to know a hero

by nika ravenscraft (pen name) / kensuke nagai

takashi shirogane tribute - 752 words

"Brave, loyal and honest." These are the three most commonly used words when describing Takashi Shirogane. Those in high command oooh and awe over his skills and deeply appreciate his unwavering obedience to authority. Young cadets, on the other hand merely oooh and ah. Well, that and dream of becoming as talented as him. They want to be able to fly as fast as him, perform complicated aerial maneuvers and to become an exploration pilot. Overall, they want to be just like him.

Just like him. Why would anyone want to be just like him? Sure, Shiro started off great but he changed. Shiro changed in a way that made it difficult for him to recognize himself.

"Kill them, kill them, kill them!" The widespread shouting of the Galra crowd morphs into one voice. The language the Galra speak differs greatly from English, but there is only one phrase they could be shouting right now. After all, there is only one thing they paid to watch.

The alien before Shiro, a small blue creature, is different from the aliens he has fought in the past. This alien is smarter and faster. Most importantly, this alien is weaker. It dodges blows instead of blocking them.

The alien's four eyes widen in terror as Shiro looms above it. The longer Shiro stands, unmoving, the more it shakes and whimpers.

"Kill them, kill them, kill them!" The crowd chants louder and faster. "Kill them, kill them, kill them!"

Shiro could render the alien unconscious, making it appear dead. However, doing so could result in his own death. Or, even worse, could result in him receiving a beating.

To inflict pain or to receive pain...

To kill or to die...

Which should he do?

Which is the right thing?

To his horror, he knows what the right choice is and does the opposite.

It becomes routine. Sleep, eat, fight (kill) and repeat.

Shiro fought to protect Matt.

Shiro fought to protect Mr. Holt.

Shiro fought to protect himself.

Fought.

He fights in an attempt to distract himself. He fights in order to ward away the images that haunt him... Motionless forms. Forms, to the naive, that would seem to be sleeping. Everything he has seen and everything he has done chases him in his dreams.

He sleeps little.

He doesn't deserve sleep.

He doesn't deserve a chance to escape.

He doesn't deserve to be rescued.

He doesn't deserve to be a paladin of Voltron.

He doesn't deserve to lead Voltron.

Shiro voices his feelings to Coran first. The Altean thoughtfully rubs his mustache for a few minutes before replying. "Everyone's past is riddled with mistakes. Although, some mistakes are more serious than others. None of us can undo our actions. However, we can learn from them. We can use them to change ourselves for the better." Clearly unsure of how to conclude his speech, Coran settles for giving Shiro a (surprisingly) hard pat on the back.

Coran's words help for a little while.

Shiro talks to Allura next. Allura's speech is quite similar to Coran's. However, there are a few parts that differ. "Change starts with forgiveness. In order to change, you have to forgive yourself." Allura's voice is loud and steady. Contrasting her voice is her embrace, which is soft and full of warmth. "Until you are able to forgive yourself, I will forgive you in your place." Upon hearing such heartfelt words, Shiro crumbles.

His body shakes as he sobs, and he falls to his knees, dragging Allura with him.

He falls, but eventually, he rises.

His mornings are filled with cannon booms and the shouts of his friends.

His afternoons are filled with smiling faces and thankful creatures.

"You saved us!"

"We're free now!"

It takes time and therapy for his nightmares to fade away.

It takes time for him to accept the gratitude that is expressed to him.

"Do you consider yourself a hero?" a small, mouse-like cadet asks Shiro's once he finishes his speech. Shiro, after saving the universe, was welcomed back to the Garrison as a hero and as a guest speaker.

"Due to some dark things I've done," Shiro concludes, his eyes slowly shifting from one cadet to the next, "I do not consider myself a hero. However, I know plenty of heroes." With a smile starting to form on his face, he adds, "the other paladins of Voltron and two aliens by the names of Allura and Coran are heroes. Thanks to them, I may become a hero someday."