~~~Author's Notes~~~

HIII!!! I beg that everyone takes a second to read this opening spiel. I have a couple of quick things to say.

First! Thank you @viridxty *my @ isn't working* for the beautiful cover art! I love it!

And Second! This is the ultimate chapter of To Love, as in this is the key chapter that defines what my book has been leading up to. I am proudest of this update! SO PLEASE, tell me what you guys think, I tried really hard. I'd also like to thank everyone who commented to help me get creative for this update!

Btw, I'm gonna bring back Newt's Pov soon. I've been missing it.

AND OKAY ONE OF YOU guessed everything that was gonna happen in this chapter and I was so shocked! SO SHOUTOUT TO YOU!

ANYWAY ENJOY!

~~~~~

~~~Brianne's Pov~~~

Meet me at the place where I fell in love with you.

My eyes scanned over the words once, twice, then three times, as I walked aimlessly around the glade.

My dinner date was being held at this magical place, but I had no clue where that place was! I'm like an awful girlfriend- fiancée- person!

I was hungry. I was excited. I was nervous. I was feeling every emotion possible.

And to make things worse, I'd just lied and told Clare that I knew where I was supposed to go! Now, not only was I gonna be late to my date, I was a liar too.

I folded the paper and stuck it in my- and I don't have pockets because I'm wearing a dress- darn it.

So I just held onto the paper.

Where did Newt fall in love with me?

I racked my brain for the answer.

Think logically, Brianne. This has to be a place where it would be suitable to eat, so the bathroom/shower house, clearly isn't the answer.

Typically people eat dinner in the dining hall, so maybe I should check there? Newt could have recognized his feelings over food.

I entered the dining area, my eyes scanning the room in search of Newt. He wasn't here. Everyone else was, since it was 5:00, but not Newt. He will never makes things simple, will he?

Thinking that maybe Newt had told Frypan where he was setting up our dinner, I went to find him. We need food to have a dinner date. Frypan must know!

"Hey, Frypan?" I asked, walking into his kitchen, "I need your help-" I trailed off, when I saw that there were like five people in here.

They all turned to face me. Frypan moved away from the group, and placed his hand on my shoulder, guiding me out of the room, "Brianne? Don't you have somewhere to be?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me, "And my kitchen is not a reasonable answer."

"Uh, yah, about that," I unfolded the paper, "Do you know where Newt said he was going?"

"I don't," He smiled, which made me think that he really did know, "Sorry. Looks like you'll have to figure it out yourself."

"That's just it, I don't know where he is. Are you sure you don't know?" I asked, trying to look back into Frypan's kitchen.

Frypan pushed my shoulders down, so that I couldn't stand on my tiptoes, "I don't. But he's not here," Frypan turned and walked back into the kitchen. His hand grabbed the curtain that was used as a makeshift door, "Good luck," And with that he pulled the curtain across the opening, so that I could no longer look into the kitchen.

Well, cool.

I huffed, walking as far away from the kitchen as possible.

What was going on in there? And why the heck was everyone acting so weird with me? I haven't spoken to anyone all day, and now, when I try to reach out and speak, I get pushed away.

So if Newt isn't in the dining hall or in the kitchen, where else could he be? Like I previously said, it has to be a reasonable place where we could eat.

Maybe in the storage cellar? That sounds perfect, it's nice and quiet and we'd be alone! I mean, and it's totally possible that Newt could have fallen in love with me there. Thinking back to the countless hours Newt and I spent in that basement, makes it obvious that that is where he must be!

I went to the storage cellar expecting to find Newt, but was only once again met with an empty room.

So I was at square one still. Maybe Newt fell in love with me where I said that I loved him?! Thats even more obvious. How cute! We fell in love at the same place!

I ran to the east door, the one I think I was going to be banished at. This has to be it. I mean, it's not the most romantic of places, but it'll do. At this point, I'm not picky.

"You won't be needing this," Newt had smiled, removing my backpack from my shoulders and throwing it to the ground. Newt had just saved my life, literally.

It hadn't taken me longer than a second to throw my arms around him. I had been breathing so heavily you'd have thought I'd just ran a mile, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just did that. I can't believe it- thank you! Oh my goodness."

I had been moments from being banished for a crime I hadn't even committed. Thank you Amelia and Nick. But Newt came to my rescue!

Newt had hesitated at the sudden contact, but once he'd taken a minute to understand what was happening, he'd hugged back even tighter, "I can't believe I did that either."

"I don't even know what to say, this is crazy. I thought I was going to die. I thought that you weren't going to say goodbye. I just thought- oh my god, Newt," I'd said, sounding a tad insane.

"I had to do something. I promised that I wouldn't let you be banished."

"Oh my god, Newt, I love you! You're the best, I can't breath, that's how happy I am!" I'd rambled, not really knowing what I'd been saying.

"What?" Newt had asked, pulling his face back away from me. His eyes had scanned over my face, "What'd you just say?"

"I said that I love you," I'd repeated, still not totally with it. But then I'd realized, and my face went red.

"You mean that?" Newt had asked, his eyes carrying an undefinable emotion.

"Of course," I'd confirmed, and after that we'd kissed.

The look in his eyes, that had to be love! So he should be at the edge of the glade with our dinner, waiting for me to piece it all together.

But as I got closer to the walls, I didn't see him. To just confirm that I was wrong, I went around to each of the now closed openings.

Newt was no where near any of the doors.

I'd been wrong, awfully wrong. And I hadn't seen him on my path to the doors so he was no where outside, I guess?

Truth was, I was running out of guesses. What if I never find him and I miss our date altogether? Would Newt even still wanna be with me? I can't be that awful of a person!- The council hall!

Newt had fought for my security so many times in that room, that maybe he'd recognized his love for me there! Fear does crazy things to people.

