Chapter 40

With Him, She's Finally Home

Anger drives people to do things for them to be able to get even with the person who hurts them... That's what I did. I made a decision to hurt Nika so that I could get even... but why was it hurting me just the same?

It's been two days. Dalawang araw ng wala si Nika dito sa ospital. When I said those words that tasted so bitter on my tongue, I was expecting her to defend herself. But she didn't.

Her lips just parted as she looked at me... I didn't see anger and disappointment in her eyes. All I saw there was an apology.... Apology for hurting me and for turning me into something like this.

"It's okay, Alcantara... You can say something. You can defend yourself," Tito Mael urged her because he wanted to be fair and square. He wanted to give the victim a voice just like he gave the abuser a voice, and me—the liar.

I looked at Nika, a bitter smile drew across her lips before she tilted her head to face Dr. Clavel once again. "There's nothing to defend, sir... you heard her," Her voice was low and firm but the tears kept on falling from her eyes.

"That's not what you were insisting a few minutes ago, Miss Alcantara. You said that Dr. Vargas tried to harass you." Dr. Clavel said.

"I lied. I was the one who threatened Dr. Vargas." She said, making my eyes grow wide as I looked at her, anticipating to look back at me.

"Why would you do such a thing?"

Nika absentmindedly shrugged. "I needed money, I have a daughter that I'm raising on my own. He's rich and I thought I could blackmail him but it turns out that he's loyal to his wife." She stated in a stoic expression.

"I'm sorry for causing such commotion, chief. I will accept whatever the consequences of my actions." She added.

Dr. Clavel's jaw clenched. Dr. Vargas was grinning like a disgusting man he was! And I'm as disgusting as him now!

"Dr. Clavel, Dr. Vargas, and Dr. Sison, maari na kayong lumabas. I would like to discuss things with Alcantara alone..." Dr. Clavel dismissed.

Kaagad na tumayo si Vargas mula sa kinauupuan niya si Dr. Sison ay tumalikod na rin upang humakbang palabas ngunit ako ay nanatili pa rin sa kinauupuan ko habang lumuluhang nakatingin kay Nika.

She gave me a faint smile. "Sige na..." She urged me in an almost inaudible voice.

I felt my heart ripped into two as I stared at her. This is not me... These are not the things that my heart was telling me to do. Hindi ako ganito... I was taught to never pull women down.

"C-Chief—" Before I could even speak to my uncle and take back what I've said, I felt a hand wrapping around my arm.

"Tara na, Dr. Clavel." Matigas na sabi ni Vargas at pwershan akong pinatayo mula sa kinauupuan ko. I was about to open my mouth for a protest but Nika eyed me, slightly shaking her head causing me to back down. I had no choice but to let Vargas drag me out of the room as I looked at Nika while I felt my heart ripping into two.

Reality pulled me in the moment I realized that Megi was standing in front of me, hugging her chart on her chest. She was with Dr. Ramirez. Both of them were looking at me, coldly. My mouth parted and before I could even let my words out, Dr. Ramirez cut me off.

"Will you please excuse us? May pasyente pa kami." Malamig nitong sabi sa akin. Awtomatiko akong tumabi sa kanilang dinadaanan.

I looked at Megi, waiting for her to look at me too but she didn't. Parang mas gusto ko pa iyong mga pag-irap niya at ang mga masasamang tingin niya sa akin kaysa sa ganito.

I clenched my jaw, exhaling a subtle breath before proceeding to the exit. I don't know where to go... Castro was disappointed in me. Ikinwento ko sa kanya ang nangyari and no matter how much she tries to talk to me casually, pansin ko pa rin ang pagka-disappointed niya dahil sa nagawa ko.

Even my Mom... She was very disappointed in me. She said that she still loves me but she will never lie, that decision that I made disappointed her for the first time. That's why I didn't tell my Dad. I don't want to disappoint another person who was close to my heart... Pero sigurado ako ay napag-usapan na nila iyon ni Mommy. And I think by now my Dad was also disappointed in me.

Maybe I'll just go out because the last thing that I want to do is to spend my coffee break, surrounding myself with the people who are disappointed in me.

My eyes were fixed on the ground as I took steps towards the exit. The moment I stepped out from the hospital, the hot night breeze of April is what hitted my skin, causing me to hug myself... Not because I'm cold. But because I needed something to hold onto or else I'll fall apart.

I exhaled a deep breath as I let the air dance with the strands of my hair, closing my eyes as I feel the warm city air.

