WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT AND LANGUAGE.

Red. There was a time when I wasn't allowed to wear red, I think as I smooth my hands down over my new dress. Derek said that the color red made me look like a whore. Everyone would stare at me, and he didn't like that. He was always so possessive and controlling. I will never forget the day he said that to me, and from then on I just wore black. 

It was just easier not to make him mad. Everything was always about him. It was always about keeping him happy. I was always giving and never taking. It was about what he wanted. I knew I had lost myself somewhere along the way over the last several years.

Ugh, when would I be able to shake my past? 

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I wondered what Alec would think of this dress. My past was just that, my past. I didn't need to think about it anymore. Knowing that I still needed to talk to Alec about Derek, the thought was making me nauseous. 

I love this red dress and have from the moment I saw it. It fits my curves perfectly. A touchable fabric that hangs just above my knees. A neckline that dips just low enough to make me feel sexy. 

I can feel the change. The shift. I am finally free to be myself. Running my fingers through my hair, smoothing it out one last time, I play with the ends and make sure everything is just right. I kept it down, not knowing where we were going tonight.

Touching up my makeup, I smile at my appearance in the mirror. For the first time in a long time, I feel beautiful. Alec makes me feel beautiful, and I love that about him.

Hearing the doorbell, I give myself a once over in the mirror, grab my things off the stand, and head downstairs. Opening the door, I am greeted by the sight of Alec dressed in a black T-shirt with a black leather jacket and jeans. He is a sight to behold. 

Alec in leather is hot.

Leaning my head against the door, "Hi" I say quietly, taking my breath away like he usually does.

"You look beautiful," he says, his green eyes burning as they sweep down over my body. He hands me a beautiful bouquet of light orange roses, leaning in to kiss me.

His hand gently touches my face, and all the air in the space around us is gone. Only we exist. 

He heats me instantly, a fire igniting within me.  I'm talking about the blue fire, the fire that's ignited by carbon and hydrogen. This fire will not easily be extinguished.

Leaning back against the door because my knees are weak, I wrap my free arm around him for support pulling him back against me. I feel as though I could collapse at any moment. Reaching out, I touch his face gently with my hand to make sure he is real because surely what I am feeling right now cannot be real.

"Mmm." He moans, pulling away. His eyes burn with passion. Passion for me. 

Shaking his head quickly, "If we don't stop, we won't leave here tonight, Thomas." Running his hand through his hair. Oh, that hair.

"I need to put these in water. Do you want to come up? I will just be a second." Starting to walk up the stairs, I turn back to look at him standing there.

I laugh at him as he isn't moving. He's just standing a few steps down staring up at me.

"Alec." I laugh, beckoning him to come up.

"I'm glad you think this is funny. You think inviting me in is the best of ideas?" he says sarcastically and chases me up the stairs, swatting my backside playfully.

"Alec, stop! I have heels on!" Squealing and laughing, trying to get away from him.

Making it to the kitchen counter, the flowers get tossed as he spins me around to him.

"Not so fast," he says kissing my neck. "You were safer downstairs, you know." his voice is full of heat.

"Mmmm." I moan. I have no words. I've been thinking about him all day.

He looks around at my studio apartment. "Nice place, Thomas." he kisses my neck twice. "It's cute. Very, um... you," he says smirking, kissing the other side of my neck.

"God, Alec." I pant. "Shut up about my fucking apartment." Removing his jacket from his shoulders, I discard it onto the floor. Impatient and wanting to touch him, to see him.

"What's wrong, Thomas?" he says, his voice a sarcastic whisper in my ear,  my whole body quivering with need. "I thought that you were putting your flowers in water?"

"I can't fucking think when you're around" I breathe out.

Smiling wickedly at me, "I know the feeling. Here," he says quietly, turning me around to face the sink where the flowers are. "Let me help you." his hands on mine. My senses are on overload.

