~~~Author's Notes~~~

*When you're so anxious about starting school that you're crying and writing but neither of those are helping* This chapter sucks but I'm done editing it, sorry...,,...

BUT this chapter is very crazy, and so long.

Like I don't know if anyone's noticed, but in my story there's been an underlying tension between Newt and Gally and in this chapter, more so the next, you finally see why. It's insane and I don't even know what twisted part of my brain came up with it. I guess, it's not as crazy as some of my other ideas though, so.

I have sparks of creativity, sometimes.

But please, please, please give me feedback on this chapter. I'm really interested in hearing everyone's opinions. ANYWAY ENJOY!!

WARNING: I talk very lightly about periods in this chapter. If anyone thinks that that's crossing a line, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

~~~~~

~~~Brianne's Pov~~~

I reluctantly opened the door to the main Medjacks room, dreading the fact that I was going to have to stay in here all day and watch Crazy Ben, while Clint and Jeff hung out with the, probably equally crazy, but much less destructive, girl in a coma. And to top it all off, it had to be 100 degrees today. And being inside when it was this hot, absolutely sucked.

And, I mean, I'm new, shouldn't I get the easier of the two patients?

"Wait," I said, as I stepped into the room.

Nobody was in here. The bed was unmade. The drawers and cabinets were all open. And Ben was nowhere to be seen.

"Jeff! Clint!" I shouted, not really concerned, as I walked further into the room.

Maybe they moved him to a different room?

I walked over to the desk, where a pile of papers were spread out. Maybe they let him go?

But when I flipped to Ben's record sheet, I was proved sorely wrong. Someone had written 'mentally unstable, and threat', under his name.

So why was he gone? And why was this room such a mess?

"Where's Ben?" I asked, 110% positive that they could hear me in the room next door. Were they seriously ignoring me?

I stomped over to the room they were in, and opened the door without knocking.

You're kidding, right?

Clint, Jeff, Alby, and Newt were all sitting around in chairs, just relaxing, as the girl slept peacefully in the bed.

"Did none of you here me?" I asked, shaking the papers I still held in my hand.

"The fan must have drowned out your voice," Clint answered, giving me a kind smile.

"What-! A fan? Since when do we have a fan? I sweat all day in the other room and you people have a bloody fan in here. A place where none of you are even doing anything!" I shouted, absolutely furious. I would have laughed at the fact that I said 'bloody' had I not been so angered. Even Newt didn't laugh.

"Brianne," Jeff whispered, "The newbie's in a coma and silence is the best thing for her right now. So please lower your voice."

I looked over at Newt who was slumped down in a chair right next to the fan, a blank look on his face, as he asked me, "What's wrong?"

I rolled my eyes, "Where'd you guys put Ben?"

"Ha ha, nice joke. He's right next door," Jeff mumbled, taking a folded paper and fanning the sleeping girl.

"No he isn't," I said, angrily, "He's gone."

"Don't mess with us, Brianne," Alby mumbled, taking a sip of his iced water.

"I'm not! So you're saying that none of you let him go?"

"No, course not, he's crazy," Clint answered, still not believing me.

"Oh my god, guys! Ben's missing," I shouted, my heart rate picking up. This was an emergency and Idiots 1,2,3 and 4 were chilling, literally, as if nothing was happening. So I rephrased my plea, "Ben ran away."

Newt sat up straighter, "Well, who the heck let him out of their sight. Medjacks!"

"It's not my shift in that room," Jeff answered.

"My job with Ben ended at 9:30."

Everyone turned to look at me, "Brianne when did you get upstairs?" Alby asked, closing his eyes, knowing that I'd skipped.

I didn't necessarily skip work. I just lost track of time. By the time the newbie came up in the box, I'd totally forgotten about my job. I thought someone would cover for me, but apparently not.

I opened my mouth to speak, but immediately closed it when Alby started talking again.

"Brianne! Your shift started at 9:30, it's now 11!"

"It was your turn to watch him, this is your fault!" Jeff shouted, breaking the calm atmosphere in the room.

"I'm sorry, I got held up, at breakfast and then with the newbie."

Alby and Newt stood up, "Where do we look for him?" Newt asked Alby.

"I'll take the deadheads, you take everywhere else. Just look for any uproar of commotion," Alby answered, leaving the room.

Newt moved to leave too, but I grabbed his arm, "Newt, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," He said shortly, "Let's just hope that everyone else is, too," And with that he left.

"Guys," I started, "I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"Save it, Brianne. You're on probation. You can go," Jeff said, interrupting my apology.

"I'm not leaving. I'm here to work, so I'm gonna work," I huffed, not leaving the room. I wanted to work, but I also wanted to get information on the new girl, and so being in this room with her seemed to be the best way to do that.

