1 year later...

"I'm so proud of my little boy growing up" my mum pinched my cheeks.
It's been a year since my suicide attempt and the boy with black hair still haunts my dreams, although I havent seen him since. My dad gave me a new phone after it, saying my old one had broken, and I got through my exams. Pretty much getting A's and B's.
I'm now off to college which is a little further up Manchester so I'm living with my nan, as its closer.
"mum" I whined and pushed her hands away. I looked in my bags and made sure I had everything, I'd almost forgotten my college ID "mum where's my ID?" I questioned
"in my room somewhere" she replied and went off to make a drink. Great. I rushed up the stairs and into my parents bedroom.
I looked in the usual places of on the bed side table and in the drawers before checking on top of the wardrobe just to be sure. I put a chair up to the wardrobe door and clambbered on top. Reaching my hand up onto the surface and swiping the nearby areas. Nothing. On my way down from the chair I lost my balance and threw my hand in the air to stop me from falling.
I ended up grabbing the compartment on the wardrobe and it flicked open. Sending me flying and a pile of books landed on me.

I cursed and stood up slowly, feeling my muscles ache from the fall. I gathered up the books but stopped as I saw one in particular.
It had black leather on the front and red stained it giving it a dripping blood effect. It was my old diary, I remembered this old thing.
"Dan! Are you okay?" I quickly shoved the book into my trousers and put the others back and mum walked through the door.
"yeah I just fell" I told her, going bright red.
"alright. Nothing new there" she looked around the room and walked over to the table I had first searched, only to pick up my ID. "it was in plain site" I didn't understand how mum's did that.
"well it's like a fork isn't it mum? If you're looking for a fork when it's right infront you, you don't see the fork" I rambled on but all I wanted to do was leave. I wanted to check this book that was burning a hole in my pocket, I sweat my mum was going to see it. They had to have a reason behind me not wanting to read this, there must be some secrets here.

"youre a weird kid dan" my mother laughed and I grabbed my ID before seeking refuge in my room.

I opened the diary up, it was full of memories and I read every page. I was nearly in tears as I looked at my past, how broken I was.
The gay part of my diary wasn't a shock, I knew I was gay, but since the incident I never found anyone I liked and didn't feel the need to speak about it. My dad's reaction of me having a boyfriend definitely was a shock though. He had black hair, he was the boy from my dreams.
"Dan! Nans here" my dad called to me as I shoved the diary away. I needed to find this guy, and it was obvious my dad was going to be as helpful as my own brain.

Once at nans I had a nice meal with her before I excused myself from the table telling her I wanted to unpack.
I got my laptop out of one of the boxes and set it up. I scoured through the diary and found Phils name. I didn't put his last name anywhere in the book! I was frustrated at myself. I fluffed up my hair with one hand and typed into Google.
"Phil" along with what school I went to. Obviously nothing real came up and I began to feel hopeless. I would never find him...
On a whim I remembered a cute part in the diary. Where I was talking to him about his dad "you're amazing phil" amazing phil huh?

I typed it in, not really expecting much. But the search results showed a guy, not much older than me, with striking black hair. I grinned, this could be him. If the laws of fate would just be so kind.
I clicked on the page and I was taken to a youtube channel. I ended up watching every video and he seemed so happy... maybe me interfering with his life again wouldn't be good? Maybe he couldn't even remember me? And I wouldn't blame him because even I can barely remember me. I've learnt more about myself from that diary than I have in time year of living with my parents.
I decided to comment on his newest video.

Danisnotonfire: do I know you?

Once I hit send I sat there anxiously but got no reply. I got my Ds out of my bag and started to play pokémon whilst I waited for a response. About an hour later my Google+ account showed I had one notification bu producing a 1 in the bell at the top right hand corner. My palms were sweaty as I clicked on it.

Amazingphil: Who is this?

Danisnotonfire: Dan...I think I went your school

Maybe this was some other phil with black hair and an adorable personality. Maybe this was someone else's life I was interfering with. I felt my hands go clammy.

He took some time again, maybe five minutes. But soon he messaged me again, this time privately.

Amazingphil: Dan Howell?

My heart fluttered, I was surprised he still remembered me.

Danisnotonfire: Yes! How do I know you?

Amazingphil: It's been a year dan, leave me alone! Don't play this act!

He was obviously annoyed at me for some reason, I furrowed my eyebrows and typed fastly

Danisnotonfire: What do you mean?

Amazingphil: You can't just Ignore me for a year and then suddenly message me!

I was so overwhelmed by actually finding him that I didn't even think before telling him everything

Danisnotonfire: Phil I was admitted into hospital a year ago and woke up with memory loss... I honestly forgot about you. I'm sorry
My parents hid my journal, I only
found it today...I mentioned you a lot. I really liked you.

Amazingphil: I really liked you too Dan