Lilavati shifted in her sleep, hoping that she would not face yet another nightmare tonight as Nidra Devi beckoned her into her sweet embrace.

Her breathing evened out quickly.

She began to dream.

~

Images danced in her unconscious mind's eye like the fractals of a crystal forming.

There was the dance of divinity in her mind, the tinkling of anklets, the shuffling of clothes and feet on the wet grass, and a music beyond comprehension. The music which sounded like the flute yet otherworldly emanated from a source that shone as bright as a star exploding. There was the impression of dark skin against golden skin, a love brighter than the sun and sweeter than honey.

There was the playful shriek of a child's voice, silvery anklets chiming a sweet melody and the soft footfalls of a child as they ran from their mother. The warning call of a mother so full of adoration beyond explanation and yet gentle exasperation echoed in her ears.

There was the soft laugh of two friends in sync, the impression of two dark-skinned men walking hand in hand, one robed in his characteristic yellow and the other in silvery-white as they walked the gardens, the love they held resounding through their every motion.

"Come on, come on, hurry before Maiyya comes here!" the impish voice of a young boy whispered as there was the shattering of a pot on the floor, and the delighted hums and clamour of young boys as they licked their fingers.

The images and impressions faded in and out of her mind's eye, like the flicker of sight if you blinked too many times. Then it blinked out of existence, and the dancing fractaled flower burst like a star exploding, fading all too soon.

And suddenly, she felt something pressing against her head and she blinked awake. Her head was resting against a gently swaying garden swing, the support entwined by creepers and tiny flowers akin to stars.

The moon showered his rays freely on the garden, and she saw her husband standing with his back to her, looking up into the sky. His unbound curls moved gently with the night breeze and she could make out that his shoulders were somewhat stiff with tension, although it was a lot less than what he must have had during the day.

A sense of serenity and peacefulness pervaded the entire atmosphere, suffusing the air with a simple joy.

The address slipped out of her lips before she could register what she herself had said.

"Praneshvara."

His head inclined by slight angles at her call, and with a languid grace, he turned towards her, spinning on his heel.

"Lilavati."

She rose, her hands hesitantly brushing against the soft flowers and leaves that twined their way through the swing.

"Am I dreaming? This seems all too vivid, Natha."

His lips quirked upwards.

"Simply because it is a dream, does not mean that it need not be real."

Her feet brushed against the dewy grass as she moved to stand beside him, looking up at the empyrean.

"I am here... because I wanted to speak to you."

When Lilavati caught his hidden meaning, her eyes snapped up to his, where he was regarding her with a patient gaze, and she let her own wander slowly until they came to rest on the dewdrops shining in the moonlight beneath their feet.

"I don't know what came over me," she admitted.

His expression turned somewhat neutral, until he said, "You do know what came over you, Lilavati, and that is where my issue lies. You know yourself very well. You cannot lie."

She did not look at him. It suddenly felt too difficult to do that.

"My anger... it consumes me, Natha. You understand," her voice was slightly pleading. "It is like a monster that lurks beneath my skin, only awaiting another opportunity to rise up and consume everything that is left of me with all of my senses, and I cannot see anything but red nor seek anything but blood."

"I know." His voice was soft. It was not tender in love but soft in understanding and sympathy.

He sighed. "I cannot allow that to happen again, Lilavati. Madhuraa is under my protection as my wife, and you and her have the same standing. She is already deeply traumatised as it is. I wished Dvaravati to be a safe haven for my women, where nothing would ever harm them and all they desired at their feet. But I cannot shirk my duty towards you either."

He turned towards her, taking her hands in his, a gesture which surprised her beyond words. His hands were soft despite his many years of handling weapons, and there was a faint pressure behind her eyes as she looked down at her own hands clasped in his.

"I have seen it, Lilavati. I have seen your anger, Madhuraa's fear and your remorse. I have seen you speaking with Satyaa and sharing the burden of your first murder with her. I have also seen and witnessed your oath as you bound me to it when you spoke those words."

