Freddie

We slowed the pace when the Tavern's pandemonium was reduced to a hushed, distant jumble of sound, and stopped altogether as soon as Julia tripped over the skirt of her dress and tumbled to the ground.

 "Darling!" I exclaimed, reaching down to help her up.  "You all right?"

"I'm fine, but I don't think my stockings are any better off- or my gown for that matter," she joked when she saw the smudge the snow-dusted sidewalk had left on her dress.

Too late I remembered her almost lethal heels.  "You poor dear, you've been running in those awful shoes this whole time, haven't you?"

"What shoes?" she grinned.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you not notice that we aren't standing at the same height anymore?"

My concern promptly turned to annoyance.  "My God, you didn't put your shoes back on?"

With a little scoff, Julia put her hands on her hips.  "Would you?  They were practically stilts!" 

Granted, she had me there- and what was more I was not up for even a playful row at present- so I let it go for now, answering with a single roll of my eyes before at last glancing about us to see where we had ended up. 

Julia and I stood under an arch of tall, leafless trees, severe and stark against the clouded sky except where the snow, falling a bit heavier now, was gathering along their branches, the light from the lamp posts dancing on their thickening white coats.  There was even a new, thin blanket of pure white concealing the pavement at our feet, much to Julia's simultaneous delight and chagrin.

"Where's Rudy?" she asked suddenly.

"Rudy?" I frowned.

"You know, Ru- oh, sorry, I mean, Charles," she corrected herself.

"Mm, yes, Charles," I nodded somewhat absently.  "It's true, he is a bit like Rudy was, isn't he?"  Difference is, Charles is a lot less reliable- and he's American.  Hm.  Maybe there's some sort of connection there.

Julia's mouth curved in an odd half-smile, as though she could read my thoughts. "I guess.  Do you know where he is?"

I shook my head.  "No.  He just drove me there and went away.  He said he had something to take care of, said it was important."

"Okay.  What's his phone number?  I'll try and reach him."

"That might not be possible, actually, seeing as I've still, uh- still got it.  His phone, I mean."  I pointed at the flat, rectangular bulge in my coat pocket; I couldn't understand why he wanted me to hold onto it while he was off on his little errand, but whatever.  "What do you need him for anyway?"

"So he can maybe pick us up and drop us off at the Tavern again."

"The Tavern?" I repeated. "Why? We just came from there."

"I know, but you see-"

"Did you forget something?  I mean, besides your shoes."

"Yes.  The c-car."  She rubbed her bare arms vigorously up and down.

My brows rose, my hands flexing to work out some of the stiffness.  "What?"

"The restaurant had valet p-parking, so they still have my k-key, and my c-c-car, so we're going to have to go all the way b-back the way we c-c-c-came."

Only when her teeth had begun to chatter this way did we realize how cold it really felt outside.  Julia passed me both my blazer and my heavier coat, which had been draped over her arms while we ran.  As I pulled on my jacket, I watched her do the same with her own long winter coat, but it didn't seem to be doing her much good at all.  Certainly not judging by the way she buttoned it all the way up and hugged herself to keep even warmer.

"Here," I said, shuffling back out of the white blazer.  "Put this on first."

She squinted.  "What?  Why?"

"Because you haven't even got a sleeve on underneath.  Come on."

Julia shook her head.  "Freddie, I'm good-"

"Do as I say, you stubborn goose."

"Yes, sir."  Despite the begrudging tone, however, she took my jacket and quickly drew her arms through the sleeves, thanking me quietly when I held out her coat so she could more easily slip into it again. 

"Better?" I asked once she was settled.

Julia shivered, but cracked a little smile.  "Yes.  Thank you."

"No shoes, no sleeves." I shook my head.  "My God, I can't take you anywhere."

"Hey, this dress was not my idea, it was Danny's," she replied softly.

"Oh, right, blame the boy," I sighed, deciding to "forget" for now that it was I who had suggested the sleeveless gown to Mr. Phantom in the first place; at the time, I hadn't been thinking about the weather so much as aesthetic.

