January 8th

It's been two days since most of my school heard me yelling at one of the most popular boys in school. I still haven't spoken to my friends, they're so judgemental and the mere sight of them make me pissed off! Phil intigues me, he has many secrets and I have an odd urge to know what they are. I have a persistant feeling that I want him to trust me, open up to me... no ones done that before, but I bet Phil is different. I bet if I was friends with him we'd be friends forever. I snapped myself out of thoughts that involved me and him living together, in our own apartment, because I knew these were unrealistic thoughts conjured up only by my imagination. Friends don't last. Besides Phil's been ignoring me and Chris is turning me into his own personal punching bag.

I've been meaning to write sooner, if I'm honest, but I just haven't had the energy and Chris also twisted my arm back. I was in so much pain that I couldn't even move nevermind be able to write anything.

The blaring of my alarm woke me up at an early hour in the morning. I wanted to put my head under the covers to block out the sound and get some extra (much needed) sleep. However, I carried out the same routine that I did everyday. I rolled out of bed, prepared myself for the hard day ahead and thought of all the conversations which I wouldn't be able to hold with people. I would probaby put my headphones in and try to escape from the world for as long as possible, escape the gay rumours that are going around school. The ones that are true but I would never admit to... for obvious reasons. However, it is the 21st century, so come on, people should be more open about this sort of stuff. Not bully them for it! 

I walked up to the school building, my hair wet due to the rain which seemed to be always pouring in Britain, all the staightening I had done to it this morning had gone to waste. I wandered aimlessly through the school grounds looking for Phil. The boy I hadn't seen since my Psychology lesson a few days ago. I felt drawn to him, pulled towards him like he was my centre of gravity. I was nervous about seeing him which was utterly stupid. How could you feel so nervous thinking about someone you don't know? 
My pathetic attempts to find Phil were futile, but what did I expect? That I would spot him, run up and kiss him? That we would exclaim our love for each other like peoople do in one of those cliché love films? No, because this is the real world, not some fairy tale!