"So that's why you, my dear, are not getting banished," Newt had announced, nodding his head, as if he'd just made up his mind about something. This was before I'd been banished, right after I'd been condemned of the crimes. Newt had been taking the news almost as badly as I had.

"But, Newt, everyone's already agreed on banishing-"

"Yah, but I have an idea."

"Newt," I'd started, not wanting him to waste his time on me.

"I just need time!" Newt had shouted.

"You have twenty-four hours."

"That's plenty-"

"You don't have to do this. It's okay, I'm getting what I deserve."

"No, it's not okay," Newt had said this as he was leaning forward in his chair, "I can't let you go, Brianne. You're the only thing I like in this Glade-"

My daydream was cut short at that sentence as I entered the council hall, only to find it dark and empty. Newt said he liked me then. How could I have thought he'd fallen in love at that moment?

I'd been searching for Newt for at least half an hour. And as each minute passed, I lost more confidence in myself.

I just need to check random places now. The Medjack's room? I found no luck there.

Our bedroom? Still no luck. And no notes or letters either. I don't know, I thought maybe Newt would give me another hint.

I even, as gross as it sounds, checked all of the bathrooms and the shower houses. I was getting desperate. I must be going on an hour of searching.

I decided to sulk back to the dining hall, hoping for condolence, but on my way, I passed the main sleeping area for the Gladers. In there! Of course! Where Newt used to sleep, he must be where his bed was.

I searched and searched through everyone's setups, finding no one.

Now to the dining hall.

I felt tired and faint, and I hadn't eaten anything since my pancakes this morning at brunch.

I entered the dinner area, and was immediately lost in a crowd of gladers. Everyone was eating for a long time tonight?

I looked for Clare, not seeing her. I searched for Minho, didn't see him either. I looked for Chuck, and then Sam, and then Andrea, and then Frypan! Everyone yet no one was here!

So I resorted to asking Victoria for help, I said a mental prayer as I walked up to her table. Please, lord, don't let her act like a-

"Brianne?" She asked, noticing my awkward presence.

I forced a smile, which I wanted to seem genuine, but it ended up fake, "Do you know where Newt is?" I asked. Yes, I was asking Victoria where he was. She couldn't keep a secret, so maybe she'd crack under pressure.

"I do," She smiled, but her smile didn't seem artificial. It looked pleasant. Once again, it seemed like someone knew something I didn't. Like there was an exciting surprise plastered on my forehead, that I didn't know was there, so everyone just looked at me like I would know. But truthfully I was clueless and looked stupid, because I didn't know about the joyful note on my face.

"Can you please tell me where?" I asked, whining.

"You must really be desperate if you're asking me," She laughed, and if I wasn't so tired, I would have punched her in the face, again.

"I am."

"Well, where'd you look for him already?"

"Everywhere."

"Clearly, you haven't looked everywhere," Victoria gave me a long look.

"Please, just tell me. I'm not in the mood for this-"

"He's where you would least expect."

Okay, but for real, how come Victoria knows where my fiancé is and I don't even know?

"I already checked the bathroom, so," I trailed off, thinking of other unappealing places.

"Just go outside and keep walking. You'll reach him eventually. Think back to when you first came here," Victoria half-answered, waving me off.

I left the dining area and started walking. When I first came here?

Newt fell in love with me when I first came here?

Or is it someplace I went when I first came here?

Was I even with Newt when he realized he loved me?

I walked aimlessly around the glade without much purpose to every step I took. Yet, somehow I found myself walking along the edge of the Deadheads.

"The glade isn't that large, how could I not possibly find Newt after an hour?" I mumbled to myself, as I went on.

I kicked a rock, and stepped on every branch or leaf that was on my path. Am I old enough to get married if I still make it my personal mission to crush every twig under my feet that I pass? Probably not, but now everyone's fed those ideas to me, and maybe I am being too cautious. Maybe I should just let go.

I try to hold onto everything, for fear that I will lose complete control of my life, if I don't. But that's not how life is supposed to be lived. I'm supposed to take chances, right? Even if I'm scared.

I huffed, stumbling forward, "But I just feel so lost."

I felt as though everything I was doing and who I had become was wrong. Like I'd turned down the wrong street and there was no way to go back.

Where did I go wrong though?

Then I saw it: a light. A light up ahead, a few feet into the woods.

What's that?

I picked up my pace a little and turned down the path where I saw the light.

I walked through the Deadheads, searching for the mysterious light. Did Newt seriously fall in love with me here?

I saw Clare, of all people, standing next to the light, that I now recognized to be a torch, "Clare!" I shouted, running up to her, "What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"About time you showed up! Get a little lost on your way to the place you knew where to be?" She smiled, knowingly, "But I can't say. You're on the right path, though," She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper, "This is for you."

So maybe choosing the wrong path, had actually led me to the right place? Either my previous thoughts had been coincidental or the creators were teaching me a valuable lesson.

I took the scrap and glanced at the two words written on it, "From the-?" I asked, after reading it, "From the what?"

"Just follow the path," She grinned, her arm gesturing for me to move on.

I gave her an odd look, but continued anyway.

"See you later!" She shouted after me.

I shook my head. I just wanna eat dinner. Not solve a mystery. Where are you, Newt?

I walked for another minute before coming to Chuck and Sam. They smiled at me, as they held each others hands. I gave them a suspicious look.

Chuck giggled, "I kinda like her, now."

"And I him," Sam said in return.

Young love is so cute.

"Your paper," Chuck handed me another part. This one had two more words on it: 'very start.'

From the very start-.

What does that mean?

I stumbled along, still using the torch light as my guide. Where was Newt taking me? It seemed to be the middle of no where. How long can the deadheads really stretch on for? I feel like I've been walking forever. I hopped over a fallen tree that was across my path.

Then I came to Andrea and Jonathan. Weird combination, but who am I to judge.

"Brianne!" Andrea greeted.

