him. Or more, his affection.

Tord walked closer to him and squatted down to watch him sleep.

'He looks so exhausted.' Tord stroked his cheek with his cold hands.
He stood back up and contemplated joining him. But decided against it because he was soiled with someone else's sweat and didn't want to contaminate him to such thing.

Tord went and showered, leaving a finally at peace Tom to rest.

•••

Tom woke up and stayed in bed, watching Tord get ready for 'work'. His arm was slung over the side of his bed and he swung it back and forth.
They said nothing to eachother. The humming of the conversation in the living room was the only sound in the whole apartment.

He watched him button up his shirt and walk out the door, leaving him to struggle on his own once again.

'We still haven't talked about this. About what is between us.'

Tom lifted his heavy hand and texted Matt.

-can you bring me the cucumbers from the fridge?

Matt came in and served the crumbling Tom the first thing he'd be eating since the drive.
He had to eat something if he wanted to feel any better.

Toms body was fatigued and hurting. It was already bad enough that he'd been diagnosed with chronic fatigue last year, but this was a whole new level of not taking care of himself. He couldn't even imagine standing up at anytime soon. All he wanted to do was sleep.

Tom managed to fall back asleep and slept for the rest of that day.

•••

The sun had set, and the stars had come out.

Tom shot up from his bed once more that day, gasping. The dream came back. It's not the kind of dream any person wants to live though.
And it just so happened to be Toms greatest fear.

'He didn't want to be with me?'

He clenched his teeth, remembering the blonde from the night before.

Tom yelled as loud as his lungs allowed him and snatched his phone from the nightstand. He was tired and his body hurt, and he was getting frustrated with the fucking tension between him and the man he loved!
Tom dialed his number and seethed as he waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?"

Tom sighed and immediately relaxed at the tone of his voice, so gentle and welcoming.

Tord knew Tom wasn't feeling right and had to have patience with him.

                   "I need you to come home now Tord." Tom said in a cracking voice, sighing as he spoke.

"Are you alright?" Tord spoke with his thick accent.

                     "I ache. I need you."

•••

Tord arrived a half hour later, ditching that nights duties. He found Tom still curled up on his bed, facing away from him at the wall.

The taller man loomed over his bed, watching him breath slowly.
Tord sat on the edge of the mattress and waited for Tom to say something. He wouldn't have come if he had not said that he needed him.
It was nice to finally feel needed.

Tom finally rolled over and faced him.
Tord flinched at the way he looked. His face was sunken in and dark. Sad.
He had to look away, the guilt of it all made him sick.

Tom whimpered and shook the bed with sobs once more. He just wanted closure.

'Why can't he just look me in the eyes?!'

Tom grabbed Tord and tugged on his arm. He finally looked down at Tom and saw the pleading in his eyes. And the yearning for comfort.

He gave up trying to grasp his attention and turned back to the wall.
But Tord still had nothing to say, because he knew if he'd say something his voice would crack with cries too.

He just wanted to tell him. Tell him it was a mistake. The blonde was a mistake.
But Tom was oblivious on the subject as far as Tord knew. So he left him in the dark for just a bit longer till he could break the news.

Tord chewed his lip as he starred at the figure next to him, he looked so small.
His heart swelled and he laid down next to him, getting under the blanket and curling his body around his back side, spooning him.
He held the small man close to him, taking in his warmth.

Tom eventually stopped crying and his breathing slowed. It happened so quickly it made Tord horribly worried for his health.

It was obvious something had been wrong. Tom hadn't eaten anything in the past 3 days and barely even moved around. It wouldn't be a surprise if Tord ended up having to get him to a docter soon for neglecting himself. 

'He's already struggling with this chronic fatigue bullshit. Why'd you do this to yourself Tom?'

Tord buried himself closer into his body, enjoying the small sentimental moment.
It had been the first time he'd been able to properly express affection to Tom.

Because he did care. Deep deep inside himself. He just doesn't have his priorities straight at the moment. Taking over the world came first. Then taking care of Tom.
But today he had a slight change of mind over the guilt he felt after he slept with the hot blonde.

'He needs me more then my army.' Tord hummed a hushed tune into Toms hair.