Footsteps sounded on the floorboards, some were firm, confident steps and others more of a nervous shuffle. Clothes rustled as their owners settled themselves. Then silence. Three large red chairs opposite, remained with their backs to the new arrivals.

Angus cleared his throat loudly.

The three judges hastily put away their mobile phones, plastered an encouraging smile on their faces and spun their chairs around to see who had made it through to this current round of the hottest reality show in this time-space continuum. Punk Wars.

Four life forms—all apparently human—sat in the four contestants' seats, returning the judges' gaze with hopeful interest. At first glance, their sub-genres were not particularly obvious.

Two people wore what appeared to be Victorian costume, black frockcoats, with black top hats. Then Carolina smiled as she spotted a brass corset on the young woman. She'd bet her boots that one was representing Steampunk. Carolina bit her lip—so what was the gentleman beside her? Was it possible he could be an example of that rather rare sub-genre, Edisonades? But did that technically qualify as a Punk? She frowned thoughtfully and moved on to consider the next contestant. The scruffy man with a long white beard was wearing an ancient grey cloak which could have done with a good wash. Myth Punk perhaps? Carolina's nose wrinkled as an unsavoury aroma drifted across the room. Discreetly, she rummaged in her handbag for a small bottle and gave herself a spritz of Chanel No 5. Aah. That was better. She looked up to meet the blank gaze of the fourth contestant. A strip of silver metal ran from one side of his face to the other, just where the eyes would be. Ha! Easy! Cyberpunk.

Mad Mike leaned over and poked her in the ribs. "I'm betting Steampunk, Candlepunk, Cyberpunk and possibly Clockpunk for the man in the frockcoat." He winked at both the other judges. "A fiver says I'm right. Any takers?"

Rollie smiled nervously, still not entirely sure how he had come to be one of the judges today. "So tell me, why aren't Elveloy and Krazy D here again?" he asked in a low voice as the contestants sat back, waiting for their buzzers to appear on the desks in front of their seats.

Mad Mike grinned. "They made the mistake of pissing off Angus," he chuckled. "Not only wouldn't they stop fighting over who won the SFSD X, but they both wanted Spunky Heroine to be included in the competition."

"Spunky Heroine?" asked Rollie, puzzled.

"Yeah. It's got 'punk' in the middle of it, see? They were both pretty insistent, but Angus refused. He said according to Ooorah's SF Sub-Genre Definitions, it's not a true Punk sub-genre."

"Oh, right."

Carolina was frowning, maybe Elveloy and Krazy D had a good point. When she thought about it, there weren't many sub-genres that featured female protagonists. Steampunk, of course, had its fair share of kick-ass women, but—

Before she could voice her objection, Angus spoke.

"Welcome to Punk Wars, Round Three. Tonight we have contestants representing Steampunk, Teslapunk," (at this point, Mad Mike said a quiet "Shit! Teslapunk! Just as well nobody took me up on that bet!") ..."Candlepunk and Cyberpunk," continued Angus pointedly. "Check your buzzers please, lady and gentlemen."

To Rollie's surprise, instead of the traditional large red buttons, a small steam whistle with water already bubbling away beneath it, a lighted candle and a miniature tesla coil appeared on the desks of the appropriate contestants. Perhaps the coolest of all was an extendable eye-piece which lit up when activated by the cyberpunk contestant.

"Now, to use your buzzers, you have to pull the whistle, blow out the candle, fire the coil or light up that eye."

"Not fair!" protested the other three contestants immediately, glaring at the eye-piece.

Angus chuckled unrepentantly. "Let's be honest, this is a fucking competition, not a kindergarten party. We're after a winner here!"

He spoke loudly over the grumbling. "Now, ready or not, here's the first question.

How would you kill a zombie?"

"A mallet to the head!" shouted Candlepunk excitedly.

"Zap his brains!" said Teslapunk in firm tones.

"Blast them with a raygun," countered Steampunk.

"Hmm," said Cyberpunk. "It would depend if the zombie was created by a virus or a chemical compound..."

Durrrr. A harsh sound drowned out the speaker.

"Use your fucking buzzers!" said Angus crossly. He waited until they all nodded guiltily. "I'll give you this round but the next person who forgets will be disqualified. Now, that's one point to everyone except Cyberpunk who didn't answer the question."

"But—"

"What part of 'don't argue and my decision is final' wasn't clear to everyone?" interrupted Angus, glaring at Cyberpunk.

"I know Angus is The Man, but couldn't we have got someone with a bit more polish to compere this?" Rollie whispered to Carolina. "What about that smooth guy, Simon Cowl?"

Carolina shook her head. "Gone. Too much self-promotion. They had to delete his account."

"Ah," said Rollie, nodding wisely.

"Question number two," said Angus loudly. "What's the main difference between Biopunk and Nanopunk?"

The contestants blinked nervously as the silence grew uncomfortably long. "Come on," said Angus testily. "One of you must know!" But nobody did and none was willing to venture a guess. Even the judges looked blank, Mad Mike bearing an unfortunate resemblance to a stuffed fish, while Carolina pretended to search her bag for a handkerchief and Rollie fingered his mobile phone surreptitiously in his pocket.

