I love suddenly getting slapped with a bunch of "What if" scenarios in my head and freaking out about them in the middle of the night.
I'm once again stepping back and wondering what I actually want to do with my life except this time I'm already in college. And I've already gotten that question wrong once and now I'm wondering if what I'm thinking I want to do is what I actually want to do or if it's just gonna be the same experience that I already experienced all over again where I go "Huh, I actually don't give two shits about this and I hate it."

Also I've been putting off doing things for a class that I don't want to be in because Well I don't like that class and I'm not interested in any of it and I know I need to get the stuff done anyways and I keep telling myself I'll do something at least but I haven't but I need to but tbh I don't know 100% how much I have to do because I'm a non Architecture student in a class for architecture students (which technically I'm still an Arch major but not signed up for the studio so you know) and they apparently don't really give two shits about us non Archs which I mean fair I guess but what do we do?

Also I don't think my Schools library has any books. I've got the right building and the right floor but it's just a bunch of computer and like a small section of shelves with DVD's and VHS tapes because college students will have something to play those on. Well I'm sure some do but I doubt many people have VHS players anymore let alone college students.

Also also I feel like my friends are slowly growing to hate me or at least growing away from me and moving on without me which is dumb because they're not and I know they're not but I still feel like that and I feel shitty and I kinda wanna cry and my eyes are kinda watery rn wtf why have I just been slapped with anxiety. Fkjdjdagtahsjcfktahsxjidayxjfkkfsh

I'm a not so hot, hot mess.