Chapter 26: "...Why did you leave me?"

Two months passed. Christmas and New Year's came and went, and Seth and Marie moved back to their house in New York with baby Carly.

I spent the majority of my time with Luke, Randy, and Leo. They stayed by my side the entire time and supported me. I didn't want to feel like a charity project, but with the way things got tenser and tenser as the time went by, I couldn't have handled it on my own.

Rita was coming to our house more and more, and Mum was withdrawing from me. She wouldn't tell me when she was hungry or tired, wouldn't let me take her to the hospital, she'd barely even let me see her. It was nothing short of torture. 

I wanted to be with her and stay with her like Luke was doing with me, but she made it close to impossible. All I could do was watch from the sidelines to make sure she was doing well enough. The only excuse I could make was that she didn't want me to see her get sicker and sicker, or watch as she winced every time the baby moved or she walked. She was like me in that way - the only way that others would see her weaknesses was if she could barely stand them.

I couldn't even think of Dad without getting angry anymore. If he had stayed away for such a long period of time without being with his dying wife, then I had no respect for him. I didn't want him home at all, but I knew Mum did. She still loved him wholeheartedly even though he was too cowardly to show his face.

"Pres, are you okay?" I glanced up from my papers to look at Yuki, who was watching me carefully.

I quickly rubbed my baggy eyes and tried to smile. I was just so fatigued nowadays that it was tiring even to go through the school's accounting books. "I'm fine," I replied softly. I wished Luke could be here, but he was at soccer practice. Usually, he would be violating school rules and sitting with me in the StuCo room, but not today.

Yuki stared at me for another minute. "Can I do those?" he asked suddenly.

I raised my eyebrows. "These accounts? Why? They're boring as shit, I promise you."

He pushed his glasses further up his nose and shrugged. "I just wanna see them."

"Well, I'm not gonna deny a break," I muttered even though I was suspicious, pushing back from my desk. "Knock yourself out."

Yuki and I were the only two people here at school so late apart from the people at sports practice. He took my seat and I could see him absently ruffling the papers without actually looking at them.

"What do you want, Yuki?" I asked at last, growing annoyed at the noise he was making. "I know you don't want to be doing those accounts - that's why you asked me."

His head snapped up and his face reddened slightly. "I-I just wanted t-to-"

"Oh, come on," I interrupted. "You cannot possibly still be afraid of me. Haven't you noticed by now that I'm not a completely horrible person?"

He sighed. "I know that, Pres. And I'm not scared of you." I gave him a look. "I'm not!" he insisted. "I don't know what it is about you, but you're kind of human-repellant."

Human-repellant? That was a new one. "And?"

"And ever since you started dating Luke, you've become...I don't know. Happier, I guess? Even more happy than when you were with Ryan." Right, because Luke beat Ryan in the boyfriend category even though he wasn't even really my boyfriend. "But now you're getting sadder again. I mean, is everything okay between you and Luke?" he asked timidly. 

I stared at Yuki, shocked at how perceptive he was, not to mention how much it looked like he cared. I thought most of the Student Council was scared of me, even though I didn't do anything terrifying. "Don't worry about it, Yuki," I replied gently, feeling a little touched at how concerned he was.

"Oh Jesus, see, this is what I mean by human-repellant! Is it really so hard to open up to people, Pres?"

I crossed my arms. "How hard is it to call me by my actual name instead of Pres?"

"You're changing the subject," he noticed.

"I don't want to talk about this with you," I stated firmly. He looked like he wanted to argue, but right then the door slammed open and Luke jumped in. Yes. He jumped in, as in he leapt from the outside of the door to the inside in one gigantic jump. "Luke, what on earth are you doing?"

He smiled nicely at the shocked-looking Yuki, then turned to me with a suggestive grin. "Hey, beautiful," he cooed, skipping over to me.

I watched how his enormous man body tried to accommodate his childlike ways. "Hello," I replied softly.

He looked at me carefully. "Are you okay?" he whispered into my ear so that Yuki wouldn't hear. He pulled back and examined my straight face before crushing me into a hug.

"I guess it's not relationship problems, then," I heard Yuki mutter, and a small smile bloomed on my face.

"I'm fine, Luke," I whispered back, wrapping my arms around his neck while he snuggled into my hair. The position we were in was extremely comfortable, and I really didn't want him to let go.

"I don't believe you."

"I wouldn't expect you to," I responded. I still couldn't decide if it was a good or bad thing that he could read me so well when I was hidden to most other people.

"We'll talk later," he promised. "Want to go home?"

Right then, my mobile rang, so I untangled myself from Luke and answered. "Hello?"

"Is this Jordan speaking?"

I blinked at the formal voice on the other end. "Yes, this is she."

"This is Doctor Gifford, your mother's doctor. You need to come to the hospital now, Jordan. Your mother is in labour."

Your mother is in labour. My face drained of all colour, and Luke's curious expression morphed into concern. "I-I'm coming," I whispered, my grip tightening. It was all I could do to just grab Luke's hand and drag him down the hall with barely an explanation to poor Yuki.

