A/N: Sorry for the short length! I'll make up for it next chapter :)


Chapter 9: "Because not everyone has the IQ of a dead raccoon like you do."

As Luke grinned mischievously, holding out the stool for me to sit in, I couldn't help but be suspicious.

You really couldn't blame me. That smile was responsible for a few broken bones between us and lots of grounding time.

"Sit down," he urged, beckoning me.

"You first," I replied firmly.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm just trying to make up for being a rude arse, now will you just sit?"

"No," I replied firmly.

He let out an exasperated sigh and patted the seat of the stool. "C'mon," he urged. "Sit while I'm feeling polite."

I shrugged, feeling too tired to put up a fight. "I'm going to regret this," I muttered as I stalked towards him and made a move to sit in the stool he'd pulled out for me.

Except I didn't get to sit down, because the twat ripped it away just as my bum was about to touch it, making me fall to the floor.

While he was cracking up, I rolled my eyes. "I really should've expected that," I mused, picking up the other stool. While he was choking on his own spit like some sort of delusional hyena, I calmly swept it behind his knees.

His knees immediately buckled and he pitched forward, landing in a similar position to me from a few moments earlier. He smirked up at me. "Nice," he commented admiringly. "Now help me up?"

I ignored him. "Nope," I rejected, scooting away from his flailing limbs. I wouldn't put it past him to pull me down next to him. I could do without the added bruises, thank you very much.

"Jordy!" he griped, still on the floor.

"You know," I said candidly, "you seem to find yourself in this position quite often, don't you think?"

"No thanks to you."

I smiled mildly at him as he stayed lazily on his arse. "Get up," I told him. "Or I'll eat all the cake."

Before I could even lean forward, his hands grabbed the legs of my stool and he hauled himself up, sitting down on the stool next to me.

"I knew that would get you, you greedy skinny fatso," I said smugly.

"Skinny fatso is an oxymoron," he replied haughtily, turning his nose up.

"You're an oxymoron," I said immediately, then mentally face palmed at how horrible that comeback was.

He smirked deviously, his bright eyes shining as he glanced at me. I was such a moron. "If you mean because I am both sexy and handsome, I agree."

I take it back. Luke was probably the most gigantic fucking moron I have ever laid eyes on. "Those aren't opposites, you dumbfuck," I scoffed. "They mean the exact same thing."

"Don't be mean to me!" he objected, shoving me. I glared at him and his annoying whiny voice. God, how could so many girls be in love with this idiot? "Why are you so polite to everyone except me?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Because not everyone has the IQ of a dead raccoon like you do." That was a lie, of course. Luke was far from dumb - in fact, he was only ranked second in our year behind me. But he lacked this really important thing in life called common sense.

He gasped, crossing an arm over his heart. "That hurt, it really did," he said sarcastically, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

I eyed him and tried to inconspicuously scoot away. My urge to stay away from him only heightened when he looked at me like that. Every time I caught sight of it, bad things were sure to follow because of his lack of a stupidity filter.

He struck his foot out and hooked it around the legs of my stool, jerking it to him. I let out a string of curses as I pitched forward into his waiting arms.

"You stupid piece of arrogant ass," I said mildly, blinking in annoyance as he smirked at me.

"You mean you stupid piece of arrogant ass with a sexy ass," he corrected. I was literally on his lap, an uncomfortable position between his thighs and the stool.

"No, I'm pretty sure I got my adjectives right, now will you let go?"

He contemplated it for a minute, holding me in place. Not that I would've moved, because he probably would've shoved me back on the floor like the dipshit he was. "Will you apologise?" he asked thoughtfully.

I rapped the side of his head, trying to stab him with my eyes. It wasn't working because he remained looking like the goofball he always was. "Is anyone in there?" I replied incredulously. I pretended to listen and then smiled mockingly. "No? Oh, just as well - no, I am not going to apologise, you knob."

He shoved my hands away and rolled his eyes. "Puh-lease, we all know that there's a dancing hooker in my brain right now. It's terribly impolite of you not to greet her, Jordy."

I shot him my most unimpressed look. "Are you serious right now, am I just dreaming this idiocy?" I reached over and pinched his arm. "Nope, definitely real."

"Ow!" he whined, even though I knew I could never hurt him in any way whatsoever. "What was that for? Why did you pinch me?"

"Well, I'm certainly not going to pinch myself," I replied smartly, sliding off of his lap and back into my own stool.

"Now you have two people to apologise to," he continued, blatantly ignoring me. "Me, and Desmona, my dancing brain hooker."

"Your dancing brain hooker?" At least now I knew why he was so perverted all the time. 