"No, we can't trust you, right now. Come back later," Clint said, sadly.

"Fine! Fine, whatever. I'll just go and enjoy my day off. Maybe I'll eat something, take a leisurely stroll through the gardens. Who knows, the possibilities are endless!" I rambled, wanting someone to stop me, as I got up to leave.

"Okay, have fun," Jeff waved, closing the door behind me as I left.

I felt like screaming as Jeff practically slammed the door in my face, "I don't need them. It's okay. Newt will keep me updated," I walked down the hallway to Newt's room, wanting to change into my shorts. It was too hot for pants.

And- Wait, I'm not done being angry! How could the second Medjack's room have a fan? A fan that everyone kept hidden from me!

I opened the door to Newt's room, and slammed it closed behind me, with a shard of hope that maybe Jeff and Clint, and maybe even Newt and Alby, would hear my frustration.

Yes, that was childish. Do I care? No. This was war.

Not really, because I want Newt to comfort me and hug me right now, but still, I was angry!

"Honestly, it's probably because I'm a girl! Sexist pricks! If Jeff had let Ben go, I bet they would have believed him, but because it was me, everyone thought I was lying. Or maybe they're just anti-me? Whatever, it doesn't matter, sexist Nick instilled in everyone his stupid ways of life."

Newt's not any of those things though. He likes me.

Awe, Newt's so cute. I love him so much.

And then my eyes fell upon a certain book. A book that was off-limits to me.

"Do the right thing, Brianne," I mumbled to myself, as I walked over to the desk.

But it's right there!

I looked out the window for any sign of Newt. He was nowhere to be found.

"This is a bad idea."

But it's just sitting here in plain sight, though. I mean, if Newt really didn't want me to read it, then he would have hidden it.

Or maybe this is a test? He knows I'll see it and try to read it, but he wants to figure out if he can trust me!

But one peak won't hurt anyone.

So I picked up the book and held it in my hands for a moment.

What the heck was written on it's pages?

Would it upset me?

Would it reassure me?

Would it break my heart?

Would it help me understand Newt?

I took a deep breath, "Jesus, if you're up there. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do," I muttered, as I flipped the cover back. My eyes scanned over the first couple of pages, realizing that I'd already read these a month ago.

But as I turned to page seven, the writing style dramatically changed.

Stop, Brianne! This isn't going to end well. Newt told you not to read it.

But since when have I been one to listen? So I read it.

You once told me that you wanted to read a book. You yearned for a trip to the fictional world. An escape from the glade. An escape from yourself. I thought you were quite odd, for wanting this. The idea actually baffled me. That you wanted to read a book, when the world around us was so chaotic.

But I thought about it some more. And came to the conclusion that since you couldn't get your hands on a book, I would write one for you. Now, I know what you're thinking and yes, I'm crazy for spending hours and hours of my time scribbling worthless words on insignificant sheets of paper. But aside from the wasted time, I feel that this is a gift from me to you. This story is composed of journal entries, letters, and poems, full of love, life, and loss. I took these thoughts from the bottom of my heart and I hope you can soon understand me a little better. Please, do read this. I love you unattainably and uncontrollably forever, my love.

Sincerely, Newt.

Entry 1.

The way you looked at me was indescribable. Your golden eyes searched mine with infinite hope. You believed in me. I really don't know why. I was a memory deficient teenage boy. A boy that had roamed in a never ending slum for as long as he could remember. But with your light stricken love, I think I might be able to see the brighter side of life once again. Dear lord, I do pray that you never lose that spark. A spark that even the sun is jealous of. You light the moon and the stars of my world and I couldn't be any more grateful. Please, don't give up on me. I'm not the easiest to love.

Entry 2.

Familiar. That is what you are. You're the first one to ever give me that feeling. And I hope that in a hundred years, you'll still be the only one to hold that title.

I decided to stop there, feeling like I was intruding upon his personal thoughts.

But I also felt really good, and warm and fuzzy, because this was the sweetest thing Newt could ever do for me. He was writing me a book! Who does that! It's so cute.

I closed the book and carefully placed it back onto the desk, making sure that I put it right where I'd picked it up. Next to the pen.

I exhaled deeply, smiling to myself as I did so.

"Now, I just have to keep my mouth shut about it," I muttered, stepping away from Newt's stuff and walking out of the room.

I'd seen enough for one day.

