Chapter 42

Two Young and Pure Souls

Hindi ko na inalintan ang sakit ng katawan ko mula sa pagbagsak ko. I let my adrenaline dominate me. Kaagad akong tumayo at tumakbo palapit kay Nika na kasalukuyan nang dinudumog ng mga tao. 

“Excuse me! Excuse me!” I almost screamed as I frantically took steps forward Nika. Napansin ko rin na paparating na dito ang mga paramedics ngunit hindi na ako nag-antay pa na makarating sila. 

“Nika? Nika, can you hear me?” I kept on talking to do an assessment about her ability to respond. 

Her eyes were partly open and her lips are quite parted, trying to murmur something inaudible. 

I immediately kneeled down to palpate Nika’s pulse. My heart thumped when I barely felt a pulse. Mahina at mabagal ang mga pagpitik na nararamdaman ko mula sa mga daliri ko. 

In no time the paramedics came, together with an emergency hospital bed. Hinawi namin ang mga tao na nakaharang sa dadaanan namin. When our way was finally clear, sumabay ako sa pagtakbo sa kanila papasok sa emergency room. 

“The patient’s blood pressure is dropping. Her breathing is unstable,” The nurse kept on announcing her vital signs. I borrowed one of the nurses’ stethoscope to detect her heartbeat. Mabagal at mahina na rin ang pagpintig nito. I tried my best to remain intact despite the panic that is rushing through me. 

“Nika, stay with me. You have to stay with me!” I said as me and the whole team kept on doing our parts to save her. 

Her mouth opened again, as if she wanted to utter something but she couldn’t because she’s trying to catch her breath.

Her half opened eyes looked into mine despite her visible struggle. 

“B-Bree…” That was the last word she uttered before she started having cardiac arrest, her heart stopped from pumping. 

“No! No!” I screamed. 

“Cold blue! Cold blue!” A nurse pressed the code blue. 

“‘Yung backboard!” I commanded. The team immediately secured a backboard under Nika. I immediately did chest compressions, trying to help her heart to pump blood all over her body while a nurse used an ambu bag to manage Nika’s airway and while we’re waiting for the e-cart. Come on, Nika! Come on! 

I kept on counting and counting as I kept on giving her chest compressions. You have to wake up, Nika! You’re so stupid! Why did you push me?! Bakit mo ‘ko iniligtas?!

“Doc, we can switch--” 

“NO!” Hinawi ko ang kamay ng isa sa mga team na gustong pumalit sa akin. I’m responsible for this. I’m so desperate to save her that I choose to ignore the ache, lingering on my muscles as I continue the chest compressions.

Pero bakit gano’n?! Bakit wala pa ring nangyayari? I don’t want this night to end, announcing her time of death. Hinding-hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko. 

“Doc, ako na po…” 

Hindi ko siya pinakinggan, kahit nanghihina ako. Kahit ang sakit-sakit na. Kahit panay pa rin ang mga mata ko sa pagluha, itinuloy ko pa rin.

“Nika? Nika!” 

When I heard Ramirez’s voice, that’s when my muscles finally gave in. He immediately pushed me away and then the next thing I saw was him replacing me in my position to give Nika chest compressions. 

His jaw was twitching hard as he began counting, desperately trying to revive Nika. And then I noticed in the pocket of his coat was Nika’s letter. Wala na ito sa loob ng itim na envelope. Iyong papel na nakatupi na lang ang nasa bulsa ng coat niya. Ibig sabihin ay nabasa na niya ito.

“Come on, Nika. Lumaban ka. I need you to fight, baby. Come on,” The crack in his voice didn’t escape my ears. And when I turned my eyes up to look at his face, I saw fear and pain combined in his features. 

“You can give up but I won’t,” he whispered in full sincerity and hope before facing the team. 

“Everybody clear and turn on the AED,” he commanded. His voice was so firm and full of authority, his tone was full of ‘now or never’. Like he’s a damn soldier ready to give everything to fight this battle against life and death for Nika. 

“This feels like a déjà vu,” Nurse Nick whispered that none of us failed to hear. 

And then I remembered the angel’s name that he mentioned to Bree. 

Ariana. 

Ramirez shot him a quick glance. “But I’m not going to announce the time of death tonight. Not this time,” aniya sa mababa at desidong tono. 

“Defib pads,” he said. I was persistent to save Nika but he was more persistent. I can do nothing about that. This is his battle, I can’t intervene. 

“Charge 250,” 

He looks so persistent and brave, ready to screw every damn grim reaper who would try to even touch a tip of the finger of the pulseless woman lying in front of him. 

“Clear,”

Nika’s chest raised up and then it fell again. There’s still no pulse. 

“Char 300,”

I put a hand to cover my mouth, carefully hiding my sobs as tears kept on falling from my eyes. 