When I slowly opened my eyes, I paused and my heart dropped the moment I saw Ciel Alfieri, standing for about three feet apart, staring at me with a faint smile on his lips while his hands were shove inside the pocket of his shorts.

I stopped from breathing, feeling the walls around my heart clench. Hindi ako makagalaw mula sa kinatatayuan ko, I was like a statue, every part of my body turned solid and my heart was the only exception because it was ripping. It was ripping into two.

Ciel's faint smile dropped as he inspected me for the past few seconds. He didn't waste a minute anymore because he's now taking steps towards my direction.

And every step he makes breaks my heart even more because I know that he will be one of the people that I will just disappoint tonight. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya ang nagawa ko. I'm not even sure if I'm deserving for those eyes again... Those eyes that never failed to look at me like I'm the most beautiful view in this world.

But I'm far from being that. Because after what I did? I am nothing but an ugly and disgusting person.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked softly, touching my face. My heart ached the moment I heard him call me that.

I shook my head as tears starts streaming down my face. I tried to purse my mouth as hard as I can to trap my sobs inside my lips.

"Mona, what happened? Bakit ka umiiyak?" Punong-puno nang pag-aalala ang kanyang boses habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko gamit ang likod ng kanyang libreng palad.

"Come on, baby... You can tell me. I'll listen."

"I-I just became the worst person that I've sworn I will never be." I confessed, sobbing hard. So hard that I couldn't breathe.

He just looked at me, waiting for my next sentence. His eyes were still full of concern and empathy as he kept on touching my face and wiping my tears.

"Do you remember the last time that we texted? I was at the examine room that time... And while I was texting you, Nika came inside the room... Sumunod sa kanya si Vargas, one of the physicians here... and..." I paused, letting out a pained sobbed. My heart was clenching again as I recall the memory.

"A-And I saw w-with my own two eyes how Vargas tried to harass Nika, Ciel... N-Nakita ko." Patigil-tigil kong kwento dahil panay ang aking paghikbi.

Ciel's jaw clenched, still looking at me wearing the same emotion and expression. "What did you do after?" He asked when I went silent for a second.

Buong pait ko siyang tiningnan sa mga mata niyang puno nang pagmamahal kung makatitig sa akin... at hindi ko alam kung kaya niya pa akong tingnan kagaya ng dati matapos niyang marinig ang sasabihin ko.

"I did what they did to me... I helped Vargas to get away from his crime. I took away the justice from Nika, Ciel... I took away the justice that she deserves..." I confessed, completely losing it. And if Ciel didn't just held me tight and pushed me on his chest, I might have fell on the ground the second I told him about the worst thing that I did.

And it's breaking me how he still managed to hold me even though I don't deserve it anymore. I don't even want to show my face to him after this. Nakakahiya ako. Wala akong kwenta!

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Ciel. I'm sorry for turning to be the person we both hated the most. I'm sorry for turning to be the person who hurt us both. I'm sorry..." I kept on saying through my muffled cries as I tightly grip on his shirt, burying my face on his chest.

"I became the worst person that I swore that I will never be... I let the abuser roam freely and I took away the justice from the victim. N-Napakasama ko, Ciel. Napakasama ng ugali ko! I ought to save lives but the moment I took away the justice from Nika, I killed her too... Wala akong kwenta. Ano pa ang pinagkaiba ko sa mga taong nanakit sa'kin? Wala! Katulad na rin nila ako! Mas masahol pa ako!" Buong hinanakit kong sabi.

I am so angry at myself. I am so angry for giving Vargas more chances to harass other women in this hospital. Baka pati si Megi ay mapahamak pa dahil sa ginawa ko! Dahil sa galit ko!

"Oh, Mona..." I heard Ciel's voice cracked as he held me tight, pressing his lips on the top of my head.

"M-Maiintindihan ko kung iiwan mo 'ko. Maiintindihan ko kung magagalit ka sa'kin. I disappointed you and I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Ciel..." I cried, holding him tight.

I felt his breath near my ear, making me shiver. "Sinong nagsabing iiwanan kita?" He whispered, caressing the top of my head. His words made me sob even harder... Oh my God. He's not going to leave me.

"Mona, I will never leave you just because you did something wrong... Your single mistake will not make me love you less... Kasi alam kong hindi ka naman gano'n. You were not the kind of person who feels delighted by the downfall of others. Baby, I know your heart more than everyone who works in this hospital... I knew so damn well that behind this asshole reputation, is a heart that is full of compassion and love for others. Hindi ka masama, Mona. Nagkamali ka lang."

I held him harder. I cried harder.

His words managed to dig inside my chest, clenching my heart in both pain and in a good way. His words feel so achingly good.