~~~~

I opened the door to the homestead, with a new sense of sight, smell, and happiness. Yes, Ben was missing. Yes, it was my fault. Yah, there was an unconscious girl in our glade who came with a note saying that she was last newbie to ever come here. And yes, I felt like things were going to go downhill very soon for all of us.

But I was in love and someone loved me.

So that made me think that I didn't need to take the two stairs down to the ground from the homestead?

So I jumped, God, if only I hadn't jumped.

"What the heck?" I muttered to myself, "Did I just freaking pee myself?"

I almost laughed. How old am I? Sixty? I can't jump without peeing myself.

Thankfully no one had been around to experience my embarrassing moment. I quickly ran back inside and into the bathroom.

I had to hold back my scream, when I realized, I hadn't peed. I'd gotten my period.

My period.

I totally forgot a thing as awful as that had even existed. Since I'd been here, I hadn't gotten it, the thought had actually never really even occurred to me until now.

What do I do?

"I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!" I felt like throwing up.

Who do I tell?

Does anyone else get there's? I feel like the girls would have said something to me, no?

Then someone had to knock on the door.

"Be out in a second."

God. God. God.

What now?

Clare.

I washed my hands, before I opened the door and fled the bathroom as quickly as I could.

I ran towards the gardens, but opted for a walk when I found out that running on your period was a very bad idea.

An awful one at that.

But hey, this makes sense! My stomach has been hurting; cramps. I was emotional and moody; I was simply hormonal.

And I thought I was crazy, when all along I was just normal.

"Clare!" I shouted, spotting her red hair, next to the apple trees.

She put down her basket as she saw me, "Brianne? Don't you have work?"

"I got kicked out, don't ask," I smiled awkwardly, "I actually, really need your help, right now."

"Oh, what's up?" She asked, putting her hand on her hip.

"Mind if we walk and talk?" I asked, feeling like there were too many people in the gardens.

"Uh, okay. Is something wrong?"

"Yes, very wrong," I leaned in close to her as we walked, "Have you ever gotten your period?"

She gave me an emotionless look, "No," She furrowed her eyebrows, "No?"

"I just did. And I don't know what to do. No one else here has this issue, right?"

"No, oh my god. Why don't I? It never even occurred to me until you just said that. Isn't it normal for girls our age-?"

"I thought so, but- what do I do!" I shouted, bringing my hands up to my face.

"You need to get pads or tampons or something, god! We don't have any of that though!"

"Ah, what am I gonna do, I'm bleeding down south and if we don't do something soon, I'm gonna die," I shouted, being overdramatic.

"The box! Maybe the creators sent something!" Clare grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the box.

Finally Clare let go of me once we stood above the boxhole.

Clare moved to jump in, but I stopped her, "I think, we should pray to the creator gods first."

She pulled her arm away, as she jumped down into the box, which was still full with stuff, "You do that."

"I will. Dear Creator people, I will snap my own neck if there are no feminine products in this box. So please, work your magic and-"

"I don't see any thing," Clare interrupted.

"Do you even know what they look like?!" I shouted, waving off the kids that were staring at me.

"I know what I'm looking for," She huffed, "I don't see them."

So I screamed. Maybe I shouldn't have, like I probably didn't need to, but I did. And it was loud too. Now everyone was staring, but once again, I shooed them away.

"Oh my god, what am I gonna do. I can't sit on the toilet all day. I have to prove myself to Clint and Jeff and Newt. I can't be like this. What will I say to Newt? Sorry, babe I can't cuddle tonight!- No way! Newt can't know-"

"Can't know what?" I heard Newt breathlessly interrupt from behind me.

