"Well," Alexander said. "It's still raining, but that's okay. It's not like I'm going anywhere, huh?" He laughed, and I felt his touch on my arm again as he crawled back into bed with me.

"Alright," said James, his hand leaving my arm moments after Alexander pulled me into a hug. "I'll talk to you later, Thomas." I heard the chair he was sitting in scrape against the ground, then footsteps slowly retreat before the door closing behind him.

Alexander didn't say anything, so for me, there was nothing but his touch. It was killing me, for the only way I could possibly communicate with him be through his voice. And it wasn't like I could respond, either. It was me just listening to him.

"Eliza'll be coming soon," Alexander said finally. "But right now, it's just you and me." He paused for a second. "When will you wake up? Can you do it soon? I really miss you. I forgot how pretty your eyes are. I forgot how much I really lo—like your voice."

The comment made warmth spring into my body, and I wanted to open my eyes and to smile up at him and to tell him how much he meant to me. But, like usual, nothing happened.

Alexander sounded disappointed when he spoke again. "Well, take your time. But, like, not too much time or anything because I really do miss you and I want to talk to you again." And just like that, he was rambling.

Divinity, I loved it when he did that. I loved his voice, and his little tendency to talk really quickly and fail to articulate as clearly whenever he was nervous or worried. It was always a trait that made my heart beat increase and blood roar to my face.

"Oh, hey!" he exclaimed suddenly, cutting himself short. "I found a Falsettos bootleg, if you wanted to listen to that. I'll go ahead and play it." But before he did, I felt him sigh. "I don't even know if you're listening to me right now. You might not be. You might be gone. Please don't be gone, okay? I miss you. I really miss you. Everyone else says it's going to be fine and I believe them, but at the same time, there's a part of me that still worries." Another pause, and I assumed he was taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from his eyes. "I'm going to play it now."

I wanted to wake up. I knew I had to. It was only fair to Alexander, and I wanted to see him again as much as he wanted to see me. I missed
him too.

But at the same time, a small part of me deep inside questioned how bad it would be if I didn't. I couldn't hurt anyone like this, and it wasn't like Alexander wouldn't get over me eventually. I could just give up, surrender myself over to darkness forever. I didn't want to live in this world anymore. Not where I could hurt him or someone else I cared about.

I'm a coward.

The single three words were constantly nagging me, but it wasn't like it was a lie.

I was a coward.

More than anything, I just wanted to be left alone. But there was always someone in this room with me. More often than not, it was Alexander, but even he needed to get away from me for a while. I didn't blame him. I didn't blame anybody but myself.

Three days had passed before I was finally ready. Sure, I had rushed my healing a little bit, but I was tired of waiting. Of having other people do stuff for me. I waited until Alexander's chest raised and fell in a slow yet gentle rhythm before I let my eyes fall open.

I was greeted by a soft blue light filtering in through the window. I took a few moments to recognize this as my room, and this as my bed. Alexander's arms were wrapped around my body, his head tucked against my neck. Then, the burning registered. I raised my arm to examine it and winced at the steel cuff wrapped around my wrist to prevent all magic or hope of.

Shit.

Careful not to wake Alexander, I slipped out of bed, away from him, and practically ran to the mirror. I had to get this off before the poison kicked in. I stared at the person that met me in the mirror, and I hardly recognized him.

I pried and pulled at it, but nothing worked. I searched through the papers scattered across my desk but couldn't find what I needed.

I took a deep breath to keep my head and slid over to the door, keeping my footfalls light and quiet. I tried to go through the doorway, but my body stopped as if it had hit something.

No. No, they aren't that cruel.

Or perhaps they were.

My fingers rested in midair where the force field was, preventing me from leaving the room. My breath caught in my throat, and I tried to push myself against the invisible barrier, but it held firm. My chest constricted, but it wasn't just due to the panic filling me. I couldn't breathe.

Like I really could not breathe.

My back fell against the force field, and I sunk to the ground. Darkness was pressing down on the edges of my vision, and I started to see spots of red dancing in front of me. I reached out, but my fingers brushed nothing. I was alone.