I grab the flowers and start to take them out of the wrapper. Alec is kissing my neck and running his fingertips up and down my forearms, sending shivers down my spine. Squeezing my eyes closed, he moves my hair to one shoulder. I pause on the unwrapping.

"Continue" he whispers in my ear. "Or I'll stop." Nibbling on my ear, causing me to grind my hips against him.

"Don't. Stop" I breathe out.

"So demanding" he grins.

Trailing his fingers down the sides of my stomach, I feel a tightening down deep in my belly. An awakening I haven't felt in so long. I long to feel his hands on my bare skin.

I need to grab a vase from underneath the sink. This is going to be interesting. It's my turn to torture him. Clearing my throat, I press my bottom into him, feeling his erection. God, I want him. Pushing him gently backward, and bending forward, I grab the vase.

"Sorry," I say, gazing back at him. He runs his hands through his hair. "I needed to grab something down here" biting my bottom lip before turning around and bending down from my hips far enough that I knew my dress would come up some.

"Holy fuck" he sighs. "You are gorgeous." he breathes out.

Giggling, I walk back to the sink. I like seeing him like this.

"Minx," he says, as he stands there watching me.

Hurriedly putting the flowers in the vase with water, I turn back to face him, biting my lip again. As I look down at the floor, running my hands down my thighs, I don't know what to do with myself, let alone my hands. It is taking everything within me not to run to him. Not wanting to seem desperate and trying to control the hormones raging within me, I stand there awkwardly waiting for him as he stands there watching me. Tension between us, the heat within me like a raging fire. Looking up at him, I see that the intensity is matched in his stare.

It's as if time is still around us when we are together.

Timeless.

That's how he makes me feel.

"What do you want, Kelsey?" he says cocking his head to the side. God, is he hot, and he's in my kitchen. 

 Squeezing my legs together as I try to relieve some of the pressure between my thighs, I close my eyes, hoping that he doesn't see the movement.

"That isn't going to help," he says huskily.

"Alec." I moan with longing. A longing that I didn't know existed within me.

Crossing the distance to me in a stride, he picks me up and sits me on the counter, his lips finding mine. Our connection is like none that I have ever experienced before. Running my hands through his hair, I reach down to scrunch up the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head. I want to feel him, need to feel him. It's a primal feeling, needing him like this. All of him.

God, he was even more sexy than I had imagined. Letting my fingers trail over the muscles on his chest. Sucking in a breath at my touch, he runs a hand through his hair. Is he nervous? I can't fathom this beautiful man ever being nervous. Yet here he is in front of me nervous for some reason. Gazing up at him curiously, I lean forward, kissing his collar bone, and his neck and working my way back to his mouth.

"You have such a beautiful body, Alec" I whisper in his ear as my hands continue to explore him.

He stares intensely into my eyes. "You look amazing in this dress, but I need to see you," he says. "I've wanted to see you since I first laid eyes on you." The way he talks to me does wicked things to me. My face heats at the thought, and I am thankful for the darkness of the apartment.

Picking me up so I am straddling him he carries me over to the bed. Removing my dress, he lays me back on the bed and stands at the edge looking at me, taking his fill. His eyes are dark with need.

I feel the need to cover myself, suddenly self-conscious. As he stands there with his jeans on watching me, I feel so exposed.

"No," he says at once. His voice is stern and soft at the same time. "You are so beautiful. Do you not know that?" he says, coming to me now. Hovering above me, he sweeps the hair from my face. As he kisses me gently, I melt away beneath him. 

Closing my eyes, I wish for all the fucked-up shit from my past to disappear, wishing that it only ever was the two of us.

"Kelsey, you are so beautiful. Open your eyes, I want to see you," he whispers as if he has a window to my soul.

How does he always know what to say? Tears sting in my eyes. No one has ever been so kind to me. No one had ever made me feel this way.

