A/n: Word count is 2,666. 😈

Donnie held both your hands in his own and looked at you with such a kind, gentle gaze. His smile was anxious yet genuine. He breathed deeply to calm himself before he spoke. "I know we're friends and I don't want to ruin that but I can't hide how I feel, I'm doing a bad job of it anyhow." Donnie chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "What I'm trying to say is that I like you- romantically." He ended awkwardly.  

You stood there dumbfounded. "That's... better." You didn't sound too convincing. 

Donnie groaned, letting go of your hands, far too quickly in your opinion. "That was worse than the last one!"

"No, not at all. You spoke from the heart, like I said. Just, try not to ramble so much." You crossed your arms over your chest, suddenly feeling very cold and alone. 

Donnie propped his chin on his hand. "Y/n, I don't think this is working."

"Should I wear something yellow?" 

"I'm serious. I'll never find the right words to tell her how I feel. Even when I know what I want to say, my mind goes blank when I try to talk to her, especially when we're alone. It's like all I can do is humiliate myself!"

"That's the price of being love-struck." You were reminded of the many times you embarrassed yourself because you were too busy daydreaming about a certain purple clad turtle. Like when one of his brothers or Donnie himself bested you during training or an enemy landed a 'surprise' attack. "How about writing her a letter?"

"No, with three brothers, I can't have blackmail lying around."

"Hm, good point." You racked your brain for a new idea based on the mental notes you were taking all afternoon. "Okay, keep it simple this time. Short and sweet, come on! You got this!" You had to encourage him, you couldn't stand to see the upset expression on his face much longer. 

Donnie nodded. "May I?" He pointed at your hands. 

"Yeah." You silently told the butterflies in your stomach to calm the eff down.

You and Donnie were holding hands at the exact moment Mikey walked in.  

"Woah! Things are gettin' steamy in here!" The orange masked turtle laughed, leaning against the entrance to the lab. 

Leo and Raph poked their heads in and didn't even try to hide their laughter. 

You knew at that moment you and Donnie weren't going to walk away from this unscathed. You tried to pull your hands away but Donnie seemed frozen in place, his face quickly turning scarlet. You were at the mercy of his teasing brothers. 

"You guys wanna tell us something?" Raph asked. 

"No!" You said too quickly, stammering. Your whole body felt like it was on fire from how flustered you were.  

Donnie finally came to life and dropped your hands. "Would you guys be quiet? We were just conducting an experiment!" 

'THAT SOUNDS WORSE YOU EGGHEAD!'  You mentally yelled at Donnie.  

"What kind of experiment?" Mikey asked intentionally. 

After their laughter died down and they got Donnie sufficiently irritated, Raph put his hands up, "whatever you say, casanova." He walked away. 

Leo chuckled. "Feel free to join us on patrol when you two are finished holding hands."  

"Leo..." You grumbled under your breath as he walked away. He was usually the one who defended you from teasing. What a traitor. 

Mikey bounced on his heels. "Sooo, are you two a thing now or?"

"No Mikey, we are not a thing!" Donnie grabbed his bo staff. "Get outta my lab!" 

"I'm not even in your lab, dude, I'm in the hallway." He said, bouncing back and forth through the entrance. "I think Y/n's making ya a little loopy." 

"Shut up!" Donnie shouted. 

"Seriously?" You said at the same time.

"Come on, lovebirds, it's time for patrol!" Mikey ignored both your complaints. "You can hold hands up top!" He called before catching up with Leo and Raph.   

Donnie sighed and handed you your weapon. "This is going to be a long night." 

"Well at least they didn't walk in when you were serenading me er- April." You said, using air quotes. 

Donnie didn't realize that was a slip up. "I guess you're right."

-

From the moment you met, you and Donnie got along well. Eventually, you became close. You shared a lot with each other, mostly philosophical theories, book recommendations, and emotions— heavy on the emotions. You were basically each other's therapist at this point, in the most healthy way possible. Really, that was all thanks to you being interested in psychology and getting him to do some research on it as well.  

Pretty soon, you got roped into giving him advice on how to woo April. 

At first, you didn't mind and were even glad to help because boy, did he need it. When you developed a crush on him, you started to mind but helped away. You didn't want to be obvious. You became an expert at handling your jealousy. 

At least he'd be happy. You accepted how things were. It didn't make it hurt any less but it was something you had to do.  

A week after the hand holding situation, you and Donnie were in conference in his lab, discussing his latest blunder with April. The second hand embarrassment this turtle made you feel sometimes was unreal.

