I woke in a cold sweat and out of breath, my skin broken out in goosebumps. I took in my surroundings, brushing away the hair slicked to my forehead. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, working to steady my breathing and calm my racing heart. 

I lit the lamp next to my bed, sorting through the stack of library books I had acquired a couple days prior. I finally came to the book at the bottom of the pile: a thick, leather-bound tome with no outward identifiers as to its contents. 

It hadn't had any labels or stamps on the inner covers, either. Nothing about it seemed to link it to the library I had been standing in, at all. When I asked a nearby librarian about it, she merely shrugged and told me to simply take it since it wasn't property of the library. 

So now I held the tome in my hands, which I had learned was an introduction to curses, hexes, and spells. I flipped through its contents, eyes skimming the words and illustrations. I searched for anything that could possibly pertain to me and my situation. Anything at all. My eyes skimmed pages and pages of text and what looked to be hand-drawn illustrations, my head beginning to swim. 

The book did seem to be very old. It was written in Latin, and I thanked the heavens that my father had insisted my sisters and I learn the language. 

I dog-eared a few different passages I found about immortality, death, rebirth, reincarnation, and what appeared to be something to do with the fountain of youth. Pausing for a moment, I changed tactics. I quickly flipped back through the pages, this time bookmarking any information I could find on the Egyptians, scarabs, and beetles. I didn't find much, but there were a couple of entries that talked about death hexes and binding souls together in death that could prove interesting. 

I pulled my journal from under my pillow and began jotting down notes on what I'd read. At some point, I found myself absentmindedly doodling a large beetle at the edge of the page. I sighed, placed the old book back on the stack, tucked away my journal under my pillow, and shut off the lamp. 

Lying back, I stared up at the ceiling as my mind buzzed and hummed. I frowned, knowing it was going to take a good while before I would fall back asleep, if I even managed to at all. Although, considering Lilith could be waiting for me just beyond the veil of slumber made the prospect of staying awake seem not so bad, after all. 

I groaned and threw my arm over my eyes, trying to block out not only the world around me, but also my rampant thoughts inside. I didn't want to give Lilith this kind of power over me and my head, but something about this last dream had left me unsettled and a bit shaken. I frowned, trying to push the whole ordeal out of the forefront of my mind. 

Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder if the dreams were all the result of years of uncertainty and madness taking their toll on my sanity. It was certainly beginning to wear on my nerves. The lack of sleep definitely wasn't helping any. 

I once again looked up at the ceiling, so many thoughts and feelings running through me that I didn't know where to begin in sorting through them. 

I wished to be able to talk to my mother just then. I wished I could ask her for guidance or even reassurance about any of this. Even if she couldn't necessarily help me, so to speak, just her embrace and kind words would do wonders to help ease my turbulent mind. I wondered what she'd think about Lilith and these dreams I'd been having all these years. Would she think I was crazy?

I frowned at that thought. I shook my head and dismissed it before it could sink its oily roots into my heart, festering and tearing at my spirit. Instead, my mind drifted back to something that Lilith had said in my dream. 

"One day, (Y/N), you will grow tired of this little game. And then you will stop running."

I chewed on my lip, my brow furrowed in thought. What game had she been talking about? And her words seemed to imply that I had a hand in my immortality. Was I actively doing something to contribute to my curse? Could I even do that? And if so, what could I do to stop it? 

I blew out another breath, sitting back up and lighting up the lamp, once more. I pulled the book of spells back into my lap, a new fire in me to find something, anything, to help me understand whatever I could about myself. I searched and searched and searched. I fought against the strain and heaviness behind my eyes. 

I fought for as long as I could before falling asleep, book splayed on my chest. 

I sat across from Melody later that same evening, letting my purse drop to the floor next to my chair. She blinked at me, concern crowning his features. 

"Lord, you look like you got into a scrap with an alley cat and lost! You alright, doll?" 

As she asked that question, she slid a glass over to me, a lime wedge on the lip. I took a sip and recoiled once I swallowed, my throat burning. I sputtered and coughed. It had a woody taste and a hint of citrus. 

"What is this?" I asked Mel hoarsely, a slight, fuzzy feeling at the back of my head briefly. 

"It's a gin and tonic, love. Not your fancy?"

I shook my head. "It burns."

She laughed. "Ah. You get used to that after a while."

I shuddered. "I don't know if I ever could."

My friend shrugged, taking a sip of my discarded drink, herself. "Suit yourself, hon." 

I let out a heavy breath, my restless night beginning to catch up to me in the middle of the Parlor. 

