A/N: the town Allouez is mentioned in this chapter (it is a real place) and it's pronounce Al-o-way. I myself, as a Wisconsinite, am greatly confused by this as many people are, but that is the correct pronunciation. I'm not just making that up.

This wasn't supposed to have happened. He never wanted to hurt Osmond.

No.

But what surprised him the most was how much hurting Osmond had hurt himself.

It was supposed to be Jordan. He was supposed to have feelings for Jordan, not Osmond.

Up until their dinner, he had chosen Jordan, the man he had been in love with for years. His dream guy. Jordan.

But then Osmond had looked at him with such love in his grey eyes as he confessed to him that evening at supper, and Carmen couldn't help but to admit he returned the feelings. He wanted to make Osmond as happy as he had made him.

And then he had been back at square one, not knowing who to let down. So stupidly, he had tried to decide it during sex, tried to think about what it would be like if it was Jordan above him and not Osmond, if his heart would still feel the same.

And it didn't, he had realized, after putting a lot of concentration into imagining the other boy. If it had been Jordan, Carmen's heart wouldn't have pounded as hard.

But it wasn't Jordan, it was Osmond, and his body still felt good, and it just sort of... happened.

It had felt so wrong, thinking about Jordan. It made orgasming feel more like an assault on his body than something he was supposed to enjoy.

Carmen wasn't supposed to be with Jordan Sullivan. He was supposed to be with Osmond, and had realized it moments too late.

His fingers shook as he dialed Jordan's phone number, disregarding the fact that it was even later in Florida than it was in Wisconsin, and at the moment it was pretty damn late Carmen's time.

But still, just has Carmen himself had done the night before, Jordan answered, his voice alert as if he hadn't gone to bed yet. "Carmen?" Jordan asked, seeming a bit distracted. There was shuffling on Jordan's end of the line, and then the boy asked, "Carter, pause it, would you?"

Video games. It seemed so weird that Jordan spent his free time in his bedroom playing video games while Osmond spent his composing beautiful pieces of music.

How could it have taken him this long to realized?

Carmen tried to be quiet as he cried into the phone. "I need to cancel," he said, sniffling, and then the other end of the line was silent. "Our date".

"We haven't exactly picked a time ye-"

"No, Jordan. I can't go with you. It doesn't matter what time". If a month ago, someone told Carmen he would be saying these words to Jordan fucking Sullivan, he wouldn't have believed it, yet here he was, his phone clutched to his ear with hands as shaky as his voice, calling off the one night he had dreamed of so long.

"Carm-"

"Please agree," Carmen begged, and his tears picked up once more. "Jordan, I can't date you"

He was created with a silence that made the hair on his arms rise. Then, with a defeated sigh, Jordan said, "okay, Carmen". Before he could hang up, another question came. "Just, before you go. Tell me, are you okay?"

Carmen looked down at the bed where him and Osmond had been joined less than thirty minutes ago, and he was full out sobbing into the phone. "No".

"Are you going to do anything you'll regret? I swear to god, Carmen, I can get on a plane rig-"

"I'm not going to kill myself," Carmen insisted, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "But I need to go".

Talking to Jordan like this, when the boy was being so sweet and caring, was what had gotten him into this situation in the first place. The night before they had talked like this for hours and that was what had made him make the stupid decision.

"Do you need to talk to someone?" Jordan asked, and Carmen rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"Yes, but not you," and then he hung up the phone and immediately dialed his brother's number.

As always, Keith picked up after the first ring.

"Jesus, little man. Why are you up so late?" His brother immediately became alert at the sound of Carmen's crying. "What's wrong? Did something happen to you? Should I call Osmon-"

"No!" Carmen exclaimed, moving to sit on the bed and then freezing. He didn't want to sit there. He would just feel even more guilty. He sat on the floor instead, his back against the wooden door. "I'm fine. I just need to calm down so I can go to sleep and you're the only one who can do that for me right now".

"Right now?" Keith asked, catching the words that Carmen hadn't even realized had slipped out. "I thought I was the only one who could do that. Not just right now". His brother sounded jealous, and Carmen cried harder and the truth that had once been behind the words.

For such a long time, Keith had been the only one who understood him enough to relax him, but it was something that Osmond had began to excel at over the past couple of weeks.

"That's not helping," Carmen cried, and his brother let out a loud sigh.

"We don't have to talk about it now, Carmen". For a second he was about to thank his brother for his generosity, but then Keith added, "but you will have to tell me soon what's going on with you".

Sniffling, Carmen looked up at the bed before lying down on his side on the carpeted flooring. "Just help me go to sleep, Keith".

His brother sighed in his ear, but must have understood what Carmen needed because almost immediately afterwards, Keith began to recite happy tales from their childhood, talking in his ear until Carmen fell asleep.

