"I can't believe that you're actually going to be doing it," Keith was saying as he pulled out of the school's parking lot and Carmen rolled his eyes. "I mean, come on, Car. Just tell mom that you don't want to".

"But I do want to do it," Carmen explained, turing in his seat to look back at his violin. "Well. Kind of". Not really. "But it's my future, Keith. It's important to me".

"It's important to mom," Keith corrected and Carmen shrugged.

"I don't really know how to tell the difference between the two anymore". Keith slowed at a stop sign and shot his younger brother a look.

"You're letting her control your life".

Carmen shrugged again. "Someone has to. I'm not necessarily the most motivated. We both know that I wouldn't be good at the violin if she didn't make me practice all the time".

"Do you even like it?" Keith asked and Carmen blinked.

"I love it," he said, and he did. Playing the violin was something he adored doing, but it was more complicated than that.

"It doesn't seem like you love it," Keith said matter of factly and Carmen sighed.

"I don't always love it". Carmen loved the sound of the music and the way the instrument felt in his hands. The only time he really felt stable was when he was holding the violin, his mind blank; but he was finding it more and more difficult to love something that was ruining his life. Slowly killing him. It took him a minute to put his thoughts into words. "I love it like people love fire, you know? You can love the smell and the warm feeling, but you're not just going to walk into it and let it burn you".

"I don't understand that," Keith said and Carmen chewed his lip thoughtfully.

"Sometimes it's hard to love something with all your heart if it would kill you if you let it". Not wanting to talk about this any longer, he quickly changed the subject. "Are you going to miss me?" He smiled at Keith until the older returned it.

"Fuck yeah I'm gonna miss you," he said, reaching over and pinching one of Carmen's cheeks. "We've never been separated like this before. It's gonna be kind of sad". Carmen laughed, reaching over and patting his brother on the shoulder.

"You can't convince me not to go at this point". Keith's eyebrows raised. "Ever since I realized I'd be missing mom's birthday, I've been ecstatic". His other brother barked out a laugh.

Every year, for his mother's birthday, Carmen was expected to prepare a song for her that he got to play in front of the entire family. He dreaded it, mostly because he hated most of the people who would be watching him, so it was a relief that he got to skip it this year.

Since he wasn't playing this year, it meant that he would have to actually purchase her a present, which was the goal of him and Keith going shopping.

"What do you think she'd like?" He asked his older brother, who spent a lot more time with their mother since Carmen was often locked in his room practicing.

"Get her a really nice plate or something," Keith suggested and Carmen snorted.

"Just one?"

"Oh, my little boy," Keith sounded amused, "you have so much to learn". Carmen just shook his head, reaching forward to adjust the volume of the radio. "Have you made any friends yet?"

Carmen had transferred to Springfield High at the beginning of the year after his mother recognized the school's amazing string program, and he had yet to meet anyone worth any of this time.

Osmond? He wondered, but that was quickly dismissed. The handsome boy had clearly seen him today, Carmen had noticed him noticing, and still had not come up to say hello. He didn't think that classified as friendship.

"I don't have time for friends," Carmen lied. In all truth, he wanted more friends. Many of his old friends had gotten sick of his company long before he switched schools. It wasn't his fault really, it was just that his mother kept him on lock down at all times, and people didn't want to be friends with the kid who didn't have time for them because he was always practicing the violin. It was greatly upsetting to Carmen to be alone all the time; it had been nice when he had people besides his brother to talk to, but he didn't say any of this to Keith. "Besides, I'll be graduating soon and leaving. What's the point of befriending people if I'm just going to leave. That just makes everything sad".

"You're going to be sad about leaving me, aren't you?" Keith asked and Carmen looked at him like he was stupid.

"Of course, idiot".

"But you don't regret our relationship, right?"

"I don't know what you're-" Carmen cut off and sighed loudly. "I see what you did there". Keith seemed very pleased with himself.