"You are a little-"

"What, reptilian?" He said sarcastically.

"Overbearing."

"But," Donnie sighed in frustration, "I had to know if she was okay! I care about her!"

"And that's fine. But at the cost of making her uncomfortable?" You looked at him deliberately, with a 'you should know this by now' expression.

Donnie looked away, embarrassed.

"You're intelligent," you said and hoped he didn't catch the waver in your voice. Then again, he probably wouldn't notice. "You can show her you care without overstepping."

"She probably thinks I'm a total creep." He covered his face with his hands.

"Oh there's no doubt." Donnie gave you a horrified look. "But you apologized and now we know not to leave someone 8 voice messages if they haven't spoken to you in 24 hours, right?"

Donnie nods dejectedly. "You were right, I shouldn't have done that. I just thought maybe she was angry or in trouble. I didn't want to risk losing her again." Donnie groaned. "How could I be so stupid?!" He was belittling himself, he was doing that too often these days.

"That's something you can work on." You quipped.

He didn't seem amused. "Even so, there are other things I can't work on."

"For example?"

Donnie motioned to himself glumly.

"Donnie..."

"I know. I know what you're going to say. But I can't help it, alright? How can I when every time I look at myself," he paused, swallowing hard, "I'm reminded of why she doesn't like me."

"Those who are worth being around aren't going to care, Dee. They may even admire the things you think make you unlovable."

"Oh come on, Y/n—" He was not having any of your positivity today. "I don't think, I know! There's no human on Earth who'd want a mutant freak for a boyfriend!"

The rate at which your face heated up broke some records. "It isn't always about that. Sometimes people just aren't interested and that's okay. It's part of life." You said, somehow keeping your cool. "That doesn't take away your worth." 

He huffed. Donnie was trying to appear strong but you knew of all the pain he kept hidden, at least vaguely. It was the same kind you felt. He didn't often show his anger but when it was just the two of you, he'd express his frustrations, insecurities, fears. He didn't turn his anger on you, just vented while you listened and gave advice like friends did for each other.

-

A few days later,  you were in your room watching tv when you got a text. 

Donnie: Hey Y/n, are you busy?

Y/n: no whats up?

Donnie: Would you mind if I came over? To Talk? 

Ah, that was a hint that he wanted to discuss how things were going with him and April. An uneasy feeling settled in your stomach. Did he tell April how he felt? He didn't need to, Donnie wasn't exactly subtle but did he officially tell April he liked her? Did he clearly express his feelings for her like how you practiced? Did they make things official?

Y/n: i wouldn't mind at all. 

Donnie: I'll be there in five.

Not three minutes later, you received another text. 

Mikey: Yyooo n/n is donnie with u??? 

Y/n: he said he'd be here soon. whats up? 

Mikey: Good!! Uhh ill let him tell u. Ma bros & i jsut wanted to know he was safe!  DONT tell him i said anytihng!!!

Three taps at your window made you look up. You were beyond confused but decided to reassure Mikey and figure this out as quickly as possible. 

Y/n: got it. he's here now. 

You set your tphone down and went to open the window for Donnie. You greeted him as he climbed in.

"Hi." Donnie replied. 

"You alright?"

"Oh um yeah," he mumbled, "I just wanted to..." He looked away from you, instead staring at the room. He seemed unable to finish his sentence.  

"Talk?" You helped. 

Donnie nodded.

"One sec." You closed the window and turned to see him sitting on the edge of your bed, looking down at his lap and playing with his hands. 

"So, how are things between you and April?"

There was a pause. "She said she doesn't feel the same and we're better off as friends." 

It took you a moment to process his words, his abruptness catching you off guard. "Oh Donnie, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I should've seen it coming. But no, I had to be stupid and hopeful." He laughed, it was hollow and mocking. 

"You aren't stupid, Donatello."

"I am. Because I thought I actually had a chance! Me, a talking turtle that lives in the sewers!" He stood up, body restless, agitated by the turmoil he felt inside. "I made a complete fool of myself! She probably never wants to speak to me again! And now I lost her as a friend all because I couldn't take a hint!"

"Don, you just said she thought you were better off as friends." 

"That's just what people say, it doesn't make it true." 

Donnie really had a knack for all or nothing thinking, didn't he.

"Did April say she never wanted to speak to you again?"

"No, but..." He sighed.  

"Then how do you know that's what she's thinking? Unlike her, you're not a mind reader." 

