"Osmond?" Carmen asked, leaning in the doorway of the bedroom that Osmond declared was his. "I- where are you going?"

Osmond had stood from the bed when Carmen entered, and was now gathering his sheet music and pencil from where he had left the on top of the dresser. "I need to practice".

Ever since the plane had landed, Osmond had been once again putting distance between himself and Carmen. He had woken up with his head on the other's shoulder, and couldn't help but to look up at Carmen's face with sad eyes, completely forgetting about everything the boy had done to him. But then Carmen had notice him looking and smiled down at him, and all Osmond could think about was the boy writhing beneath him and screaming out Jordan.

And he decided that maybe associating with Carmen wouldn't help him get over his heartbreak any.

"But we have a performance tomorrow," Carmen said and Osmond froze.

Does he think I'm going to fuck him?

"No," Osmond said, and Carmen looked confused.

"What?" He asked softly and Osmond shook his head.

"I'm not going to have sex with you, Carmen". The boy's mouth fell open and his cheeks flushed pink.

"Tha-" his voice cracked so he cleared his throat and started over. "That's not what I meant. I just meant that you'll be able to play t-"

"I still need to, tonight," Osmond said, looking down at the sheet music in his hands and then up at Carmen, who was still blocking the door. He could easily push Carmen out of the way, as he would with anyone else, but that would involve physical contact and he wasn't too keen on that at the moment. "Excuse me". The look on Carmen's face had Osmond suspecting that the boy had been hoping he would touch him, but Osmond didn't say anything about it as Carmen moved back and Osmond walked past him.

"When will you be coming back up?" Carmen asked, and Osmond just shrugged, not saying another word to him as he left the room.

He was treating Carmen terribly, but at this point he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't just pretend that nothing had ever happened. The jealously would drive him mad. So being hostile and treating Carmen like he was just everybody else would have to do for a while before he decided a long term solution.

The dining room was empty when he got to it, and he was thankful. It was always easier to pour his heart out if no one was paying attention.

The piano must not have been played in a long while, for the keys were dusty and when Osmond pressed a key, it came out a bit flat. Though this was bothersome, the instrument was still playable, and Osmond took his seat on the bench, arranging his sheet music out in front of him.

His method for composing was simple. He'd close his eyes and draw from his emotions, letting his fingers press into the keys over and over until they played a rhythm that fit, and he'd write it down.

It was the song he had begun writing when he had first met Carmen, but it had taken a shift from its originally happy tune to one of sadness. This didn't really bother Osmond, the song wasn't finished yet, but he didn't want to end it on a sad note.

Still, he would if he had to. Osmond wasn't going to lie to his emotions this time. That hadn't done him any good in the past.

As he finished writing a rather complex measure, he let his pencil slip from his fingers onto his lap, and then arranged the five pages of work he had already completed out on the piano's music stand and tried to play it from the beginning.

He could remember meeting Carmen in the band room that day. Right away the boy had caught his eye, being a more beautiful human than Osmond was used to seeing. And his personality had surprised him too, timid at first, but sweet and quirky when you got to know him.

How could he not have fallen in love.

Osmond's hands paused on the keys. Is that what he had done? Had he fallen in love with Carmen?

Was he still in love with Carmen?"

Continuing to play, Osmond determined that yes. He had indeed fallen in love once more, though this time it felt more than when it had with Adrian. Perhaps because they had actually gotten physical, but it felt more than that to Osmond.

And then suddenly he wanted to hear a voice he hadn't heard in what felt like forever. Taking out his phone, he dialed Adrian's number. As it rang, he gathered his music and began to head back to the room, finished for the night.

"Hey Oz," Adrian said, his voice sad and rough as if he had just been crying. Osmond wanted to ask what was wrong, but Adrian wasn't his to worry about anymore.

"Hi," Osmond said softly. He had tried to sound normal, but failed miserable.

"What's wrong?" Adrian said immediately, sniffling on the other end and Osmond couldn't take it anymore.

As he climbed the stairs to the second floor, he said, "I should be asking you the same question".

"Me?" Adrian asked, and Osmond hummed as he reached the second floor landing and he began to walk slowly down the hall while fishing in his pocket for the key. "I'm fine."