Shocked, I turned to look at him. He was bent over with his arms on his knees, practically panting. I didn't say anything.

Once Newt caught his breath, he walked over to me, "You're perfectly fine aren't you?"

"Well, no, but why wouldn't I be?" I smiled, anxiously.

"I just- you screamed and with crazy Ben running around- I just thought something happened," Newt explained, running his hands over his face.

"You ran over here to see me?- Wait, how'd you know it was me who screamed?" I asked.

"Yah, I thought you were hurt, and Brianne, you're the only one who screams around here. We all just assume it's you."

"I do not, I'm not even a dramatic person," I explained, as Newt looked over my shoulder into the box.

"What are you doing down there?" Newt asked, seeing Clare rummaging through the boxes.

"Just looking for stuff," Clare answered, throwing me a look.

"And what didn't you want me to know?" He asked me, his eyebrow raised.

"That I was," I scratched the back of my neck, "Being a good steward by emptying the box. I mean, we're both off right now and so we decided to bring more order to the glade."

Newt gave me a skeptical look, "So why aren't you in the box with her?"

"Well, you came over too quickly. I didn't have time to get down there, so gotcha," I poked Newt, but he wasn't amused.

"Okay, go ahead then, jump down there."

I looked down at Clare who was staring up a me with wide eyes.

Jumping down there, I knew, would give me the same results as it did earlier. I was gonna feel like I peed myself again and I didn't want that to happen.

That's only the first reason I didn't want to go in there. Second one was, after what happened with Stephen, I wanted nothing to do with this hole, whether the box was there or not.

Newt knew that. He wanted me to admit that I was lying. He knew that I wouldn't jump down there.

Or he thought.

There was no way I was telling Newt that I was on my period.

I held eye contact with Newt as he said, "What are you waiting for?"

"Newt," I whispered, giving him a long look.

"Are you telling me that you're not actually helping empty the box?" Newt asked, a smile playing at his lips.

"No, I just need to brace myself, it's a high jump."

"Good thing we don't seem to have a problem with jumping, right?" Newt stood next to me, "Jump, Brianne."

Did he just-?

"Newt!" I shouted, my eyes widening, "I'm going."

"Just tell me what Clare is looking for and you don't have to go down there."

"We aren't looking for anything," I smiled.

"Found it!" Clare shouted, holding up a package.

I rolled my eyes. Newt turned to look at me, "What was that?"

Newt hopped down into the box, "Your leg-" I started, but he was already in the box, "Stop!"

"What did you find, Clare, show me," Newt commanded. Clare looked up at me, a sympathetic look on her face, as she handed the wonderful box of tampons to Newt.

"It's not what you think," I said, hoping Newt wouldn't know what tampons were.

Newt shot me a look, before taking the box into his hands, "Stop lying to me, Brianne."

"Well, I mean, I could be pregnant," I joked, failing to help my cause.

"What?" He asked.

"Brianne-" Clare face palmed.

"Okay! Newt stop reading. I'm on my period, okay! I need those tampons so that I can live my life. I only lied because I didn't want you to know. So there! I'm a normal girl. And that's why I've been emotional and that's why I've been sick and that's why I'm searching the box with Clare, because I need to stop bleeding!" I shouted, and I'm pretty sure Newt dropped the box.

"Oh," He finally said, making me want to punch myself in the face.

"Do you know what she's talking abo-?" Clare started.

"Yes! No explanations needed," Newt gave me a long look, "You didn't have to lie."

"But I did, the whole world doesn't need to know that I'm on my period!" I shouted, a few teens that were walking by, stopped, "Got a problem? Keep walking!"

"Look, I don't have time to talk about this right now," Newt placed his hands on his hips, "Please, send someone over to help me out of here."

I rolled my eyes, before shouting for someone to help. A couple of kids I didn't know, threw a rope down to Newt and Clare.

I felt mortified.

Absolutely mortified.

Not only had Newt found out that I was on my period but he also caught me in my lies.

"Newt!" I shouted as I saw him walking away from the box, "I didn't want to lie."

"I know, okay? We'll talk tonight. I have to go look for Ben. I don't have time to 'girl talk' with you."

I sighed, and turned on my heels, back towards to Clare, who stood with the box of tampons in her hands, "Sorry about Newt."