"And it's you who needs more care anyway," Julia went on.  "We can't have you catching a cold before they plop you back into the past, have you sneezing all over your guests."

I made myself chuckle a bit at her remarks, but not very long, or very heartily. Despite the lovely high of a few minutes ago, there on that small stage, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up the act. So many times during and after dinner, I came dangerously close to ripping off this pasted-on grin I was wearing and destroying whatever chance we had at a friendly farewell.

But by way of nothing less than divine intervention itself, I kept it together. It had been a rocky week, to put it mildly; if nothing else, I wanted things to end on a more or less pleasant note.

And yet...

"Okay, then, we'd better get moving," Julia announced, thrusting her hands into her coat pockets, "and quick before the reporters arrive."

"Must we?" I said this much more quietly than I had intended.

"Freddie, I have to get the car so we can go pick up Danny from-"

"Yes, but- do we have to do that right now?"

"I mean, we have to do it sooner rather than later, his rehearsal ends in-" Then Julia cut herself off, lips pursing as she looked back up at me, and and instead asked, "Why?"

"Darling, we're here in the Park, certainly we have time for a little stroll of sorts."  I had a quite specific place in mind- but she didn't need to know that just yet.

She sighed through her nose.  "Freddie, I hate to rain on your parade like this, but it is twenty-seven degrees Fahrenheit and snowing."

"And?"

"And, I'm not wearing any shoes- and walking barefoot through the snow is not the most wonderful feeling, wouldn't you agree?"

"Very true," I admitted, "it isn't." 

"Exactly."  She folded her arms and waited for me to put it all together.

So, with a slight shrug, I did. "Right, then. Take mine."

Her eyes widened. "Wait. What?"

"Take mine!" I seated myself on the nearest park bench.

"Take your what?"

I rolled my eyes; such a silly woman I was dealing with here. "Why, my shoes, naturally."

Only after I had pulled the shoe off my right foot and undone the laces of my left, did Julia realize I was serious. Or utterly mad, one of the two. Either way, she leaned down and tried to forcibly stop me from removing the other shoe.

"Darling, get out of my way," I scolded her, gently brushing her little hands aside.

"Freddie, this is not what I meant!"

"I know."

"Then why are you- Look, stop! You'll catch cold!"

"Better me than you, my dear. Now move your fucking hands."

Despite her best efforts and numerous protests, I still was able to yank the other shoe off before too long. With a flourish, I laid both my new black shoes at her feet, crossed my legs, and sat back in wait for her to make the next move.

"They're probably a bit big for you, but they'll do for now," I said.

Julia shook her head in disbelief.  "What's gotten into you tonight?"

"Nothing, just- if going about with no shoes is good enough for you, it's certainly good enough for me."

You might think this more proof that I had gone completely mad, and maybe you're right. But at this point, I was past caring how sane I seemed to the rest of the world. If these were my last hours alone with Julia, I intended to make them thoroughly unforgettable, just in case the Crebinator proved to be a bit faulty- even at the risk of looking absolutely ridiculous.

She lifted her chin defiantly.  "Freddie, for the record, I am not putting your shoes on, and nothing you say can make me."

I shrugged.  "Then I suppose we'll have to suffer together, because neither will I."

With a little long-suffering huff, Julia threw up her hands in defeat.  "So be it."

I watched in triumph as she scooped the shoes off the pavement.  Opening my mouth, I was just about to commend her with a wry "Good girl" or something like that- when suddenly she turned on her heel and broke into a run. 

I leapt to my sock feet in surprise.  This, I had not expected. 

"Where the hell are you going?" I yelled.  Though she had a good head start of about fifty feet, she wasn't the fastest of runners; I managed to catch up with her pretty quickly, even in my socks.  As soon as I did, though, Julia took my lovely shoes and threw them as far as she could over the railing. 

Then she whirled to face me.  Her wavy hair had fallen wildly over her eyes, which were wide and shining very strangely- and for a little while all I could do was stare.  She looked completely crazy, perhaps even more so than I.