As a tear escapes my eye, he wipes it away and kisses me again. Trailing kisses down my face, my neck, and down to my breasts, he makes it all fade away. Making quick work with the clasp on my bra, I'm thankful I wore matching red lace panties. Tossing my bra somewhere beyond the bed, he goes back to touching and kissing me everywhere. His fingers explore and ignite every inch of my skin. Looking into his eyes, I can see my desire matched in his eyes. I couldn't help but think how many other girls he had been with like this.

"Stop thinking for now, Kelsey Just feel." he breathes out. Again, I wonder how he always knows exactly what I am thinking.

"Ahh." Moaning into his mouth, he finds his way to my nipples. Skillfully licking and kissing his way down my belly, he swirls a finger along the upper edge of my panties, dipping it just below. Teasing me as he is kissing me where his fingers are. Chills and goosebumps spread all over my body as his hand goes lower and lower. Hands that are so soft against my skin. My anticipation builds as he slips his fingers further down.

"What do you want, Kelsey?" Alec says, trailing kisses along my thighs. "Tell me" He glances up at me, his voice full of need for me.

I want him, more than I had ever wanted anyone. I am in uncharted territory, not knowing what I want him to do because I have never done anything like this with anyone. I'm not sure what to say.

"Alec." I moan.

"Tell me," he demands softly.

"I don't know. I need you right now. Just don't stop. Please." I plead. Not knowing what I am pleading for but that he will somehow fulfill whatever that need is.

Sliding the red lace down my legs now, he plants kisses back up my thighs, back up to the sweet heat at the center of my body. His mouth finds the wetness of my sex, making me arch my back as sensations that I have never felt before take over my body. Reaching out, he gently presses my belly down onto the bed holding me still.

"Breathe, baby," he whispers.

"Dear God," I say as he slips a finger inside of me, continuing his sweet assault on my sex.

"So sweet" he whispers, his breath hot against me, undoing me bit by bit. Reaching down I entwine my fingers in his hair, eliciting a groan from him that I feel at the inner core of my body making me shudder.

"Alec." I mewl, gripping the duvet on the bed, as a growing pressure builds up inside of me. I never thought that I could feel this good. Surely, I am dreaming. Daring to open my eyes, I look down at the beautiful, God-like human doing sinful things to me, his eyes burn into mine. It is my undoing. Exquisite. Fucking. Bliss.

Giving me a moment to collect myself and come back to reality, he starts kissing my thighs and my stomach, he pulls me up so that I am standing next to him. I have no words.

"I'm not done with you yet," he says, his voice full of need. My lips meet his, I taste myself on him. It's foreign but erotic. Licking his bottom lip, he sucks in a breath. Unsure of what has gotten into me, and not caring, I take my hands into his hair and trace his jaw with my mouth. My hands ran down his neck to his well-sculpted shoulders. Moving to stand behind him, trailing my hand around his chest as I move to stand behind him. His eyes are upon me, but his arms remain at his sides as he lets me have my fill of him.

"My turn," I say alluringly walking around him.

"You do not disappoint, Mr. Lockhard," I say seductively. His back was equally as sculpted as the rest of him. A tattoo of a dragon takes up the majority of his back. It's hot. I kiss his back and his head falls back. He must spend a great deal of time working out. Running my fingers along his muscles, I feel his breathing quicken and his muscles tense. Loving the way his chest rises and falls all because of my touch.

Making my way back to the front of him, taking both of my hands, and feeling my way up the tattoos on his forearms, watching his eyes close, I place a kiss on his lips. Curling one arm around his neck and tracing the tribal tattoo on his clavicle that goes up his neck, pressing my naked body into him.

"Are you having fun?" he says huskily, his voice full of need.

Smiling up at him, smoothing my hand down his muscular stomach down to the top of his jeans I slide my middle finger back and forth along the top of his pelvis.

"Fuck" he hisses.

"What do you want, Alec?" I ask sweetly. Two can play this game.

Kissing me again, this time with more heat, more passion than before, he starts walking us back toward the bed. Moaning into his mouth, I am certain this man will be my undoing. He could get me to do whatever he wanted with just a look.