"You're almost there," Jonathan smiled and nodded, cheering me on.

"Almost where?" I asked, laughing awkwardly, "Newt is at the end of this, right?"

The two exchanged looks, "Can we tell her?" Andrea asked.

"Why not- He is. And you're very close to the end," Jonathan patted my shoulder, "Just follow the light."

"Wait, the note!" Andrea reached into her pocket and passed me the third paper.

Your love.

From the very start, your love-.

I just needed a few more words, I think.

As I walked away, I heard Jonathan shout, "See you soon, Brianne!" And then the other shushed him.

My feet hurt from walking, but I couldn't think about that. I could only think about Newt. He was waiting at the end of this for me. He'd put all of something together and was now going to celebrate with me. He'd gone through so much trouble. All for me.

I looked over my shoulder, suddenly feeling scared. What was I doing?

Newt was doing all this crazy stuff for me and I was denying him everything he wanted. He wanted to get married. And I'd said later.

He probably wanted kids and I didn't see children fitting into my life, now, or ever if I'm here.

Newt wanted love and security. Could I give him that?

Newt wanted that beautiful family unit, I wanted to just be safe with him.

I felt restricted on this path. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to run away. I wanted to turn off of this trail and never reach Newt.

I felt like my dress was too tight and I felt like my hair was too heavy and bothersome.

What was I doing?

I felt like my whole world was collapsing. I was panicking.

"Brianne?" I heard a voice ask. I looked up, through my tear filled eyes and saw Minho, "You okay?"

I raised my shaking hands to my face, "Yah."

"You sure? Why are you crying?" Minho touched my arm gently.

"I'm scared," I admitted, wiping away my tears.

"Why?" He asked, turning me to face him. I just shook my head, "Hey, you're a beautiful girl. And you should never cry like this. You look amazing and tonight has the potential to be the best night of your life. Whatever you're scared of, you can push through it. Your fears, no matter their reason, are controllable. You have the power to overcome anything. You are strong and you have a great guy waiting for you, just twenty feet ahead."

"What if Newt's too great?" I asked, exhaling deeply. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I touched my throat, feeling as though I were dying.

"What if he is?" Minho restated, "Either way he loves you. Live now, Brianne, you'll thank me later."

"I think I'm dying," I cried, grabbing Minho's arm.

"Hey, look at me," Minho touched my chin, making me stare at him. I tried to pull away, but he held me in place, "Think of your lungs. Physically and mentally picture them filling with air. Hold it, five seconds," I did as he said, "Exhale."

I shakily exhaled, my body feeling deflated. Minho continued, "Now, notice how I look. Tell me everything you see. My hair color, birthmarks, my shirt, everything."

"You have dark hair," I barely got out, "Brown eyes. Smooth skin. Your skin is darker than mine. You're wearing a blue shirt. It has a pocket. You have khaki pants on," I finally felt myself calming down.

"Now, you. Tell me about yourself."

"I have brown hair. I have pale skin. I'm wearing a white dress. I have a few freckles on my cheeks. I have weird eyes," How the heck did Minho just calm me down? "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Minho asked, letting go of my arms.

"Calm me down. Most people don't even know what panic is," I wiped the tears off of my cheeks, my heartbeat steady again.

"Who do you think helped Newt before you did?" Minho looked away from me, "Describing real things and real details helps bring your focus back to reality."

"Thank you," I smiled, fanning my warm face. I didn't know Minho had that close of a relationship with Newt.

"Now don't let Newt see you crying. He'll worry I did something," Minho chuckled, winking. He paused as if remembering something, "Oh! I have this," He reached into his shirt pocket and handed me the final piece of the message.

I unfolded it to read the words 'filled my heart.'

From the very start, your love filled my heart.

I almost cried at the words. I looked up at Minho, about to freak out, when I noticed that I was not the only one looking fancier than usual tonight. I should have realized when I'd described him, but Minho had a really nice blue t-shirt on, that I'd never seen him wear before and he'd done his hair a bit differently.

"No questions," Minho grinned, taking my arm and pulling me towards what seemed to be utter darkness, "You're sure you're okay, right?"

"Yah," I answered. But as I approached, what seemed to be the end of the path, I noticed that beyond the trees there were candles and lights.

"Just pass that sheet of moss," Minho pointed, nodding at me in approval to advance.

From the very start, your love filled my heart.

Carefully as not to get my dress dirty, I reached my hand out to enter the bright area that Newt was apparently in.

I stepped through and I was immediately overwhelmed by the clearing. The scene of candles and lanterns and torches was enough to take my breath away, but then there was the blanket and basket that were placed in such a way that made my mind immediately think, picnic.

And then there was Newt. He stood over the blanket. He was touching his lips with one of his hands, while his other hand rested comfortably on his hip. He looked so causal, but staged. In the world outside of the Glade, I swear Newt could be a model. He glanced up at me as I entered. I took in the way he looked, as he did to me.

I noticed the different hair style and immediately smiled. Minho must've helped him, because I can't picture Newt running gel through his hair to style it. Newt was wearing a white collared shirt that he'd adorably tucked into his dark jeans. I admired his appearance.

Newt's eyes lingered over me for a few seconds longer than mine graced him.

But when I saw the smile on his face, I didn't mind the wasted time.

He finally said, "You're beautiful," and he licked his lips.

I blushed, swallowing my nerves, "Everything you do is beautiful."

Newt flashed me a side smile, "I've learned from the best."

"No really," My eyes fluttered down to the ground, "The papers. The clue. This," I gestured to the lights and the picnic, "It's so beautiful. I love it all," I paused, "I love you."

"Come, sit," He pointed to the blanket, "I had to bring this out here, so neither of us would get dirty. Just so you know how long it took for me find these outfits. Hours of searching," Newt laughed, sitting with me.

"You didn't have a meeting today, did you?" I asked, finally making connections.

