Chapter 4

Mona Lisa

“Ciel…” Tawag ko sa kanya na kasalukuyang isinusuot ang strap ng bag niya sa kanyang balikat. Mag-isa lang siya sa row nila… Cyprian, Adam, and Logan are on the teacher’s desk, passing and scanning their answer sheet. 

He tilted his head to look at me, raising both his brows. 

Humakbang ako papalapit sa kanya, bitbit ang limang pahina ng naka stapler na papel. 

Few of our classmates are still here, iyong iba naman ay umalis na pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng ‘Amen.’

I hand him the stapled papers. Nagbaba siya nang tingin doon bago niya ako tiningnan. “What is that?” Kunot noo niyang tanong. 

“Reviewers. Para bukas ‘yan. Pinang-print na rin kita ng copy and I’ve already highlighted all the important details there.” I told him. 

Mas lalong nangunot ang kanyang noo habang pinagmamasdan ako. Hindi niya alam kung ngingisian niya ba ako o ngingiwian. I clenched my teeth. 

Tanggapin mo na lang para makauwi na ako, please. 

“Thanks. But you don’t have to this…” He said, finally accepting the reviewer. 

“I just want to give you back the same favor that you did for me.” I shrugged. 

Natawa siya nang bahagya. “Mona, that was like two months ago…” 

Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi ko. I know. But the conversation that we had created a big impact on me. And I really appreciate all his subtle ways of defending me everytime his friends tries to bully me. 

Ngayon lang may gumawa nang ganoon sa’kin. 

All my life I have always been disregarded but then he came, he saw me and somehow… he saved me. 

For people who often get neglected and often get abused my this cruel world, sometimes, it’s the small things that pushes us to keep going.  

I heard him sigh. “Salamat ulit dito.” Aniya nang mapagtanto niyang hindi ako makasagot. 

Nginitian ko lamang siya and I was about to go pero natigilan ako nang biglang sumulpot si Nika. 

“Hi, guys!” She greeted us, eyeing the reviewers that I just have Ciel. 

“What are those?” Inginuso niya ang hawak ni Ciel. 

“Ah, these?” Ciel looked down on the stapled papers that he’s currently holding. “These are reviewers. Mona gave it to me.” He said. 

Nika gave me a quick glance and I’m certain that I notice her rise a brow. And when she diverts her gaze back to Ciel, her face lit up. 

“Pwede ko bang ipa-photox? Please? Wala pa kasi akong reviewer, e.” She asked Ciel nicely, slightly batting her lashes. 

Ciel gave me a quick glance before looking back at Nika. “Si Mona ang gumawa nito. Sa kanya mo sabihin.” He said. 

Tiningnan ako ni Nika. “Mona?” She smiled at me. One that looks forced and holds a grudge. 

I nodded immediately. “S-Sure.” Sabi ko na lang. 

Masigla niyang tiningnan si Ciel at pumalad siya dito. Inabot naman ni Ciel kaagad sa kanya ang reviewer na ginawa ko. 

“Thank you, Ciel!” Nika said. “Saan ko ‘to pwedeng ibalik sa’yo?” She asked. 

Ciel just shrugged. “I’ll be here until 7, nasa covered court ako at magte-training.” 

“Oh, okay. Pupuntahan na lang kita mamaya.” Nika said, excitedly. 

Ciel just nodded his head. Kung titingnan mo ay bagay talaga silang dalawa. Parati ngang nali-link si Ciel at Nika sa isa’t-isa tuwing may nagdi-discuss iyong mga teacher na hindi boring, iyong tipong nakikipag-asaran din sa mga estudyante nila. 

Actually, pati sa akin ay meron din. But it’s not the kind of typical linkings katulad ng isang maganda at gwapo sa isang classroom. Mine’s the kind of link that was made for entertainment. Nili-link nila ako doon sa isa kong kaklaseng lalaki na medyo outcast din, iyong tipong skinny, maliit ang height, at palaging napagti-tripan sa barkda. Tapos siya pa itong diring-diri sa akin.

Napipikon talaga siya kapag sinisimulan na nila kaming asarin tapos buong classroom mapupuno na nang tawanan. Unlike kapag si Ciel at Nika na, puro tili at kilig ang maririnig at makikita mo. 

I really hate how inequality goes everywhere. I’m not asking to be loved or to be adored by many, I just wanted to be respected because I deserve that. Everyone deserves to be respected regardless of their appearance, status, gender, and stand in life. 

“Woah. Since when did you guys learn on how to speak fluent pig?” 

I was just talking about respect and then Adam came in, the guy who don’t know how to give respect. 

“Adam!” Saway ni Nika sa kanya habang nagpipigil ng tawa. 