The poison, like a malicious entity itself, played with my body until I was suffocating from the inside. How long did I have left? It couldn't possibly be more than minutes. What a slow, awful way to day.

I wondered if this was what drowning was like. The soft blue light certainly looked enough like water, and a stupid, nonsensical smile rose to my face at the correlation. This was certainly a lot better than living as a Tenebrie. Maybe I should just...

No.

I heard a voice. Distant but recognizable, and this time, when I reached out my hand, I touched something. Something that went flying against my body and something that wrapped itself around me. Something I relaxed against, simply because the still functional part of my mind told me it was alright.

"Thomas," breathed the voice.

Light filled my body. A breathtaking, indescribable light. I held onto the Something until everything came flowing back to me down a gentle brook. "Alex?" I whispered.

"It's me," he said, not letting go of me. He absolutely refused. "I'm here."

I leaned against him. My eyes were pooling with tears, and there wasn't anything I could do any longer to keep them back. "Alexander, Alexander. I'm so so sorry," I managed to say between ragged gasps for air.

"It's okay," he said, and I felt his fingers against my back. "It's okay, Thomas."

The words I didn't have the bravery to speak trickled down in tears, becoming so thick I could hardly see. "I'm so sorry."

He let me cry. He let me cry and held me as I did so. I sobbed into his shoulder, and he murmured back reassurance. "It's going to be okay, Thomas. Everything will be okay."

Sentences and explanations that I had been planning for days suddenly fled in the wind, and there was nothing that dribbled out of my mouth except for "I'm sorry."

"Thomas," he said. The way he murmured my name made my heart flutter. It was so intimate, so alluring. I looked up at him, wiping away my tears with my sleeve. "Hey, it's alright." He moved away from me, so I could see the gentle look in his eyes. Alexander grabbed my hands in his. "It's okay, Thomas."

I nodded, covering my left eye with the end of my palm. "I know. I'm sorry." The words came out hoarse, as if they weren't from my own voice.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. Do you need anything?"

I nodded again. "Water?"

Alexander rose to his feet, pulling me up with him. He didn't let go of me as he towed me over to our bed and sat me down. His lips found my forehead. "It's okay, Thomas." He sat down next to me and I leaned against him.

"I know," I said. I didn't think I could say anymore than that without breaking down into tears again.

"Angelica's gonna be up here in a minute or two. I told the others about... us. Well, I didn't really tell them. They kinda asked."

I nodded, closed my eyes, and listened to his breathing as he rubbed my back. "Am I going to be locked in here for the rest of my life?"

"What do you mean?"

I raised the hand where the steel cuff was wrapped around my wrist, burning away at my skin and then pointed at the force field keeping me locked in. "It's just—" I sighed. "When will I be allowed to leave?"

Alexander didn't answer at first. "Don't worry about it Thomas."

Well, that made me feel better.

A bird landed on the blanket next to me. "Hey, Amica," I said, stretching my hand out to him. He looked up at me before hopping over to my finger and pushing his head against my hand. I brought him to my face and kissed his head lightly. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"I'm here," Angelica said, walking in after a minute. Her hands were clutching her shirt. A glass followed her in the air. "Here's, uh, your water."

"Thanks," I said, sitting up. I slipped it out of the air and took a long sip, if only so I wouldn't have to talk to her. I just needed time to think. By myself.

Angelica didn't seem to get the message. She sat down in the chair next to my desk and began to tell me exactly what was wrong with me and how lucky I was that she was there to help me.

I'm sorry. I have no reason to be mad at her, but yet here we are. She's only trying to help me.

And, to make things even worse, Angelica wasn't the only person to join us in the room. It wasn't long before everybody was in here, watching me with thinly veiled pity in their gaze. I couldn't bring myself to meet their eyes, I couldn't even look at them.

I wanted to yell at them, but that wouldn't help me at all. It would only make things worse. And they would only view me as a child.

"Hey, look," I said, interrupting her. "This is great and all, and I really appreciate this, but the thing is, I don't, actually. This isn't what I want."

"Nobody ca—"

"Thomas," Washington started very carefully, cutting into Angelica's retort. "Nobody here is mad at you. We just want to help."