"It's okay, he'll get over it," I took the box, and ran off to the bathroom.

~~~~

"I need you to be brutally honest with me, Brianne, okay?" Newt asked as he shut his bedroom door behind us.

I didn't say anything, only nodded.

This was tonight. Another tonight that Newt and I would spend arguing. Or at least that's what I assumed. I lied to him earlier; Newt doesn't take lying very lightly.

Newt walked over to his desk, placing his hand on his book.

Wait. Wait. Wait. I'm screwed. Newt knows that I read his book, when he clearly told me not too, and I know what's coming but I can't believe it's actually happening.

How could he know? I was all alone. But, God, now he's gonna be mad at me for that too.

I swear my heart momentarily stopped.

"Why couldn't you just tell me you were- ya' know- on your thing?" He asked, completely shocking me.

Oh my God.

Newt has no idea that I read his book and I mean, how would he? I'm paranoid that's all, this is just my guilty conscience speaking.

I visibly relaxed, "Because its weird. And it's not a common thing around here."

"How is that so?" Newt removed his hand from leaning on his desk and opted to sit next to me on his bed.

"I don't know. But I don't really want to talk about it. It makes me feel sick," I weakly smiled.

I hate how different I am. I hate how I seem to be the only one who's out of place, the only one who isn't apart of this fantasy glade utopia. I hate that I'm so real, when everything here seems so fake.

"Okay, that's fine, but look- you can tell me anything. No matter how embarrassing or awful or difficult. I'm here for you when you need me," Newt held my hand, "You don't have to lie about stuff like that."

"Thank you," I shook my head as another thought popped into my head, and I wanted to change the conversation anyway. There were things I wanted Newt to tell me, "Whats gonna happen with Ben?"

At dinner, Newt had said that Alby had found him in the deadheads, earlier this afternoon. And to be brief, Newt told me that Ben had been attacking Thomas. Why? No one really knows. But now Ben was in the Slammer, until the council decided upon his fate. But that was hours ago and Newt had a meeting with the Keepers at six, so I know that they came to some type of a decision.

"Well, Alby and I had a very long discussion about everything, and I think we both agree that people like Ben don't belong in our Glade," Newt licked his lips, as he tried to weigh my reaction, "The Keepers feel the same way."

"You're gonna banish him?" I asked, my eyes widening. I couldn't help but remember my own time in the hot seat. I was sentenced to banishment for a bunch of things I hadn't even done. The council had been so hasty in making their decision to get rid of me. I just hope that they've all learned and will take more time to come to a reasonable verdict.

"It's what's best for all of us. He attempted to kill Thomas. And he's threatened Alby. It's not safe for him to be here."

I don't know why, but I felt awful all of a sudden, "But he's still a person," How can they banish him so quickly? Maybe he's innocent? Maybe he really didn't mean to hurt Thomas. Maybe he's just confused and doesn't know how to handle his new life after the changing?

"Yah, and so are we, Brianne. It's sixty to one. I hate making these decisions, you know that, but there are innocent people here, that could get seriously hurt by someone with no self control-"

"If it were me, would you do the same thing?" I asked, tears in my eyes.

"What?"

"If I were like Ben, would you kill me too?" The thought made me forget how to breathe, that Newt would throw Ben into the maze because he threatened to hurt someone. I mean, I get where he's coming from, but I feel like he's making the decision too soon. Ben could still get better.

And I know with all of my heart that Newt would not be so hasty if the person in question was someone he really cared about.

Newt stared at me for a few seconds, before he said, "If you were as wacky as Ben, I'd have no choice. I mean, clearly- Look, I hope you'd do the same for me? If I were crazy, I hope you'd have the common sense to throw me out too."

"I wouldn't. Are you even listening to yourself right now? I would never let you go, especially if you were acting like Ben. Maybe he's just scared. Maybe he doesn't know what he's doing. Maybe a small part of him is still him. Just because we didn't know Ben, doesn't mean that we can banish him in the blink of an eye."

"Brianne, I'm not saying I'd banish you. I'm just saying that if the greater good is at question, then I'd always want to do what's right. Even if it's selfish and hasty."

"But people can get better, maybe there's some kind of cure that the creators could send us, like a serum-"

"This isn't the first time someone's gone off the deep end after being stung, Brianne," Newt sighed frustratedly, "We've had to banish people just like him. Some not nearly as insane. It's the way things are. He's a threat to everyone in the Glade."

"And you wanted them gone this quickly too?"

