Chapter 9 - "Embarassed..."

Clara's PoV

As soon as the embarrassment of such an awful evening subsided Amy came into help me ready for bed, but I dismissed her almost immediately to go and have fun.

I was going to go to the library in this building and see if I couldn't find something interesting to read for the evening seeing as the date was just as awful as I had prepared myself for.

I stepped down out of the lift, and stepped outside to get a little fresh air, when I noted someone who looked awfully like John walking the street.

He said he'd be in London.

I jumped down a few of the steps, wiping the tears from my eyes, and called out for him.

'Miss Clara. I knew you was in town. Did not intend on seeing you' he chuckled.

'That's why your just conveniently waking outside my hotel after a terrible evening'

'Oo. Was the rich people's steak a bit disgusting for you?' He joked.

No' I sniffed.

'Wow. Didn't realise it was that disgusting' he chuckled.

'It wasn't the steak, it was the evening. Guy was an idiot, just wants the money like I said' 

'How do you know?'

'He admitted it. After giving me an insight of his last marriage. I don't want to marry a 34 year old man. I'm 21' I huffed.

'Wanna go inside?'

'I was actually headed for the library' I nodded.

'Lets talk' he smiled.

- - -

'I don't want to marry someone they I'm not in love with. Why doesn't he get that? Why can't life be fair? Why can't I just have someone like you?'

'Someone like me? Is me not good enough?' He said offended.

'I didn't mean it like that. I really like you'

'No, you meant why can't you find someone like me with as much money as you? Life isn't perfect Miss Clara'

'Then why can't I actually have you? Your smart. You know how to look after people. You fought in the war - that will have you in favour on my Dads side. You'll be a great husband and you can provide what my Dads looking for' I shrugged, moving closer to him.

I'm so glad it's a private little library and not many people are here at 10 o clock at night because people would know who I am.

'Miss Clara we can't. There's so much against us'

'There's not. My father can't disown me, I'm the only chance he's got of having a blood heir. Otherwise the line ends with him. He doesn't have anymore blood relatives other than me'

'Clara we can't, I'm not what you think I am. I'm not this squeaky clean person. I'm fat more disgraced than you think. Even if by some miracle your father let me live with you... What would everyone else say? What would my family say when they find out? Plus I have secrets'

'We can help your family out. Clear their name, make sure they have enough to survive'

'Miss Clara please. I'm not morally intact' he spluttered.

'What?'

'I've had other women. Several other women. I had to find a way to pay myself through London' he said embarrassed.

I sucked in a deep breath. It's amazing the things you will not care about when it comes to love.

'I don't care'

'I have a daughter' he then said.

I could have fainted.

'You what?'

'I warned you'

'I still don't care. There now all the secrets are out and I still love you all the same. Please be with me. I have money. We can track her down. She can live with us. We can say she was adopted to the outside world until she's old enough to know the truth and not tell anyone'

'Clara please your not thinking straight'

'I'm thinking about how much I want you and how much I'm willing to give up'

'I didn't know before I went to war that the girl I was seeing was pregnant. I fought in the war for a year, before being discharged. I found out about the baby two months before I left and about the Mothers death, when I came home. She had died in the blitz. In London. To think I was shot in the arm and didn't die... But she was blown to smithereens just days after giving birth. The baby was handed to me and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't afford a pencil... Let alone to raise a kid, so I did the only thing I could. I gave her to a family who could provide'

'But we can provide. Together'

'How was I supposed to know that three years later I would meet a beautiful woman who was willing to throw money at me? Either way. It just can't happen Clara. I'm disgraced and I would bring you and your family down. Now you'd better get up to bed. You have a train to catch in the morning'

He said all this as I pulled him in for another kiss again.

After everything he just told me. Not mater how much shit his past three up... I still loved him just the same.

You can't choose the ones you love.