Chapter 28: "What other air am I supposed to breathe?"

Seth, Marie, and Carly were coming in two days, as soon as Seth could get off work. I called Dad, and I called his secretary, and I called his boss. He never picked up, and his boss and secretary refused to tell me what happened to him, even after I told them that his wife was dead.

That was the man who had planted his sperm three times inside my mum's body, slowly killing her more and more each time. If you asked me, he was at fault more so than anyone else. He loved her? Okay, then where the fuck was he?

I was so done with that man. Technically, he was mine and Theo's only guardian now, and if anyone ever told the authorities that he'd left us, I didn't want to think of what would happen. In fact, Seth had even called a few days ago to ask me if he could claim guardianship over us. I'd be eighteen in a few months, and I didn't want to risk anything, so I agreed. 

Meanwhile, Luke, Randy, and Leo had taken it upon themselves to keep me company. More like "keep an eye" on me if you ask me. But what with school, StuCo duties, and practicing for the musical, which would open in a month, I had more than enough shit on my plate. I was grateful for their help, but I didn't like to be parted from Theo during the long hours of rehearsal. The only thing that cheered me up was Luke. He was my rock.

The three of them - Luke, Randy, and Leo - practically moved into my house after I had blatantly refused to move into Luke's house. I didn't care that Rita was my mum's best friend. I had no business coming into her home when she had nine mouths to feed - eight if you counted Luke being my issue for now.

One Saturday, I rocked Theo in my arms, trying to get him to stop crying. He'd been at it for the last half hour. "Honey, what's the matter?" I cooed, bouncing him up and down. I'd just fed and burped him, he'd already had a nap, what else did he want? His nappy was clean, I'd just checked, so it couldn't be that either. "Randy, toss me the binky, will you?" I asked tiredly as she walked into my house, using the spare key I'd given her after realising that she would forcefully break through the windows if I tried to keep her out.

Randy gave me a look. "You've been with him for the whole day, haven't you?"

Since I'd brought Theo back from the hospital, I'd hardly gotten any sleep. What with expending most of my money on things for Theo and then poring through all the baby books I'd bought beforehand, I was close to collapsing. That was in addition to everything else I had to do.

But doing all those things meant limited attention to Theo from me, so I took whatever opportunity to stay with him, regardless of how tired I was. Randy may have been my best friend, but Theo was my responsibility, and I needed to stop dumping him on other people whenever my schedule was inconvenient.

I didn't look at her when she asked me that, because she already knew the answer. I didn't know why, but I was extremely overprotective of Theo because of our limited time together, so much so that I wouldn't let him out of my sight when I did have him. No matter what my friends tried to do, I didn't want to burden them. They'd done so much for me, now I had to deal with my own problems.

"Give me the little patootie," Randy said, reaching out for Theo.

My eyes widened, but I was so tired that I let her to pluck my brother right out of my arms. I watched my best friend cradle my baby brother gently in her arms, and his squeaky screams were all I could hear.

"Oh, stop giving me that heartbroken look, I'm not gonna steal him away from you," Randy scolded me, rolling her eyes. "Now you go get some rest, you deserve it."

I bit my lip, my shoulders slumping. I did need some sleep, but for some reason, I felt uneasy to be away from Theo. The kid had grown on me. "But-" I started to protest.

"Luke!" Randy sang loudly, her voice echoing through the house.

I frowned. Why on earth would Luke be here? I never even saw him come in, and I'd been up since six in the morning. Yes. On a Saturday. Oh, the joys of raising a newborn.

"Come on, beautiful," I heard someone say behind me, and I felt Luke clasp me by the waist and drag me to my room. I glanced over my shoulder at Theo and Randy, and it looked as if the rocking was calming him down. Good, at least now I could rest with an easy mind.

Luke propelled me into my room and almost forced me onto the bed. "What are you even doing in my house, creep?" I asked sleepily, snuggling under the covers with little protest.

"I wanted to see my godbrother," his teasing voice stated.

I glanced at his smiling face. "Who said you're his godbrother?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "You're lucky I even let you stay in the same room as him, let alone breathe the same air."

Luke looked affronted as he sat down on the corner of my bed. "What other air am I supposed to breathe?" he asked, bewildered.

I laughed the light, humming laugh of someone who was about to fall asleep. Taking note of my fatigue, Luke gently got to his feet and made his way to the door. I had no idea why I did it, or what prompted me to do so. "Luke?" I asked, hating how vulnerable my voice was.

He turned around, and I saw the warmth blazing in his eyes as he looked at me fondly. I hoped far too much that that look would soon be one of love, and not just of friendship. "Yes, beautiful?"