"Course not, its my day off. I wasn't calling a meeting even if the world was ending," Newt opened the basket, full of what I now see is food. I'm starving, yes, finally! "I'm sorry for lying about it, though. I just didn't want you to find out what I had planned."

"I get that now, I was just overreacting, as usual," I said, pulling at my dress.

"Maybe, but I should have spent more time with you," Newt shook his head, and I just wanted to kiss his nerves away, "Did you at least have fun with Clare?"

"Yah, we always have fun," I said, thinking about what she told me.

Newt and I ate our dinner, talking and laughing the whole entire time. Honestly, I could barely get food in my mouth that's how much I was conversing.

But the whole time I wanted to tell Newt how I really felt. In my heart, I kind of acknowledged this as the perfect time. Nothing was rushed and nothing was too dire. We were just talking.

Somehow Newt brought the conversation back to my day with Clare and I felt the impending need to tell him what I wanted.

"About my day with Clare," I started, as I finished my dinner, "We were talking."

"About?" Newt asked, absentmindedly. He put our empty plates back into the basket, cleaning up the leftover food.

"A lot," I picked at my nails, "Mostly about my future with you."

Newt raised his eyebrows at this comment, asking, "With me?"

I stared at Newt, but he seemed to be avoiding my stare by cleaning. I desperately needed his kind eyes to meet my anxious look. I needed him, "I don't think I can wait."

"Wait for what?" Newt questioned, seeming actually oblivious.

"I can't wait to get married. We could be waiting forever Newt. We might never leave the Glade. And I can't go all of my days, waiting for the right moment. I need you now," I gushed, placing my hand on his arm.

"You sure? I thought a Glade wedding wasn't what you had in mind."

"It isn't. But neither was a date in the deadheads, yet that turned out to be the best decision you've ever made."

"When would we do this? What if things go crazy? Alby is a mess, this place is falling apart-"

"Then we'll go through the crazy together. I'm done second guessing myself. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that for sure now," I explained, "If we wait, later might turn into never. I mean, we don't have to get married-married here, but we can have like our pre-nuptials."

Newt gave me a long look, almost as if he were weighing out the odds of our current situation. But his eyes, told it all, he didn't seem phased by my statement. He seemed almost knowing. Then his straight face turned into a slow smile, until he started laughing.

"What?" I asked, slightly annoyed. Why was he laughing at my request?

"Well, since you feel that way," Newt trailed off, standing as he spoke, "Did you really think I dressed you in white for nothing?"

"Wait-" I started, as Newt helped me stand, too. I laughed awkwardly, "Right here?" Newt rolled up the blanket and threw it to the side.

"Let me just get everyone," Newt said, moving away from me.

"Everyone?" I asked, turning to see where he was going.

Newt stepped through a thick bundle of trees, calling to Minho. He stepped back into the light, but we weren't alone anymore. People, a lot of people, entered the candle lit expanse. Each held a torch of their own.

"You knew I would want to get married?" I asked Newt when he returned.

"No, it just turned out that you didn't shoot me down," Newt winked, standing next to me.

I got really nervous all of a sudden, the amount of people around me made me scared.

Noticing my apprehension, Newt took my hands in his hands, "Just pretend it's only you and me."

I looked to the side, my eyes falling on Clare. She smile, as if she knew this was coming all along. She'd set me up earlier!

Once everyone, and I quite literally mean the whole Glade was in the clearing, Minho stepped forward, "I'm the marriage officiant. And this is the first and last wedding I will ever do. So, know that you're pretty freaking special. And also know that I'm going to screw this up horribly."

Everyone laughed and I tried to also, but I couldn't. I was warm, and sweaty. I looked up, finding that even though there had to be fifty light sources around me, it was still incredibly dark. And then I realized that there wasn't a canopy of trees above us, it was the open sky. I wanted to see stars, but the lights were stopping that from happening.

"I remember some of these stupid lines, so I'll just give it a go," Minho nodded, as he continued, "Dearly unloved," He paused, "I'm talking about all of you losers that aren't going to be happily married like these two," Newt kicked Minho in the leg, "We are gathered together here to join this beautiful girl and this ugly shank in holy matrimony. Blah, blah, blah, something about being solemn- If there be anyone here who objects to their love, speak never and hold your peace while you rot in-"

"Minho," Newt started, glancing across at me. A few people laughed.

I wanted to wipe my sweaty hands on my dress, but the fact that I was holding onto Newt's hands for what felt like dear life, made that kind of hard to do.

This was crazy. I was getting married, not officially, because last time I checked Minho wasn't a certified officiant, but in my heart and everyone else's, Newt and I were going to be good as married within the next hour. This was all happening so quickly.

I stared across at Newt, who was biting his lip, at least the nerves didn't only affect me. Newt seemed to be rocking on his feet, gently swaying. Not enough for others to notice, but since I was holding his hands, I felt the movement. I gave his hands a light squeeze and he immediately looked up. He smiled, his eyes looking me up and down, but then lingering on my face. I wanted to hug him, to feel his body against mine. I wanted his reassurance. I wanted him.

Then I felt it, his thumb moved across the back of my hand, and he winked, making my heart slow, but quicken. I was making the right choice.

"Through marriage, Newt and Brianne are making a commitment to each other to embrace the hardships of life as a pair, to follow each others dreams, to realize their hopes, to accept the flaws of their partner, and to love their other through everything life throws at them," Minho continued. I almost forgot what we were doing for a second, "So we gather tonight to celebrate, the coming together of two of my favorite people," This part didn't seem formal, it was really Minho talking, "May their relationship last longer than any of us could ever imagine. You both deserve nothing less than lifelong happiness."

I smiled at Newt and then at Minho, "That was cute," I teased.