It didn't matter right now. All that mattered was getting to my mum. She was a month early, but why on earth wouldn't she call me to take her to the hospital if she was in labour? I should've gone home after school. I shouldn't have been trying to catch up with the accounts.


Why did she have to push me away like that? What if I wasn't informed in time? What if...I didn't want to think about it. 

"Beautiful, what's wrong?"

I couldn't look at him without wanting to cry, and already my eyes were filling with tears. "Can you take me to the hospital, please?" I croaked.

His hand tightened around mine and it changed so that he was the one leading me. "Of course baby, you didn't even need to ask."

I closed my eyes tightly. This was a nightmare. I hadn't gotten to spend more time with her like I promised. She wouldn't let me - she thought that I was having sad thoughts around her. But what she didn't know was that I wanted some more good memories to hold on to, not just her pushing me away. I wasn't even sure how often she ate, and the only reason I knew she slept was that she didn't even bother to go up to her room because it reminded her of my dad. She slept in my room.

Luke pulled us over to his truck and literally picked me up and put me in my seat. He ran over to his side and started the engine before I even managed to close the door properly, and then we were off. He was going over the speed limit, but there were no police cars around, thank god, and it wasn't like I cared. As far as I was concerned, I didn't care now fast we went as long as we didn't crash into anybody.

We reached the hospital five minutes quicker than usual, but before I could run out of Luke's truck before he went to go park, he grabbed my arm and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. "I'll be right there, okay?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I launched myself down to the kerb and ran all the way inside, ignoring the receptionist calling back to me. I knew where her room was, I wasn't stupid. My body was literally shaking down I my toes in fear. I wasn't ready, fuck, I would never be ready. She couldn't go now, she couldn't.

Why now? Why did it have to be a month early? Why couldn't it have been a month late?

I wasn't even prepared. I hadn't bought any baby supplies. We hadn't had the baby shower.

I wasn't ready for this.

I burst into her room and ran inside. The doctor intercepted me and pushed me aside for a moment. "Please, try not to get her too emotional, alright? We need her calm so that the procedure will go smoothly."

Smoothly? My mother was about to fucking die, and he thought the procedure would go smoothly?

"I won't," I promised anyway. He nodded his approval and I padded to my mum's bedside, ruffled hair, school uniform, and all.

She looked so small just lying in that bed by herself. Her eyes were baggy and she seemed so thin, apart from her enormous belly. Every few minutes, she'd scrunch up her face as though she was trying to block out the pain, but a heartbreaking whimper would escape anyway.

"Mum," I whispered. Her eyes snapped to me, and she seemed to relax. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She smiled. "Come here, darling."

I sat next to her on the bed and she raised her thin hand, gently wiping the tears off of my face. And she still acted like I was the one needing comforting. But I did. I leant into her hand and breathed in the floral scent of her perfume. "Mum, why did you have to push me away?"

She was silent for a minute, just stroking my hair in her motherly fashion. "I wasn't trying to, darling, okay? I was just trying to spare you."

"Spare me from what? I wanted to be there for you, why wouldn't you let me?"

Mum gave me a look. "It seems like those traits pass on from mother to daughter, isn't that right?"

"What?" I asked, not understanding.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, Jordan. Stop pushing Luke away. That boy loves you with his whole heart and I know you love him."

"He doesn't love me like that," I muttered, not believing her even as my heart went into overdrive.

"Oh real-"

"Delilah!"

We both looked up to see Rita running in, closely followed by Luke and Brandon. "Rita," Mum greeted.

Rita's eyes were shining with tears and she hugged Mum gently. The scene almost made me cry, because they'd been best friends since God knows how long, and now Rita was losing her. Luke sat next to me and took my hand as a form of comfort. I thought about what Mum said about him loving me, but then I pushed it to the back of my mind because that just wasn't important right now.

I let Rita and Mum talk together, because it seemed serious whatever they were saying, and I blocked it out. I just stared.

I couldn't feel right now. I couldn't think. I wasn't ready for this at all.

Why couldn't I have more time?

Suddenly, Mum let out a piercing shriek, and her grip on my hand almost popped out my veins.

"She's ready to have the baby, everybody in their positions!" Doctor Gifford exclaimed.

"Push as hard as you can, Mrs. Wolfe," another doctor encouraged.

Mum cried out again and gripped mine and Rita's hands tightly. My teeth clenched, but Rita seemed unaffected. "That's it, Delilah, you're doing amazing, good job."

"There's the head! Keep pushing, Mrs Wolfe!"

My hand was almost crushed under the pressure Mum was putting on it, but now I couldn't even feel the pain. My eyes were focused on the cluster of doctors, all doing their part in at least trying to save the baby.

I wasn't sure how I felt about the baby yet. I didn't know how I was going to care for it or anything. I had only attended a few of the child care classes with my mum.

