Chapter 1

Hope is the thing with feathers, Emily Dickinson

  Lying to Mom has always been easy. Needless to say, as much as it doesn’t hurt me to, my mother is gullible, weak and believes my every word. If I were to run away from home and come back five months later, telling her that I’d been with a friend, she would believe me undoubtedly. Deep somewhere far in my heart I believe my real mom before all the tragedies in my life took place still exists. I hate having hope, it makes you prolong your wish for inevitable. Preferring to not think relieves my head of migraines. No matter how many Tylenol tablets I still have headaches caused by everything bad in my life.

  I pack my extra clothes, because I know I might need them. I neatly pack them into my duffel bag.  Today is the return to school from winter break, and I am far from ecstatic. More like the opposite of the word of ecstatic describes me thinking about school. There are humans in my school. Humans are a tricky subject to tackle. I had one once as a friend, the moment another human gave her the offer of befriending her, she was quick to leave my side. I couldn’t have care less. People are fickle and I have come to embrace the thought.

   Putting the extra underwear deep under in the bag, I make sure it is invisible underneath my clothes. I hate school. Mom refuses to home school me, so regular school it is for me.

  Tidily, I place my books in on top my extra clothes and head out. I aim an audible but not loud good bye at Mom.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” She asks. Lie! My mind screams at me and I do.

“I’m too excited for school. I’ll get something on the way there.” Skillfully and quickly, I think up a lie.

“Okay, have a good one.”

 I head out the house walking slowly. I’m in no rush to reach the secondary version of Hell. I haven’t eaten two weeks, I only consumed water and I feel perfectly healthy. I am not skinny, I have a normal weight. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m part wolf. I do know that food does not catch my eye. Ever since the incident with Miles happened I haven’t been able to eat. I just drink water and sometimes when I find myself brave enough I eat some bacon.

 Alas, I am here and not ready to enter. No kids are lurking around the front of the school except for the usual pot heads. They’re never in the school apart from lunch times, which I find stupid. Why not stay home?

 In the office, they give me a late slip and my schedule for the second semester of my Grade 11 year.  The office grants me an escort back to class. I put my head down as I walk watching only my foot taking slow steps.

“Whoop, whoop she’s late again. Smart girl trying to be bad, we best get the ambulance.”

  Glancing at the sound, I recognize that it’s Clara being her usual self. I’m not offended; I deal with her every day. My story isn’t the typical we were friends and she changed over the years. It’s more like we were never friends and she always wanted popularity and was ready to trample on others to get it. Clara was born vicious and she would (I say this with no doubt) die a vicious soul. She’s quite lucky she’s not a wolf. Her obnoxious would have had her banished.

 What I did to her? Nothing. Yet if you ask her she would say, “That girl did everything to deserve my wrath. So I best dish it out before we graduate and such.”

 No one seems to like her that much except her minions who are willing to bend over backwards at her command.  Me, I take the insults and sometimes (meaning hardly ever) I dish out the brutal insults she throws at me. When I do decide to have a burst of courage and retaliate, I get caught while she remains the golden figure you should aim to be.

“Ain’t you going to sit your non-existent booty down?” Clara and her Texan background speak and once more insult me and the whole class erupts laughing at me. So I sit quietly, the teacher does nothing as always. I have some words for her but I force my throat to swallow them down. I will not be tempted by her. I refuse to sink to her level.

  I don’t want to listen to the blabbering of the useless teacher, so I turn on my IPhone and decide to play Temple Run 2. I’m a modern world child after all. But I can’t enjoy the game because as I glimpse up at the board, Clara’s lips part to say something.

“Ms. Tallow did y’know that our fellow student Dawn refuses to listed to your intriguing lesson and she has been playing on her mobile device since the lecture started.”

 The teacher looks at me, shakes her head side to side and then sighs. She seems like she is puzzled. Puzzled on whether to punish me or warn me was what it seemed like to me. I sighed in my chair wanting to so badly not be in trouble. She is still staring me with a look of disgust in her eyes.

 “This time, it’s a warning. Don’t you ever bring out that device again.”

 Then Clara says, “Miss, I believe she needs a punishment such as detention.”

  The teacher gives us a smile and says, “Perfect idea. Since you seem so willing to interrupt me, both you and Dawn can have an hour detention after school tomorrow. Today I’m quite busy.”

