Freddie

It was quite a thing to watch, really, how gracefully Julia slid right off the chair.  The poor dear very likely would have fallen face first onto the waxed floor had I not reached out and caught her in the nick of time. 

Well, I suppose I did want to sort of give her a jolt, I said to myself, but this is too much.

Shooting a glance at her drink, which was little more than a short glass of watered down ice by now, I asked the bartender, "How many of those has she had since she sat down?"

"Just that one," he replied.  "Can't say for sure what she did before that, though."

I lifted her chin, searched her face for any hints that she had gotten an early start, but I saw nothing of the sort.  Her cheeks were pink as opposed to flushed, as they had been last night, and in the moments leading up to when I announced my presence, her demeanor seemed calm enough, if also terribly forlorn. 

"No, I think that was her first tonight," I concluded.  "Either way, I'll see to it this doesn't happen again.  Put it on my tab, though, will you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Thanks."

Some nervous little chap in a black bow tie suddenly appeared at my elbow. "What's happened?"

"Nothing, she's just had a very trying day, I think," I answered quietly, putting my arms around her waist from behind.  "Here, I'll hold her up, see if you can rouse her."

After a few seconds of me coaxing her to wake up while this dapper fellow whom I assumed to be the maitre d' slapped gently at her wrists, Julia let out a soft little groan and rocked her head back and forth against my chest, making small creases in the breast of my white jacket. 

"She's coming round," I murmured.  "I'll take it from here."

"You sure?"

"Quite sure," I dismissed him.  "That will be all, thank you."

Finally, he got the message and scurried off to where he stood before. I had been quite curt just now, perhaps unnecessarily so. All the same, the last thing I wanted to happen was to have some other delicate man descend upon us now and trample all over this frail opportunity with even more outrageous lies that Julia could, and would, all too obediently swallow whole.

I took a deep breath.  Here it was, my last chance.  For all I knew, we were indeed past the point of no return, and nothing I said could fix anything. Julia might walk right out before a single word could leave my lips.  This might indeed turn out a complete waste of time and energy- precious things I could have put more intelligently towards getting the fuck out of there while I still had a few of my song ideas intact.  And what was more, to be honest, I knew full well that the odds were, of anything that might happen tonight, I would most likely walk away from it all looking like a hopeless romantic still so wrapped up in what could have been that he would actually fight this one last losing battle for her heart- and, an even more futile prize, her faith.

But that was the risk I'd have to take.

Julia was awake enough now to hold herself upright, but I kept my arms where they were.  "Mmm... What happened?" she mumbled.

"You took a bit of a tumble," I whispered.  "You all right?"

Her body stiffened at the sound of my voice.  Silently I watched Julia look down at my hands, staring at them while it gradually dawned on her that she still wasn't imagining things, and then slowly turn her head to look once again into my eyes.  With an effort, I made myself let go.

Thankfully, she didn't faint this time around- but with the way she was gazing at me, I was nearly tempted to do the same. Her eyes were wide and shining, the light inside them so tender I forgot every word of the defensive little speech I had ready to convince her to stay at least long enough to hear me out about Antonio.

All I could muster in that moment, really, was a very basic, very soft "Hello."

Julia swallowed.  "Hi," she whispered.  "What, uh- what are you doing here?"

I shrugged.  "Just waiting for you, I suppose."

"Me?"

"Mm," I hummed.  "Waiting for you to show up."

She blinked, uncomprehending.  "Wait.  You- were expecting me?"

"Of course."

"But Danny- why did he tell me that you-"

"What?  That I'd gone home?  Because I told him to."

"I see."  Julia's eyes seemed to glaze over while she nodded.  "So- there's no big church party either, is there?"

"Not here, no."  Luckily for us.

"And that wasn't Roxie who texted Danny about it.  Was it?"

I shook my head. 

"Then- this was all a set-up," she concluded.  "All that talk about you going home, all those things Danny said- it was all planned.  All fake."

"Quite," I replied, in a tone much too proud for this situation.  "Rather clever, though, wouldn't you say?"

"Clever?" she repeated incredulously.

"Well, I mean- it worked, didn't it?"

Which happened to be the most fucking idiotic thing I could have said.  I just didn't know it yet.

When she didn't respond to that, instead just looked at me with an expression I could not read,  I cleared my throat.  "But still, I didn't mean to, in sort of, uh- leading you to believe that I had left, as it were- I mean-" 

I could feel myself beginning to flail again; her eyes were so terribly distracting sometimes, and my feelings coupled with all the mad things I really wanted to say were not being any help to me now.  As a last resort, I finally returned to my well-rehearsed explanation:

"I didn't just do this to frighten you.  I had good intentions, really.  You see, all I wanted was bring you to a place where we could discuss- what happened this morning, because- what he told you happened, is not what happened, and I can't leave without ensuring, seeing to it that, um- if you do look at me a certain way or another, it's for good reason, and not because some guy put a story in your head."