"A-Anong gagawin ko, Ciel? Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko." Umiiyak kong sumbong sa kanya. I've always knew what I have to do pero ngayon ay para akong batang nangangailangan ng gabay.

He held me by the shoulders, slightly pushing me away from him so that he could face me. His eyes searched for mine as his hands gently cupped my face, staring at me intently. The way he stares at me makes me want to melt... I just did something worse and yet he still looks at me like I'm still the best. Not even a single judgment was visible in his eyes.

He gave me his faint and soft smile. "You will do what a Mona Lisa Clavel would do..." He whispered as his thumb started stroking my cheek, getting rid of my tears there.

I smiled at him, nodding my head as another batch of tears fell from my eyes.

"I've said this before and I'm saying it again. Mona, you have a beautiful heart... Listen to what it wants you to do, not what your anger was dictating you to do. You are braver than your hatred. You are more than the ghost of your past."

"Baby, don't put blood in your hands just because you want to get even... Let God fight for you. The world is unfair but God isn't. His judgments are always fair... people will eventually get what they deserve, hindi mo pa lang ito nakikita sa ngayon." Ciel and his incredible words.

I nodded my head, still smiling at him. "Thank you, Ciel. Thank you for always sticking through my highs and lows." I said, tiptoeing so that I could wrap my hands around him.

He hugged me back, resting his cheek on the side of my head. "Anytime, baby. Anytime." He said, kissing the top of my head.

"Kaya pala hindi ka nagrereply sa akin. I thought you were busy ngayon pala ay may problema ka na," aniya at gigil akong niyakap.

"Sorry. Hindi ko nasabi sa'yo. Nahihiya kasi ako at natatakot na baka pati ikaw ay madisappoint sa'kin."

"Ang babaw naman nang tingin mo sa pagmamahal ko sa'yo kung gano'n." He said, quite offended.

"Sorry na... Naunahan lang ako ng takot at hiya." I said, hugging him tight and resting my cheek on his chest as I inhaled his intoxicating scent.

Hindi siya sumagot, mas niyakap niya lang ako pabalik.

Nag-angat ako nang tingin sa kanya. "Ciel." I called him.

Nagbaba siya nang tingin sa akin sabay taas ng kanyang dalawang kilay. "Hmm?"

"You're the best boyfriend ever and... I love you." I said in all honesty and sincerity, looking at his deep brown eyes. His face lit up as a sweet smile formed in his lips, showing me that parenthesis-like dimple.

"Alam mo talaga kung paano ako baliwin, ano?" Gigil niyang niyang sabi bago niya ikiniskis ang tungki ng ilong niya sa ilong ko. Napahagikgik ako sa ginawa niya.

I pushed my face up to press a quick peck on his lips. "I have to go back inside... I'll talk to the chief. See you at my place... or yours?" I whispered.

"My place. Magluluto ako." Aniya.

I narrowed my eyes, giving him a teasing grin. "Wow. Magluluto si Captain Alfieri."

"Don't get your hopes high. It was just an instant noodle that I bought at the convenience store, tapos lalagyan ko ng repolyo at carrots para fancy."

"What will you call that dish then? Lucky Me Na Pinilit Gawing Healthy?" I teased him.

He smirked. "No. It's Lucky Me ala fucking Alfieri." He said and we both laughed at his silliness. This was actually the first time that I laughed in two days. He just knew how to take all the weight in my chest.

"Sige na. I'll see you at your place. Ingat ka sa pagda-drive." I remind him.

"Opo. Ingat ka rin mamaya pag-uwi." He said, giving me a quick peck on the lips. "And wash your face before you talk to Tito Mael. Your eyes and nose were red from all the crying." He said, brushing his palm through my forehead, wiping my sweat.

I just smiled at him before finally turning my back. Ngunit hindi pa mana ako tuluyang nakakalayo ay muli kong narining ang pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko.

"Mona!"

I looked at him over my shoulder, still wearing the smile that he just gave me.

"I'm proud of you..."

I paused for a while. Feeling my heart turn into butter once again.

"Proud kaagad? E, hindi ko pa nga naitatama ang pagkakamali ko." I said, laughing a little as I look at him in disbelief.

He gave me his warm smile. "You realized your mistake and that's something to be proud of."

He said and I just gave him my sweetest smile. I love how your mind works, Ciel Alfieri.

--

"Dr. Clavel," I said, getting his attention. I've been sitting here in front of him for about two minutes now.

"Hmm?" He responded, still busy with the papers in front of him.

