I was having trouble staying calm as I soared through the still dusk air. Everything seemed wrong. Nothing felt normal.

I flew like the king's entire army was chasing after me. I flew until my wings grew sore, which was significantly quicker than usual. I flew until I broke through the barrier and saw a faint yellow glow from the castle up ahead. And all the time, I had no clue what was wrong with me.

I landed on the terrace and stopped, panting desperately to catch air.

Finally, when I was sure I was safe, I took a good look at myself.

Oh. Fuck. No.

How? This shouldn't have been possible.

I heard a voice suddenly, cutting into the ambiance of the evening. "I don't like it. He's still not back yet?" I glanced over to my left, where the voices had been coming from.

"Don't worry, Belletra," said another, Amica. "I'm sure Thomas is fine."

I relaxed, but before I could find my energy and prepare to wrap it around myself so I could transform back, I heard another voice.

"Where do you think he is?"

I peered into the darkness, this time really looking.

Alexander was leaning against the railing, his head in his hand. He was staring out at the world below, the fingers of his other hand gripping the wood perhaps a bit too tightly. I looked up at his face. On the surface, he looked bored. But I know I didn't imagine the thin layer of tears that were welling up in his eyes.

"Should he be back by now? I knew I should have left the instant Hercules got back."

Was he talking to Amica and Belletra, or was he talking to himself.

"Don't worry," Amica said, though he had to know that Alex couldn't understand him. "He'll be alright."

"He's gotten out of worse things than this," Belletra agreed.

Alexander didn't respond, instead burying his head in his hands. "I hope he's okay." So simple, so genuine. So heartbreaking.

I knew I should try and change back then and there, to let him know I was alright and safe. But something was holding me away from it.

I turned to stare at the darkening sky, picking out a single star that had risen up early.

I sent my mind out to it. I don't know what I was hoping for. Advice? Help? Something at least, even if it was stupid.

There was no response.

There hadn't been, not since I started to change.

I flinched away from it and moved closer to Alexander, coming into the light of the candle that was sitting next to him.

Alexander perked up and looked over at me. "Hello there. Are you one of Thomas's birds?"

"Uh, hi," I said sheepishly.

"Oh. Divinity's children. What happened to you?" said Amica.

"It's a long story," I snapped back at him. In truth, it wasn't, but I didn't want to go through that kind of embarrassment just yet.

"Hey there little guy," Alexander said, placing his hand lightly on my back and scratching it gently. "Is Thomas alright?"

"Oh, right there," I said, stretching my neck so he could get that one spot that just felt so good.

"Is that a yes or a no? Chirp once for yes."

"That feels really nice."

"You're pathetic," said Belletra.

"Maybe so."

"Aww, who's a good boy?"

"Me. I am the goodest of the boys."

"Okay, I can't watch this anymore," Amica said, sounding highly disappointed in me.

Sighing, I slipped away from Alexander and searched for the energy inside of me. When I found it, I pulled it around me and retook my normal form, shuddering as the sensations from before coursed through my energy.

"I don't know how Hercules can do that all the time," I said when I was Peritum again, hugging my humanoid body and suddenly terrified of the fact I had just been a bird. I was sitting on the railing.

"Thomas!" Alexander yelled. "What the fuck!?"

"I don't know how he did it, but he changed me into a bird." I shuddered at the idea. That was horrible.

"You're okay? You're okay! Oh, thank god!" He surged forwards, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

I smiled, leaning into his arms. "I'm alright."

"I was so worried about you," he admitted, sounding like he was on the edge of tears.

"You were?"

"Of course! I was starting to think that something horrible had happened to you! I don't know how—I'm sorry. I was just really worried."

I let him hug me for a while longer.

It felt so nice.

"Can you let go of me so I can get down?" I asked finally, though not wanting to let the moment end.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

I slid off the railing and placed my hand on his his. "Hercules. Is he okay?"

"He isn't hurt or anything, but he's been freaking out for the past few hours. We should probably let him know you're alright as soon as possible."

I glanced down at Amica. "How can you stand being such a puny creature?"

"I hate you."

"Thomas—" Alexander began, than promptly gave up. Sighing, his fingers brushed against my other hand. "Well, I'm so glad you're okay."

I looked inside to see if anybody was in there who could have been watching us. Satisfied, I turned back to him and kissed Alexander lightly. One of his hands wrapped around my wrist, while the other went to my face.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he repeated, as if he couldn't quite believe it himself.

"I'm okay."

"What did you find out?"

For a brief second, I considered telling him about his memories, but something inside stopped me. I stared at the concerned yet loving look in his eyes. How would I ever be able to give that up?

"Nothing."

Alexander's shoulders dropped. "So all that for what?" He glanced elsewhere. "You know, I really did want to go with you."

"Why? Well, besides to keep me safe of course, but was there any ot—"

"I wanted to dance with you." He said it as if he were ashamed, embarrassed. As if it was a secret that was better left unsaid.

I laughed and kissed him again. "There will be chances for that in the future, don't worry. Come on, I want to go let Hercules know I'm okay."