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Alexander. I wonder if he truly meant to ask why I didn't tell him.

"Well, there was a number of reasons," I said, refusing to hide the spite foaming up in my mouth. "Number one was because I knew this would happen if I did." To emphasize, I held up my arm.

"Are you really this upset about being in here?" Lafayette asked.

"Yes!"

"Okay, Thomas," James said, walking over to where Alexander and I were sitting. "This isn't going to be a temporary thing—"

"What?"

He closed his eyes. "I meant permanent. This isn't going to be a permanent thing."

"You can't keep me in here forever."

"We aren't going to," Angelica said. "Stop acting like a child."

"Stop treating me like one. I can take care of myself. I've been doing fine so far."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized exactly what I sounded like. Like a scared, injured, wild animal lashing out at the people who are only trying to help it.

"Peggy," Alexander said, so sudden and determined that I flinched at his voice. "You have to fix this." He didn't look up as he addressed her.

Peggy grimaced, and looked around. "Alexander. You fucking idiot."

I looked over at Alexander, who was staring ahead of him. "Alex?" I asked. "What do you mean? Why would—"

"Can you help him or not?"

She faltered. "I... I want to, Alexander. I really do. But I don't think I can. It's not something I can do."

"What are you two talking about?" I demanded, impatient with being kept in the dark.

"I never should have told you," Peggy said to him, but before anybody could say anything else, she pressed on. "I haven't been... entirely honest with all of you."

"Peggy?" Eliza asked gently when she didn't continue, reaching out to brush her sister's shoulder.

"What did you do now?" asked Lafayette, which I assume meant to be taken as a tease.

"Whatever it is, you can tell us," I said, glad that suddenly everyone had something else to worry about.

"Okay. Well. Mariaisn'trealandshe'sactuallyme."

"What?"

Peggy sighed and looked away, crossing her arms. "Maria isn't real. She's an illusion I created. I'm not... I'm not Peritum."

Silence followed her words.

"Happy?" she asked, directing her attention to Alexander.

"Yes. Very much so. Doesn't that feel better?"

"You knew. And you didn't tell us."

"Oh, don't even start."

"Peggy. What the actual fuck?" asked Eliza, her hand dropping. "Why would you do that?"

"If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, well, I was angry at you." Peggy turned to me. "Thomas, I really want to help you, but I don't think I can."

"It's fine. I didn't think Maria would have been able to help me anyway," I said, swallowing. I stared down at my arm, messing with the hand cuff that kept me from magic. That kept me from my freedom. "I'm going to be trapped in here forever, aren't I?"

"Thomas—"

"Can I just have some time alone, please?"

"Thomas," Washington said, silencing any protests that had begun to rise. "Nobody is mad at you. We want to help, but you have to let us."

I nodded miserably, staring at the blanket. "Thank you." I just barely managed to get the words out.

"Come on. We'll leave them alone. Peggy, you may have a bit of explaining to do."

"I figured."

They left, leaving just me and Alexander. We sat for a moment, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Take this off of me."

"Tho—"

"Please, Alexander. Please take this stupid thing off of me." I turned on him, thrusting out my arm to display the stupid fucking bracelet.

He looked conflicted. "Thomas. Thomas, I can't."

I met his gaze levelly before standing up and going to my desk.

"Thomas?"

I rifled through the papers and tools until I found what I was looking for.

"Thomas, what are you doing?"

I picked up the steel thin object despite the burning it yielded and held it to the cuff.

"Thomas."

I felt his fingers on my back, but I shrugged him off and went to the window. I threw it open and reached out. My hand came in contact with nothing but open sky.

"Thomas. Thomas what are you doing?" he demanded, his hand wrapping around my wrist.

I touched the cuff with the metal stick. With a crackling sound, the cuff fell off of my arm and landed on the ground below.

Come on. It was my own invention. Give me a little credit.

"Thomas!" Alexander yelled, his fingers tightening.

"Let go of me."

"Th—"

I ripped my arm out of his hand. "I'm not staying here. I'll see you later."

"Thomas, wait!" he screamed, reaching out to me.

I unfurled my wings and let myself fall out of the window.