“Clear,”

I waited for her pulse. Still none. My chest was painfully clenching as every second passed by. Please, Nika. Lumaban ka. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko. 

“Charge 350,” 

God, please. She doesn’t deserve to leave. Not yet. All these years she has been fighting her battles silently. She can’t be gone, not until she gets the peace and happiness that she deserves.

“Clear,”

Nagsimula na akong manginig dahil hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin. I have conclusions and diagnosis running in mind just by looking at her, conclusions and diagnosis that I don’t want to accept. 

I looked at Ryan. The hope and persistence in his features were slowly getting dimmed by his fears. 

He shut his eyes for a split second, clenching his jaw hard. “Charge 400,” he commanded through clenched teeth. His eyes were beginning to moist. He looks so damn scared. 

I am too.

“Clear,” he said. I watched Nika’s chest raised up, as if the world just turned slow. Even with the way her chest fell down once again, it was still painfully slow in my sight. 

My eyes were still fixed at Nika, waiting for her pulse to return. Every second that passes by feels like a minute. I can even hear the beat of my heart against my ear. 

Still no pulse. 

I fixed my eyes at Nika who still looked beautiful despite her pulseless body. I’ve always adored her beauty ever since we were just in highschool. I liked how she can rock every outfit she wears.  I like how good her heart is despite the wrong choices that she kept on doing in her life. She’s a good person who does bad things. 

I closed my eyes and a tear from my left eye fell after I did. 

It was a rainy morning and I was in the 9th grade. 

I was running late and I never liked being late. Wala ng katao-tao sa bawat daan na madaanan ko and that made me panic even more, so I decided to run despite my weight and despite how slippery the ground was against the sole of my black leather shoes. 

A small whimper came out from my mouth the moment I slipped, scratching my knee and elbow on the not-so-wet floor. I was wearing a jacket, that's why my blouse was safe from the dirt. 

I wanted to get up as fast as possible but my heavy weight won’t just let me. 

I heard a small giggle somewhere near me. When I tilted my face up, I saw Nika and there was still a left over smile from her lips. 

“Ano ba naman ‘yan, Mona! Ang aga-aga, nanghuhuli ka ng isda diyan.” Natatawa niyang biro sa akin. I can see the straps of her backpack from here. Kakadating niya lang din? Late din siya pero mukhang kalmado pa rin siya. 

“Halika na nga.” Aniya at tinulungan akong makatayo nang hindi ko siya sinagot. 

“Thanks for helping me.” I said, sheepishly the moment I finally got up. 

She didn’t say anything, she just inspected me. “Ayan tingnan mo, nabasa ka na! Bakit ka ba kasi tumatakbo? Ngayon ka lang naman na-late ah,” She said, shoving her hand down to her pocket to get a handkerchief. 

Nagulat ako nang yumuko siya at biglang pinunasan ang putik na nagkalat sa palda ko. She paused when she saw the bleeding scratch on my knee. 

“Uy, may sugat ka!” Aniya at umayos nang tayo upang harapin ako. 

“H-Hayaan mo na. Tara na. Male-late na tayo.” 

“Gamutin natin.” She suddenly said, dropping the fact that we’re both running late. 

“Ayoko nang magpunta ng clinic. Male-late na tayo.” I said. 

Umarko ang isang kilay niya sabay ngiti. “Sinong nagsabing magpupunta tayo ng clinic? Meron kaya akong first-aid kit dito. Hello Kitty pa! Halika na!” Aniya at hinawakan ako sa pulso at inakay papunta sa mga tables na may umbrella. 

She made me sit there. Placing her bag on the round wooden table. Mula doon ay inilabas niya ang isang maliit na first-aid kit na may mukha ni Hello Kitty. She was smiling excitedly all the time. 

“Alam mo ba? Pangarap kong maging nurse paglaki ko. Kaya nga kinulit ko ang Papa ko na ibili sa’kin ‘to kagabi. Mabuti na lang pala binili niya! Tingnan mo, magagamit ko pala sa’yo. Ikaw pala ang una kong magiging pasyente.” Masaya niyang kwento habang nililinis ang sugat ko gamit ang antiseptic. 

I was just watching her clean my wound with a faint smile on my face. She looks passionate and happy in what she’s doing. 

“Oh, ayan. Ang cute!” She said, after placing the red Hello Kitty band aid on my wound. Napangiti ako. Ang cute nga. 

She tilted her face up, looking at me with her bright big eyes. “Ikaw ba, Mona? Anong pangarap mo paglaki mo?” 

“Surgeon.” I said, still smiling at her. 

She beamed a big smile. “Wow. That’s so brave of you,” She said, laughing a little. 

