It hurt.

Just as it always had. Osmond didn't know why he had expected that this time it wouldn't. That this time it would be different. That this time he somehow cared less.

But it was clear that he didn't. The second that he had seen Adrian, it all came back. All of the feelings he had been trying to avoid, to forget. When he was looking at him, how short he was. How small and cute. It was hard to forget you were in love with someone who was so undeniably lovely. Even when he was kissing his boyfriend, Osmond couldn't forget.

As he pulled Carmen through the airport, his eyes occasionally flickering back to the violinist, he could tell that Carmen knew. Everytime Osmond looked at him he was looking back, his lower lip pulled between his teeth as his eyes held so many emotions.

Pity. Understanding. Osmond thought he even saw a hint of jealousy but that couldn't possibly be right.

He knows.

Hell, Osmond knew at this point that everyone knew. If they had ever seen Adrian and Osmond together they knew that he loved him. It was impossible not to see.

You still look at him like he cured fucking cancer, Helen had said the last time they had all be together, towards the middle of the summer before Adrian left for school.

He couldn't help it.

Carmen and him got to their gate with only a few minutes to spare, but still enough time for Carmen to ask questions.

Osmond braced himself for:

You're in love with a boy who's dating your friend?

Or maybe:

How long have you loved him for?

But he was surprised as the blonde boy mumbled a quiet, "are you okay?" Osmond felt his eyes widen. After spending all of his time with people who knew he had feelings for Adrian for so long, he rarely got asked if he was okay. It was always something like, get over yourself, or get over him.

It hadn't been for a long time are you okay.

"I'm-" Osmond began and then cut himself off and looked away, "I'm going to be fine". He hoped that this would actually be the time he got over it. Between now and the next time he saw Adri he vowed to barely think about the other. "Thanks".

Carmen raised an eyebrow and smiled softly. "For?"

"Asking," Osmond said, allowing himself to be nudged towards him by the over eager man behind him rushing to the gate where they had just began allowing people to get onto the plane. Carmen blinked at the close proximity and his skin flushed. "And for waiting there with me".

"Was it worth it?" Carmen whispered and Osmond swallowed, considering the question.

Was it? The second he had saw Adrian his heart damn near stopped beating and it was one of the greatest feeling he had ever experienced.

And then watching as Adrian pushed him away and ran to kiss Ezra had-

It most defiantly wasn't the worse feeling ever. Not after all he had gone through.

But it didn't feel good. Still he found himself nodding in response to Carmen's question. "Yeah, it was".

"This is the last call for the flight to Savannah Georgia," the woman at the desk next to the gate interrupted and Carmen sighed loudly, reaching out to grip Osmond's wrist.

"Come on, Oz. Let's go to Georgia and forget about everything".

***

They were seated alongside side one another, the window seat left open. Carmen explained that his mother had bought it for them so they could stretch out more and relax but relaxing was something Osmond most definitely wouldn't be able to do as long as he was trapped in the metal tube.

He hated flying. Absolutely despised it. The last time he was on a plane he had been moving to his aunt's house, the back of his eyelids freshly burned with images that made up the tragedy of his life.

It made sense that he would have blocked all of that out until now. It was a painful part of his past, one he didn't want to remember, but now, sitting in this seat with the most beautiful boy on his left, it all came back.

The shaking started first, and then the nausea. Carmen didn't seem to notice, that is until Osmond, who was about to lose his mind in panic, reached over and took the boy's hand with shaking fingers.

He didn't see what Carmen's reaction was, for he had leaned forward and pressed his face into the chair ahead of him as he tried to control his breathing, but he guessed it was a look of surprise since that's how he sounded. "Osmond?"

"Please," he mumbled, tightening his fingers on Carmen's much smaller ones- how did the boy when play the violin with such tiny hands- praying that he didn't let go. "I need... something to hold onto".

Carmen was silent but seemed to understand what he was asking as his fingers tightened on Osmond's and his thumb began to slowly brush over his knuckles, giving him something else to focus on.

It was only once they were in the air, flying at a steady altitude, that Osmond had finally begun to calm down, his heart rate slowing to its normal pace. He sat back then, still tightly gripping onto Carmen's hand.