Oh for the love of God, I didn't come here to listen to him prattle on about his bloody brain hooker. Why did I agree to this torture again? Oh yeah, I didn't. I was forced. This could be classified as secondhand child abuse. "Hey Luke," I said conversationally, casually picking up a square of white chocolate and coconut cake.

"What?" he asked curiously, turning around to face me.

I shoved the piece in his stupid, open mouth and smiled smugly as he choked on it. "Shut up from now," I advised helpfully.

He swallowed down the piece and narrowed his eyes. "Oh, bring it on, baby."

Well fuck.

***

"What do you mean, you got banned for life from the bakery?" Mum asked in a deathly calm voice that almost made me piss in my skirt out of fear.

I cringed away from the phone and cast a furious glare at Luke. He simply smirked back, his cake covered face making him look ridiculous. "Well, Mum," I began. "I didn't stutter, you see. But I have to say before you kill me that I warned you not to leave Luke and I alone!" You'd think she'd learn after having to rush to the hospital so many times in the middle of the afternoon because of some stupid stunt Luke had pulled me into.

"Darling," she thundered, making my calm exterior crack as I let out a terrified squeak. My mother's screaming/deathly calmness had always been enough to put the fear of God in me. Sure she was a happy-go-lucky, somewhat perverted and delusional, casual mum at times. Then she had her I-am-Hulk-hear-me-roar moments that made me want to go hide in a sewer for the rest of my life.

And Luke was just laughing at my fright, the vindictive little bastard. "Yes Mum?" I asked, after clearing my throat several times. It can smell fear.

Yes, I did just call my mother an 'it.' "Why were you two banned from the bakery?"

I paused. There were two ways I could go with this. I could blame the whole thing on Luke, because it was his fault after all, but then again my mother would still blame me for not 'taming his wild side.' Oh please, that boy didn't have a wild side. He was wild inside and out.

And no, not in bed. Hell am I supposed to know that, you perv?

The other way would be to divert her attention long enough for it to be acceptable to hang up. Yup, that was the plan. "We picked a chocolate cake with ganache and raspberry filling," I interrupted the deep, calming breaths she always took when she was a hair's breadth away from becoming violent.

I could hear her stop panting. "At least you did something right," she huffed, shuffling around on the other end. I heard her yell, "Rita, can we switch kids? Mine's an idiot!" in the background. Thanks Mum. Feeling the love right now.

"Well yes," I said smartly. "And we were able to sign for Molly and have it ordered and stuff." But that was before the old man saw the wreck of the cake tasting room. God only knows if the smarmy old badger would dump our order after that fiasco.

Luke thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a cake fight. A one-sided cake fight that consisted of him lobbing every piece of cake he could at me before I got fed up and kicked Luke Junior very hard. Needless to say, it was all over after that. I'd been called several things by him since then: "baby killer," "buttmuncher," and "Desmona destroyer" being the main ones. Don't even ask about that last one, I didn't even know what I'd done to his poor little brain hooker.

"It's three tiered," I added, as she stayed silent. I was literally praying for my life right now. "And I asked him to frost in with chocolate frosting and decorate it with fresh raspberries." I was hoping to mollify her enough so that she wouldn't continue to press the whole "banned for life" situation. I was sure the old guy was bluffing though. 

"Three tiered?" she repeated, and I could practically hear her voice wavering.

"Wait, no, it's actually five tiered," I corrected. "And I asked the guy to add one of those bride and groom figurines on the top."

"Did you make sure it looked like Molly and Mark?"

"Yeah, both of them are brown haired, blue eyed."

I heard her let out a great gust of breath. "Well at least you did what you were supposed to," she muttered in annoyance, as though she'd actually wanted to chew me out. Bitch.

"Yes, we did Mum," I replied tiredly. "Regardless of what happened, we did what we were supposed to."

"Fine, we'll talk at Lucas's house," she replied shortly, before hanging up.

"Bye to you too," I told the empty line sullenly before turning and piercing Luke with my eyes.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"Exactly how many places in the past few years have we been banned for life from?" I asked wearily.

His face scrunched up as he thought, his long fingers tapping the steering wheel as he drove. "A lot," he admitted.

"More than I can count on two hands," I replied pointedly.

"Seriously?" He grinned in triumph, making my glare that much more intense. "We hit a new record."

I threw my arms up in despair. "You know, Luke, I've never had a minute of peace with you around."

He just continued to grin, his eyes twinkling wickedly. "And you wouldn't want it any other way."

As I stared at his handsome face and warm hazel eyes, I realised something that startled me.

He was right. I wouldn't want it any other way.



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Hallo my lovelies! I'm sorry for the short chapter, but aren't they so adorable? Don't you just want to pinch their cheeks?


Thanks for all your support!