 She started to talk again. Clara scowled and her sour face didn’t suit her small face. Her brown hair was in curls and her brown eyes seemed lifeless. Observing her makes me feel like a stalker

“Class, I hope you remember that those projects with the trios are due in four days.”

Ms. Do-Nothing-To-Stop-Bullying utters her last words and dismisses us. I haven’t finished that project yet. Since I couldn’t find a decent partner, I was forced into being paired with the Geek Squad.  Life lie’s that for me. Oh so happy. I hope you notice the sarcasm in there.

 When I leave the class, I know I have to endure four more periods of school before I can make good use of the extra clothes. I could ditch. If I do ditch, I would have to make an excuse to please Mom and Dad and I don’t want to do that. If Dad gets angered, his wolf would surface and he would no idea how to contain it. I don’t want such rage released on me.

 In conclusion, I am going to go home sick, I can’t be in this building any longer.

Now at the office, the principal asks, “What reason do you have to be heading home?”

 I groan and moan saying, “My head hurts and I can’t concentrate.”

“Are you sure th-”

 I put my hand to my mouth and make a sound of something coming from my belly as if I want to puke. I know that I have convinced and I will be gone soon.

“Sign out with the secretary.” Solemnly he speaks and walks away.

The secretary knows what I am. She understands that I need daily ‘runs.’

“Run?” Her question catches me off guard. I just nod not wanting to talk.

 She sincerely smiles at me and I’m out. Walking to my locker, I receive certain glares that do not faze me at all. Girls are annoying. Although I am a girl, I know when to not intrude in people’s business. I put my hand to head to add to the act of being sick. I make sure that the bystanders see it. I provide a loud bellowing cough from my throat to seal the deal.  I have my bag with the extra clothes. I exit from the school. I get looks, varying form pity to disgust to jealousy.

---

 The trees in the woods are dead and they don’t shield me well enough. I’m still willing to run. I start in a light jog, willing my human form to remain and I have my duffel bag draped over my shoulders. The woods are comforting. I drop my bag and mark an X where I drop it. I start running again at immense speed and I am willing the wolf in me to surface. I am using my every now aching muscle to awaken the beast. I have now crossed my pack’s tiny territory. I do this during every run. I could be killed for this. Yet the things that could cause my sudden death make me feel alive.

I hear the voices again. By again, I mean that ever since I could talk I’ve been hearing voices telling me to wait for them and now they invite me. I ignore them of course. They used to say to me ‘Wait for the time.’ Now they tell me, ‘It is time.’ Whatever that could mean, I don’t care. Because all I ever do is run away from their direction. Soon enough they become silent and I have my brain with no voices.

I’m running, running, faster and faster and faster and I feel it. I feel the change as I feel the sudden pain. I feel my hands in pain as they become claws. My feet are in immense agony as they turn to paws and my hind legs. My body aches. My face outstretches into that of a canines. Hair is sprouting from my whole body and as I use my might to make my torso that of a wolf’s. The soreness is unbearable. The ropes are now unbound as I growl loudly and run at full speed.

 My senses seem fully renewed. My vision is impeccable while my smell is enhanced. I’ve set my wolf free.  I know I simply can’t live without this. The voices come again; they seem strongest when I am a wolf. ‘Dawn, soon.’ Whenever they talk to me in this form I smell the blood of a human and that in itself sicken me. They come from the west so I run east, eager to escape them. I know that the running doesn’t help, they will only resurface but I need a break from the terror they bring unto me.

  Now far away but unsure of where I am, I know the voices are far behind me. I have time before they catch up. My wolf is still running, I see a sign saying, Ambassador Territory. I instantly I am too far, I’ve never even heard of this pack. I am far from home. I feel like Alice in Wonderland. An even better example would be Dorothy away from Kansas. My blood is boiling with the fact it is a wolf and the pain hasn’t gone. The only thing being I am so accustomed to the pain, I love it.

  I smell something; it isn’t the blood of a human so I know it isn’t the voices. I sniff louder; it’s a wolf in human form.  The scent’s getting closer meaning he’s getting closer and I don’t want a confrontation leading to my death for trespassing. If I die tonight, although I hadn’t really lived at least I was alive. Now at least I could be with Miles.