The blonde boy didn't seem to care much. His eyes were on his phone, playing a game and struggling to do so with his left hand, but he looked content in the position, with their hands still clasped.

When he noticed Osmond watching him this thumb paused in its action of running over the back of his hand before resuming a second later as the younger boy smiled.

Osmond sighed in relief and slumped back against his chair. "Thank you".

Carmen only hummed in response and clicked his phone off. "You really hate this, don't you?" He asked and Osmond groaned, letting his eyes fall shut.

"Yes". The silence settled between them once more but Osmond could sense that Carmen was gaining courage to ask another question.

"Hey Oz?"

Ozzy, Adrian had called him as he fell into his arms. He had smelt like strawberries and Ezra's cologne, even though they hadn't seen each other for over a month. Osmond came to the conclusion that Adrian and Ezra had already spent so much time together that the scent of Ezra was already imprinted on his skin, and vice versa.

"Yeah?" Osmond said, trying to direct his attention to the boy next to him instead of the one in his past. Carmen smelt like chocolate and fresh sheet music. That's what he focused on.

"Why did you agree to come with me if you hated flying?" At some point Carmen's thumb had stopped moving over the skin of Osmond's hand, but Osmond had naturally resumed the action, his fingers brushing along Carmen's smooth flesh as the other's hand gripped his own tightly. Their fingers, though Osmond was trying not to notice it, fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces, and just holding hands with the other felt righ-

"Well " Osmond began, his eyes widening at his thoughts but not bringing them up to Carmen, who was looking up at him with interest. "I forgot". It was an incredibly simple answer, but it was the truth. Carmen chuckled at him and Osmond was perplexed.

"How do you forget something like that?" He asked, his voice light with amusement, and then concern when he spoke again, "I mean, you were shaking, Oz".

"It was-" hard to explain. Very. "I made myself forget".

"Like a trauma patient?" Carmen asked and Osmond's thumb stilled against the back of his hand as he looked at him.

"Exactly".

They sat in silence for a while, Osmond with his eyes closed embracing the feeling of Carmen's hand as it wandered over his open palm. It was nice, just having someone that you felt comfortable enough to touch.

Osmond could remember Adrian's graduation party the year before and how him and Ezra had walked around with their hands clasped the entire night. At the time he wondered why they would even do it. There was no real pleasure that came from hands touching hands, and it seemed more of a burden when Ezra had to balance Adrian's cake on one of his hands, refusing to let go of the Adri with the other. Holding hands was pointless to Osmond, and he never wanted to do it.

But this was nice. Carmen's fingers were soft and small and he was currently tracing all of the lines in Osmond's palm. "This one means you're going to have two babies," Carmen mumbled and Osmond looked down to see him tracing the longest line with his pointer finger.

"Me personally?" Osmond asked and Carmen snorted in surprise and god was he cute.

"Did you just make a joke?" Carmen whispered, smiling but not looking up at him and Osmond swallowed because he had.

"I suppose so". Carmen hummed and tangled their fingers together once more. Osmond wanted to tell the boy that he had beautiful hands. Delicate and soft and there was a freckle at the base of his thumb that Osmond wanted to bring to his lips to kis-

Woah.

"Are you feeling better?"

He was (a bit), but Osmond was afraid that if he admitted to this that Carmen would take his hand away from him so he just said, "I just need things to distract me". Carmen was quiet for a bit.

"I have something we could talk about to take your mind off of it," Carmen suggested and Osmond popped one eye open to look at him. The tone of his voice was both cautious and teasing.

"Okay," he responded slowly, after a long minute of silence, letting his eye fall closed again.

Carmen took a deep breath before he asked the question. "Why do you like my brother so much?"

Both of Osmond's eyes opened then. "Huh?"

"Well, you've exchanged phone numbers, and I know he's been texting you," Carmen said, avoiding his eyes by looking out of the open window. "I'm not stupid".

"I-" Osmond's voice was hoarse so he cleared it, "I never said you were".

"Why was he texting you?"

Osmond wasn't even quite sure why Keith had begun to text him. He suspected that the older wanted to know that his younger brother was in good hands, but Osmond thought he had already proven that over dinner.