"Don't get used to it," Minho retorted, jokingly. Minho was actually really sweet, "Now, my part is thankfully over. You may exchange vows," Minho took a few steps back, leaving Newt and I in the middle of everyone by ourselves. Newt removed his hands from mine and pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"You don't have to do this," I said, realizing that he'd written his own vows.

Newt forced a smile, as his eyes scanned over what he'd written. He looked across at me, and I saw it, his eyes were filled with tears.

"Newt," I barely whispered. I suddenly felt really cold.

Newt nodded, as he began to speak, "Brianne," He brought his free hand up to touch his lips. He looked towards the sky and then back down, "This could quite possibly be the hardest thing I will ever have to do," He joked, and the Gladers smiled, "From the very start, your love filled my heart.

"You probably don't know why we're here, in the middle of the woods, but there is a reason. This is where I fell in love with you," Newt paused, composing himself, "You were running away from Nick who'd forced you to take a fake Runners test. You ran in here and I, taking orders from Nick, was sent to follow you. I was less than thrilled. I reluctantly trudged after you, not really knowing who you were. But when I found you, and saw you sitting across from me, I fell in love. I fell in love with your eyes. I fell in love with the way you spoke. I fell in love with your curiosity. I fell in love with the hope that I knew dwelled in you. I remember when you left the Medjack's room, that first day you came here. I knew you. I felt it in my heart.

"You became the home I feel I always called house before. You became the sugar I never before added to my coffee. You became the melody, I didn't know I craved to hear. You gave me the structure I didn't know I needed. You gave me new life and I couldn't be more grateful. I promise I will tell you how much I love you every day. I will spend every moment of my life trying to explain how deep my love for you is. It will most likely take that long," Newt paused smiling at me. I hadn't even noticed until then, but I'd started crying, "I love you, Brianne, unattainably and uncontrollably. And that last part the 'forever,' that's what I want with you. I want the forever I've never wanted before."

Newt furrowed his eyebrows, reading the last part of his vows. He looked up at me, sticking the paper back into his pocket. Holding my hands once again, as he said, "Today is the day. The day things change," Oh my god, "For the better. This might sound selfish, but love is a vast unknown, that I am finally ready to explore," A single tear rolled down Newt's cheek. Newt had rewritten his suicide letter, "This is hard to say, but I'm so sorry for the things I've done. Know that I-" Newt stopped, his eyes meeting mine directly. I felt the world stop, "I will never hurt myself again. I will never try to kill myself again. There is no room for accidents in the glade, so it's a good thing I'm not an accident then. I promise you, a brighter tomorrow. I promise you a stronger love. I promise you a happier life. And I pray that if I were to lose everything, you would still be right beside me. With my last breath, I hope to speak your name. Because, in this great big world of variables, you, my love, are my only constant."

I wiped the tears off of my cheeks, letting our hands fall at our sides. I looked to my right, and saw people. Holy crap, I totally forgot that we weren't all alone. Oh my god.

Newt had just reread his suicide note to me.

"I didn't prepare anything," I frowned, feeling unprepared. Newt had said the most beautiful vows, ever. And I had nothing.

"That's okay, you don't have to say any-" Newt soothed, not wanting me to panic.

I shook my head, "No this is our wedding, I'm a loser if I don't say something at least half as perfect as you did," The group around us laughed, once again reminding me of their watchful stare.

I glanced at everyone, noticing that most were wiping away tears themselves. Others were smiling.

I took a deep breath. What do I say? There were a million things on my heart, but none of them could be translated into coherent sentences.

Just speak, Brianne. If this wedding sucks then you can always renew your vows outside of the Glade.

I looked at Newt, his eyes were soft and kind and not the least bit pressuring. I knew what I needed to say.

"I'm scared. I'm always scared. I'm scared that I'm making the wrong choices. I'm scared that I'm slowly dying and that there's no real point to any of this. I'm scared that I'm stuck. I'm scared that-that I'm alone," I nodded, biting my lip, "I'm scared of everything. But you make me feel secure. With you, I feel like the world is huge, but yet, oh so small, and it's the most comforting thing ever. You look at me and I feel at ease. I feel like life has meaning when you're near. You might think you mean nothing to me or to these people," I sniffled, a tear rolling down my cheek, "But you mean so much to all of us. You will never know the impact you have on all of our lives. I love you, Newt. And I don't have the gift of words that you have, but I'm learning. I'm learning to tell you how I feel. And I feel so loved by you everyday. And I can only hope that I give you that same feeling. As your wife-" I paused, "Oh my god, I'm almost your wife!" Everyone chuckled, "Anyway, as that, I promise I will take the time to understand every thought you have, and every emotion you feel. No matter how crazy, I will sit with you and cry with you or laugh with you, or rant, or joke or cuddle with you. I will be there for you whenever you need me, Newt," I glanced down at our hands. I noticed the way they fit together so perfectly, "Because not even death could do us part; our love, Newt, will always be stronger than that."

Newt let go of one of my hands and wiped away my tears with his thumb. He let his hand slid to the space between my chin and neck, it lingered there for a few seconds before he wiped a tear of his own.

Minho stepped forward again, his face was red and I think he'd been crying. Newt and I gave him the same look.

"I wasn't crying, in case you thought so," Minho defended, his cheeks clearly still wet with tears, "It's raining that's all."

"It doesn't rain here!" Someone shouted from the crowd, causing us all to burst out in laughter.

"Fine, fine, everyone caught me. I cry at sappy stuff like this. You were all crying too, don't lie," Minho sighed, "Can't enjoy anything anymore. So now, the rings," Minho reached into his pocket. He handed one of the rings to Newt, "I feel as though, something should be said here, but I don't remember what, so just repeat after me, with this ring I thee wed."

