I once told her I wasn't good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.

— Sysanna Kaysen

THE EVENING IS falling. The sun is fast sliding down the horizon and the sky has turned from pale blue to a deep orange. The curtains over all the windows are drawn apart to let the light in and the feeble rays illuminate what they can of the throne room. Aswad stands by one of the windows overlooking the outer court and watches Adara fix flowers in Hamama’s hair. His wife is telling his little dove something to which she keeps grinning. The sight naturally brings a small smile on his lips.

Until the sun prepares to leave the sky and the orange hues start blending into dark blue, he keeps standing by the window watching Adara with Hamama. Until his wife takes her inside the palace. Until he realizes yet another day has come to wrap itself and life for him is still where he left it. Aswad heaves a sigh and turns away in time as a servant walks into the throne room to burn the torches.

“Call for Marrar,” he orders, and the servant tips his head to carry it.

It doesn't take long for his general to present himself before him.

“You asked for me, my Ameer?”

Aswad nods. He walks away from the window to his throne and sits down.

“There have been a few things I needed to discuss with you.”

“I hope all is well?”

“All is well, worry not.”

Marrar looks at him curiously but patiently.

“Rahaf leaves the palace tomorrow. As you know, I'm holding a feast in her honor tonight. My officials will be joining me too, including Zurarah. I want you to be there with us. There's a special announcement that's to be made.”

Marrar tips his head. “Of course, my Ameer. May I know what the announcement is about?”

Aswad looks at his general. There's a loyal servant in him beneath the clever and formidable general he's known to everyone as. A friend to him. And perhaps a brother too. His relationship with him is more than that of a caliph's with a man in his service. And Aswad regards him highly for it. Thus if he wishes anything for him, he wishes only the best.

“Marajil bint Hirash has accepted your proposal. Zurarah will make it official to everyone over the feast tonight.”

There's a moment of silence in which a thousand emotions swirl in his general’s eyes. Shock, most of all, and something of slight worriment and fear. But there's also a flicker of relief and joy in there. Aswad understands him for each.

“While congratulations are in order, Marrar, I also believe that brings to table certain issues. Most important of all— the children. But I want you to know that there's little for you to worry about. For I think it's time I lift that responsibility off you.”

There's no response from his general who keeps his gaze downcast and swallows thickly. Aswad tilts his head, studying him.

“Are you not happy to hear this?” he asks.

“I am, my Ameer.” His gaze flicks up to him. “Malika Adara agrees to it?”

“Adara and I are more than willing to take them in our care. Do you worry Hamama and Humran might suffer any injustice because I'm forcing my wife to do this?”

“Of course not, my Ameer. But you know my intention is not to create any inconvenience for anyone, especially not the queen. Or for the children to face any more trouble than they already have. You know if I've to take care of them all my life, I'll gladly do so. But in the end, you know what's better and whatever you decide, I'm happy with it.”

Aswad rises from his throne and steps towards his general. He places a hand on his shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

“You've already sacrificed for me beyond my expectations, Marrar. I cannot ask you for more than this. You've to start living your life for yourself.”

“You credit me for far more than my services, my Khalifa,” he replies humbly.

Aswad only smiles at him. “Come, join me for maghreb.”

Marrar joins him for the prayer and stays with him even long after it's done. He knows he's hosting a feast tonight but he doesn't wish to leave just yet. His general keeps sitting beside him without questioning him. Until it's only the two of them remaining in the mosque and the hour starts getting late.

“Something is on your mind, sayyidi?” Marrar asks at last.

He doesn't answer. There's a lot on his mind. There's a weight on his heart. He feels as if after tonight, he's to push his life in a different direction. Somehow, it has always been painfully stagnant. No matter what has happened and how devastating it has been. No matter how much everything so far has changed him. It has hardened his heart too, where perhaps he has only stood and watched everyone go on with their lives without holding much value for anything. And where perhaps he has miserably tried to control everything, hoping to work it out in everyone's best favor, including his own, but it has only brought him a test and a punishment. And every test he feels he has only half attempted before failing it.

“My king?” Marrar calls for his attention.

“In the house of God, don't address me as your king,” he finally says.

“The heavens and the earth belong to Him, sayyidi. Did He not give you authority over many of His slaves?”

“Indeed He has given me plenty from His dominion.”

Aswad falls into prostration.