I paused to allow for her answer, but the woman just blinked ambiguously a couple of times, her lips sealed- offering utterly no sign as to whether she believed me or not.  It was terrifying. 

"Look," I continued nervously.  "All I'm asking for is five minutes, okay?  Just five minutes, for the two of us to sit down together, for me to explain what's true and what wasn't- for you to hear me out.  Five minutes, that's all- and if you want to leave after the five minutes is up, I won't fight you, we'll get up and we'll go to Princeton or whatever and say our goodbyes like civilized people, I just- I just want you to give me a chance.  One fucking chance, darling.  That's all.  It isn't much to ask, is it, Julia?"

And again, all Julia did was stand there while I slowly, sweetly went mad with waiting- until at long last, she spoke.  One word.  The worst word of all.

"No."

I swear, I wanted to fucking die when she said that. "...No?" I repeated, my voice shrinking to little more than a breath.

Suddenly she seemed to snap out of the trance, and she quickly explained, "As in- no, it's not much to ask."

I did a double take.  "Hang on.  So- you will?"

"Of course, I will," she said with a promising little curve about the corners of her mouth.  "I mean, I'm already here, right?"

It took me a moment to process what was happening.  Finally it all came together, and I realized all truly was not lost. Julia had agreed to listen.  Belief?  That would be a whole other challenge by itself- but if she was willing to listen to me, the battle was fundamentally half-over.

"Right!" I began, in an attempt to sound confident- which, considering how badly my voice cracked when I said the word, I did not.  "So, um- let's make our way in, then, shall we?"

Her brows shot up.  "We have a table?"

"Mm.  Come on, let's go, before they pass it off to a less beautiful couple."

Not that they really would, of course- especially after the deal I'd cut with the manager- but I knew time was of the essence, and that she, like myself, could be so spitefully exacting when it mattered most. 

And so, with the help of one of the hosts, we were shown to our table for two, situated in the very center of the Tavern- or rather, the "Ghostbusters place," as Danny had referred to it.  A strange connection to make- and certainly one that detracted somewhat from its elegance.  Antique chandeliers, large enough to swing from, hung from the breathtakingly ornate ceiling, adding a posh loveliness to the upholstered chairs and white tablecloths scattered beneath, while the evening sky continued to darken the world outside the garland-draped glass windows which encased the room on all sides. 

To be honest, I myself had never dined here before, even while I was basically living in New York a few years back.  I had passed it numerous times, and took a vague interest every now and again, but never acted on the whim.  Anyway, I was far too busy spending my time, ahem, elsewhere.  Just the same, I felt a comforting sense of familiarity here, as very little seemed to have altered from the eighties. 

The host laid out our menus, assured us that our server would come by shortly, and hurried back to the front. Presently Julia began unbuttoning her coat- which was a good sign.  Apparently she was in no great hurry to dash off.  I walked behind her to help slide it off her lovely shoulders.  She looked back at me, startled, but still, after some hesitation, allowed me to hang it off the back of one of the empty chairs.

What really seemed to surprise her, however, was when I pulled her chair out for her- so much so, she murmured, "Wow.  Thank you."

"Of course," I replied, slightly confused until it occurred to me again what sort of society this woman called home, in which it seemed chivalry was not only dead, but decomposing. 

One glance about that very room spoke volumes, as I noted numerous tables (not all, mind you, but many), from couples to quartets, not engaging one another, not even so much as looking up to appreciate the five-piece jazz band in the corner.  Instead, they focused exclusively upon their fucking devices in the manner I had seen Benji from the radio station do.  I could understand him acting like that- the poor chap after all could barely string three coherent words together, not including the obligatory "mang"- but from these people?  In a place like this?  My God.

I'd bet my entire life that Gertrude is no different when he takes her out, I said to myself.  No wonder she's so shocked.  Granted, Charles's phone was still in my possession, since he had to dash off just as soon as we arrived- perhaps for another one of his "spontaneous reports" or whatever rubbish he'd blamed it on before.  But I could hardly see myself doing the same as they.  Life was too short.

"My, my, my," Julia cooed softly.

 "What?" I asked, seating myself.

She shrugged.  "It's a lot to take in, is all." 

"Mm," I nodded.  I might have cut straight to the chase, launched right into my tale.  But I too had to stop a moment.  I couldn't help it.  Before another word left my lips, I found myself hushed, unable to speak, or do anything at all except take in the lovely creature sitting there at my right hand. 