"No, we waited. Like you want us to, but we've learned, keeping someone around who's so sick, will only hurt the Glade."

"When are you doing it?" I asked, feeling defeated.

"Tomorrow," Newt said, without emotion.

"Really, Newt?!" I asked, standing up, "You're treating Ben, how Nick treated me?"

"Brianne-" Newt started, a sympathetic look on his face.

"Why can't you just wait until you know for sure that Ben isn't safe to be here?"

"Waiting is the greatest mistake we could make in a time like this. If we wait, more people could get injured. One threat and the council has to look into it. There could be irreversible wrongs made if we aren't quick with this," Newt answered, pulling me by my arm closer to him again, until I was sitting down on the bed, "If I were Ben, I'd want everyone to do something, before I got the chance to."

"Well, you aren't Ben, Newt. You're you and I can't believe that you'd say that. If I were sick, I'd want everyone to take care of me. I'd want people to care. You wouldn't?"

"Not if I had the power to kill someone. Not if I lost control over my actions. Not if I was crazy. No, I wouldn't want care and protection. I would want to be gone as quickly and painlessly as I could."

"I guess I just love too much to let myself and others go. Because I would fight tooth and nail for you," A tear rolled down my cheek.

Newt exhaled frustratedly, "Can you please just stop being so naive and blinded for like five seconds, to see that Ben can't be here. He will kill Thomas. He will hurt people. And guess who will be in charge of taking care of him if he stays? You. And I can't sit back and have you tend to someone who wants to chuck knives at you. Okay? Because as much I can't live with myself for banishing Ben, I would never be able to live with myself if he were to ever hurt you."

"He won't-"

"That's what you say now. But when it's the middle of the night and he wants to go slit Thomas's throat and you're the one trying to stop him, he's not gonna want to talk about life and love with you."

"You see the worst in people."

"Yah, and you always try to see the best. We're both equally frustrating. But you have to understand that I never want to banish anyone. And I didn't want to banish you. I know, that that's what this is about."

"It's not-"

"Yah, it is. You don't want the council to banish Ben in 24 hours because that's what we did to you. And I know that that's hard for you to think about. But Ben is different. He's crazy."

"You're right," I breathed, looking at my hands, "I don't want someone to feel how I felt."

"I know, but this is the easiest way to deal with him. It sucks, but it's necessary. And I'm sorry for saying that I would banish you. I wouldn't. And you don't have to worry about getting stung anyway, you're safe within these walls," Newt said, but I could feel an underlying falsity in his voice. He was hiding something from me. He changed the conversation, "Now, the real question I have for you: why did you read my book?"

And there it is.

I should have known that my rebellious streak would soon be over.

"I know, you did. Don't lie," Newt sighed, "But why did you do it? I told you not to."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I decided to lie anyway.

"Brianne," Newt gave me a long look.

"Fine, I read it- but not all of it! I only read the beginning, and the first two entries, before I felt bad."

"But I trusted you."

"But it was sitting right there," I whined back in the same tone.

Newt took a deep breath, "Did you at least like it?"

"Oh my god, yes! It's so sweet that you're writing a book for me. I feel like I should do something crazy for you too!- hey, wait!" I paused for a moment, "How did you know that I read your book? I was so careful to put it back exactly where I found it."

Newt smiled, "Ah, but you didn't. I'm a lefty, so I always put my pen down on the left side of my notebook. You put the book down with the pen on the right."

"Holy crap, you should be a detective. Detective Newt, has a nice ring to it."

"Oh my god," Newt said, staring at the floor.

"What?" I asked, honestly about to throw myself out the gosh darn window, if he said that the box alarm was going off again.

"I don't even have a last name. And if I do, then I don't remember it," He gasped, a shocked look on his face.

"Yah," I said, in a tone that suggested that what he'd said was already completely obvious, "Did you never realize that before?"

"No, I knew. But I never realized how disappointing that is. How can we get married if I don't have a last name. What will we be? Mr. and Mrs. Newt. What the heck is that? That's awful. What are we gonna do?" Newt asked, seeming genuinely concerned, as if this was out biggest problem right now.

I laughed, "It's okay, maybe you'll find out your last name once we leave the maze."

"The family legacy, how will it continue," He winked, making me smile even harder.

"I don't know. Looks like your family tree ends here," I moved closer to Newt.