As the seconds passed, however, the maniac vanished, and sweet, mild-mannered Julia stood before me once more.  Nervously she shifted from one foot to the other, and looked back out at the two dark spots where my shoes had landed.

"Wow, that was- stupid," she realized suddenly, lifting one leg over the short fence. "I'm so sorry, here, I'll go get-"

I drew her back.  "No, dear, leave them."

"Leave them?  But-"

"No, really! Someone else will find them, get better use out of them than we will.  What's more, I think we've wasted enough time as it is and I still- I want to see something before we head back."

Julia nodded, brushing her hair out of her eyes.  "Fair enough.  Um- what is it you want to see, anyway?"

Ah.  Funny you should ask, my dear. 

I shrugged, glancing down at where her poor frozen toes peeped out from under the hem of her dress.  "I dunno, I mean- I suppose I'd sort of like to see if that bridge is still there."

She squinted.  "Bridge?  You mean, the, uh- what's it, Bow Bridge?  The big one in Highl-"

"No, no, not that one.  The smaller one I mean.  It's made of stone, sort of over a pond- um- you know, the place where we saw that concert happening, and-"

"Oh." Julia swallowed hard. When she spoke again, her voice was scarcely more than a whisper.  "That bridge."

And my heart soared.  So she does remember!  She said she didn't!  "Y-Yes. Is it still there?"

"I'm not sure. Probably."

"Mm. I'd like to see for myself, before um- before I leave."

"So would I," she nodded, "except I don't know where it is."

"I do. I could probably walk there blindfolded, I've been there so many times."

She was stunned.  "You have?"

I didn't answer her; I knew better than that.  "Come on!  It's only ten minutes' walk from here, I think, I'll show you the way."

As I said this, I tried to keep my face blank so she couldn't tell what I had in mind.  Needless to say, this was much easier said than done, especially once the light in her eyes shifted back into that soft, sad little glow I had seen so much of tonight.

"I mean," I coughed, "if it really is too cold for you, we can still head back to the, um-"

"No, no, I'm game if you are," she put in hastily.  "You sure about the shoes, though?"

"Completely.  Besides, I've already lost all feeling in my feet, so-"

Julia laughed out loud.  "Oh, please-"

"I mean, the damage is done already.  We might as well just carry on with what's left, don't you think?"

"Fine with me," she agreed.  "We'd better hurry though, if you're supposed to be sent back home tonight."

Pow!  Right in the fucking jaw with that one.  "Oh.  Yes, we can't forget that.  Um- let's get on with it, then, shall we?"

Julia nodded, mouth tightening with a new, insincere smile, and took the hand I offered her.  In silence we walked, while the snow fell ever heavier, covering our tracks and frosting the path before us.  I drew my cigarettes out of the coat pocket and offered one to Julia, who did me the favor of lighting mine in return.  Quite a sight we must have made: two smartly-dressed, barefooted, moronically stubborn fools, smoking their way through Central Park.

Tonight was the night, it seemed.  It all sounded so simple, the way K described it: they would put me under, erase my mind of everything I had experienced here in the future, ship my soul back home, and everything would be peaches and cream.

Ah, yes.  Home. Munich, Germany. The fifth of September, 1985. Where I belonged- and where I would be again, very soon. Back in my world, with Queen, Mack, Paul, Mary, and Jim, to name a few. Home, where I could call myself by my own name, enjoy my party, and get back to working on our songs straight away. Home, where my cats awaited me, along with everything else, good and bad, in my busy whirlwind life of a rock and roll star.

Home, where my Julia and her dear little boy would not be so much as a memory...

While I thought these things, the dull ache, though it had never really gone away since I felt it first, sharpened- as though someone was pressing the edge of a knife in between my ribs. My jaw clenched, and the hand she wasn't holding drifted up to rub at the stabbing pain in my chest. 

"Are you okay?" Julia's voice brought me back around.

My hand fell away.  "Mm?  Yes, I'm fine, fine, thank you."