"You gonna tell me what's eatin' ya?" 

"Just having some trouble sleeping, is all. 

What else was I to say? That I was being haunted by an impossible curse and a scare woman I wasn't entirely sure was real? Not a chance. 

She hummed, slowly nodding at me. I knew she was obviously skeptical of my lame excuse, but she didn't push the issue. And for that, I was thankful. 

We sat in a fairly comfortable silence, the two of us watching the other people milling about and drinking. A group of men were playing billiards in the corner. 

My friend considered me as I stared at the glass in front of her. 

"Deep in thought?" 

I looked up and simply nodded. 

"Look," she said, sighing. "I don't know what's going on, but if you want a bit of peace and quiet, why don't you stay in my room for a while until I'm done with my set? It's Jenny's day off," she added with an encouraging smile. 

I gave her a small, tired smile. "That would be nice." I hoped my eyes expressed just how grateful I was to her. 

She led me to her dressing room and brought me a glass of water. I took it gratefully. 

"Thank you, Melody. You have no idea how thankful I am that I have you as a friend." 

She smiled at me and batted a hand. "Aw, think nothing of it, hon. You're a sweet gal and I think you're swell to spend time with." 

She took my hands in hers, gave them a comforting, sisterly squeeze, and went to the door. 

"I'll be back after my set to check on you." 

And with a final, reassuring smile, she was gone. 

I made myself comfortable on the chaise in the corner of the room, ticking my feet under me and pulling my journal out of my purse. I drummed my pen against my leg as I flipped to the next empty page. I needed to get my disposition under control before Melody began to dig deeper on what was really wrong with me. The last thing I wanted to do at the moment was try and explain to my newfound friend that I was cursed and having more fitful, sleepless nights than I'd care to admit. 

I sighed. Sometimes I wondered if it was even worth it to make friends or connections. 

A thought stopped me in my tracks, my pen going still in my hand. 

If I were to truly live forever, what would that mean for Lawrence and me? Was I destined to stand by and watch as he grew old and wasted away? All while I remained unchanged, imprisoned in this body frozen in time? 

Could I put Lawrence through that, if things should go that way? 

Could I put myself through it? 

Could I truly sacrifice a world of heartbreak for a chance at a brief life with the man I was growing to love? 

My mind wandered back to the spell I had seen about binding spirits together so they would be assured to find each other in the afterlife. Was that a possibility for us? Or would I even ever enter into whatever lay beyond the curtain of death? 

I snapped out of this line of thinking, chastising myself. What on earth was I thinking? Was I seriously considering cursing Law? What was wrong with me? I'd never wish a curse like this on my worst enemy!

I rubbed my tired eyes, deciding then and there I would do everything humanly possible to get some good sleep. Because the alternative being this hazy fog in my brain on a daily basis made me want to never think another thought ever again. 

Looking down, I noticed that the pages were quickly being filled with doodles of beetles and a couple of badly-remembered drawings of Egyptian hieroglyphics I had seen in another passage from the mysterious book resting on my nightstand. I traced one of the lines of graphite with my finger. I didn't hear the knock on the door or see the face that popped in the room. I didn't notice until a voice startled me out of my stupor. 

"Beetles, huh?" 

I jolted, looking up to find Law standing over me, studying my drawings curiously. 

My first instinct was to cover it up, to slam the book shut before he could truly see. But I resisted the urge, not wanting to seem suspicious, but also not wishing to hurt Law by obviously trying to hide something from him. 

"Oh, yeah, just been reading a bit about them lately, so they've been stuck in my head," I explained. 

Not exactly the whole truth, but not a lie, either. 

"That's a funny coincidence," Law continued, sitting next to me. 

I turned to look at him, pretending not to notice how close he sat, our legs pressed together in comfortable familiarity. "How so?" 

"Oh, my middle name," he said almost bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck a bit. 

"Your middle name?" 

He nodded. "It's not the same thing, since it's an astronomy thing, but my middle name is Betelgeuse." 

I blinked at him. "Beetle-Juice?" 

He laughed, nodding. "It's the German spelling, but yes. My father studied astronomy in university, and had an avid fascination with the Orion constellation. So, my middle name pays homage to that."

I smiled at him. "That's so unique!" 

He chuckled. "That's one way to think of it." 

We both glanced down at my pages of drawings again, a new memory being formed. Now, whenever I looked at those pages, my mind would fondly travel back to this exact moment. Sitting next to this wonderful man I was quickly realizing I'd rather leave briefly with than a thousand lifetimes without.