Newt's hands held mine, as I stood in front of him. His eyes met mine, a small smile gracing his features, "In case I haven't told you today, I love you."

"You did," I said, playing with Newt's fingers.

"I promise to say it everyday. If I don't then tell me. Because I don't ever want you to forget it."

"I couldn't, even if I wanted to."

I let go of Newt's hand to push the strands of hair off of his face. Newt's vision drifted down to my lips, as he pulled me closer to him, so close that I was in between his legs, "This seems as good a time as any to tell you that I," He trailed off.

"That you what?" I asked, one of my hands resting on Newt's shoulder, the other, pressing against the side of Newt's face.

"I'm very sad," He admitted, eyes downcast.

"That's okay," I breathed, smiling slightly.

"But I promised I'd be better," He added, his bottom lip trembling.

"Do you honestly think that after a few days your life's suddenly going to be perfect?"

"I said I wouldn't be this way anymore, though, for you," Newt whispered.

"Can I tell you the truth? You wanted me to be brutally honest and I will be: you might never be happy, Newt. I might never be happy either. Because, I think that some people aren't meant to be happy: they're meant to be great," I leaned forward so that my forehead was touching Newt's, "And you, are the greatest person I think there is."

Newt took a deep breath, breathing me in, before he pressed his lips against mine, slowly, "But how can we plan our perfect future if I can't even see past next week."

Then I decided, "I'm done planning our perfect future."

"Wha-?"

"Because I want every moment of my life to be a perfect moment. I want to live right now, with you. Whatever you you are. Because I can't-" I stopped. Victoria's words resonating in my mind, "If all goes well, we have forever to plan our wedding and our lives. But we don't have another right now. And I really love right now. Because you're here and I'm here and that's all that matters. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, Newt, and I'm done believing that I am."

Newt didn't say anything, his eyes fluttered closed, as I moved even closer to him.

"That's why I read your book. And that's why I'm going to do this," I pressed my lips against Newt's again, my hand on Newt's neck, steadying my movements, as well as pulling me closer. I broke away for a moment, "Our future starts now. No more waiting and planning and wishing."

"Your epiphany makes life sound easy."

"It's far from it. But I know now what I need to do to live," I moved away from Newt and over to the door, "So that's why I have to leave."

"Wait, what? Where are you going?" Newt asked.

"To do something I should have done earlier," I answered, grabbing my sweatshirt.

"At," Newt looked at his watch, "11:30?"

"Yah, I know I sound crazy. But I'm in the mood to be spontaneous and I just need to talk to someone. If I don't do it now, I'll never do it," I ran over to the door, "I'll be back, and then we can continue whatever it was we were doing."

"Brianne," Newt started sternly, "who are you seeing?"

"No time for questions!- I have to go or the mojo will be gone and I'll be doomed," I said, opening the door.

I heard a thud followed by rushed steps, and before I knew it the door was slammed closed, "Newt," I pulled on the door.

Newt leaned against it, his weight stopping me from opening it, "Tell me who you're going to see and you're free to go."

I huffed, "You can't keep me locked in here," The thought almost made me laugh.

"You bet I can," Newt crossed his arms over his chest, apparently signaling that he wasn't going to budge.

But that's okay, because I'm not going to either.

"I have to do this," I said, through my teeth, as I tried to push Newt out of my way.

"And I have to do this," Newt sighed, "I know you too well, Brianne. I know that you're going to see Victoria. I know that you feel bad because her and Minho are fighting, but," Newt stopped when he realized I wasn't paying attention anymore, "Look at me, please. You know I'm right. You're too good of a person for your own sake."

"I'm not seeing Victoria," How did Newt know that I wanted to talk to her? I barely even knew that I wanted to talk to her myself, "But if I was, then you wouldn't be able to stop me."

"Why the sudden secrets, Brianne? You didn't listen to me when I said not to look at my book. You skipped work. You wouldn't tell me what you were doing in the box. And now you're lying about who you're seeing?"

"I'm not-"

"I just don't get what the problem is. I have been nothing but truthful."

"Truthful? Newt, you told me nothing about anything for the first month and half I was here. You didn't even tell me what grievers were and what they could do until the other morning. You keep the truth from me all of the time."

"That's different. I'm only doing that to protect you. I know how it feels to know everything, and look what it did to me."

"I don't care, I want to know everything," I cried, "Look, Newt, I need to go talk to Victoria. And I know that you don't get that, but I have to do this." And with that I left the room.