***

Carmen was sitting in the 'living room' of their small hotel room, wearing his button down white shirt he bought for performances and fiddling nervously with the strap of his violin case. They should be leaving right about now if they wanted to get there on time, but Osmond still had yet to come out of the bedroom he had locked himself in the night before, and Carmen was too nervous to knock on the door.

They were supposed to be on the other side of the city in half an hour, and that seemed nearly impossible with Milwaukee traffic. Also, their cab had been waiting for the past ten minutes.

It was when Carmen had decided to go by himself that Osmond pulled open the door to his room, looking absolutely stunning in a grey button down and black pants. Osmond didn't even look at him when he entered, too busy staring at the notebook filled with empty sheet music, and Carmen felt immensely worse. "Ready to go?" Osmond asked, his voice neutral as it had been they day they'd met, and once again Carmen felt like crying.

Had they really taken that far of a step backwards. "Osmond-"

"I'll be outside". Osmond picked a pencil up off of the coffee table as he left, still not sparing Carmen a glance.

What have I done? Carmen dropped his head into his hands and stood like that for a moment before following Osmond.

They were late, actually, only by a few minutes, but still, the woman running the event glared at them as they came in. Osmond didn't really care about this, Carmen could tell, because his eyes just moved over the woman nonchalantly, but Carmen was rooted to the spot with shame and went up to her to say sorry, and traffic.

"We'll need you ready in two minutes. Can you do that for us?"

Carmen typically took some time to warm up, and two minutes most definitely wasn't enough time, but before he could say this, Osmond cut in from a few feet away (that was the closest he would allow Carmen to get to him), "yeah".

Carmen looked at the other boy in alarm, but Osmond's eyes were on the woman as she explained how to get to their practice room and then the path to backstage from there.

It annoyed Carmen at first that the other hadn't even speared him a glance, but when the woman fell silent and hurried off, he realized he hadn't been listening to a word she had said, and was thankful when Osmond took the lead. Following behind the boy who refused to acknowledge his presence, Carmen recalled their last performance, just the morning before, where Osmond had kissed him before he played, and squeezed his hand in reassurance.

Carmen wondered what he would do today.

***

The answer to that question had been nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even look at him. Even as he played, Osmond had spent the entire time looking at his hands.

"Are we getting food or something?" Carmen asked, filling the empty silence of the cab that seemed to be making the driver uncomfortable. Osmond made a low noise, not looking up from his notebook that he was busy scribbling lopsided music notes into.

"You can order in. I need to make sure this is actually playable".

It was a simple answer, but Carmen felt it would have hurt less if Osmond had just said no instead of making up an excuse to not have to sit down across from him and eat for forty minutes.

But Carmen didn't deserve to feel less hurt.

He couldn't even imagine how Osmond had felt the night before. It was such a stupid thing to do, to think about someone else during sex. The idea of Osmond doing it to him brought tears to his eyes.

What if Osmond had been thinking about Adrian, and had said his name. That was the equivalent of what Carmen had done to him, and in that situation, Carmen would honestly be heart broken.

Heartbroken is not a phrase you use when explaining a simple crush.

He hadn't been this heartbroken when he heard Jordan call someone babe on the other end of the phone.

Why was he so stupid as to think he was in love with this person for the last three years but barely even cared about him?

Never once had Jordan made him feel as happy as Osmond did all the time. Not once had Carmen smiled and laughed around Jordan as he did around Osmond every day.

Why the fuck did he need to realize this all too late?

And then the cab was pulling up in front of the building, and Carmen wanted to lean forward and demand him to drive to Florida and back just so he could spend more time in the car with this boy he deeply cared for but wouldn't even look at him. But Osmond was already out of the car before it fully slowed, hurrying towards the building and leaving Carmen to pay, which he did with a fifty and instructed the man to "keep the extra".

He wanted to catch Osmond before he went into his room, to force him onto the couch and explain everything so they could just go back to normal.

Thought it wasn't as if the truth was very kind either.

When he got to the room, it was completely empty. At first he thought Osmond had gone into his bedroom already, but when he had the courage to push open the door, that room was vacant too.

I need to make sure this is actually playable.

The piano.

All Carmen could do was wait up for him, so he pulled a pillow and blanket out and situated them on the couch. The night before he had slept on the floor, unwilling to disturb the scene of his own crime, so even with how uncomfortable the couch was, it was better than the alternative and he easily drifted off to sleep.

It could have been minutes, or it could be hours, before the sound of the door opening and closing awoke him. Carmen's eyes cracked open to see Osmond looking at him, surprised by his location, but Carmen didn't care. It had only been twenty four hours, and finally he had gotten the others attention.

"What are you doing?" Osmond asked, his voice low and Carmen blinked the sleep from his eyes.

"I, uh-" he didn't want to just tell him he had been waiting for him, so instead he said, "I couldn't sleep in there".