But most of all, I didn't know whether I loved the kid or not. On one hand, this baby was the reason I wasn't going to have a mother, but on the other hand, it wasn't in the baby's control. Plus, she or he wouldn't have a mother either.

"It's a boy," someone exclaimed, but it wouldn't register in my brain. I was staring at Mum's face, which seemed to scrunch up in even worse pain than before.

"I want to hold my baby," Mum whispered.

Somebody put a tiny little thing wrapped in blankets in her arms, and she stared down at him in utter adoration. I wasn't sure how she could look at her son like that when he was the cause of her death.

"He's perfect," she whispered.

"What are you going to call him?" Rita asked gently.

Mum turned to me, and I tried to smile. It came out as more of a grimace, though. "What do you think, Jordan?"

"I don't know," I murmured.

"Mrs. Wolfe, you need to sign the birth certificate papers right now, before-"

He didn't have to finish the sentence for us to know what he meant. Mum looked heartbroken when a nurse took her little boy away from her to check his health with all the other newborns, but she signed the birth certificate anyways. She even added Dad's name, even though he didn't deserve that title.

A few doctors who were examining Mum's insides began to panic. "The patient is losing too much blood!" one of the them cried. "Gifford, what do we do?"

My hands were shaking terribly and I whipped around to look at Doctor Gifford. "You have to do something!"

But his solemn face told me he could do nothing. "I'm sorry, Jordan, but she's got fourth degree tears in her womb and we can't fix that. I'm sorry, but you just have to be with her right now."

"We'll give you all some privacy," another doctor added. All the doctors and nurses filed out, and that was when I knew it was over. There was nothing that could be done. My mum was dying.

I could feel Rita and Brandon sitting on the other side of the bed, but I couldn't bring myself to look up to their heartbroken faces. Rita was crying softly, and I didn't know what she would do after losing her best friend. Luke was still sitting next to, but I didn't look at him.

Mum's shallow breathing brought my attention back to her.

"No Mum, no, no, no," I murmured. "No, please, don't." I clutched her fragile hand like it was a teddy bear and I was a frightened child. I held her like she would disappear if I let go.

"Jordan," she breathed calmly, looking at me with nothing but love in her eyes. Her eyes showed me acceptance and a strange type of sorrow.

"Mum, please," I begged. "Don't do this, please. Why aren't you fighting? Why, Mum?"

"Jordan, my baby, I love you," she whispered, too tired to even raise her voice a little.

"Mum, you're okay," I sobbed. "Mum, Mum, please." Tears began to roll down my cheeks, creating shiny rivulets. "Please don't, Mum, you'll be fine." But I knew I was lying. How could she be fine?

"Jordan, baby, don't cry for me. Smile, and remember me, okay?" She smiled, all sorts of emotions making the smile go crooked.

"Mum, you're fine," I objected. "You'll be fine! Mum, please, fight for me, please!"

"Jordan, don't," she warned gently. I could literally feel her life force slipping away as her heartbeat slowed.

"Please!" I screamed. "Please, no! Somebody! Somebody! Mum, please fight it!"

Her heartbeat was slowing down and I could do nothing about it. I was useless. I didn't deserve anything.

"Mum, don't leave me!" I shrieked, clutching her hand. "Please, Mum! I promise, I'll make friends, I'll go out more, I'll even date Lucas! Just don't leave me! Don't leave me!"

"Jordan, I love you," she repeated in an impossibly soft voice.

"Mum, please! I love you, Mum, please, I'm sorry for anything I did, Mum, please. Please come back!"

Her grip loosened. The room filled with a loud beep.

"Mum," I whispered brokenly. "Don't leave me." The tears were streaming down so thickly that I couldn't see, I couldn't think. I couldn't breath.

"Jordan," a gentle voice whispered, but it wasn't Mum's.

My heart pounded painfully as I shook, my whole body aching. "Mum," I repeated, my voice cracking.

She was silent. She didn't reply. She didn't open her eyes.

And worst of all? She never would again.

She'd never hug me, defend me against my dad. She'd never bake me her horrible cookies or try to convince me to ask Luke on a date.

She'd never say "I love you."

That's when I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to be around anyone. I didn't want to see anyone who wasn't my mum.

I got up and walked as steadily as I could, but was blocked by a hard chest. "Move," I said calmly.

"No Jordan," the firm and caring voice said.

I looked up. It was Luke. "Oh god, Luke," I groaned. I stumbled over nothing and gripped his shirt tightly. "She wanted nothing more than us to be together, Luke. Everything she asked of me, I couldn't do, I just can't."

I started sobbing into his broad, warm chest. I clutched him to me tightly, and he hugged me close, giving me the comfort I needed. I pressed my face against his chest, needing something warm, something full of life. I needed something to hold into. I needed something to grab before I floated away.

"Luke!" I sobbed. "She's gone, oh god, Mum is gone!"

He didn't reply, just hugged, just stayed with me. And that was all I could have ever needed at that moment.

"...Why did you leave me?"


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I'm not very good at writing sad things, but I hope it was alright :)