Newt repeated the words with a small smile, "With this ring I thee wed," Newt removed my old engagement band and slid the new ring onto my finger. I took a look at the new piece of jewelry. It was so cute. It was a silver band much like the other one, but this one had a heart engraved on it.

"Same to you, Brianne," Minho gave me Newt's ring. His was an exact match to mine, help this is adorable.

"With this ring, I thee wed," I put the ring around Newt's finger.

"Now I could say a bunch of klunk about how great of a couple you are and about how your love is infinite, but I think we're all a little tired and we should just skip to everyone's favorite part," Minho winked, and I laughed, "So by the power vested in me, by absolutely no one- how did I get this job. I have no power- But by that power, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

My focus zoned out for what felt like a year, but it was only barely a second. It was a second of doubt though. It was a second of complete fear, but with the warmth of Newt's hands moving to rest on my hips, I regained focus.

"You may now kiss the bride!" And once again Minho stepped back.

Newt and I paused, staring into each others eyes for a moment. I flicked my vision down to his lips; he did the same. My hand moved up to his shoulder, and I took a deep breath. This was it.

Newt leaned down and kissed me. The Gladers erupted into a chorus of cheers.

I felt him smile into the kiss, and couldn't help but do the same. Then we were laughing, and had to pull away. I wrapped my arms around Newt and hugged him as tight as I could, "I love you," I whispered into his ear.

He laughed, before becoming serious and whispering to me in a low voice, "Love is an action," I pulled away to look at him. And he just winked. My insides twisted and I felt like my stomach was in a knot. I kissed Newt again, "Not exactly what I had in mind."

I whipped my head around, hoping no one else was hearing this. But everyone was still clapping, and not really listening.

As if the clapping had summoned a shift in the crowd, Frypan stepped forward carrying a cake on a plate.

When I saw this I couldn't help but actually scream, "Oh my god, no freaking way, there's cake!" I let go of Newt and went to Frypan, "Sorry, babe, cake is first in my heart, right now."

Newt just laughed, following behind me, "Thank you so much, Fry."

"Took a lot of trial and error, but I've managed to make what I think is the best thing I've ever made," Frypan said, "But there's only enough for the two of you, none of these shanks are allowed to touch it!"

I put the blanket back onto the ground and Newt placed the cake down on it.

I've been waiting for this for months. I was finally getting to eat chocolate!

Newt cut a piece for me and then another piece which I assumed would be his, but then he said, "I, uh, think I'm supposed to do this-" And I wasn't ready at all, but Newt shoved the whole slice in my face. I gasped, laughing hysterically.

"You little," I picked up a chunk of my slice and flung it at him with my fork. It hit him right in the nose. He laughed, as he took a bite of his cake, the part he actually planned on eating.

All the gladers talked amongst themselves as we giggled like children at the cake that was now all over our faces. Thankfully, other than a couple of crumbs, none had gotten on my dress. I would have killed someone.

I stood up, after finishing my dessert, planning on finding napkins, but Frypan came up to me with paper towels and I was immediately grateful. I had chocolate cake smeared all over my face: cute look.

I handed Newt a paper towel, to which he cleaned his face off also.

"So, I think we should give the newlyweds a little time alone! You wouldn't want a bunch of ugly people ruining your beautiful moment either!" Minho shouted, kindly telling everyone to leave. Nobody objected though. After a few people congratulated us, we were soon alone.

Newt blew out, put out, many of the light sources, causing the darkness of the night to swallow the expanse.

"I don't like the dark, Newt," I warned.

"Without darkness, how could we see the stars?" Newt asked, plopping down onto the blanket. He lied back, staring up at the sky. I looked up too, "The view is better from down here," Newt patted the space next to him.

I crouched down and lied on the soft fabric. Newt's hand moved across the blanket until he touched my hand, his fingers intertwined with mine.

I faced the darkness, the trees framed the open air, in a way that made the sky look as though it were merely a picture in a frame. Bright spots and specs of light glittered across the space. I had never really taken the time to star-gaze before, but I'd been missing out. This was beautiful, "This is crazy."

Newt didn't say anything for a few seconds. Then he said, "Yah, it's crazy how much I love you."

I didn't have to turn to see the smile I knew was plastered on his face. He was quoting himself. I'd almost forgotten how awkward we'd been, "Things were so weird back then."

"What, last month?" Newt joked, but then continued, "But I agree. Everything seems to work between us better now."

"You think?" I asked, not really agreeing. Things were never easy, but they certainly were simpler last month.

"Yah, we might have never fought back then, but that's how I knew we were meant to be, when we got angry. When we shared secrets. When we were sad. At first, our relationship was too happy and picture-perfect. We aren't like that anymore, we're just perfect, doesn't matter if we're posing or not. The picture perfect couples are just that, perfect for the pictures and then the people go and the couple hates each other."

"I never think of things like that," I said.

"I think too much," Newt smiled, tilting his head to look at me.

I turned also, and gave his hand a squeeze, "But that's one of the many reasons why I love you," I smiled and Newt did the same.

Newt and I stared at each other for at least a minute, and I'd never felt so calm in my whole life, "We're married!" Newt shouted, surprising me.

"Yah, well, to everyone here."

"We can renew or just 'new' it all when we get out of here," Newt reassured, "So I'm thinking we stop by the kitchen, drink something, and then ya' know, just talk and chill. Sound fun?" Newt asked, an underlying sarcasm in his voice.

"Fun, dude! Why don't we just sleep in different rooms while we're at it?" I laughed, sitting up.

Newt stood, "I mean, we're just friends right?" He held his hand out, to help me up.

"Yup. Us? Married? What, no!" Newt and I cleaned our set up and began walking out of the woods.

"Stranger danger," Newt said, giving me a glance. I laughed, as Newt threw his arm around me, pulling me close to him. We walked to the kitchen like this.