  I force the wolf to become tied within me. I toss and turn on the ground as I shape back into my human form. As much as I want to run, my body is in pain. I am naked and force my human legs to stand and hold their ground. Then I spot him. My body is humming. I don’t know how it is possible even for a werewolf like me but it is.

 Then he materializes in front of me and I gaze at him. I can’t take the time to gape at him because my body practically screams at me, ‘mate.’

 This is bad. I don’t want a mate. I don’t want to become so reliant and vulnerable on one person like my Mom. I refuse to sink to that level. I refuse to let any being have my heart. I refuse to let not even someone as attractive as him have me. Not now, not ever. I want to run but the pain becomes agony and I have a few more minutes before the pain wears off. My apparent mate seems too interested in glaring at my body than starting a conversation.

“Mine.” He growls at me. I hold back my smirk. I bet he expects me to be submissive. I bet he’s waiting for me to profess how much I’ve been waiting for this day. Thing is I’ve been trying to avoid this day. But it seems the more you run, the closer you become to what you’re getting away from.

I glare at him like he is mad. Because he is thinking that he can get all possessive and I would become a love-sick pup. The only thing I know now is how I will not let myself be helpless in his presence.

“I’m Za-” He stops and says instead, “My actual name is Wes.”

Double personality disorder, is what I now think of him.

I fall to the ground, because my legs quiver and they are on temporary shut-down.  He rushes to my side. I hope he doesn’t think I fell for his attention and devotion. That would make me puke.

“What’s your name?” He asks as he sits beside me.

He makes an attempt to wrap his arm around my naked body, I wince and he gets the hint that I don’t even want him beside me. I scoot away. The roughness of the dirt is now attacking my sensitive skin.

“Why can’t I mind link to you?”

I will not tell him why, no one can mind link to me. I refuse to.

“Why won’t you let me get close to you?”

 I scoot away once more to get my point across to him. Now he knows that I am not in the looking for a mate file.

“Please give me your name.”

He pleads and I truly look at him. I notice his tousled brown hair and his hazel green eyes. His face is beautiful. Yet I don’t want him.

“I’m Dawn.”

My name annoys me and I really hate it.

“Your name is beautiful.” The moment he says that I suddenly have this sudden urge to like my name.  Sappy Dawn is emerging and I am quick to shut her down.

“And pigs can fly. Stop trying to win me over. No matter how hard you try, you aren’t getting anywhere.”

 He seems hurt and I almost want to reach over and caress his cheek.  My hand reaches out before I can stop it. It caresses his cheek before I can regain my senses. I breathe in and out then drop my hand from his face. This is not good. What happened to not wanting a mate? How could I possibly change my mind so fast? This mate bond is strong, the only good thing being I have to strength to resist it.

 He leans towards me to fill the distance and his lips meet mine. His lips are soft. The kiss is short and sweet and it makes me feel alive. So alive, my legs reboot themselves to life again. I can soon run. I can soon run away.

“See, you need me and I definitely need you.”

“You don’t seem to care that I have no clothes on.”

I brought my knees close to my chest and I hug them. I inhale deep and exhale a deep breath out. I need to get away so bad.

“As long as no one else sees you this way. It’s all good.”

I shake my head at his nonsense.

“I can get you clothes if you come with me.”

 Surprisingly, I have this thing about not wanting to be raped. And this scenario is just too close to it. I obviously know he has no intentions of that. Just because I blocked my mind link doesn't mean I can't read fellow wolves. Yet my brain just throws these ideas at me.

I find the strength and stand up.

“I need time Wes.”

“You’re not the typical, I want a mate so bad kinda girl. I like you a lot and we just met. This mate thing is creepy.”

The last sentence I could relate to. The rest…

“Give me time please.”

If he agrees, I leave and run. If he doesn’t agree I leave and run, regardless of his anger, I am running. And he definitely can’t stop me.

“Okay, you can have time. But if you’re not back in 3 days to see me, then I am hunting you down. Bye Dawn.”

I frown at him, nod and run. I use the agility of my wolf and run. I don’t turn back.

I find the tree with my clothes. I quickly redress, the pain is now gone.

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That night at home, I dream of Wes’ kiss and only that. The weird thing is that I haven’t had a single dream all my life.