“My Lord, I fear I've become hard hearted and cruel. And I fear I transgress in my punishments towards my people. Perhaps I'm not a good ruler over Your slaves,” he proclaims, quietly praying, “If You don't guide me, I fear I'll transgress against my own soul. For I've done so before. For I know I'm selfish, but so You know only how desperately I've tried to save everything.”

He lifts his head from the ground. Marrar allows him a few more moments to himself before offering him, “You may share with me if something bothers you, my Ameer. I hope I can be of help to you.”

Aswad turns to him and pats his hand, smiling. “I hope you forgive me for taking away the children from you.”

Marrar returns his smile, fleetingly but sincerely. “You've more right than me over them.”

His smile fades and his voice becomes taut when he speaks next, “This isn't how I ever wanted things to turn out, but fate had other plans. Our hands are tied before what the pen has already written.”

“Indeed,” Marrar agrees. “Forgive me if I'm overstepping my limits, but are you by any chance thinking about Ameer Tahman?”

Subconsciously, he fists his hands. Marrar’s words go through him like an arrow hitting its target. But there's no reason to deny what his general can clearly see.

“Perhaps Rahaf is leaving, it's making me a little selfish. For one foolish moment I was thinking if I had married her to Zurarah instead of Furat, she could've stayed at the palace. But of course, her happiness is above my selfishness. I keep forgetting that she's not a child who once needed me as before.”

“You're her brother. She still needs you very much.”

Aswad chuckles, somewhat dryly and sardonically. “Perhaps, Marrar, this is what makes me miss Tahman today. She needs him more than me. For he was her friend which I could never be.”

Marrar offers him his silence, but it's full of understanding, and Aswad is grateful to him for it. They leave the mosque and return to the palace. Before they can get inside and part ways, Marrar calls for his attention again.

“My Ameer?”

Aswad looks at him. “Yes?”

There's a heavy pause, making Aswad arch his brow. Marrar struggles to hold his eyes, before he puts forth his request, “Forgive your brother. It might bring you peace.”

Aswad draws in a breath, closing his eyes, and turns his back to him. “For myself, maybe. But for Adara and my child, never.”

He walks away.

RAHAF STEPS OUT from the gathering and the hustle with her handmaiden following behind her. The night sky is littered with stars and the moon is a crescent or two away from full. She walks through the veranda until the noise begins to fade in the background. As she's about to step into the courtyard, she catches sight of someone from the corner of her eye. Rahaf turns in his direction. Lost in the universe above them, Marrar seems oblivious to her presence, leaning against a column.

She makes her way towards him. When she nears him, Rahaf nods at Dimah to stay behind. Though the feast tonight is held in her honor, she believes it has brought him glad tidings and feels overjoyed for him.

“Contemplating about how the general will have an instructress now?”

The question pulls Marrar out of his musings as he cranes his neck towards her. “Amira?” He gives her a weary chuckle. “Ah, do you think I really need one?”

“Quite badly.”

“Your lack of faith in me hurts me. I'm quite capable on my own, don't you think?”

“Yes, but it's always better to have someone look after you.” She smiles. “Many congratulations.”

He smiles back and tips his head at her. “Thank you.”

“Why are you outside?”

“I can ask you the same.”

“I really needed some air. The banquet hall was starting to feel suffocating.”

“I needed some time to myself.”

“Then I hope I'm not intruding?”

“No, you aren't.” He straightens, his green eyes reminding her of a forest on fire under the glow from the torches. “You're leaving.”

It's a statement she doesn't think he needs a response to. But she nods nonetheless.

“The Ameer will miss you.”

The smile comes to grace her face again. “I'll miss him too.”

“I hope you tell this to him.”

“I will.”

There's silence between them in which Rahaf sees the expression on his face melt from passive and indifferent to raw and aching. There's a calm chaos in his eyes, as if chaos can ever be calm. But it slowly shakes and conquers his resolve before her.

“Are you alright?” she asks him.

“No,” he confesses, surprising her with the blatant honesty, for he has always avoided indulging her in his affairs, be it as simple as how he was feeling. “I've lived all my life for others, suddenly when I'm given a choice to live it for myself I don't know what to do.”

Rahaf notices the tight muscles of his jaw and the unease with which his left hand rubs against his fisted right one. The joy she was feeling earlier dissolves into worry for him.

“What happened?” She looks at him inquisitively. “You may tell me. Is it about your engagement? Are you not happy?”