~~~~

"Tonight has been perfect," I whispered, flicking my eyes up to meet Newt's intense stare.

He smiled, "I agree."

"Our first date; a success!" I squealed, smiling back at him. My hands touched the collaring hem of his t-shirt, the tips of my fingers, flitting against his collar bone, "Our marriage; a success."

"It isn't over yet," Newt leaned his forehead against mine.

I giggled, like an immature school girl, "It isn't?" My vision fluttered down to Newt's lips. I didn't wanna breathe, feeling as though since we were so close, it would ruin the moment. Our lips barely touched, "Not here," I bit my lip, pulling away. My fingers reached for Newt's hand, pulling him through the bedroom door. He closed it behind us.

"I can't wait forever," Newt whispered, flicking the light switch in the room off.

"Why are you whispering?" I laughed a little.

"Don't need to wake the whole glade up, now do we?" Newt's other hand reached around my back, pulling me to him.

I brought my free hand up to Newt's face, letting it rest against the sharp outline of his defined jaw.

I wasn't on my period anymore, and if that doesn't tell Newt what kind of mood I'm in, then I don't think we should be together. And we just got married, isn't that like the mark of the honeymoon stage?

I'm a bit drunk, I think, too. But I'm like rationally drunk. Like if someone asked me to focus I could.

"Is the wait over?" Newt asked, his words barely a whisper.

"I think it is," I smiled, leaning my head against Newt's chest. My hands moved to his shoulders. I heard the fast and rhythmic beat of his heart: Newt was nervous. And I can't say that I wasn't either. Is this reckless? I mean, we are married. But still.

"Are you scared?" I asked, listening to his heartbeat.

"I'm only about to give my all to the girl I love with all of my being, does that not warrant nerves?" He asked, and I felt his chest expand and contract against me.

"If you think that this is your all," I said, moving my head off of him, "then you're sorely mistaken. Your all is-"

"Now not just mine anymore, it's ours," Newt finished, sitting down on the bed, "No time for talking about my personal crisis. Only us. Me and you."

I nodded, moving with him. I stood in between his open legs, my hands still resting on his shoulders, "It's a little dark in here."

"Sets the mood," Newt joked.

"And it's also hot," I fanned myself, glancing toward the closed window.

"Also a mood setting tactic."

"You have absolutely no tactics, Newt. Don't lie, these are all coincidences."

"Maybe, but I know that you're saying all of this because you're scared. So look at me and quit looking at our messy room. I love you, love is an action."

I nodded, "We've never been good at taking things slow," I leaned in and our lips collided. We didn't need anything but each other and that's how we'd made things work between us. Whether we had to get over emotional disabilities or physical ones, all we really needed was support from one another. I needed Newt and he needed me; this would always be our greatest strength and flaw.

My hands moved to pull Newt's shirt over his head, but he beat me to it. We only broke our kiss for a milli second, as the fabric was removed from his body.

I remembered the last time I was in a situation like this and I wanted to cringe. I'd chickened out, because I'd wanted to build our relationship more, before I threw everything to someone who might not even want it.

This was my second chance and I couldn't fall short this time. Newt was my husband, this was a normal thing for couples to do.

I pulled away from our kiss, but didn't shy away from Newt like I had before, I stared at his exposed skin, letting my fingers trace the scars that littered his stomach and chest. I knew how he felt about these, but I found them unique. This proved that, although I always think otherwise, Newt isn't perfect.

Newt moved farther onto the bed, and I followed after him, crawling up to where he half sat/lied.

I didn't really want to be on top of him, but that seemed to be my only option, so I kinda hovered, because I didn't wanna saddle. I mean, who am I?

Thankfully, I've never been so relieved, in one swift movement, Newt flipped us so that I was now on the bottom. I felt much less awkward and Newt saw that, "As much as I adore watching you uncomfortable, I'll take it from here," He winked.

I closed my eyes, exhaling deeply, laughing a bit as I did so, "I'm eternally grateful for your generous spirit."

Even down here, where I should be relaxed, I was anything but. My gut was in knots and I felt as if I were gonna explode if I didn't move around.

"You're also a lot stronger than I am," I said, as I noticed that he wasn't really lying on top of me either. If you were looking at us, I feel as though you would think that we were trying to do it fully clothed, but Newt wasn't pressing all of his weight onto me. He was leaning on the bed, and I couldn't help but take this moment to admire his muscles, especially his arm muscles. And don't even get me started on his abs or his chest. I wanted to cry. My mental voices chose correctly when they told me Newt's name that first day I'd woken up in the glade. They picked wisely. Newt was gorgeous.

"You're too quiet, it's scaring me," Newt said, as I realized that he was incredibly close to me, close enough that I could smell the scent of the shampoo he uses. Unlike my usual stupid apple smelling hair products, his smelt like trees and ice and deep and dark, and if any of those things actually had scents, that is what Newt smelt like. I wanted his hair cleansers. But I have coconut shampoo now, so I guess I win.

"I'm just thinking," I answered, smiling, my cheeks turning pink, "about you."

Newt bit his lip, switching his weight onto his other arm, "Well that's reassuring. I thought you were having second thoughts."

"Think nothing of the sort," I wrapped my hands around the back of Newt's neck, and he dipped down to me, our lips locking again.

I felt Newt's leg against my leg and I felt his body pressing against mine, and I wanted nothing more than to enjoy this moment. But I couldn't help but feel like something was gonna ruin it.

"Time to take this off?" Newt asked referring to my dress, "May I?"

I nodded, slowly, my eyelashes fluttering, as I sat up to make things easier or him. I felt Newt push my hair onto my shoulder. His hands moved behind my back, and he unbuttoned the dress, torturously slow. I felt Newt's cold fingers trail down my skin. After unbuttoning all of the buttons, Newt threw the dress to the side of the bed, before looking back at me again. I cringed at his lack of care for the pretty article of clothing, "Are you wearing my tank top, underneath your dress?"

"Maybe."

"Why the hell-" Newt started laughing.

"I was cold this morning, and I couldn't find my sweatshirt, so I had to wear something. And then I just didn't think anything of wearing it underneath the dress. You know you think its cute," I laughed.

"It's bloody adorable, but not right now when I was expecting to see you practically naked and I see my shirt," Newt tilted his head back laughing, "What else have you borrowed?"