One corner of my lips lifted up,  forming a warm grin. “You are too, Nika…”

A loud and painful sob escaped from my mouth as I recalled the beautiful memory that I had with Nika. We were just two kids talking about our dreams that day, not expecting that this moment is gonna come. She looked so alive and so beautiful in my memory as she talks about the things that she loves. 

And now she’s gone… 

“Oh, God!” I heard Ryan’s voice… and the sound of the machine used to monitor Nika’s pulse. 

“God, thank you! Thank you!” Ramirez sobbed. 

I opened my eyes, feeling all my blood flow freely through every single vein that I have. She came back… Nika came back! Napaupo ako sa sahig at ibinaon ang mukha ko sa palad ko at doon umiyak nang palakas habang patuloy na nagpapasalamat. 

I’ve always known that you are brave, Nika. I always knew. 

--

We were all here in the ICU. Me, Ciel, and Dr. Ramirez, looking after Nika. I told everything when Ciel called me… I said I’m okay but he insisted to come and check on me. I was surrounded by nurses and doctors pero siya lang ang nakapansin sa mga sugat na natamo ko sa siko ko. 

He got so worried, he initiated to do a first aid on me while I teach him what to do. Ikinwento ko na rin sa kanya kung ano ang mga nangyari. I told him about the letter (leaving the parts that were very private for Nika) and about how Nika saved me from getting hit by a truck. 

“Mommy— oops.” The little girl who just got inside the ICU suddenly covered her mouth the moment she saw Nika, lying on the hospital bed. May mga nakakabit pa sa kanya para ma-monitor siya nang husto habang wala pa siyang malay. 

Tito Mael ran an MRI test to Nika. He showed the result and explained it to us, saying that Nika’s brain swelled because of the impact of the accident to her head. She would more likely be in a coma for a few weeks and her being in a coma will allow her brain to recover from swelling. 

Nika broke some ribs too that will eventually heal on their own for a given specific time. 

“How is she? How’s Nika?” 

“Shh! Daddy, be quiet! Mommy’s still sleeping…” 

My jaw clenched hard when I saw Adam, holding the little girl’s hand. So, Adam already knew that Bree was his? And where did he get the audacity to show up here? He should be in jail! 

“Adam?” Ciel said and there’s a confusion in his voice. I looked at him over my shoulder, his eyes were looking back and forth towards Adam, Nika, and then to Bree.

Tumango lang si Adam. “Oo. May anak kami,” he replied in a low tone. I almost barf. Tang ina mo! Ang lakas ng loob mong sabihin na may anak kayo. You ruined Nika! Hayop ka! 

I hardly bit my tongue to control myself from spitting words that I know I will never regret and the only thing that’s keeping me to stay intact is the little girl right here who was cluelessly staring at her mother. 

Her eyes turned up to Ramirez. His back was pressed on the white wall while his hands were crossed against his chest. Tiim bagang at tahimik lamang siyang nakatitig kay Adam. 

“Doctor Ryan, why does my Mommy have some bruises on her face?” Bree whispered carefully, trying not to wake her Mom up. My heart wrecked at the sight. She has no idea of what happened to her Mom… It was my fault. Ako dapat ang nandiyan at hindi siya. 

Ryan’s eyes went down on Bree. When his eyes meet the sweet little girl, his features soften. 

“Come here,” he whispered, stretching an arm, trying to reach out for Bree. 

Bree pulled her hand away from Adam before walking towards Ryan.

Ryan squatted, giving Bree a sad faint grin as he strokes the top of her head using his palm.

“I saw another angel today,” He whispered. 

I felt Ciel’s hands, squeezing my shoulder as we both watched Ryan and Bree talk. 

Bree’s face lightened up. She looked exactly just like her mother. Ganyan na ganyan kung mangningning ang mukha ni Nika noong mga oras na ikinwento niya sa akin ang pangarap niyang maging isang nurse. 

“Really? How did she look?” Excited na excited nitong tanong. 

“Beautiful,” Ryan replied with a faint grin on his lips. “She was wearing a flowy white dress and for the first time I saw her hair pulled down in their natural waves. Just like these,” he said, touching some strands of Bree’s hair. 

“We have the same hair?” Bree’s eyes widened in amusement. 

He smiled. “You do. And the same smile and same pair of wide black eyes… like the color of a strong black coffee.” 

“Aw! She really is beautiful! I can imagine!” Bree beamed. 

Ryan nodded his head, still smiling faintly. “She is… and she’s so much more than that. And it’s sad because she always views herself as something that’s so low, like an old guitar with broken strings and has no use. But if you would ask me, I’ve always looked up to her, the way she managed to save a lot of lives despite the battles that she’s fighting alone makes me adore her everyday. And if God will allow her to view herself through my eyes, she would see how beautiful and precious she was… because through my eyes, she will always be as good as brand new.” 

Adam was just watching them, listening to Ryan’s words with guilt straining his face. 

That’s right, Adam. Go look at that man in front of you that you will never be! 

