"Where is Zach?", Rick asked, looking around.

"Maybe his High and Mighty commander is keeping him busy." I answered mockingly.

I looked around with him but could not spot a tall, blonde-head wearing a military dress anywhere.

Rick banged the table with his fist and got out of his seat.

"I'm going to the coffee place right across the street to get an Americano. You want anything?" he inquired.

I shook my head in a no.

I watched Rick walk away towards the street when a hand fell on my shoulder.My head turned a full 180 degrees to see Zach, our military guy, standing behind. He was all radiating smiles and giving off a 'Hi-I'm-Back' vibe.

Without thinking I shouted out to Rick.

"Rick! He's here!", I called out.

Rick, who was crossing the then empty street turned around in the middle of the road to see what I meant. His eyes were stunned when he saw Zach.

He began running back to us.

"You little ba-"

"-RICK! WATCH OUT!", Zach yelled.

Too late.

Just then a truck honked loudly before Rick disappeared underneath it to never see daylight again.

*

I woke up with perspire dripping off my eyes.

Oh they're tears, I realized.

It had been three years since the incident but I was still not over it. I couldn't. When his death was partly my fault. My fingers unconsciously skimmed over the scar on my left hand. It was difficult to even smile and breathe after his passing.

No one spoke his name around me anymore. For my well-being at least.

My eyes fell on the photograph all the three of us had taken four years ago at my bed stand. It was at the time when Zach was called for duty in the army. All of us were laughing. Zach's short blonde hair was hidden under his cap while he posed with his orange flaming unkept hair.

I tore my eyes away from the picture and got out of bed.

An hour later, it was time to leave. Today Zach was about to meet up with me. Something about spending time with me.

I loved him. Zach. I had since a long time ago now. However, my happiness in this would be a grievous sin committed. He was not here and it was my fault. Had I not called out to him foolishly when he was crossing the street; had I not-

I pushed the thoughts away and went out of my room. The last time I tried to reason with myself, things didn't end well.

As soon as I stepped out of my room, the girls around me started to whisper.

"The wanna be is going to meet up with him."

"I wonder why"

"You know she was dating Rick and now she has Zach under control?"

"The hot one? But what's the deal with that?"

"Well Rick died"

"Wow that's sick"

I wanted to scream at them that he had been a friend and always the soul of the group. I wanted to say so much but I remained quiet and simply continued to walk on.

The giggling and pretense hushed whispers continued. On and on and on and on. I tried to mute them out but couldn't.

The gate and Zach were both visible now. If I walked on it would all end.

Soon I noticed Zach was running towards me in full speed. He was all serious and there was no usual humour in his eyes. This was a girl's hostel and if he came the rumors would agitate more and he knows that! It was a little later that I understood that something was wrong behind me.

"Die you little-", a high-pitched girl yelled from behind me.

Before I could move or even think I was yeeted to the side by someone.

Well it was Zach.

When I got a good enough look at the situation before me I just regretted living anymore. This was all happening because I was still existing.

Two girls held a now bucket in their hands cowering under Zach's daunting figure who looked ready to devour them. He was dripping wet and I didn't even have to ask to know that the water was toilet water.

Disgusting? Very much.

"You okay?", he questioned grimly.

"Ye-yes!" I responded quickly as I got up.

Knowing his rotten temper and seeing the clenched fists , I pulled him away from the girls and took him to my room. I knew it was going to incite many conspiracies but with how Zach was, I didn't care much.

"Don't beat them up Zach. They're girls. Having a record of beating up women while off-duty is not a good thing for you." I warned him.

Once inside, he turned towards me angrily.

"Tell me why you still live in this shitty hostel again?" he said with gritted teeth.

"Language!" I hissed.

"What? Will your matron give me detention?" Zach rolled his eyes with a scoff.

Both of us started to laugh at that.

"But why do you live here?" he asked again.

I sighed. There was no beating around the bush with him.

"Because it's close to work and doesn't remind me of him !" I explained, trying my best to keep my voice even.

"You need to move on Lexie!" he reasoned.

"I tried to but you intervened." I argued.

He shook his head deciding to let me off the hook this time and took off his wet t-shirt. He grabbed onto my towel and took out a spare shirt I always kept with me. These type of things had happened so many times that I had stored all of his spare clothes.

My heart skipped a beat but I didn't look away.

"Suicide is not moving on. It's giving up", he concluded.

I gave up and sat down on the bed and so did he. We talked about the small stuff we did in our life before things went downhill. In the middle of this, the tension in the atmosphere vanished completely. I felt like we were back to how we used to be.

"I love you Lexie. A lot. But you already knew that, didn't you?" he suddenly confessed. His deep blue eyes were transfixed on my own.

I was just shook. Glad but shook. However I could not accept it. So I shook my head in denial. In denial of not his confession but of receiving that love.

Zach kneeled before me and took my hand in his.

"Please say yes. He would want it.That was never your fault so stop blaming yourself. I know you love me so please start being happy. Remember him as a beautiful memory. Don't answer me now but at least say you'll try"

"Zach I'm so-"

"-No! See, I need to go back soon. There is a war between our country and Spain and it's bad. I won't be back any time soon but at least give me a reason to fight. Plea-"

"I SAID NO!" I shouted and pushed him away roughly.

I massaged my temple and weakly pointed at the door.

"Just.... just leave", I told him.

There was a momentary silence.

Zach's eyes represented pain and grief but I did what I had to do. He left with a kiss on my forehead and closed the door as he went.

I wished he had tried to hold on a bit more. Even if I was the one that pushed him away.

*****