Osmond looked a bit unsure for a moment, but then he stepped forward, closer to Carmen.

For a second, his mind ran wild. Would Osmond come and join him on the couch? Would he kiss him? Would he demand for an explanation?

All of theses seemed better than being ignored, but instead Osmond dropped a white take out bag onto the coffee table. "Eat that, and all of it. If you don't I'm going to call your brother," and then he was headed straight towards his room and Carmen's eyes filled with tears.

He deserved this, he had to remind himself as he moved his Chinese food from the bag.

You brought this on yourself.

***

The worst part had to be the next morning, trying his best to ignore Osmond's nervous fidgeting as they prepared to board their flight. Carmen spoke to him, trying to take his mind off of it, but Osmond didn't seem interested in any of the topics until he asked, "is it weird being back in Wisconsin?"

"No," Osmond said shortly before sighing. His eyes were very wide as he looked at Carmen. "I like it here. It's not weird. Is coming home ever really weird".

"Home," Carmen repeated. "Do you want to move back when you graduate from college?"

Osmond raised a hand to his mouth, brushing his fingers over his lips. "I couldn't ever live here again, so no". Carmen wasn't about to push any topics onto him, not since this was the first time Osmond was really talking to him since... he had ruined everything.

"Are you sad to leave?"

Osmond turned his head away and for a horrible second Carmen thought he wasn't going to respond, but then he said, "of course I'm sad. I wish we could have visited Allouez at some point, that be a long drive".

"Where is that?" Carmen asked, having never heard of Allouez Wisconsin.

"It's a suburb of Green Bay," Osmond said.

A foolish thing almost left Carmen's mouth. He almost said we can go there together some other time, but caught himself just in time, instead letting the one other thing on his mind slip out to save himself.

Though this happened to be even more stupid.

"My friend Jordan went to Green Bay once". It took him only a second to realize his mistake, and the pressed his lips together. "Oh".

Osmond laughed coldly. "Your friend Jordan," he breathed, and then closed his eyes.

"Osmond-"

"Leave me alone, Carmen".

"No, Osmond, you don't underst-" Carmen placed a hand on Osmond's arm and the boy glared at him.

"Carmen. It is fine. Just leave m-" and he broke off with a pathetic sound as the lady on the intercom called them to board their flight.

"Are you okay?" Carmen's hand was still pressed into Osmond's bicep and the boy shook him off and stood.

"I am fine".

"You're not acting fine," Carmen said and Osmond ignored him. "Osmond-"

But he just walked away, taking out his boarding pass and getting into the line without him.

Carmen ended up a few people behind him in line, so by the time he got on the plane, Osmond was already seated, leaning against the closed window with his eyes shut, but his entire body was tense and his hands were curled into fists.

"Osmond, talk to me," Carmen urged, dropping into the seat and the boy just opened his eyes and stared ahead, his eyes unfocused.

"I was ten the last time I flew out of the Milwaukee airport," Osmond said, his voice distant. "I don't want to be on this airplane".

Carmen reached over to take his hand but Osmond pulled it away before their skin could touch. "Don't touch me, Carmen". It wasn't said coldly, just as if he was incredibly tired with the situation.

The stewardess began talking through the intercom, explaining what to do if there was an emergency, and Carmen ignored it, having heard it too many times to count recently. He pulled his hand away from Osmond before leaning towards him instead.

"Carm-"

"I'm not going to touch you," Carmen promised and Osmond seemed to relax a bit and then started as the plane began to move. "Close your eyes".

"I-" Osmond began, his eyes finding Carmen's. He must have looked convincing and reassuring, because after a second Osmond's eyes fell closed. "What now?"

Carmen just looked at the boy in front of him for a moment, admiring his absolute beauty before small tears began to leak from the corners of his eyes.

"You're going to calm down". Osmond tongue swept over his lower lip.

"How?" His voice was just above a whisper and Carmen closed his eyes, leaning forward until his breath was hitting the side of the other boy's face.

"Just focus on my voice," Carmen urged and Osmond's hands suddenly gripped the armrests of his chair as the plane began to pick up pace. "Hey-"

"Carmen-"

"I know baby," Carmen said, fighting to keep his voice steady as tears leaked out between his closed eyelids. "It's okay".

And he talked him through it, just as Keith had done to him two nights before.

He talked about New York and Juilliard and the piano and how well the rest of their performances would go, and eventually Osmond relaxed. It took a lot longer that physical contact usually did, but it worked, and half way through the flight, Osmond's breathing evened and his entire body relaxed.

Carmen was delighted when Osmond's head fell upon his shoulder, but he couldn't forget that it had happened only because the other couldn't control it.

As he cried, Carmen tried his best not to wake the other, but it was becoming more and more difficult as his realization began to make more and more sense.

Carmen was in love with Osmond Greyjoy, and he had been for a while.

But now it was too late.