"There you are. Where'd you go?" Alexander asked me that evening as I leaned against the railing in the library, basking in the night breeze.

I shrugged, glancing over my shoulder. "Are you here to yell at me?"

"Why would I do that? I mean, I am mad. But I'd rather talk to you than yell."

I traced the pathway of a few stars. Their silence was deafening, somehow more so than the endless chatter I was used to. I never thought I would miss it, but now I felt alone.

"I'd do it again, you know that."

"Why? I care about you, you know that."

"Alexan—"

"Don't be stubborn, Thomas. I care about you and I really wish you hadn't made me leave you alone. What if you got hurt, huh? How is it fair that you made me worry about you twice in literally five minutes? And then you were gone for the entire night, and then you come back and then you're gone the entire day?"

"Alexander—"

"Sit. Please."

I turned to him but didn't move, letting my fingers rest on the cold metal. On the cold steel. I winced as pain flared up from my hands and rocketed through my body, but I tried my best to ignore it.

Alexander patted the couch cushion besides him, smiling warmly. "Please?"

I sighed, let go of the railing, and sat down next to him.

Unsatisfied, he pulled me closer.

"It's such a stupid, small thing to be mad over," Alexander said. "So I'm not going to be. But it better never happen again, okay? I don't like worrying about you. I'm your friend. I'm your partner. We've got to work together."

"I don't do that very well," I said, looking up at him and grinning to let him know I was joking.

"Well, you're gonna have to get good at it because you'll never get rid of me."

"Never?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Dang."

"Shut up," he said, poking me in the stomach. "You adore me."

I wrapped my fingers up in his shirt collar and kissed him. He grinned into the kiss and took my hands in his before sliding away from me.

"Promise me you'll talk to me from now on? Especially about things that are really hurting you?"

"I can't."

"Thomas, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. There are just some things I want to tell you but can't."

Alexander's shoulders dropped, and he looked away from me. His hands slid away from mine.

There was something between us that was hardly ever there before. The need to speak, but not knowing what to say. The need to reach out being brushed away by the fear of being rejected. I wonder if he felt it just as much as I did.

"My mother won't leave me alone," I tried finally, closing my eyes and leaning back against the couch.

Fortunately, Alexander seemed to perk up with interest at that. "Oh?"

"Yeah," I said, rubbing at my eyes. "She's getting more and more desperate for me to return to Avionerra. I guess I'll have to do that soon."

"How does the whole tree thing work?"

"The tree has a 'connection'," I began, screwing up my voice when I said the last word and grinning at Alexander's laugh, "with Divinity. It apparently talks to her or some cryptic bullshit, and then she apparently picks the next lord or lady of Avionerra through the powers of a tree."

"And all you have to do is touch it?"

"Pretty much."

"What happens if she doesn't like you?"

"Nothing. The tree does nothing, and you walk away from it, and you are literally the same person you've always been."

"And if she does?"

"Now here's where it makes me think this whole thing is rigged." I leaned in for dramatic effect. My stomach did flips at the way Alexander cocked an eyebrow while smiling. "Nobody really knows. If you get chosen by the tree, it lights up, but nobody knows what happens to the person touching it. And they never say."

"You think it's rigged?"

"I'm fairly sure it's rigged."

"So then you probably won't get chosen, right? By your mother?"

"Oh, no. I know she's going to choose me. She'll probably do it as a way to punish me or whatever."

Alexander moved closer to me, taking my hand in his again. I relaxed against his touch, then let warmth bubble up to his skin.

"Do you think she'd approve?"

"Of us? Probably not. We have this stupid tradition where—well, you know how some birds mate for life? Right, well we have that too, in a way. Once you're married to somebody, that's it. You cannot have romantic or sexual relationships with anybody else. You can't get a divorce with them, either."

"What if they die?"

"You're a sad loner for the rest of your life."

"Well, that isn't a problem, right? You've never been married." He paused, eyes unfocusing. "Right?"

"I haven't. You have."

Alexander sighed and threw his head back against the couch. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that." He opened an eye and looked at me. "You know, for someone who claims to dislike their home, you really do talk about it so happily."

"I never said I disliked Avionerra. I just disagree with some of the things we do. There's a difference."

Alexander sat up and moved even closer to me until there was hardly any space left between us.

"Do you miss Avionerra?"

"Do you miss Earth?"

Alexander shrugged. "Fair enough." He looked up at me and smiled. He cupped my face in his hands and brought his lips against mine. I relaxed against him and set my forehead against his.

A knock on the door forced us apart.

"Thomas, Alexander!" Eliza's voice drifted through the door. "Are you two in there?"

"Yeah," Alexander called back, hurrying away from me and standing up. "You can come in."

I sat up and folded my hands together in my lap. He looked at me; I looked away.

Eliza opened the door. "We think we may have an idea, but we need both of you downstairs."

"An idea? For what?"

Eliza glanced over at Alexander. "You didn't tell him?"

"Oh, shit. I forgot."

"Tell me what?"

"We want to find out about last night, as much as we can. We figured that if we all saw what you saw, we'd be able to take a course of action from there."

Alarm raced through me. "Why can't I just tell you about it?" I asked, sharper than I meant too.