"The answer is, of course... er..." Angus shuffled papers frantically for a few seconds then looked up. "Well, unfortunately we don't have time for that. Moving right along, get ready for question three. Well, to be honest, it's not really a question, it's a challenge. The Mystery Box challenge. Under the boxes now being placed on your desks, you will find a selection of items appropriate to your subgenre. Your task is to create the best and most interesting invention in 60 minutes. Our three judges will examine your efforts and score them out of ten. The person with the highest score wins."

Angus paused dramatically and the contestants all looked up, anxious tension showing in more than one face... "Contestants...your time starts... NOW!"

Candlepunk was the first to lift the lid on his box. Hemp, wooden pegs, sticks and a pot of horse-hoof glue met his gaze. Hmm, could have been worse.

Steampunk pursed her lips at the sight of polished brass fittings, leather and a small silk balloon. Promising.

Teslapunk was more dubious about the coils of wire, electrodes and a small crystal under his box. He was used to working on a much larger scale but he supposed he could rustle up something.

Cyberpunk stared in a rather bewildered fashion at the collection of motherboard components, micro-chips and miniature batteries which met his gaze. Gingerly he picked up each object in turn, giving each a careful inspection before placing them in a row from largest to smallest on his desktop.

After watching dutifully for the first five minutes, the judges surreptitiously pulled out their mobile phones and were soon lost to everything around them. Mad Mike didn't realise he was chuckling over the latest cat video until Carolina tapped his elbow rather sharply. Quickly, he looked around but no-one else seemed to have noticed.

The sound of Angus announcing loudly, "You have FIVE minutes left!" brought the judges up short. Hastily they put their phones away and stared obediently across the room at the contestants and their inventions.

"This is Round three, right?" Rollie asked Carolina in a low voice just above a whisper. "What sub-genres were in the first two?"

"Let me see. The second round was Piratepunk, Greenpunk, Decopunk and Stonepunk. Stonepunk was the winner of that one. And the first round was won by Wattpunk, naturally." Carolina smiled.

"So who else was in the first round?"

"It was..." a frown formed between Carolina's perfect brows. "That's strange. I can't seem to remember... I know Wattpunk won, but..." She rubbed her forehead. She leant over. "Mike? Can you remember who was in the first round?"

"Wattpunk, of course," answered Mad Mike, confidently.

"Yes, but—"

"Time's up! Hands on the desk now, everyone," interrupted Angus. "Candlepunk, you're first. Tell us about the invention you've prepared for us today."

Candlepunk looked bashful. "I call it an acrossbow. You hold it horizontally and it shoots arrows much faster than a normal bow."

"Hasn't that been done before?" Rollie whispered to Carolina.

"Shh."

"Hmm. Not that exciting really, is it?" commented Angus. "Not for an hour's work. Teslapunk? What have you come up with?"

Teslapunk pushed forward the lid of the box that his items had come in. It didn't look like much but before the judges could comment, the proud inventor pressed a switch on the side and it began to trundle across the desk. "I call it my electrocarriage," he announced.

"Cool! An electric car," murmured Mad Mike. "But it will never catch on."

"Steampunk? Please tell us about your invention."

Steampunk was holding what looked like a cloth covering a small basket made from leather and decorated with shiny brass fittings.

"I need a few seconds for the demonstration," she said. "If you'd like to count down from five, please?"

"Five...four...three..." As the judges counted down aloud, Steampunk held her invention over the steam whistle and the cloth filled with hot air, revealing itself to be the small balloon.

"...one!" Steampunk let go, holding her breath, and the object rose slowly, majestically, upward to the ceiling. The judges clapped spontaneously.

"I call it a Skyship," announced Steampunk proudly

"Well that one's going to be hard to beat!" said Angus enthusiastically. "What do you have for us Cyberpunk?"

He walked over to the desk and looked down at the object Cyberpunk was holding in his hands. Cyberpunk tilted the motherboard to one side and a tiny ball of metal began to thread its way through the micro-canyons. "I call it a maze," he said. "You have to get the little ball to the centre—"

"What the fuck is that?" asked Angus in disbelief. "A kid of five could have done better."

"Well, to be honest," said Cyberpunk defensively, "I was a late entry. The person who was supposed to be here came down with the nanoflu. I don't actually invent things myself, I just know how to use them."

The judges huddled together for a moment, then turned back to face the contestants.

"We give Candlepunk a four out of ten," Mad Mike announced. "Six out of ten for Teslapunk, a good try that, and sorry, Cyberpunk, but you scored the first zero of the series." Mad Mike smiled at Steampunk. "And finally...we give Steampunk a 10 out of 10!" he beamed. "Which makes Steampunk the winner! Congratulations!" Carolina and Rollie clapped enthusiastically.

Gold confetti rained down from the ceiling and Steampunk rushed into the centre of the room, to be surrounded by the other contestants and the three judges, all clapping her on the back and laughing. Angus turned to the camera with a wide smile, "So there we have it, Ladies, Gentlemen, and other Sentient Beings. Steampunk is our Round Three winner. Tune in next week for the very first Semi Final of Punk Wars! The most popular reality show this side of the Milky Way!"