He put an arm around Ciel’s shoulder. 

Bahagya siyang tinulak ni Ciel sa dibdib. “Fuck off. Magte-training na ‘ko,” Ciel said, frowning. Adam just chuckled without removing his hand on Ciel’s shoulder. 

Dumako ang mga mata niyang mapamintas sa reviewer na hawak ni Nika. 

“Ano ‘yan? Kodigo?” Mahina niyang sabi habang maingat na lumilinga-linga sa paligid. 

Hinampas ni Nika sa ulo niya ang reviewer sabay irap. “Duh! Reviewer ‘to! Ginawa ni Mona para kay Ciel.” 

Lumawak ang mga mata ni Adam sabay tingin sa akin. Unti-unting gumuhit ang isang ngisi sa kanyang mga labi bago niya pinukulan nang tingin si Ciel. 

“Iba ka talaga, Alfieri. Gwapo na, wais pa. Gusto ko ‘yan.” He said, messing Ciel’s curly hair a little. 

Ciel’s brows creased as he clicked his tongue, pushing Adam’s wrist away from his hair. “Pinagsasasabi mo?” 

Adam just laughed, finally removing his arm on Ciel’s shoulder. Tiningnan niya si Nika nang nakangisi and Nika’s face suddenly turned into a flabbergasted one. 

“Really?” She asked, Adam, gasping. 

Adam nodded, a grin that cannot be trusted formed on his lips. 

Parehas lang kaming nakatingin ni Ciel sa kanilang dalawa at hindi namin sila maintindihan. 

Ciel slightly shook his head as he clicked his tongue. “Aalis na ‘ko.” Tiningnan niya ako at tinanguan. “Salamat ulit.” Aniya bago tuluyang tumalikod. 

Kaming tatlo ay pare-parehas namin siyang sinundan nang tingin habang kasalukuyan siyang papalapit kay Cyprian. 

“Ingat!” Nika said, smiling. Hindi humarap si Ciel, tuloy-tuloy lang ang paglapit niya kay Cyprian at tinapik ito sa balikat bago tuluyang lumabas. 

Nang mapagtanto kong naiwan akong mag-isa kina Nika at Adam ay bigla akong nakaramdam nang pagkailang. Lalo nang sabay nila akong tiningnan. 

“Crush mo si Ciel, ano?” Tanong ni Adam habang mayabang akong nginingisian. 

Tiningnan ko si Nika na ngayon ay nakatingin sa akin at parang nag-aabang nang sagot. I felt my cheeks flushed as my tongue got tied. 

“H-Hindi, ah!” I denied. Damn. Bakit ba ako pinagpawisan nang malapot sa tanong ni Adam? 

Hindi ko naman talaga crush si Ciel. Well, he constantly cross my mind in everything that I do. I always forget how to breathe everytime he’s near and my heart always skips a beat whenever I see him smile so, no, I don’t have a crush on Ciel. Not even a bit. 

“Ano? Sinong may crush kay Ciel?” 

Mas lalong dumagdag ang pamumula ng mga pisngi ko nang biglang dumating sina Gemma at Courtney na todo ngisi. Damn. They are blocking my way. 

Adam let out a mocking laugh. “Ayan, si Mona.” He nodded his head towards me. 

My eyes narrowed. “H-Hindi sabi! Hindi ko siya crush!” I denied. 

“Sure? Bakit mo siya ginawan ng reviewer? At bakit siya lang when you could have created for the whole class?” Nika said. Usually, si Nika talaga ang pinaka hindi ko maintindihan ang ugali sa tatlo. 

There are some times that she’s nice to me and there are some times like she wanted to eat me alive. 

“It’s not my obligation to create a reviewer for the whole class…” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat before fixing my eyes on the floor. 

“Ay lumalaban na!” Hagikgik ni Gemma. 

Kaagad akong nag-angat nang tingin kay Nika para depensahan ang sarili ko. “H-Hindi. Sinasabi ko lang…” 

Umarko ang isa niyang kilay at mas lalong sumilay ang iritasyon sa kanyang mukha. “At si Ciel ay obligasyon mong gawan? Gano’n ba ‘yon?” 

Umawang ang aking bibig ngunit walang salitang lumabas. My thoughts were turning into knots. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko. 

Courtney laughed. “Girl, chill! H’wag mong sabihing pati si Mona pinagseselosan mo? Sa tingin mo magugustuhan siya ni Ciel? Sis, joke ba ‘yon?” 

Narinig ko ang pagtawa nila Adam at Gemma. Tiningnan ako ni Courtney. “Sis, crush mo ba talaga si Ciel? Gusto ko lang sanang itanong kung bakit? At saan ka kumuha ng lakas ng loob?” Her voice was soft yet full of sarcasm. 

