Dearest Readers,

There are two types of people reading this book. There are people who actually need to read it, and people who are curious about what's inside. That's okay. Honestly, if this doesn't apply to you, feel free to keep reading if you'd like! I won't stop you ;) So anyway, I actually have a story to tell to explain why I decided to write a book like this. This subject is pretty heavy and sad, but it's truly relevant. 

I have a best friend who lives in Illinois now. She moved away less than a couple months ago, and it was super sad because it was in the midst of Covid and lockdown, where we couldn't give her the proper goodbyes that she needed. This person (name removed for privacy) had always been a little bit depressed. Her parents didn't understand or listen to her because of her sexuality, where she came out to me as pansexual. When she told her family, they acted like she was a freak. Her father doesn't have a job and is a little alcoholic, and her mother is a nurse that sometimes doesn't come home. Her brothers are too immature and young to understand or sympathize with her, so almost twice a week, she calls me up, crying, explaining all the reasons that her life is shit.

Now, a few months ago, while I was in the middle of a party, she called me, sobbing, with mascara streaming down her cheeks. She told me straight up, she said, "Z, I want to kill myself." At this, I didn't know what to say. I told her, "Honey, you stay on this phone with me, you hear? Don't you dare hang up." I needed to talk to her for nearly three hours straight, as she kept explaining to me that things would be better if she were dead. Being her best friend, that is nearly 18,000 miles away from her, and talking to her on a simple device, I was fucking terrified. When she hung up that day, I wondered if I would ever hear another phone call from her again. But that was something I simply could not control.

To come to a conclusion, I cried so hard that night, worried for my best friend. To settle everyone, though, she is still alive and safe to this day. She's currently taking anti-depressant and anti-anxiety drugs and is on her path to clearing her problems overall (we hope). I am so proud of her for how far she's come, and how far she's going.

Now, to finish up this rather sad author's note, this is the story that I wish I could have given to her when she called me that night. So now, I'm giving it to all of you. Enjoy.

-Z