~~~~

"What do you want, Gally?" I asked, as I walked across the very large stretch of land between the Homestead and the sleeping grounds, to find Victoria.

"I wanted to talk to you, but it seems that you're too busy?" He asked, a sarcastic ring to his question. He walked alongside me.

"What is it? I'm already having an awful day," I sighed, "And what've you been doing, waiting for me to leave the Homestead?"

"No, I was going to come inside, but it seems that you saved me a trip," Gally laughed, "Hey, slow down!"

I walked faster, "I'm kind of in the middle of something right now. So you'll just have to come back at- I don't know- a responsible time. Like tomorrow during daylight."

"I just thought that you'd want to know what our meeting was about earlier," Gally licked his lips, "Assuming Newt didn't tell you."

"He did, actually. It was about Ben. The Keepers voted to banish him," I began to walk away.

"That's where you're wrong. Yah, we talked about Ben, but he wasn't the only one the meeting was for," Gally pulled on my arm to get me to come back.

"Who was it about?" I asked, my voice catching.

"You."

"Why?" I felt sick to my stomach. The spontaneous Brianne long, long gone.

"Some people think that you let Ben go on purpose, as an act against Thomas."

"You're lying."

"I don't care enough about you to lie to you."

"But why would I let Ben go? I told Newt that it was an accident. I only got sidetracked, I would never want someone to get hurt," I said, totally beside myself that anyone would think something like that of me.

"I don't believe it, but Newt doesn't trust my opinion anyway," Gally laughed, tilting his head to the side, "So if you get a night in slammer, it's not my fault."

"They aren't going to banish me, right?"

"No. But the Keepers are just freaking out, I mean, we aren't getting another Newbie, and the box hasn't moved, so that means no more supplies. The blame should be on Thomas. Or even Alby. Or Newt. Pushing the blame around, has always been his strong suit." What?

"Can you tell me something?" I asked, finally done with whatever little fight Newt and Gally were always having.

"Depends on what you want to know?" Gally smirked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What happened between you and Newt?"

Gally coughed, "Nothing. We just don't get along."

I saw right through his lies, "Really? Because it seems to me that there's always an underlying tension between the two of you. And I just want to know what happened."

"I promised him, I'd never tell," Gally explained, but I knew that he would tell me anyway.

"Please, just tell me. I need to know. I mean, how bad could it be? I won't look at you any differently."

"Why would you assume that I was the one that did something wrong?"

"Because Newt's always pissed at you."

"Yah, because I know what he did. And he's just angry that I chose to protect him."

"What happened, Gally?" I prepared myself for the worst.

Maybe Newt got into a fight with someone?

Or he broke a rule?

Possibly set something on fire?

God forbid, he talked back to Nick.

He might have chucked a knife at Gally?

Or worse, what if he stole someone's girlfriend?

"Newt killed someone," But I was not prepared to hear that.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered absolutely horrified, "You're lying."

"Once again, do I look like I'm in the mood for games? I'm sorry you're just too naive to hear the truth." There it was, twice today: naive.

I didn't want to be called naive. It was another word for innocent and blinded and I didn't want to be that. I didn't want to be easily misled. I wanted to be raw and unforgivable and skilled. I needed to kill the naive side of me as quickly as possible.

"When'd this happen then?" I asked, still barely believing him.

"A little over a year ago. But look, I feel like he should tell you this himself. It was an awful day-"

"Tell me everything," I said, tears gathering in my eyes, "I want to know it all."

"Well, her name was Carly."

~~~~

~~~Author's Notes~~~

Before people kill me, I understand this chapter makes no sense. Let it happen, haha.

But like I previously said, I really want your opinions on it. Against popular belief, I'm kinda friendly!

ANYWAY, the next chapter will clear everything up! I LOVE YOU GUYS TTYL!!