"You, um- you sure you know where you're going?"

 "I mean, I think- this seems right to me," I replied, hoping I sounded more sure than I felt.  "Now- I will say, when I did stop by, it was always from a sort of different direction, because- my flat was all the way over on the other side, on 58th."

She took a drag.  "How often would you visit the bridge?" 

Around once a fortnight, at least, I answered silently- but aloud, I said, "Oh- just every now and then, when the whim struck me.  The last time, I think, was- I think right after we appeared on Saturday Night Live.  Yes.  I haven't been over there since."

Julia's eyes lit up. "Oh, wow, I remember that episode.  Elaine was in that one."

"Elaine?"

"At least, the woman who plays Elaine in a show. Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  Anyway-"

I pulled us to a stop.  "Hey, wait a minute, I remember a Julia."

She grinned.  "Really?"

"I think so.  Her character was something like, uh- June July August, or something, I don't remember-"

"What did she look like?"

"Uh- dark curly hair, sort of a big mouth-"

"That's she, all right!" Julia cried.  "Wow, what a small world."

"Had I known you were such a fan, I would have gotten her autograph," I said dryly.  "To be honest, though- she reminded me of you."

She smiled at the ground.  "We just have the same name is all-"

"That was plenty.  You were on my mind enough that day just the same."

"Really?"

I wasn't listening at the moment.  "You were everywhere," I mused, losing myself in reverie.  "From the moment I woke up, it was like every little thing that happened, was in some way related to you, everything seemed to remind me, right up to when I..."

"When you what?" she pressed quietly when I trailed off.

"Nothing, nothing," I coughed.  "I can't remember."

"Are you all right?"

I nodded, finishing the rest of the sentence, "When I met your Cousin Roxie" in my head before I could show myself to be the bald-faced liar I was after all. Frantically I scrambled for a change of subject.

"Uh- by the way, have you ever taken Danny to Central Park before, darling?"  Not my best, but it will do.

"Sure," Julia sighed. "We've gone on walks here after church- usually in the spring and summer, of course- and always with shoes on, but we've been here before. I've taken him to the zoo a couple of times, and he loved that."

"Oh, yes?"

"Mm-hm. Especially the lemurs. They're his favorite."

"I know, he told me."

"He did?"

"Mm.  It was the other day while we were working on the tree, because I think one of the ornaments was in the shape of a lemur, or something-"

"Oh, the King Julien ornament, yeah. It sings too, didn't he show you?"

"I think he tried to, but the batteries were dead or something."

"That's probably for the best," she laughed weakly. I managed a wan smile, taking a long drag and vaguely wondering what the fuck was I thinking, taking off my shoes when it was below freezing out and leaving them in the snow.

As much as we might have hated to admit it, we were rapidly running out of steam- or, to put it more accurately, we were running out of places to hide. We could avoid the important things for only so long, and by now it was to the point where they were all that was really left to talk about. All this silent tension was chafing dangerously at me; all the unanswered questions I had been asking from the very beginning seemed to be eating me alive. 

It doesn't matter, I told myself, summoning up the few ounces of control I still had stored up inside and gritting my teeth against that incessant fucking pain in my chest. Just a couple more hours.  It's nice right now, you're in a good place, the both of you.  Keep it that way.  We're almost there.  Keep it together, you silly old ponce.  You can do it.

But that was before I saw it.  The old, stone bridge was still a little way off in the distance, but it was well within our sights now.  I bit my lip, feeling those old memories rise up inside again like tidal waves, crashing incessantly against the weakened walls around my heart.  All of a sudden I scarcely noticed the numbness in my toes or the chill in the air.  I was feeling far too much within to pay any attention to the rest.  For there it stood, just as it had all of fifty years ago- the place where I first realized my feelings about the woman at my side.

And I knew in that very moment, that I would not hold out much longer.

Julia pointed where I was already looking.  "That's it over there, isn't it?" she whispered.

I nodded.  There it is, dear.  Our bridge.