"I wanna steal your shampoo, next. You smell really good," I giggled, lying back down.

"You can steal whatever you want, but that shampoo belongs to Minho."

"What the actual-"

"He smells good and I wanted to smell exceptionally good today, so I took some. What he doesn't know, won't kill him."

"This night has taken a turn down a very weird road," I shook my head, relaxing.

Newt shook his head, also, "Now where the heck were we?" Newt leaned down on top of me again, kissing me on the lips quickly, then my nose, then my forehead, "Nothing, not even that conversation could ruin this," And with that he moved down to kiss my neck.

~~~~~

~~~Third Person Pov~~~

"What a wonderful day, today has been!" Karen exclaimed, as she sat at her desk, a cup in her hand. She took a sip of the hot drink.

"Indeed it has been. I can't believe the maze trials are almost over," John commented.

"And Nianne is just adorable," Lily said, dreamy eyed, "Too bad they can't have mini them's."

"Who?" Both of the other workers asked.

"Brianne and Newt. I shipped them, duh," Lily sighed, acting as though people should know what she was talking about, "But maybe Brinewt is better! Nianne? Brinewt?"

"Shipped-?" John started.

"God, not this again! What do you mean, Lily? Mini thems?-" Karen started, almost choking as she looked at one of the projections, "What the heck is this?"

She zoomed in on Camera F located in Newt's room. And low and behold, the two subjects were on top of each other half naked, making out.

Karen almost had a heart attack, "Marriage is one thing, but this-!"

"Didn't you hear them?" Lily asked.

"Hear them what?"

"This is their honeymoon," Lily smiled, taking her bag and getting ready to leave, "I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Honeymoon? What- No!" Karen shouted, running over to the control panel.

"Leave them alone, Karen. You should get going. They'll be asleep soon anyway," With that John left too.

"No, no, no, no," Karen's hands shook as they hovered above the keys, "If I were an awful father seeking revenge on my son, what would I do?"

She looked around, hoping to see someone, but she was left all alone in the large lab.

"Come on, Karen. You're okay. You're helping them. Like they'd really want a child anyway."

Her fingers typed in the code to access Newt's files and killzone patterns.

There were so many dials and knobs and levers and lights and buttons here that Karen was immediately overwhelmed.

'Evil,' she thought, 'think evil.'

Her vision shifted back to the projection of the subjects. Newt's hands trailed down on the second subject far too low for Karen to feel comfortable watching, so she knew that it was now or never.

This should be Janson's job, breaking people up, and ruining their good time, but he was in a meeting!

"What to do? What to do? What to do?"

"Aha!" Karen tapped into Newt's bodily feelings and functions. And opening the digestive controls, she did something she would never for the rest of her life be proud of: she was going to make him sick.

~~~~

~~~Brianne's Pov~~~

Newt raised his head from my neck, kissing my forehead, "Is it hot in here?"

I laughed, thinking that it was comfortably warm now, "If you're trying to seduce me, nice try."

Newt attempted to laugh, but he really was sweating, "I wish I were that clever," Newt's face went pale, and I got a bit worried.

"You okay? I'm sorry I turned you off that much," I joked, running my fingers through his fluffy hair.

"No, no, I'm fine," Newt shook his head, kissing me again. I kissed back, but was slightly on edge. What just happened?

After a few seconds, Newt pulled away once more. He looked awful.

"Newt, are you gonna be sick?" I asked, trying to sit up.

"No, I'm fine-" Newt moved his hand to his mouth, pausing.

I crawled out from underneath him and ran over to the trash can. I brought it to Newt and not seconds after the bucket was placed in his lap, he threw up.

I rubbed circles into his back, feeling a bit sick myself. The smell of vomit doesn't really sit well with me. Does it sit well with anyone?

"It's okay, babe, you're okay," I soothed, as he consequently ejected all of the wonderful foods we'd eaten today into the bin, "You want me to take the bucket?" I asked, seeing that he was no longer heaving.

Newt nodded, clearly exhausted, now. He fell onto the bed stomach first, his head not even on his pillow. He groaned in response.

"Hey," I ran my fingers through his hair, once again, so that I could see his face. I pressed my other hand to his forehead, "You're burning up, babe. I'm gonna open the window. You go to sleep, I need to clean the bucket. Alright? I'll be back in a few minutes. You gonna be okay?"

Newt moaned, seeming to answer my question.

I quickly threw a pair of sweatpants on and ran downstairs.

Being sick wasn't exactly why I wanted Newt to be moaning tonight, but as I scrubbed our trash can clean, I tried not to think selfishly.

Our honeymoon was cut extremely short, by Newt's sudden sickness. I feel really bad for him, but I feel bad for me too.

I just can't think about it, though, because then I'll second guess my choices and I can't think about how this might be the universe punishing me for making wrong decisions. It had to be simply coincidental.

~~~~~~

~~~Author's Notes~~~

HIII, GUYS!! I have never been more proud of a chapter in To Love! It's so weird, I feel like this one update sums up the entire book. I tried to throw every emotion into it, fear, anxiety, love, humor, romance, sadness. I hope everyone felt the changes. I JUST- wow. Okay, I didn't really even want Brianne and Newt to actually get married, if I'm being honest. But I realized how cruel that was and changed it. And I'm so glad I did.

Enough about that, I've been meaning to ask this, but when did each of you start reading To Love? Like last week, yesterday? Last year? I'M REALLY CURIOUS, did anyone come from my Instagram OMG!

ANYWAY. OKAY I MET JAMES DASHNER ON TUESDAY!

He signed my tdc book with a special message on pg 250! I won't say what I had him write though because spoils! BUT he said that no one had ever asked him to write it before. UGH I GOT PICTURES TOO! HELP, it was the best night of my life, I talked to him for like five minutes.

BUT ILY GUYS!! BYEE! TALK TO YOU SOON!