I hesitated. Should I say it? "Can you stay with me?" I asked at last.

He smiled - a genuine, handsome smile that had my heart fluttering like a butterfly. "I thought you'd never ask," he joked, striding to my bed and clambering in next to me.

His body heat instantly warmed me up, and in my half-awake daze, I scooted closer to him. A pleased hum escaped my lips as he grabbed my waist and tugged me even closer, using one arm to fit under my neck, and stroke my hair with the hand of his other arm. I didn't think I'd ever be so bold if I was fully awake, but I decided that right now, I didn't care. There, in Luke's strong embrace, I felt safe and I felt happy.

"Sleep, beautiful, sleep," his deep voice soothed me, and my eyes fluttered shut.

A pair of lips brushed against my forehead and I felt a small smile curl at the corners of my mouth. "I love you," I murmured silently, only my lips moving, no sound escaping. Who knew when I would be brave enough to speak those words aloud.

And it may have only been in my dreams as I succumbed to sleep, but I could've sworn he answered me.

An answer that sounded a lot like, "I love you, too."

***

"If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up-"

I shot up in bed, only to be slammed back down because of a constricting hold. "Luke?" I mumbled. "Is that your phone?"

"One more minute," he mumbled back tiredly, burying his face into my warm neck and cuddling me like a teddy bear.

"And I will hide you, if it gets too much-"

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes and stretched, shoving Luke's face away because his nose was tickling me. He smelt like soap and something intoxicatingly boy, and I wished I could just lay in his embrace forever, but something clicked in my head at that moment. "Is that a recording of me?" I asked accusingly, embarrassed. When did he do that?

Luke grumbled something under his breath and grabbed my hands, pinning them under his neck. "Shut up, beautiful."

I twisted in his grip and wrenched my hands away from him. "Lucas Dane Tarrone, answer your damn phone and change that ringtone now."

He let out a sleepy groan, the sound all husky and deep that made my toes curl under the blankets. But I wasn't letting him off. "Why should I change it? Your voice is like an angel's," he grumbled. I ignored him, the only way I could temper the blush in my cheeks.

I sat up and yawned, feeling better rested than I have in months. I glanced back at Luke and saw him pouting sleepily at me, an utterly adorable expression on his face. His phone rang again and I punched him remorselessly in the gut. He grunted and curled into a ball.

"Fine, fine, there is no need to be so violent!" He got up, and only then did I realise that he wasn't wearing a shirt. My eyes widened almost to the point of bulging when I took in the smooth, tanned planes of his chest that led down to the defined V which disappeared under the waistband of his boxers.

The soft grin that covered his face while his eyes were shut and his arms were propping up his body, showing off his broad shoulders and lean biceps and triceps and other kinds of 'eps', made me blush to the tips of my ears. He really had grown up from the annoying little boy who used to always pinch my cheeks and ruffle my hair. He was one of the most handsome boys I'd ever seen, even with the bed hair and morning glaze.

"Hello?" Luke answered his phone with his eyes still closed, causing me to snap out of my daze.

I couldn't hear the voice on the other end, all I knew was that whatever they were saying, it was making his smile drop and his face go pale. After a minute or so, he hung up, that blank look in his eye scaring me more than anything.

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently. Seeing Luke so worried and alert tugged strangely on my heart.

He took in a breath of air and clutched my hand for support. "It's...my dad," he said quietly.

"What about your dad?" I pressed, placing my hand on his face and turned him to face me. I stared at him gravely, searching for the warmth in his beautiful hazel eyes, but all I saw was panic.

"He's been in an accident." Luke abruptly got to his feet and walked a few feet away from me, not facing me, and seeing his back to me like that hurt more than I expected.

He was struggling to hold it in - that much I could easily tell. I felt a harsh throbbing in my chest at the sight of him slowly breaking apart, of him thinking that he could rely on no one but himself. I couldn't let him think that. I couldn't let him think that I only used him to make myself feel better. I had to show him that I cared just as much as he did.

But I was frightened, terrified of everything I was feeling. I'd never felt to this extent with Ryan, so why did I feel it with Luke, a guy whom I used to see as an entirely non-sexual entity? I was scared that if I opened up to him, I wouldn't be able to let go even when he got tired of me.

He turned around and spotted me staring at him with wide eyes, and I could see the barriers immediately go up as he attempted to be tough and manly in front of me. I swung my legs off my bed.

Fuck it.

I ran to him and encircled him in my arms, bringing him close to me. Screw the fears. Screw the doubts. I was at the point of no return anyway. "I'll be right beside you," I sang softly.

And he cried.

___________________

I didn't mean to do that, I swear, but it just happened. my poor baby Luke. why am I destroying everything