Pushing against him to stop him from making it to the bed, I shake my head and laugh. "Pants," I say biting my lip.

Giving a small laugh, he grins and nods "Yes, ma'am."

Leaving his boxers on because I didn't say to take them off, he stands before me, awaiting my next command.

Crossing my arms, I nervously bite my thumb. This much power is foreign to me. Alec makes me feel so free, and yet, I am nervous.

"If you keep doing that, our game will be over. I am patient, but not when you look at me like that" he says looking at me, his green eyes burning emerald.

It's now my turn to suck in a breath. Oh, how I love it when he says things like that.

Walking behind him, reaching around the front of him, I feel the muscles in his abdomen. Knowing that I am too shy to stand in front of him to do anything like this, but wanting so badly to touch him, I start sliding my hands lower and lower to the top band of his boxers. Feeling him tense, I am met by his hands.

Spinning around, his gaze once again meets mine. Shaking his head, he pulls me to him and kisses me again. Pulling away from me, he looks at me seriously, "If you want to touch me, you can look at me while you do it."

Looking away, I feel my heart sinking. How do you tell someone that you have never done anything like this and that you have only ever been used as a sex object without ruining the entire mood? I know that I am fucked up, but I don't want him to know that. He won't want me then. Look at him. He can have anyone.

"Hey," he says softly taking my chin with the hands I am now so fond of. He turns my face back to him. Tears wet my cheeks.

"I'm sorry" I whisper.

Pulling me to him he leads us to the bed. "What is it? Talk to me?" He pleads with me. "Do you want me to go?" He looks so confused. 

Fuck, why me? Why can't I just be normal?

Shaking my head, I wipe away the tears on my cheeks. "God, I'm sorry. I knew that this was a bad idea." Putting my face in my hands, I try to hide as if it will make it better.

Grabbing his T-shirt, he slips it over my head. I smile up at him, thankful for the gesture. Running his hands nervously through his hair again, he pulls his jeans on and sits on the bed beside me.

"I'm sorry that I upset you. Come here," he says, pulling me to him. He did not deal with crying females often or well. At least he was trying. He was still here. That was something.

Being in his arms, I feel so safe and terrible because none of this was his fault. He has been so good to me and doesn't deserve any of this. I am the one who is messed up. He should escape while he can. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell him. My heart is breaking into a million pieces because I know that I am about to lose him.

"Alec, I'm sorry. I'm a hot fucking mess," I sniffle. "I had an ex who treated me like shit. I moved here to get away from him. To start over" He tenses beside me, and feeling it, I sit up giving him space. Knowing that this would happen eventually, but not realizing that it would hurt this damn bad when it did, my heart sinks even further. Better now, in the beginning, I guess.

Alec sits staring at the floor not saying anything, so I continue. "He was the only person that I was ever with. I lost all my friendships because of him. He was a liar and cheated on me all the time. The last time he cheated was when I left. He was possessive, abusive, and controlling and everything was about him. So, all of this," I say motioning to the bed, insinuating to what we have just done, "is uncharted territory for me."

Alec rubs his hand across his face. "Stop, Just, please, stop." Standing, he pauses for a second and then walks to the sink, leaning against it, staring into the night.

My heart shatters. I want normalcy, whatever that is. Whatever that feels like. The tears come so easily because I know he is angry and this is over before it begins. Knowing that I am the reason makes it even worse. I fucked up, like always. Some things never change.

Standing up my legs feel like a wobbly mess. I am lightheaded and I can't think straight.

"I'm so sorry, Alec," I say softly, tears running down my face in the dark. "For ruining your night and wasting your time. For upsetting you. For not telling you...for all of it." Looking at him as he stares out the window, I know I will never be whole. I know that no one will ever love me. I am damaged goods. Walking to the bathroom, I leave him standing in the kitchen and turn on the shower. I take off his shirt and let it fall to the floor. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Continue to Chapter 10 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>