Two days after my 14th birthday was the last time I heard from my dad. Then my Twitter got hacked. Somebody sent my dad a really bad message...

I tried to apologize but I never heard back from him. I thought he was mad at me. The person that hacked me also sent a message to someone who ran a depression account.

My siblings picked on me. My dad, who was my favorite parent, wasn't talking to me. So I continued to talk to the guy who ran the depression account.

I was depressed and I could relate to him. I was self harming and he got me to send him pictures of my self harm. It became a competition, who could self harm the worst. That led to me overdosing on pills twice, two nights in a row.

That led to my first hospitalization. While I was in the hospital I was told that my dad sent a letter saying he didn't want to see any of his kids until he was dead. I didn't want to believe that.

I started becoming more suicidal. It was because I was afraid I was going to fail at life and so I didn't see a point in living. My mom thought it was because of my dad leaving. She was afraid that he would come back into my life and leave again, and that would drive me over the edge so she took away his custody.

I didn't want her to because I was afraid that that would make my dad never want to see me again. She said he could still visit me but that they had to be supervised visits. I was so mad at my mom for that. She was ruining my chances of me having a relationship with my dad.

I was in and out of hospitals due to multiple suicide attempts. While I was in the hospital I barely got visits. Sometimes I got one on holidays but that was it.

I wanted my dad to visit me but I knew he couldn't afford it so I just wrote him letters. All I wanted was for him to write me back, but I never received a letter.

I started to get upset. I loved my dad but I never got a letter so I wrote him some angry letters. Then I would feel bad and send an apology letter. Eventually I gave up on writing letters. I started writing songs about my dad to get my emotions out...

I started believing what people told me. That my dad was never sick and that my step mom was the reason he left. I was told stories about why I shouldn't trust him but even though I was mad at him I still loved him.

I was told my step dad does more for me than my actual dad. But that's not true my step dad never loved me the way my real dad did. My family hated my real dad but I didn't.

So I took my anger out on my step mom. I was told that she didn't want anyone in my dads life other than herself.

I was working on forgetting about my dad and how his not being around made me feel. But I'm human I have my bad days and I would write my step mom nasty messages. I used to stick up for her because of how nice she was to me. I had no idea she was trying to help me dad to see his children.

I just wanted my dad back. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. That means I have a fear of abandonment and I'm really sensitive, I feel things 1,000 times worse than normal people.

While I was in the hospital I made a list of people who I loved, who left me. My dad was number one on that list. I would always remind myself of the list because even though they forgot about me, I didn't forget about them.

Also while I was in the hospital I discovered the song "You Found Me" by: The Fray...

"I found God on the corner of First in Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said where you been?
He said, ask anything

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
From the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded..."

For the part "I found God" I would think I found my dad. For the part "Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came" I would think about the times when I tried calling my dad and he never picked up. For the part "Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me" I would think that I'm going to kill myself and my dad will be too late to find me.

I listened to the song non-stop everyday until I was bawling. The staff had to tell me to stop listening to it because it was making me so upset.

I had no idea that my dad still cared. I hadn't seen or heard from him in 6 years. What was I supposed to think. I can't take back what I said but I can explain why I said it. I was not in a healthy state of mind. I was only hearing one half of the story. I wish lenora would have written what she wrote earlier. Because I do believe you dad and if you're reading this I want you to know I still love you. I miss you and I hope we can see each other again someday.

Oh! Dad guess what? The hospital I was in... I'm interviewing with them to get a job on august 27th. It's my dream job! I'll get to help people who were just like me.