"I don't always respond," Osmond said and Carmen snorted adorably, rolling his brown eyes.

"You do sometimes?"

"Well yeah," Osmond said. "He just talks about you most of the time, so I just read it and don't respond, but sometimes he's asks me about you, like what you do at school, and then I respond". Carmen snorted and rolled his eyes.

"What does he say about me?"

"That you really like chocolate," Osmond said immediately, because that had come up multiple times from Keith. If he gets mad at you, get him chocolate and he won't care anymore. "And you need your sleep so if we have an early flight or something I need to remind you to go to bed early. Just little stuff like that". When he finished Carmen's cheeks were flushed pink. "You look embarrassed".

Carmen squeezed his hand then and Osmond looked down at their hands. "I am".

"Why?"

"Because it's embarrassing". Osmond didn't see how, so he asked. "Because he told you practically everything about me".

"He told me a few things," Osmond countered and Carmen shook his head.

"You don't have a sibling- wait, do you?" Osmond shook his head and Carmen continued, "right. Well, imagine your best friend- who is your best friend by the way?"

"Ezra," Osmond said, and then blinked in surprise. It had come to him without thinking about it. He had decided this just two weeks ago and it was a bit frightening how true it turned out to be.

"What if Ezra took everything he knew about you and sent it to me before we went on this trip?"

"Ezra doesn't know anything about me," Osmond said, furrowing his eyebrows. "And he didn't tell me everything. It was barely nothing". Just then a woman's voice came over the intercom and told them they would be landing soon. It was fast and Osmond was surprised (and nervous; he gripped Carmen's hand tighter) but it made sense since Georgia was only one state over.

"Ezra knows nothing about you?" Osmond's attention was drawn back to him and he nodded his head. "Well then I can't really explain it," Carmen said, looking up above them as the seat belts sign flipped on. "He told you my favorite food. I mean, why would you have to know that? I don't know your favorite food and I-"

"Apples," Osmond interrupted and Carmen paused for a moment, processing this before he threw his head back and laughed beautifully.

"That wasn't the point, Osmond," he said and the older shrugged.

The rest of the ride was surprisingly relaxing for Osmond, despite the part where they landed and he physically curled himself into Carmen's side as if the smaller boy could keep him safe.

He was a bit embarrassed as they slowly exited the plane, but mostly distracted by his joy to be in stable ground that he really didn't care much.

Just before they left their gate their hands pulled apart, as if they both realized that they were still connected. Carmen muttered an apology, but Osmond simply ignored it.

It was when they were waiting for their bags that he could sense there was something on Carmen's mind. The boy kept fidgeting along side of him. At first Osmond thought it was because he was nervous about his violin, but when that was restored to him and he continued to shake Osmond asked him, "what is it, Carmen?"

The same time the other said quickly and nervously, "Osmond, what happened to your parents?"

They both processed the other's words, and Carmen began to chew on his lip.

It had been at dinner two weeks before that Osmond confessed to living with only his aunt but he had yet to offer any other clarification ever time Carmen had asked him about it.

"Carmen-"

"You don't have to tell me," the younger said quickly, pushing his hand through his white blonde hair, which was extremely curly that evening, meaning he had showered before coming to the airport. Osmond took a deep breath. "It was rude of me to ask and none of my bu-"

"They're dead, Carmen". The shorter one fell silent suddenly, his mouth hanging open and Osmond really missed his suitcase as it went past them on the baggage claim. He stepped forwards quickly and grabbed the handle before it was out of reach.

It had been the last bag they were waiting for, but even though they now had it they stood in the same spot silently for what felt like a long time. "I shouldn't have asked," Carmen said and Osmond shook his head at the other, avoiding his eyes.

Carmen looked like he felt absolutely terrible, and Osmond needed to tell him not to worry about it.

"It's okay". And it was. It wasn't too hard to say, he realized, at least not when he was saying it to Carmen, though his throat closed a little, but even that was fixed when he cleared it. "We have a busy day tomorrow. We should go get some food and then rest".

But Carmen wasn't paying attention to his words, only staring up at him blinking.

"Come on, Carmen". 

A/N A little more about Osmond's parents, but still the boy is mysterious as ever