“Wow, Doctor! You’re so lucky! Mabuti ka pa nakakakita ng angels,” the little girl said, pouting. 

Ryan gave him a faint smile. “You’ve already seen one too,” he said. 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Yes you did,” he whispered, holding Bree by the shoulders, gently spinning her so that she could face Nika who was still unconscious. “Everytime you look at your Mom, you’re seeing an angel too… Because your Mommy is an angel. A brave one,” 

Bree’s little brows furrowed as she looked at Ryan over her shoulder. “If my Mommy is an angel then why is she here and not in heaven?” 

Ryan smiled. “Because she needed to stay… for you,” 

As Ryan and Bree kept talking, I quietly stood up, facing Adam who was looking at the two. 

“We need to talk,” I said through my clenched teeth. “Outside,” I added, nodding towards the door. Hindi ko na kaya. I can’t afford to see this wicked man who ruined Nika and me, roaming around freely. 

He looked at me. There’s still a left over pain and guilt, straining on his face. 

Nagpakawala siya ng isang mababang buntong hininga bago siya tumango. 

I was about to remove Ciel’s hand from my shoulders but he held onto me tightly. 

“Sasama ako,” He said with finality. Alam kong wala siyang tiwala kay Adam kaya wala akong nagawa kung hindi tumango na lamang. I get where he’s coming from. He’s just trying to protect me and besides, I don’t want to be alone with a guy who did nothing but to make women suffer. 

The three of us went out, leaving Ryan, Nika, and Bree inside the ICU. 

Nang makalabas na kami ay hinarap kami ni Adam at tiningnan. He looks troubled and stressed. I wanted to laugh, akala mo naman talaga ay totoo! 

“I just want to ask, Adam… Saan ka kumukuha ng kapal ng mukha para magpakita dito? Where are you getting all the guts to hold and look at your daughter after all the things you’ve done to his mother?” 

His jaw clenched, his head ducking down, looking so defeated. “I just want to see if she’s fine… at pinagsisisihan ko na ang mga nagawa ko,” 

“She was never fine, Adam. After all that you did to her? Sa tingin mo magiging ayos pa siya lalo na’t nandiyan ka at malayang-malaya?! Hindi na!” My voice was firm and low but my words were enough to scream at him. 

Muli niyang inangat ang kanyang mga tingin. His mouth parted but before he could even say his response, a woman’s voice cut him off. 

“Wala ka namang pinagkaiba sa kanya,” 

Pare-pareho kaming napatingin sa nagsalita. 

I met Megi’s eyes, staring at me coldly and full of anger. My mouth parted but no words came out. I was taken aback, she was unapologetic. 

“Parehas lang kayo! You’re also one of those people who hurt ate Nika so stop acting so gracious and holy!” 

“Megi!” It was Ciel.

“Bakit, Kuya? Totoo naman, eh! Alam mo ba kung anong pinaggagawa niyang magaling mong girlfriend? She kept on bullying ate Nika! She always embarrasses her whenever she gets the chance to. Parati niya itong pinag-iinitan dahil alam niyang hindi ito lalaban! She kept on pouring her anger to her without knowing that ate Nika have battles that she’s been fighting all alone!” 

“And you know what’s the worst thing that she did? Ipinagtanggol niya lang naman ang gustong bumastos kay ate Nika kahit alam naman niya kung ano ang tunay na nangyari!” She firmly said, fixing her livid eyes on me. “Pero kahit gano’n ang ginawa mo, she still risked her life just to save you. You know what? You are the deserving one to be on her current position dahil ang sama-sama ng ugali mo! Sana ikaw na lang ang nasagasaan! Sana ikaw na lang ‘yung pinagsamantalahan! Sana—”  

She was suddenly cut off by his brother’s palm, hitting across her cheek. I gasped at the same time that Megi did… at the same time that Ciel did. 

Gulat na gulat na tumingin si Megi kay Ciel habang sapo-sapo nito ang pisngi niya. She looked at Ciel in disbelief as the tears on her eyes kept on streaming. 

“M-Megi, b-baby… I’m sorry. I’m sorry… Kuya is so sorry,” Ciel took a step forward, attempting to touch Megi but before he could even do so, Megi took a step backward, turning her back on us before running away. 

I looked at Ciel who was still taken aback with what he just did. Ang kanyang mga mata ay nakapako sa sahig habang hindi makapaniwalang iniilingan ang kanyang sarili. 

He hooked his palms on the top of his head, sliding them down onto the back of his neck, leaning his head down as he kept on shaking his head while his jaw kept on setting back and forth. 

I don’t even know how to talk to him or how to approach him because he looked so wrecked at the moment. 

I felt a pang on my chest. I just wrecked everyone around me in just a week. I managed to disappoint all the people I love in just a fucking week.