"She doesn't have to say it. I know! I'm a mutant! What would she want with a freak like me?"

"I don't know... you're a good friend, intelligent, courageous, not to mention an incredible ninja. But no, you're right, none of that matters because you look different." You said sarcastically. 

"Y/n—"

"Don't 'Y/n' me, just tell me what happened." 

Donnie spoke about everything. You didn't stop him. It was better he expressed all that he felt instead of keeping it bottled up. In the middle of a fight, those emotions going around unchecked could prove fatal. 

You wanted to tell him. Tell him how you once thought 'feeling butterflies in your stomach' was such a cliche until you started feeling them because of him. How he affected you so much that you had to focus ten times harder on a mission just to hear the plan. Reveal everything you had felt for the last three months. Even if your feelings didn't belong in this conversation.

April couldn't love him the way he loved her. It wasn't a failing of hers, it just... was. Donnie would have to accept it or stay stuck in that feeling of rejection and grow bitter and resentful. If not of others, then of himself. 

You knew him, though. And with that knowing came hopeful resolve. Donnie needed time. He could focus on other things in his life— like hobbies. You knew he had a variety of interests, that would help take his mind off everything for a while. And you were certain his brothers would console him in their own ways.

He also needed a friend.

You wanted to tell him. But he didn't need that right now. If there was one thing you learned from your time with the turtles was how important being a friend was.

"Donnie—"

"What if I never get over her? I'll feel like this forever. Like someone ripped out my heart-" His voice broke on the last word. 

Your head shot up, caught sight of the tears threatening to spill before he turned away from you, hand over his mouth. 

You realized then that you've never seen him cry. 

"Hey," You spoke softly, heart drumming. You approached him and lightly rested your hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to cry." 

"I'm not crying," Donnie tried to keep his voice from faltering but the shakiness of it was clear. He wiped away a few tears.

"Can I hug you?" You didn't force him to face you, this was already a lot and he was clearly uncomfortable with you seeing him cry.

"Okay." He whimpered.

You wrapped your arms around him and held him. You tilted your head so your face didn't smash up against his shell. 

Despite the awkward angle and your arms not quite reaching around his shell, the sentiment was appreciated. It was strange how the moment someone's treated with kindness, they break down. Yet at the same time, it made perfect sense. 

Donnie choked out a sob that startled you since you couldn't see his face. He pulled away. Before you could ask if you did something wrong, he threw himself into your arms, knocking you back with the force. If he hadn't kept the two of you balanced, you both would've fallen to the floor. 

Donnie hid his face in your shoulder and cried. You comforted him with soothing touches down his arms and patting his shell. You were reminded of the dozens of times Donnie consoled you, he was no stranger to your tears. It was difficult to hear him cry and when he detached himself from you, you had to blink away your tears.  

At some point, you moved him to the bed to rest. When he could speak more coherently, you two talked.

Late into the night, Donnie was all cried out. You were still reeling from the look on his face and hearing him cry— that was going to eat away at you for a while.   

You were cuddling now which was new. If it had been under different circumstances, you would have been ecstatic. For the moment however, you couldn't bring yourself to feel anything resembling joy. 

"I was thinking." You said, breaking the silence. 

"Hm?" Donnie was barely keeping his eyes open.

"Do you wanna stay here tonight?"

"You want me to stay? Even after all that?"

"Of course. You're exhausted. If you want, I could make up the couch or you could take the bed, I don't mind." Usually, you weren't so quick to offer up your bed but you were so tired you were sure you could sleep standing up. You figured Donnie felt even worse.   

"No." He said quickly. "I uh— don't think I could stand to be alone right now. Could we stay like this?" Donnie asked quietly, head barely peeking out from the blanket you grabbed for him earlier.

You nodded. "I'll let your brothers know you're staying."

"Thanks." 

You sent Mikey a text. When you locked your phone and set it on your bedside table, Donnie spoke up, voice small. "Y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. For everything." 

"Don't mention it." 

"No, really. You're incredible." He sounded so spacey. You would have paid more attention to how adorable he sounded if you weren't so fraught with emotions.     

"Thanks, Dee. Let's get some sleep, yeah?"

"Mhm." And like a flick of a light, Donnie was out.

Meanwhile, you leaned back against your headboard and pillow, let out a breath, and let the tears flow. You didn't worry about waking Donnie as the tears came freely, quietly after being stifled for so long. You eventually tired yourself out and fell asleep.