"Make friends, Car. It'll be nice to have someone for the next couple of months". Keith only said it because he didn't know how hard it was for Carmen to maintain friends at this point. All he saw him as was his cute baby brother; who wouldn't want to be friends with him? "Better yet, get yourself a boyfriend". Carmen felt his cheeks automatically heat and he was suddenly very interested in all the trees that they passed on their way to the mall.

First of all, if he didn't have time to maintain friendships, he most definitely didn't have time to maintain a relationship. "Do you have anyone in mind?" Keith asked.

Osmond?

Wait what? Carmen furrowed his brow and shook that thought away, pretending he never had it about the strangely hostile boy.

Jordan. Even as he thought the name he shook his head in response to his brothers question. "Nope. No one".

Jordan and him were never going to happen. It made absolutely no sense.

"We shall change that".

Carmen groaned loudly and pressed his face into the window, not wanting to think about what exactly that meant.

Apparently, it meant this:

As they were shopping in a ridiculously expensive store, Keith loudly asked, "how about him!" Every time a new boy, who seemed to be around his age entered.

Carmen hid his face in a knit sweat he was looking at as his older brother did this once again.

"I feel like you should tell me your type so I can make this easier. Do you fuck or like to be fucked?" Keith asked, once again, way too loudly.

Be fucked, Carmen thought (he was a virgin so he wasn't exactly sure though) and he groaned, "oh god," in embarrassment. "Shut up, Keith. Please, please shut up".

He turned his face away from the clothing and looked up at his brother, who eyed him for a short moment and then said confidently, "I'll start looking for boys who seem like they'd be on top," and then walked away.

Dear god. All he wanted to do was find something for their mother's birthday, not a boyfriend.

He didn't have time for a boyfriend.

And if he did, he already had someone in mind.

A tall boy with dark brown hair and sea green eyes that could always read him like a book.

Jordan fucking Sullivan.

Even his name made Carmen's throat go dry.

He had known Jordan forever. The god sent boy was what he missed most about Valley Falls High. Carmen honestly couldn't remember a time when he didn't want to date Jordan.

But that could never happen. Not only did Jordan give no indication to having any feelings for him, and Carter not have time, Carmen was also terrified of the idea of introducing someone to his parents as his boyfriend. Terrified to the point that he was constantly ruining his already slim chances of Jordan ever liking him by being strangely shy all of the time.

He could almost picture the look on his mother's face when he came out. The horror that her son would never have biological children who she could force to be musicians as she had done to him. And his father would probably be just as disgusted with him.

Carmen could clearly recall how difficult it had been to tell Keith he was gay, all those years ago, and that was when he had known his brother would accept him.

His parents were completely different than his brother. Keith loved Carmen for who he was. His parents loved him for who they wanted him to be.

"Stop thinking so hard," Keith said, suddenly appearing at his side again and holding out a dark purple shirt. "Get this. She'll love it".

Carmen felt the fabric and then nodded slowly. "How expensive is this?"

"Too much. Don't look at that". Keith swatted the price tag out of his hand. "You'll owe me forty dollars. I'll pay for most of it".

"Forty dollars? For only some of it?" Carmen asked and Keith shrugged, pulling out his wallet. Carmen sighed. "I can pay you now-"

"No," Keith scowled, "you need to start saving your money for your trip. I don't want you to run out of cash and not be able to eat for three weeks". Carmen was about to protest this, but didn't since It'd be easier to pay him later on. "And you will be eating". Carmen rolled his eyes and ignored this last part.

"Alright. Thanks". Keith was barely listening as he pulled out the small pocket watch that Carmen had given him for his birthday, and looked at the face.

"What time do you have work".

Damn. He had forgotten. "Six". It was almost impossible to measure how much time had passed, and Carmen hoped he wasn't late. He didn't want to give Jordan a bad impression of him.

"We should get going if you want to eat first". Carmen sighed in relief and followed his brother to the check out.

***

Getting something to eat meat eating as much fast food as he possibly could before his brother pulled the car into the parking lot.