“No, I'm very happy. It's just…” He rakes his fingers through his hair, struggling with his words. “Rahaf, there's so much to say but no one I can dare to say it to. I wish I could tell you. I—”

He cuts off as he glances at someone behind her. Rahaf frowns and turns around. To her utter dismay at being caught at a moment like this, and that too by none other than her husband, she feels her heart constrict when she finds him stalking towards her with a look in his eyes which if it could burn, Marrar would've ashen before her.

“I'm sorry,” she hears Marrar whisper but she cannot decipher what he meant by it, nor does she get a chance to ask as Furat approaches them, his handsome face distorted in a way that screams displeasure. Bassam's words echo in her head and she feels helpless against her situation.

“Furat?”

He stops beside her and instantly puts a hand around her waist, drawing her nearer to his side.

“Your brother is looking for you,” he tells her, though his eyes remain on Marrar.

“I stepped out of all the hustle for a bit of fresh air,” she excuses, putting a calming hand on the side of his torso. “I happened to stumble upon General Marrar and stopped to congratulate him on his engagement.”

If she expected that to help, it does only little. The hand around her waist loosens slightly and he tears away his piercing gaze from Marrar to her. But it doesn't intimidate her as she gives him an apologetic smile.

“Did you worry when you didn't find me inside?”

Those eyes soften, the blazing flames in them tamed into a warm fire. He only hums and his hand falls from her waist to hold her hand, his fingers entwining and locking with hers. Without another word, Furat turns around and takes her away with him. Rahaf doesn't dare to glance back at Marrar.

“Furat?” She calls him when they enter the palace and he leads her through an empty corridor to somewhere. He looks at her. “Did I unknowingly upset you?”

He shakes his head, the corners of his lips twitching upwards. Furat lifts their joint hands to his mouth and places a feather kiss on her knuckles. They come to a stop and Rahaf realizes he has brought her to Aswad's chamber.

“The Ameer wants to see you,” he tells her, letting go of her hand. “I'll wait for you at our chamber.”

She nods.

A guard knocks on the door before opening it for her and Rahaf steps inside. Adara is sitting on a settee near the fireplace. She looks up and a grin comes to adorn her face upon seeing her. Rahaf returns it with her own.

“Rahaf.”

She turns in the direction of the voice, finding her brother standing by his work table. 

“You asked for me, akhi?”

“Yes. Come here, azizati.”

Rahaf walks towards him. He's holding a jewelry box in his hand. When she stops before him, he smiles and leans down to kiss her forehead.

“This is a small gift for you.” He offers the box to her. “I hope you like it.”

She takes it from him, carefully opening the lid, and finds a magnificent necklace inside studded with sapphires. Her lips part and she looks at Aswad with wide eyes, in awe of it.

“This is… extraordinary. Thank you, Aswad. It's absolutely beautiful.”

He strokes her cheek, smiling. “You're welcome, Rahaf. You're always welcome.”

“He forgot the part where he mentions I helped him choose it,” Adara politely and teasingly interrupts, standing up from the settee and coming to join them. Aswad chuckles at his wife's remark.

“Of course. Your expertise in the matter needs to be credited.”

“Thank you, Adara,” Rahaf says to her, and she opens her arms for her. Rahaf gladly walks into the embrace.

“Though I'm very happy for you, Rahaf, I'm really sad for myself to be losing a friend here.” Her sister in law gave her a gentle squeeze, almost as if to feel her more closer to her heart, whispering in her ear, “I'll miss you. It'll be lonely without you.”

“I'll miss you too,” Rahaf reciprocates her sentiments. Pulling away, she hugs her brother next. “And I'll miss you as well, akhi, very much.”

Aswad kisses the top of her head and puts his arm around her. “I'll always be near if you're ever to need me.”

Rahaf steps back from his embrace, her heart becoming heavy from all the emotions and her eyes from the tears, but she refuses to let them fall.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, her voice catching in her throat but she doesn't let the smile escape her lips, looking at the two dearest people before her.

This day was to come some day, but never had she thought the wheel of time would spin so fast and she'd find herself at this intersection so soon. Where she'd leave this palace she had lived in all her life as her home. Where she'll have to build a home with Furat elsewhere. But this is the way of life after all. And in the end, as Aswad has promised her, he'll always be around. She'll cling to this sweet hope, and maybe then saying goodbye will be easier for her.

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Let's start unwrapping the secrets one by one. And maybe sink some ships in love.