 True, I had believed Danny when he assured me he would convince his mum to show up- even if he came across as grossly overconfident at the time when he stated, "Oh, she'll come. You'll see. I can get her to do anything."  But I had only been teasing when with a laugh, I went into her closet, put together the most sophisticated outfit I could, and challenged him, "If that's true, then when she comes, she'll be in this dress, with these shoes, and those earrings.  Can you manage that?"

Never again would I underestimate Mr. Phantom.

For Julia was sitting there at my side, with her hair falling down in soft waves about her shoulders, her slim shape dressed in that same maroon gown, those golden hoops dangling from her ears and a long chain clasped round her throat.  I couldn't see what hung from the end of the necklace, as it had fallen down the bust, but I scarcely paid attention.  My eyes were too well transfixed on her face. 

Her lips, coated with a slightly more muted red than the gown, pursed a little uncomfortably. "What is it, Freddie?"

I blinked. "Nothing, just- Danny sent me a message a few minutes before you arrived, told me how pretty you looked."

"That boy. He's such a mess." Julia's cheeks flushed a little. "Hopefully I lived up to expectations."

"You exceeded them, actually."

She sighed. "I feel a little ridiculous, to be honest. I'm so overdressed."

"Don't be silly. You look like a queen."

"Yeah," she chuckled. "Queen Victoria-"

"Darling, you know that's not what I mean," I said a bit too sternly. "You look beautiful. You always do, in fact, but tonight- tonight, you're an absolute fucking masterpiece."

After that last bit, someone a table away furrowed their brows at us, then continued eating.  Julia glanced back at them out of the corner of her eye, then smiled a quiet thank-you.  But her lips stayed sealed.

I had hoped she'd return the compliment, say something about how I looked like a prince perhaps- but it seemed Julia was in no mood for niceties or small talk, or else was simply letting me "drive the discussion" as she had that morning in her office.  Either way, it was all on my shoulders- and I was rapidly running out of time.  For all I knew, she might have been counting down the seconds since the words "five minutes" first left my lips. There was not a moment to lose.

So, with no further ado, I began to tell my side of the story- which, I tell you, was much more accurate and much less titillating than the one Antonio had given her.  I'd show you word for word what was said, but even in the span of only two or three minutes, despite the subject, things stayed rather dry and one-sided, since all Julia really contributed were a few "Mm-hms" and one or two "Okays".  What's more, it was a private conversation, and not everything I discuss with others is open for the rest of the world to hear.

"But here's what I don't understand," Julia finally cut in towards the end.  "How did you end up getting punched in the nose?"

I blinked.  Somehow I'd forgotten that part.  "Oh!  Oh, yes, that. Uh- I don't know really, since it was right before I blacked out.  I sort of knocked into someone when running out of the WC-"

"Why were you running?"

"Because I wanted to leave.  I'd had enough.  Antonio wouldn't leave me al-"

"Wait.  He was in there with you?"

My heart sank.  I could see where this was going.  "Darling, he followed me."

"But according to him, it was you who pushed him in -"

"Julia, haven't you heard anything I said?  I just told you, the only bit of the dirt he dished on me that's even remotely true was that first part."

Her tone was as flat as ever.  "The, ahem- 'What's your name, darling' part?"

"Yes."

"Even the part where you, uh..." Julia lifted her hand and motioned as if clenching some invisible thing in the air.

I lowered my eyes.  "Yes," I conceded.  "Even that part."

She nodded.  "Okay."

The woman was giving me nothing to work with, nowhere to go, no sign of belief or disbelief written anywhere on her face.  Not even as she murmured, "But you two- did go into the restroom together-"

"I said, he followed me!" I corrected her.  "And- like I told you, he tried to get me in the mood, acting very eager and all, but I- didn't want any part of it, so I- bolted."

"You didn't want any part of him?" she repeated coolly.  "Well, well.  That hardly sounds like you."

I ground my teeth in frustration.  "There was a reason."

"Do tell."

"I'd rather not."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're being a bitch, and I'm not going to tell you why for as long as you keep acting like this," I snapped.

"Oh.  Okay."  Unmoved, Julia pulled out her phone, checked the screen.  "Well!  Would you look at that.  It's been over five minutes.  Seven, in fact."  She pushed her chair back.  "Well, I suppose I'd better be-"

"Wait!" I shouted, seizing her arm before she fully rose.  We most certainly were drawing more stares, but neither of us noticed.  I couldn't let it end this way.  I just couldn't.  With an effort, I swallowed what was left of my pride, and I surrendered.