There was not a lot of food, which wasn't really a problem since Carmen was a very picky eater and didn't enjoy most of his meal anyway, which explained the pointed look that his brother gave him when he noticed he had only eaten the French fries. "Eat".

"I don't have time, Keith," he said, looking up toward the music store and then to his brother.

"You're not doing this shit when you're traveling, Carmen. You need to fucking eat-"

"I need to fucking go, Keith. I'll eat more tonight". Before the older could protest, Carmen pulled his violin into the front seat with them and kicked open his car door, climbing out and slamming the door between the two of them.

He waved, ignoring the glare that was directed towards him, and then made his way into the music store.

His eyes immediately landed on one of the most beautiful boys he's ever seen.

Where Osmond was all black and white, Jordan was various shades of tan with a single dash of bright green. It was hard to say who was more attractive. Osmond had those eyes-

And why was he thinking about Osmond again?

He shook his head as he made his way to the checkout counter where Jordan was leaning, looking bored. Carmen's heart soared when Jordan's face lit up as soon as he noticed him. "Hey Bambi".

"Hi," Carmen said, trying to ignore his blush. "Is my six o'clock here yet?"

Carmen had what was quite possibly the best job in the world. He worked for the music store giving violin lessons to children from first to fifth grade.

"Not yet," Jordan said and Carmen was rather pleased with this, since it gave him extra time to spend with the other. "How are you on this lovely evening?"

"I'm..." Carmen sighed, "I feel like I'm required to say fine". Jordan raised a perfect eyebrow.

"You're not required to say anything". Carmen just nodded at this response and his teeth bit into his lower lip. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you. Is it about your trip?"

God, Carmen though, he just knows me so well.

"It is," Carmen hinted.

"When do you take off of that?"

"In a couple weeks. I don't know the date exactly," Carmen said truthfully, and then quickly glanced at Jordan out of the corner of his eye, hoping that the boy wouldn't be judging him for his unpreparedness. Jordan didn't seem to notice and Carmen relaxed. "It's not about the trip, really. It's more about who I'm going on said trip with".

"You found an accompanist?" Jordan asked, understanding immediately and Carmen wanted to kiss him for it.

He didn't.

"Yeah. My music teacher found him for me. He's crazy good but..."

"But?" Jordan continued, laughing at him softly and Carmen's face got hot once more at the extremely pleasant sound.

"But he's kind of an ass hole". Carmen wasn't exactly sure that was the correct way to describe Osmond. He had a feeling the black haired boy was simply misunderstood, but he didn't want to explain all of his confusing feelings for-

Not for. Carmen had no feelings for him whatsoever. Period.

-confusing feeling about the other boy. Asshole seemed to be a simple explanation for the moment.

Jordan was silent, and when Carmen turned to see why, he found the other staring at him with his wonderfully green eyes.

"What?" Carmen asked softly and Jordan licked his lips.

"Bambi swearing?" Jordan said, looking impressed and... aroused? "Who would have ever thought".

"I-" Carmen began to apologize but he was cut off by the tall boy almost immediately.

"Naughty," Jordan said, his eyes raking over Carmen's shorter figured in a way that lead the smaller to believe he was inspecting every single inch. "I might just need to punish you". Carmen nearly died as one of Jordan's eyes dropped in a sexy wink.

"I- uh," Carmen began, stopping to clear his throat and Jordan looked amused, "um. Yeah. Naughty. That's me. Um. I shouldn't, I mean. I should go and get that room ready. Well, not the room really. I should get myself ready for the... the kid! Yeah". With that Carmen turned away from the absolutely perfect man who he didn't deserve or have time for, and hurried off to the room, turning around only once when he realized he had left his violin behind.

As he closed the door to his practice room behind him, he closed his eyes and leaned back against the door and waited for the pounding in his heart to slow.

He's just teasing you, he doesn't actually want you. You don't have time for this, Carmen. You're too busy. You're mom would be upset if you got in a relationship, especially with a boy. She'd say you don't have time, which you don't.

But no matter what he told himself, Carmen simply couldn't calm down.

For Jordan Sullivan, he thought, you make time.