“Gaga ka, Courtney!” Ang sarap nang tawa na pinakawalan ni Gemma at maging si Adam. 

I bit my bottom lip as I felt a pang on my chest. Bakit? Wala na ba akong karapatang magka-crush dahil mataba ako? Alam ko namang hindi niya ako magugustuhan, e. Hindi naman ako umaasa, hinahangaan ko lang siya. 

“Iiyak na ‘yan! Iiyak na ‘yan!” Adam chanted, clapping his hands. 

Tiningnan ko si Nika na mukhang irita pa rin sa akin at kahit anong pagpapalubag loob ang gawin ng mga kaibigan niya ay hindi pa rin siya tumatawa. 

“Uuwi na ‘ko. Magrereview pa ako…” Mahina kong sabi at tumingin sa baba. Akmang lalampasan ko na sana si Nika pero mabilis niyang nahawakan ang braso ko kaya natigilan ako. 

“Mona, mabait ako kung mabait. Pero ang ayaw ko lang talaga ay iyong may kaagaw ako kay Ciel.” 

I slightly nodded my head. “You can’t even consider me as one of your competition, Nika… I’m way too out of his league. Your league.” 

“Ano daw? Justice League?” Adam commented.

“Bobo!” Gemma spats. 

Ngumisi si Nika. “Kunsabagay, tama ka. Hindi naman mga matataba ang bagay kay Ciel, e. Tingnan mo nga, ni hindi ko mahawakan nang maayos ang braso mo.” She said, squishing my fat arm using her hand. 

Tumingin silang lahat sa braso kong pinipisil-pisil niya habang nakangisi at saka sila nagtawanan. Pakiramdam ko lahat ng dugo ko sa katawan ay umakyat sa mukha ko. 

Mabilis kong inagaw ang braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya at kaagad na kinuha ang bag ko. “Uuwi na ‘ko,” mahina at mabilis kong paalam sa kanila. 

I took frantic steps towards the exit of the classroom. Hanggang sa paglabas ko ay naririnig ko pa rin ang tawanan nila sa ulo ko. 

It sucks when people starts laughing after pointing out all the parts of your body that you have been very insecure about. They don’t know how hard it is to look at my reflection through the mirror without feeling disgusted with myself. 

Hindi pa nga buo ang kompyansa ko sa sarili, winawasak na nila kaagad ito. 

Natigilan ako sa paglalakad nang may mabunggo ako. “Sorry! Sorry!” Nakayuko kong sabi at akmang lalagpasan ko na ang taong nabunggo ko ngunit naramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa magkabila kong braso na naging dahilan upang matigilan ako. 

My heart thumped as panic rise through my chest. Tiningnan ko kung sino ang lalaking humahawak sa akin at parang lahat ng dugo ko sa katawan ay lumipat sa mukha ko dahil sa kahihiyan at pagkailang nang makita ko ang pawising si Ciel. 

Umatras ako at kaagad at inagaw ang mga braso ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya. I really, really hate my big fat arms kaya ayaw na ayaw ko silang pinapahawak. At mas doble pa ang kahihiyang nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil si Ciel mismo ang humawak nang mga iyon. 

Umawang ang bibig niya. He’s already in his training out fit and his arms and neck are bathing with sweat. 

“Ayos ka lang ba?” Tanong niya sa’kin. 

“O-Oo. Ayos lang. Sorry hindi kita nakita.” Sabi ko. 

Tiningnan niya ako nang ilang saglit bago siya tumango. “Sige, balik lang ako ulit sa classroom. May nakalimutan ako.” He said before jogging towards our classroom. 

Hindi ko na siya sinunad nang tingin, tuloy-tuloy na lang akong naglakad paalis. Up until this second, I can still feel his hot palms on my fat arms and instead of feeling giddy, I fucking feel disgusted with myself. 

Bakit ba kasi ganito? I’m so tired of enduring all the insults and all the disgusted look at people kept on throwing at me. I’m so tired of not having the freedom to like someone because the world keeps on telling me that I don’t have the right to.  

I’m so tired of not being listened to. I’m so tired of not being picked. I’m so tired of hating every bit of me. 

For once, I want to experience how it feels to live and not just exist. 

“Hey!” Natigilan ako sa paglalakad sa may boulevard nang bigla kong marinig ang isang pamilyar na tinig ng isang lalaki.

Dahan-dahan kong hinarap ang pinangagalingan ng boses and my heart automatically roared inside my chest the moment I saw Ciel, jogging towards me. He’s in his volleyball jersey and his curly hair is bouncing a little as he approached me. 

“Ano na naman?” Kunot noo kong sabi sa kanya. Gusto ko nang umuwi, e. Excited na ‘kong magkulong sa kwarto ko at iiyak ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. 