I grabbed his hand and led him inside. "Where is everyone?"

"Outside, I think. Training grounds? Are we gonna teleport?"

"I mean—"

"Can I do it?"

"Go for it."

Alexander's fingers tightened around my hand, and he closed his eyes.

"You can do this," I said, and his lips turned upwards in a smile. Belletra and Amica both landed on my shoulder.

Nothing happened at first, but after a while, the room gradually melted away around us. Trees and bushes began to spring up, and the wooden floor was replaced by grass. The furniture of the room disappeared until everything shifted.

Alexander's head shot up, eyes going wide, but his expression fell.

"Dammit."

"It's alright," I said, "teleportation takes time to master. You'll get there, don't worry."

"Where are we?" he asked, looking around.

We were in the forest, obviously, but our exact location was what neither of us knew. It hardly looked any different than any other part of the forest.

I took Amica in my hands. "Go tell James that we're alright, and that I got back a few minutes ago. Tell him that Alex and I went for a walk to clear my head."

Amica took off into the sky in a rush of feathers.

"What do we do now?"

"We can walk if you want. I might need some time to think."

Alexander smiled to himself. "I'd like that a lot, actually. How was the ball, besides the king changing you into a bird?"

"It was horrible. I hate dancing."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I'd rather do anything else. Don't you think it's a waste of time?"

I didn't tell him how upset and disturbed I was about the king's offer and his knowledge of what I was becoming. I hated it. I hated how his plan had worked out perfectly. I hated how now, he was making me choose between myself and Alexander.

How can I tell Alexander about his memories? It would be the best thing to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I had enough chances to do so as we walked through the forest, but I just couldn't.

"We should go back to earth soon," Alexander said out of the blue.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just think it would be fun."

I smiled, taking his hand in mine and stopping in my tracks. He turned to look up at me, and I kissed him. His fingers brushed against my face, holding me there.

"C'mon," I said when I had let go of him. I was perfectly happy to stand there with him and do nothing, but it wouldn't be good for either of us. "Let's go back."

"You're the one who—"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

As we walked further and further into the forest, I was growing more and more nervous. I didn't recognize anything, and my trust in my sense of direction was starting to waver. Where were we? The shadows were growing longer, the trees bigger and closer together and much more menacing. How many times have we passed that rock? Unfamiliar noises echoed through the canopy. Was this my fault? What did I do?

It didn't help that it was pitch black out now, except for the crescent moon hanging in the sky above like a lighthouse in a sea of darkness.

Alexander didn't seem to notice what I had noticed.

"Alex, wait," I said, cutting into his long discussion of the spells he hated practicing.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Do you not hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The growling."

"No? Thomas, is—"

"There!" I hissed sharply, seeing a darker shape rush by, hidden in the shadows that the trees cast.

"Thomas, there's nothing there."

"Alexander, you need to get back to the castle. I'm going to teleport you, okay?"

"First off, you're being crazy. Nothing's there. Second, if there was something there, I'm not going to leave you alone to handle it yourself."

"Now is not the time to argue with me." I reached for my sword, desperate for its solid comfort.

"Thomas?"

It wasn't there.

"Alexander, you need to go back. Now."

I reached out to find the energy, and searched for something—anything—but even when I eventually found the familiar flow of magic, I couldn't reach out of a certain area. There was a dome, keeping my energy in.

"Thomas!"

Was it me?

"Alex, I'm going to teleport you to where we came from, okay? And when I do, I want you to go back to the castle immediately."

"What? No! Thomas, don't you—"

His words were cut off as he disappeared, Belletra along with him.

I turned to the creature lurking in the shadows after doing a quick assessment of my surroundings. "You can come out now."

Two yellow eyes snapped open and began to glow in the darkness. A paw slithered forwards, followed by another, and a head appeared as well.

My fingers itched for a sword to wrap around.

The creature finally fully emerged from the darkness and rose to their full height. I raised my hands warningly, taking the sight of them in.

Tenebrie.

"Can you... can you understand me?"

The creature's mouth fell open in a growl, displaying the razor sharp fangs waiting inside.

"I'll take that as a no. Look, I really don't want to hurt you. Believe it or not, but I know what you're going through and I—"

The Tenebrie lunged forwards, and I barely escaped their path. I searched for the energy, and the only thing I found was just too far out of my reach.

"Please don't make me do this," I said.

Maybe I hoped that if I could reason with them, there would still be a chance left for me after all.

The creature lunged at me again, and this time, I lost control.

~•~

I returned to the castle the next morning, clutching at my body and holding my arms, as if that would hold me together. My jacket had been covered in blood, but I think I had done a decent enough job in hiding it.

"Thomas! There you are!" James said hurriedly, rushing over to me as I entered through the terrace. "What happened? Are you—"

"I'm fine," I said sharply, pushing past him.

I met Alexander's gaze for a second, then remembered what I had done and looked away.

"Thomas—?" said Angelica.

"Just leave me alone. I'm not in the mood."

"Thomas—"

I left them, hoping to retreat to the comfort of the music.