I saw what that bloody cat was doing. It is hugging her. Her breast. But yeah. Her!

I glared at the cat before Maha left leaving me alone with both my mother and this hen called my best friend. I stared at both of them when they wiggled their eyebrows at me and brushed them off but Maha started teasing me and I teased her back to which she made a face and I laughed.

But that's not it. My wife decided that she should stand behind the wall and bore holes in my side/ back and listen to the conversation. She should have stayed here if she so wanted to listen to them I guess. Or maybe it's me. Maybe she left because I was there.

I tried not to look back but that damn kitten in her hold started meowing grabbing everyone's attention.

The ladies looked at her side and I turned, eventually. Her cheeks were red with a raging blush and she ran away from there like a rat. Little rat.

Eventually, after teasing the shit out of me for that, me and Vaishu came out and sat in her car. I was bucking my belt when I heard her talk.

"Hey, do you think your wife has a crush on you?"

"Huh!?" Mahalakshmi, having, a crush on me? What is the bullshit?

"What do you mean huh!? Idiot." She muttered as she started the car. I looked at her narrowing my eyes and she sighed.

"She is jumpy all around you. If not crush, she is attracted to you at least."

"How can you say that?"

"Cause I look at her brother the way she looks at you."

"Interesting, look at her brother as in present? Continuing? Still??"

"Come on Varun, here I am talking about your future and all you can think about is whether I am still looking at her brother?"

"I am a person who is not stuck in the past. Unlike someone."

"Oh really?"

"You are so mean," I said making her laugh. Truth be told, I don't want Maha Lakshmi to look at me as anything beyond a companionship with whom she is going to raise her child.

Expectations hurt, all the damn time and I don't want to hurt something as delicate as her. Suddenly her face flashed in front of me. It's as if it's mocking me. And I had to physically shake my head to remove her thoughts from my brain.

I spent the rest of the evening talking to Vaishu about various stuff and then we went to the drive-in and watched IPL. After the match was done I bought an ice cream for Mahalakshmi and Vaishu dropped me off at my home.

It was around 10:30 in the night and the lights were dimmed. I gave a sheepish smile to Mother who opened the door and she shook her head at me motioning me to come inside.

" Your Papa is scolding you saying now that you are married, you should be home by 9. What kind of plans do you both have that made you come home at 10:30 Buddhu? Maha was waiting for you."

" Maa, see I got her an ice cream. She won't be mad at me so even you stop." I tried my luck hoping that was true.

" Haa so now we should appreciate you for your bare minimum service? There are more things a woman wants at this time."

"Okay, so what do you think your dear 'daughter-in-law' wants?" I asked.

"You."

.................................

Sometimes all you need in life is calmness around you. So you can feel better, function better and think better. But the calmness around me scares me. Cause then the voices in my head start to speak and I tend to let them consume me.

There was a time when calmness brought peace to me. Where silence used to be my solace but now all I can feel is terror. The silence around me scares me. So I go to people. That's what my therapist wanted me to do.

The loathing for silence was not an easy one. Cause sometimes it takes me back to my memories. The ones where I used to hold Kushi's eyes and everything went silent around us as we soaked in each other's warmth. The one where she used to sink into me, lay her head against my chest and we used to fall into our symphony. Our peace. And then to the one where I lay against the steering, watching as I caught her body slowly losing life while her eyes were still open. Due to the shock, they said, and then everything was silent since then. My thoughts, my dreams, my surroundings. I wanted to listen to her laugh but all I could hear was silence, I wanted to listen to her voice but all I was left was with her void.

"Varun."

I felt her calling me and I couldn't breathe

"Varun"

I can't breathe.

"Varun"

I can't bre-

"Varun"

I can't-

"Varun"

I-

"VARUN"

And that's when I opened my eyes to wake up from my worst nightmare to my worse reality. Maha Lakshmi.