Ngumisi siya. “Uuwi ka na? Pasabay. May bibilihin ako sa labas.” Aniya. 

Tiningnan ko siya nang ilang saglit bago ako nagkibit balikat. “Ikaw ang bahala.” Sabi ko bago ako nag-umpisang maglakad ulit. 

Sinabayan niya naman ako. Talagang tumapat pa siya sa akin. Ako na lang ang nahiya nang tingnan kami ng mga iilang estudyante. Of course, Ciel is a head turner kaya malaki talaga ang posibiladad na titingnan kami. 

Nandito pa rin ang araw pero wala gaanong mga estudyanteng pagala-gala. All you could see are few college students. Iyong iba ay papasok at iyong iba naman ay mukhang pauwi na. 

“Ba’t ka sad?” He asked out of nowhere. Tiningnan ko siya nang ilang saglit. He was looking at me and I saw no trace of grin on his face. Seryoso siya nang tanungin ako. 

Bakit alam niya? 

“I’m not sad… I’m pissed.” Sabi ko na lamang. 

“Then why are you pissed?” He rephrased his question.

“Because it sucks being a fat ass…” Sagot ko habang diretso lamang ang tingin. 

“No, it doesn’t.” Sagot niya na naging dahilan upang muli ko siyang tingnan. I met his deep dark brown eyes. 

“How would you know? Hindi ka naman mataba. You’re fit and almost everyone worships the ground that you’re walking in.” Sabi ko. 

“I didn’t choose this fate, Mona. It chose me.” Nakangisi niyang sabi. 

I rolled my eyes at him. Ang yabang! Pero ang gwapo pa rin… Nakakainis. 

He chuckled, nudging me on the shoulder. “Come on. It doesn’t really suck being a fat ass. What sucks is you not being confident and proud of your own skin.” 

I looked at him straight face. “Madali lang sabihin sa’yo ‘yan kasi gwapo ka…” 

“Thank you.” Aniya at nginisian ako. 

“Ewan ko sa’yo,” Iling-iling kong sabi. 

Natawa siya nang bahagya bago siya nagpakawala ng isang marahang buntong hininga. “There’s nothing wrong with being fat, you can never define beauty using the numbers that you see in a weighing scale. You don’t have to be perfect to prove yourself that you’re beautiful. The mere fact that you are made of flaws and imperfection makes you beautiful already… those flaws are part of your identity, don’t ever try to get rid of the parts that makes you, you.” 

“Mona, there are a lot of plus size women out there who can rock and walk like nobody’s business. So, what’s stopping you? Do not ever let anyone degrade you. Stop accepting and feeding your confidence with their insults. Learn how to fight back, Mona dahil hindi naman laging may handang magtanggol sa’yo.”

I clenched my jaw as his words began hitting me on my chest once again. Damn! His words never failed to save me.

Ciel Alfieri and the way his mind works terrifies me. He has this mind that’s screaming with all the gorgeous colors existing. 

“You just know all the right words to say that sometimes it scares me…” Nakangisi kong sabi sa kanya. “Madalas kasi puro kagaguhan ang lumalabas sa bibig mo,” I added, slightly laughing. 

He smiled, ignoring my remark. “I think you should live by your name. Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa isn’t just famous because of her mischievous smile but it is also because Da Vinci broke the standards of how portrait paintings should be during those times.” 

I looked at him, a soft grin forming on my lips. He’s right. The reason why my parents named me after Mona Lisa is because they knew that someday, I will stand out because of my uniqueness. And for them, I am a work of art. 

“What? I did my research.” He said, raising a brow at me. 

Natawa ako nang bahagya. “Alam mo ba kung anong pangalan ng Daddy ko?” 

Umiling siya. “Hindi. Hindi naman kita kapatid.” 

Again, I chuckled before rolling my eyes at him. “It’s Devin Sy Clavel.” 

His eyes narrowed and his lips parted a little in amusement. “Putangina.” 

I laughed. “I know, right.” I said. But it was just purely coincidence. Hindi nila ako pinangalanang Mona Lisa dahil doon. 

“At least si Devin Sy may katulong sa paggawa sa’yo. E, si Da Vinci mag-isa niya lang ipininta si Mona Lisa.” He joked. 

Muli akong natawa nang magets ko ang sinasasabi niya. “Baliw!” 

“Sy, huh? So may lahi kang Chinese?” He said. 

Tumango ako. “Yes. One eight.” I said. ‘Yung Daddy ko kasi one fourth lang na Chinese. 

“Mona…” He called my name and his face grew serious. 

“Bakit?” Nagtataka kong tanong. 

“Sa amin ang West Philippine Sea.”