Lilavati met his eyes. There was no fire burning within them, but a low determination that effused his every movement.

"And I am your husband." She started at the acknowledgement, and he gave her a gentle smile.

"To help my wife in the keeping of the oaths and promises she has taken is also the duty of a husband, and I have never been one to shirk my duty when it comes to me. This will not happen again, Lila. I promise you, that whenever you feel like your anger is rising up to consume you again, I will be there to hold your hand and lead you back to the right path. If not in body, always in spirit. I swear to you."

She blinked back tears.

"This is more than I have ever deserved, Natha."

"It is not as to whether you deserve it, Lila, but my own duty. Do not try and stop me from doing my duties." There was a faint smile on his face even as he said those words.

They fell silent, and Lilavati felt freer than she had in a few days, as they stood under the moonlight. She allowed herself to dream for a few moments that they actually were a couple in love, sharing stolen kisses and midnight meetings. Krishna caught this train of thought from her, and his expression softened.

Maybe in another life... was the thought she caught from him.

She let herself dream, and then took a deep breath.

"What do I do now, Natha?"

"What do you mean, Lila?"

"I... I have never had any purpose in my life except... running from my childhood, on that dark night when you saved me." Her voice quivered. "And I am no longer that innocent child. I am a woman, fully grown and a sinner with my soul shrouded. I have no purpose, no identity beyond a murderer and your devotee."

She looked away.

"Then make one." He was holding her hand in one and cupping her face with another, gently guiding her gaze back to him.

"If you do not have an identity, Lila, make one. Dvaraka's gates are open to you, and so is my household. Go out and explore, see what you haven't seen. My wives are there to guide you and protect you. I myself will come to you when the time is right."

She touched his hand cupping her face with her own trembling one, and nodded, eyes shining.

"Please do not make it harder for Madhuraa though. If she wishes to see you, she will do so on her own terms. If she wishes to accept your apology, she will do so with her own consideration."

"I promise, Natha," she murmured. "I will not speak to her unless she wishes me to."

He relaxed.

"That is all I need."

They stood for a while, Lilavati simply studying her husband's features and a peace settled on her unlike what fragile silence she was used to in her life. This peace felt more settled and permanent.

Eventually, he guided her to the swing again, and she fell asleep on his shoulder.

As she shifted into a deeper sleep, the garden vanishing from her mind, she heard voices.

"Thank you, my Yogamayae."

"She seems to be more peaceful now, Bhrata Krishna."

"This was the least I could have done for her, Mayae. She is still my wife, no matter what."

"I will watch over her now, Bhrata. You must go rest for tomorrow."

Lilavati felt someone press a ghostly kiss to her forehead, that sung faintly of dreams and illusions, and she shifted into a deeper sleep, her dreams fading.

~

When she awoke in the morning, she awoke refreshed, and the dream that had come to her remained safely in her mind, a source of positivity and love for her afterwards.

She wandered her palace, thinking about the dream and the gentle touch of her husband's on her own, and spent most of the morning with a giddy half-smile on her face.

And then it occurred to her that she had not seen him in a while.

She asked a passing dasi.

"YaduShreshta has gone to Indraprastha, Raani, for the Rajasuya Yajna of Chakravarti Samrat Yudhishthira. Rauhineya Balarama has also gone with him."

She nodded and thanked the dasi, who bowed and left.

She sat down in front of her Vishnu murti again and smiled as her hands trailed over the carved features of the murti. 

A/N: This is a pretty sweet chapter, I'd think. Also, there's a proper timeline to when this actually occurs in Kanha's life now, considering the Rajasuya is happening now. This may relate to future events. ;)

Also, I have something important. I'll be updating these books on only Fridays from this week, considering the amount of stuff I have to handle now. I'd hoped to complete this book by the end of June/July, but since I'm updating only once a week from now on, it'll take me longer than that to finish it. Hopefully I can finish it before the book turns a year old.