And then they were falling back into them old selves and Osmond demanded, "don't lie to me Adri".

"It's Ezra and I... I think we-" before Osmond could unlock the door it was pulled open by a restless looking Carmen with red rimmed eyes.

"Uh, hi," the boy said, flushing bright red. "I wanted to talk to you".

"Oz? Who's that?" Adrian asked in his ear, and Carmen must have heard it too because his eyes shifted to the cellphone as if he was just seeing it.

"Oh," was all he said, visibly deflating and Osmond sighed.

"It's just Carmen," Osmond said, and then boy in question flinched at the word just.

"Carmen?" Adrian asked, and Osmond was reminded that they hadn't officially met.

"The violinist".

"Ahh," Adrian said, sniffling. "You know, I play the saxophone-"

"I do," Osmond interjected, moving further into the room and shutting the door behind himself before leaning upon it and studying Carmen, who was chewing on his lip and looking back at him.

"And I think that makes me better at getting blowjobs. Well, Ezra says I give the best blow-"

"What the fuck?" Osmond interjected, looking away from Carmen quickly and Adrian giggled on the other end of the line, seemingly in better spirits than before.

"Well, because he plays the violin, do you think he gives better handjobs?"

Osmond was about to say, he does give pretty good handjobs, but instead groaned, "Adrian. Could you please not".

Carmen's entire body tensed before him and his eyes glassed over with conflict. Without another word he turned on his heel and went to his room, closing the door behind himself.

"I think I fucked everything up," Osmond mumbled to himself, and then added, "no. He did".

"Huh?" Adrian asked on the other end of the line and Osmond was reminded of what that had been previously talking about.

"You still need to tell me what's wrong, Adri," Osmond demanded, his feet taking him to his own room where he shut the door softly.

"Oh," Adrian said, his voice morbid once more. "It's nothing. Just a... a fight between Ezra and I. I really don't want to talk about it. I want to know all about you and what you're doing. Where are you now?"

"Missouri".

"Do you like it there?"

"Not much to like, or dislike". Osmond dropped down onto his mattress and sighed.

"And what about the violin player? Is he agreeable?" Adrian asked, and Osmond closed his eyes.

He was more than agreeable. He was perfect and sweet and caring and... and had broken his heart, it seemed.

"Adrian, I need a favor," he whispered, his voice thin and the other end of the phone grew incredibly quiet for a second before Adrian promised:

"Anything". Tears stung at Osmond's eyes as he prepared to speak.

"Adrian," Osmond said, his voice shaking as he did so. "Tell me that you love me".

"Osmond-"

"No. Please. Just tell me that you love me. Pretend, just this once, that you love me," Osmond said, closing his eyes as he begged. "Please".

"Alright," Adrian said, and it just occurred to Osmond that the boy on the other end of the phone had begun to cry right along with him. "Osmond, I love you". It was quiet as Osmond processed the words, and then he let out a hopeless sob. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Osmond said. Finally, after all this time, he was getting what he wanted, and it hurt more than he ever thought it would. "I feel nothing".

"That's a good thing," Adrian claimed, though he didn't exactly sound happy at the moment.

"It is and it isn't".

"You don't need me, Osmond," Adrian insisted, his voice strong. "You don't need anyone. You're Osmond..,"

This was true, but it didn't feel like a good thing. "Just... tell me that everything is going to be okay".

Once again, there was a pause on the other end, and then Adrian's voice was saying, nice and clear despite being heavy with tears, "everything is going to be just fine".

***

"What's going on with you and Adrian?" Osmond asked, pulling at a loose thread in the bedspread and then patting it down when it began to give.

Ezra groaned into the phone. "Nothing that you should be worried about," he assured.

When Adrian had hung up on him to go to sleep, he had called Ezra, still not ready to be done talking, and the other had picked up on the second ring, clearly also wanting to be distracted from something. Both of their voices were hoarse from crying but neither explained to the other why.

"It's Adrian," Osmond said, "I have to worry about him".

Ezra just grunted, clearly not interested in talking about his boyfriend at the moment, which means  it must have been some fight to get Ezra to shut up about Adrian.