Eliza stepped away from me, folding her arms in the way she always did when she was displeased. "Well," she said, quieter, "I though you were upset by whatever happened. That's why you went to be alone, right? I didn't think you'd want to talk about it."

I sighed and stood up, crossing my arms and clutching my sleeves.

"We don't have to if—"

"No. Let's go get this over with."

As I led the two of them through the halls, Eliza and Alexander were quietly talking behind my back. The worst part of it was I could hear everything they were saying, but I couldn't let them know that, because then they would start to wonder how I could hear them in such a quiet whisper.

"We're in the sitting room," Eliza said.

"Thanks."

Alexander quickened to match his pace with mine and rested his hand on my arm. "Are you sure everything is alright? You know you can talk to me."

"I know."

"Do you want to?"

"No."

Alexander didn't say anything, and for once, I would have rather had him argue with me. His silence made it seem like he was giving up on me.

"Can we just talk about something else, please?" I said, almost begging.

Alexander's hand fell away from my arm.

He's mad at me. I don't like it when he's mad at me.

We walked in silence to the sitting room, where the others were huddled in a circle over the table, talking quietly. They were peering over something, but I couldn't really see what it was.

"I found them." Eliza crossed over and sat down next to Peggy.

Washington looked up and offered me a rare smile that didn't really make me feel as comforted as it did pitied. "How are you doing?"

"Horrible. What are you reading?" Now that they had moved, I was able to make out that it was a book sitting on the table.

"Nothing important," Lafayette said, far too softly. He held his hands behind his back and gave me that same sort of smile.

It was like they were walking on broken glass around me.

"Okay. Stop. I'm not a child. Don't treat me like one." I sat down on the couch and pulled my knees to my chest, challenging them to speak. "Let's get this over with."

"Thomas," said Aaron, slowly. "We're only trying to help you."

I don't need your help, I wanted to say. But I knew better. That would only make them more worried, more inclined to treat me like there's something wrong.

So instead, I smiled easily. "I'm sorry. You're right, and I appreciate your concern. But I'm alright. There's nothing to worry about."

Angelica didn't look so impressed.

"Alright, ready?" Eliza asked from in front of me. She offered me her hand.

"I want Angelica to do it." The words came out before I could think them through.

"What? Why?"

"Thanks, Eliza."

"That's not what I meant and you know it!"

"Eliza, please don't take this the wrong way. I trust you, I do." I fumbled to come up with an excuse that at the very least made sense, but nothing came out.

Eliza withdrew her hand slowly, as if she were waiting for me to change my mind at any time. When it was clear I wouldn't, she frowned and dropped her hand to her side.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright." She didn't sound hurt, but I got the feeling that it stung her.

Regardless, Eliza stood up and walked away, and Angelica fell into her place. She gave me an uneasy smile, one which I returned without much trouble.

"You're not gonna hurt me, are you?" I said, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Do you want me to do this or not?"

"I do! I do."

"Then shut up."

I didn't challenge her. She was probably just as stressed about this as I was, and provoking her wouldn't do any good.

Her voice dropped to a whisper so only I could hear. "I'm going to try my best to sensor it, okay?"

I nodded.

"This might hurt a bit."

I nodded again, and closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable burning sensation that I was expecting and had grown accustomed to.

It surprised me by how mild it was. It was like sitting out in the sun for too long.

I took a deep breath and centered myself. Without willing for it, pictures and scenes from the other night bubbled to the surface, crystal clear and perfect as if I was experiencing them all over again.

There he was, standing in front of me, smiling happily. There was the glimpse of Maria standing across the ballroom, sitting to herself. There was Hercules, suddenly gone. There was his voice, muffled and unclear.

"What is he saying?" I heard from Washington, but his own voice sounded just as unclear as the ones from my memories.

I was vaguely aware of my left hand gripping tightly around something solid and refreshingly cool.

Then, without warning, the murmurs turned to screams, and a cacophony of voices exploded, each one trying to drown the others out.

"I'm working on it."

"Is he alright?"

"You're doing this wrong, Angelica. Let me—"

"I can handle this."

"Are you sure?"

"Is Thomas alright?"

"I'm sure he's fine, Philip."

"Can you all shut up?"

"Relax, Angie."

"Angelica, let me do it."

"Leave her be."

"I can help!"

"Shut up!"

I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. I couldn't function.

"Thomas?"

"Alexander, I need you to be—"

"Fuck off." His voice softened. "Thomas?"

"I'm okay," I managed to get out. I took a deep breath, gulping for air like I had almost just drowned. My hands were shaking.

Everything slowly ebbed away, and I could finally process and think again.

"Thomas, are you—"

"Did you see what you needed to see?" I asked sharply.

"Yes, but—"

"Then we're good." I stood up, clutching at my arms to try and steady myself. "May I be excused?"

Washington looked like something was haunting him. He leaned back in his chair slowly and nodded, covering his mouth with his hand as he stared at the wall.

"Thank you."

Alexander took my hand, catching me by surprise. He didn't smile, but his grip was comforting.

We walked away, headed back to the library.

All the while, I couldn't help but think that I had done something wrong.