The first time Miyoung had one of her attacks was a day she wouldn't forget. Not even a month into her trainee life, she experienced her first major panic attack.

The practice had gone okay for the most part, but her mentor had to constantly work her through even the simplest of moves. Moves that even amateur dancers could do in their sleep. She had never doubted her abilities like she did that day. With the amount of mistakes she was making, Miyoung couldn't help but feel the eyes of her fellow trainees on her. She thought she could hear them whispering and snickering at her, which made her want to shrink away in embarrassment.

Walking out of the practice room she couldn't help but feel every single type of embarrassment and disappointment in herself. The feeling was so new but felt so familiar to her. The room began to spin, her head felt as if it were splitting in two. Her breaths became more and more shallow. The feeling of her legs seemed to disappear which made them shake beneath her.

She leaned against the wall and pressed her suddenly burning forehead against its cool surface. The world began to close in around her, closing her eyes as tightly as she could, Miyoung slid down the wall and curled up into a ball on the floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them as close to her chest as she could, wanting to do nothing but disappear.

"That shitty performance was all you could do?" A voice whispered in the back of her mind.

"Who is that?" She thought to herself.

"She won't last long here." Another voice whispered to the other.

"Should've just crawled back home when you had the chance."

She shut her eyes even tighter and squeezed her legs closer.

"Miyoung?" A familiar voice said.

Slowly opening her eyes, her vision focused onto a familiar face.

Yeonjun.

Her eyes watered before tears began to fall.

His eyes widened as he rushed to her, wrapping her into his arms and squeezing her tightly. The tears in her eyes couldn't stop falling and she gripped onto the sleeve of his shirt.

"It's okay." Yeonjun whispered to her. "You're going to be okay."

She couldn't speak. All that came from her lips were sobs. All she could do was cry. Miyoung had never felt so vulnerable, so weak. But, she felt safe in his arms. Although Yeonjun's hold on her was tight, his touch was so gentle. As if he was touching the wings of a butterfly.

"Thank.. You." She barely managed to say, unsure if he had even heard her.

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As Yeonjun held her close, memories of the past began to run through Miyoung's mind. He kept repeating the same words over and over again, 'It's gonna be okay." She started crying even harder.

"Why?" She muttered through sobs.

Yeonjun didn't respond and just held her tighter. He held her as if he were to let go she would break into a million pieces. Miyoung tried her best to catch her breath, although they were shallow she deeply inhaled then exhaled. Her eyes stung but she couldn't help but stare up at Yeonjun. She didn't know if he was real or if this was a figment of her imagination. But she didn't care.

Her body relaxed in his hold and she let out an exhausted sigh. The voices disappeared, the tears stopped and her mind went blank.

"Are you okay?" The man asked.

Miyoung managed to give a small nod before trying to sit up. Yeonjun's grip didn't budge as he held her against his chest.

"Just. Stay like this for a moment." He mumbled.

Miyoung didn't oppose and even if she wanted to, her body felt so drained and she could barely manage a simple nod. Taking in an other deep breath, she finally shut her eyes. Taking in the warmth of Yeonjun's hold around her. She didn't want him to let go and she knew that was selfish of her to even think of.

"Can you stand?" He asked.

Nodding her head, Yeonjun's arms slowly released her and he stood, bringing Miyoung up with him as slowly as he could. Still holding onto her as she regained her balance.

"Did you forget to take your medication?"

She shook her head in response.

"Do you know what could have caused this?" His words were filled with concern.

"I saw..." She started, her voice quiet. "I saw Kai."

Yeonjun turned to look in the direction that Kai walked off in before sighing and smiling softly at Miyoung. He gently tugged her in the opposite direction, not wanting to rush her. Miyoung carefully took one step after the other. The two walked down the hall before getting to an open space with couches. Yeonjun held onto Miyoung as he slowly led her to the couch, gently settling her down before sitting next to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired." She said.

"Do you want me to call Sara?"

"No. It's fine. I just need to relax for a second then I'll head home." She said reaching up to gently rub her temples.

"Are you sure?" He asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

She placed her hand atop his before gently pushing it away, turning to him she smiled softly. "Thank you for helping me, Yeonjun. I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"Why are you apologizing?" He asked confused.

"You probably were busy but you stopped and helped me."

"I helped you like any normal person would." He started. "I would've stopped for you even if I was in the middle of saving the president." He tried to joke around but Miyoung just sat there and stared at him.

Tears began to well up in her eyes once more. "Why?"

"Why did I help you?"

"Why do you still care?" She sobbed.

Yeonjun's eyes softened as she cried into the palms of her hands. Honestly, he didn't know what it was but every time he saw Miyoung cry, his heart broke a little. He knew he had made her cry before but now his heart felt like it was shattering.

"No matter what happened between us, Miyoung. I won't ever stop caring about you."

His hand gently rested on her shoulder once more, squeezing it ever so gently. "I'm ready to talk about things whenever you are." He started. "But if you're not ready I won't force you."

Miyoung tried to speak through her cries but he couldn't understand.

"I know I should've reached out to you... but I just didn't know if you wanted to speak to me."

"Of course I wanted to speak you." Miyoung said, the only words he could understand.

His hand glided to her back and he softly patted it, a small smile forming on his lips.

"I just want everything to go back to how they were, Yeonjun. I want that so bad." She started. "But I messed up so bad.. so so bad."

"Miyoung. It's okay."

"But it's not... I ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything... Look at us now, I'm still right here and always have been. Even if we didn't speak."

"I almost ruined your career, Yeonjun." She said finally meeting his eyes. Hers burning red from the tears. "So why... why don't you hate me?"

Something caught in his throat before Yeonjun spoke. The Miyoung in front of him made his heart break. No matter how hard he tried, he knew deep down he had a feeling she knew he had forgiven her a long time ago. But she hadn't yet forgiven herself.

Scooting closer to her, he wrapped his arms around her once more, holding her close to him. Yeonjun hugged her as tight as he could. "I could never hate you... You know that." He said and Miyoung couldn't help but cry even more.

Her arms wrapping around him as she returned the hug and just continued to cry. She held onto him so tight. She didn't want to let go of him.

"It's okay, Miyoung." He said.

Those three words wrapped around Miyoung's heart in a hug of their own.

"I mean it."

"I'm sorry." She said through tears. "I'm so sorry."

She wasn't just apologizing to Yeonjun. She was apologizing to herself. Apologizing for not being able to forgive herself. Not being able to move on. Even though she knew she should, this was the only way she could punish herself for her actions.

"I'm sorry." She repeated again.

Yeonjun began to hum a simple tune as he held her even tighter as he gently stroked the back of Miyoung's head.

"I'm sorry, too." He whispered.

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WORD COUNT : 1460

Authors note :

hello lovelies, i just wanted to say that all panic attacks and such are different for everyone! i wanted to show a representation of one from someone who's had them before (me heh). they come in all different ways! that's all haha i just felt like i had to say that!

Thank you for reading this far, i greatly appreciate it!

- Le <3