"I have something important to say." I told him but that still didn't make me get all of his attention.

"And I don't know if you can still consider me as your 'favorite niece' after hearing this." I continued despite the lack of attention that he's giving me.

From the papers, his eyes lifted to mine making my heart beat ten times faster.

His brows slowly creased, looking at me with confusion in his face.

"What happened?" He asked, serious and with a hint of concern.

I clenched my jaw, gathering all my strength to right all my wrongs. "Take Nika back... Hind tama na pinaalis mo siya, Tito Mael. She doesn't deserve to be kicked out of this hospital," I said, causing his brows to crease even more.

"Are you questioning my decision? I don't want to kick her out but she's dangerous, you know that. Hindi ba't witness ka ni Vargas? Isa pa, nakausap ko siya, she admitted all her wrongs. And I made the decision to kick her out to maintain the safety environment here in this hospital among the staff."

I clenched my fist on my lap, feeling disgusted with myself upon hearing that from Dr. Clavel. "You kicked out the wrong person, Chief. Kung meron mang umalis dito it should be Vargas. Or me! Pwede rin. Because I stood up for the abuser and put all the blame on the victim." I said, bracing myself up.

"Ano ba'ng sinasabi mo, Mona?" He asked in confusion, removing his specs to look at me with his narrowed eyes.

"I just finished one of my surgeries kaya nagpunta ako sa examine room to sit and text Ciel... Biglang pumasok si Nika at sumunod si Vargas. And it turned out that Vargas deceived her, saying that there's a patient waiting to be examined pero ang totoo, he did that so that he could harass Nika."

"I don't understand you. Bakit... Bakit ngayon mo sinasabi iyan? Hindi ka pwede basta-basta mambintang ng ganyan lalo na't sarado na ang kaso. Isa pa, Vargas is an asset in this hospital. I can't just kick him out because you said so. And I don't think Vargas could do that. I know him. He loves his wife."

"You don't know him well, Tito! He's a manipulative liar!" Giit ko sabay bukas sa phone ko. I went to my gallery, playing the video as proof how disgusting Vargas is. If you would ask me, ayaw ko nang panoorin o kahit marinig man lang ang video na iyan dahil parang binibiyak ang puso ko. But this is the only way.

I saw how Tito Mael's color drained. He didn't even finish the video. Pinatay niya kaagad ito at pabagsak na ibinaba ang phone ko sa mesa niya.

His eyes darted in mine then his mouth parted, looking at me in disbelief.

"You have this proof to you all along and still, you had the audacity to lie?"

It wasn't my intention to lie. I actually recorded that video so that I could help Nika but the moment I heard Vargas' words, triggering all the memories that I've been wanting to forget, I completely lost it. And I hate myself from losing it.

"I'm... I'm sorry." I said, looking down. I couldn't take the intimidation in his aura.

"This was the first time that I felt disappointed in you."

His harsh words were like acid rain, pouring on my wounded heart.

I slowly lifted my eyes to look at him once again.

I gave him a faint smile. "I am too... But I will be more disappointed in myself if I let another day pass without standing up for Nika. And for all those women that Vargas would do wrong in the future."

For Megi, for Mirae, for Kaye, and for all the women working in this hospital.

It was almost 1 AM nang makauwi ako. I used the spare key that Ciel gave me to get inside his condo. I told him over text that I'll be home by 10 but there was an emergency that happened with one of my patients that's why I wasn't able to get home as early as I promised.

A faint smile drew across my lips the moment I saw Ciel, peacefully sleeping on the couch with the television still on. Kawawa naman ang Ciel ko. Nakatulog na kaka-antay sa akin.

Maingat kong kinuha ang remote na hawak niya at pinatay ang telebisyon. He was lying on his side, facing towards my direction, wearing a shirt and sweatpants.

I carefully placed my bag on the single seater sofa before getting inside his room to get a folded extra blanket, stored under his pillow. I carried it along with me as I marched back inside the living room.

I flawlessly removed my shoes using my feet, I left my socks on and then I slipped beside him, covering the both of us with the blanket that I brought.

I felt him move against my back. And it didn't take him long enough to recognize me even though he was facing my back because he immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling my back closer on his chest, spooning me.

He nuzzled the side of my neck and without saying a word, he went back to sleep without demanding for an explanation as to why I was late because he understands. He always does.

A soft smile formed on my lips as I closed my eyes. After those two sleepless and exhausted nights, I will finally get to sleep peacefully under the arms of my home— Captain Ciel Dmitri Alfieri III, my hot damn incredible boyfriend that I will never trade for anything in this world.