"How's that pretty violin boy of yours?" Ezra asked and Osmond rolled his eyes, wondering why everyone was talking about him on that particular night.

"You think he's pretty?" Osmond asked and Ezra snorted.

"You don't?" He shot back. "I've only met him once and I can tell that he's absolutely gorgeous-"

"I fucked him," Osmond said, trying to sound nonchalant about it but failing miserably. Ezra fell silent.

"You did what?" The older boy asked and Osmond laughed softly, not elaborating. "You had sex with him? The blonde one?"

"Yeah".

"Why on earth would you do that?" Ezra demanded, though he sounded rather amused by the whole thing.

"He asked me to," Osmond said, and then thought about it for a moment. "Well, the first time at least".

"The first time?" Ezra exclaimed. "How many times has this happened".

"Lots," Osmond said, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm in love with him".

And then Ezra was laughing in his ear. "Well congrats man".

"No," Osmond said quickly. "No congratulations are in order".

"Why not?" Ezra asked, and then he inhaled sharply. "Did you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back again?"

"I don't know," Osmond groaned, rolling over onto his stomach. "Maybe? It didn't seem like that until... uhh".

"What?"

"This may or may not be embarrassing for me," Osmond admitted and Ezra laughed.

"Continue".

"He said-" Osmond cut himself off. "Apparently I'm really good in bed. I didn't know this until the first time I had sex, but I'm apparently, uh, above average, and that seems to be a good thing. I don't know, I googled it".

Ezra hummed thoughtfully. "How far above average are we talking here?"

"Are you asking me to tell you the size of my dick?" Osmond asked and Ezra nodded.

"Does that make you uncomfortable".

He thought about it. "Not really".

"Then answer the question, Osmond," Ezra said and he groaned.

"Like, almost eight inches? Maybe? I don't know. I felt weird measuring my dick so I didn't really pay much attention". The other end of the phone was quiet. "Ezra?"

The other boy laughed nervously. "I didn't think that you would..."

"Let's not talk about this," Osmond urged and Ezra made a noise of strong agreement. "So my point was, I have the ability to please. But... but he said someone else's name. Jordan".

"Like when he-"

"Yeah," Osmond said, running a hand over his face. "It was like, an hour after I told him I had feeling for him and he said he returned them".

"Oh," Ezra said, seeming a bit unsure of what to say. "Well, that's no good". Osmond rolled his eyes.

"That's not helpful".

"Well," Ezra said, a bit exacerbated, "it could mean two things. It could mean that he has feelings for this Jordan," Osmond groaned, "or it could just mean that his mind was wandering. You said that you guys just admitted to having feelings for one another? Maybe he's his ex boyfriend or something and he was just thinking back on it for a second and that happened to be the second you made him cum".

"Is it normal for his mind to wander to his ex boyfriend while we're having sex?" Osmond asked, and Jordan just made a noise in his ear that was neither affirmative or dismissive. "Why do you know so much about this?" Ezra groaned.

"Adrian did it once". He didn't really sound like he wanted to talk about it, so Osmond didn't ask for him to elaborate.

"Okay. So how do I go about this now?"

Ezra was still clearly thinking about the instance he had referred to because he snapped, "about what?" Viciously. "Sorry. The topic of Adrian isn't one I want to talk about right now".

"What happened?" Osmond asked, dying to know at this point what had effected his two best friends this way. "I talked to him right before you and-"

"You talked to him?" Ezra asked, and then quickly said, "how did he sound?" And then after a long moment, "why did you call him first?"

Ignoring the last question, Osmond answered. "He sounded sad. He cried a bit and wouldn't talk about you".

Ezra groaned loudly, but when Osmond asked again, he refused to tell him what had occurred. "How do you go about what, Osmond?"

Sighing in defeat, he explained. "Well, do I just put distance between the two of us and keep ignoring him or do I try to get over it?"

"Before you do anything," Ezra advised. "You need to talk to him about it". Osmond closed his eyes. "Do you really want to give up another chance of love because of this? If you do, I don't think your really love him".

But Osmond did really love him, and should have to talk to him.

"Tomorrow," Osmond promised his best friend, but it was for himself also.

Tomorrow.