"Fine.  You want to know why?  I'll tell you.  Because I couldn't stand it.  I couldn't bring myself to act like I wanted him to touch me, or - or things like that, because I didn't want to even be there in the first place, I was just- angry, and feeling very alone in the world, and I was looking for a distraction, any distraction- because that's basically what I do when I feel like that, aside of simply burst into tears. But even then, I didn't want to be there, I didn't want him. I wanted you.  All I wanted that night was to take it easy with you and the boy- and that's why it didn't go any further than it did.  It could have, I admit- and probably would have, to be honest, under different circumstances- but it didn't.

"I can't lie to you, darling," I continued, reaching for her hand and taking it both of mine.  "But I also can't make you believe me.  That's for you to decide.  The point is, I just wanted you to hear my side of the story before I left.  That's all."

Julia looked deep into my eyes.  For a single instant I thought I saw her gaze soften into that tender look, but it didn't stay.  And my heart sank.

"You don't believe a word of it, do you?" I said quietly.

She continued to study me a bit longer, blinking a couple of times, and then replied, "Actually, I do."

This time, it was I who nearly fell out of their chair.  "What?"

"I believe you," she said.  "I believe you're telling me the truth."

That was the last thing I expected to hear out of her- but just the same, I stayed on my toes.  As much as I wanted to take the words at face value, her expression didn't match. 

"Of course," she continued suddenly, "it doesn't hurt that I dropped by Stuart's office just before heading home today- and overheard him and Antonio talking-"

"What?!" I gasped.

Julia nodded.  "Long story short, Stuart in his infinite insecurity actually paid Antonio to go around stretching the truth about the two of you to anyone who was interested- and that included me, apparently."

"Do you mean to tell me Stuart was behind it?"  I wasn't half so surprised as I was disgusted.  I didn't need much more reason to hate the man, or think the worst of him; were Julia to inform me next that it was in fact Stuart Preus himself that had shot John Lennon, I would have gladly accepted it without question.

"It would seem so.  And that's why I-"

"Wait a moment."  My eyes narrowed.  "If you walked in here already knowing I was telling the truth..."

"Yes?"

"Then why did you just sit there like a fucking block of stone?"

She cocked her head.  "What do you mean?"

"All this time, you with that frosty look on your face, not saying anything, toying with my emotions-"

"Toying with your emotions?" she repeated.  "Oh, you mean like what you did with mine, by instructing my own son to lie about you leaving?"

I didn't answer. Suddenly I realized what was happening here. Before I knew it I found myself back on the defensive.  "Darling, that's not quite how I'd put-"

"That's what it boils down to, though, doesn't it?" she cut me off.

Oh, shit, what have I done?  "Darling, look-"

"Doesn't it?" she repeated, a little louder now. "You let me believe you left without one word. Without one single solitary word!  How was that supposed to make me feel?  How was I supposed to take that, huh?"

I stammered, "I mean, I had to get you here somehow- and there's so much that I-"

"Do you," she exclaimed in a shaking voice, "have any idea- at ALL- what that did to me?"

Darling, whatever it is you felt in the last hour or two is scarcely a fraction of all the things I have been feeling for the last eight years, I answered internally. But before I could say as much aloud, or brace myself for yet another round of high-volume squabbling, Julia threw herself against my chest and held onto me for dear life.

"Oh, Freddie, you asshole..."

I was stunned. So much so, it took me a moment to return the embrace. But I did, shutting my eyes and gripping her tightly in my arms. Unable to help myself, I stroked her long brown hair, my heart melting in my chest. There was no room in my soul for anger while I held her in my arms. Strange, how intoxicating it was, even now, to feel her body close against mine.  It got me every time. 

"I thought you were gone," Julia murmured feebly into my shoulder. "Just gone. Just like that. Not even a damn goodbye. Just, poof, and it was over, and I- oh, Freddie, you're so mean..."

Despite how much I had clearly upset her, I had to fight back a shout of joy. "But, darling, I didn't leave," I said gently. "I'm right here."

"Well, you sure had me convinced; I hope you're proud of yourself, asshole,"she murmured, the thick emotion in her voice balancing out what might have been an unforgivably flippant response.

I conceded, "All right, I suppose I sort of deserve that- but I tell you, I didn't do it to be malicious, I just- didn't think you would have come otherwise. Had I thought it would hit you this hard- I might not have done it, but I didn't know-"

"Oh, yes, you did!" she cried, pulling back a little. "You can't do that, Freddie. You don't just leave without a goodbye, you don't even pretend it! Good God. Even I at least told you goodbye before I left!"

No sooner had the words left her lips than her eyes bugged in the very next instant, realizing what she had just said. Julia released me and covered her mouth, apology written all over her face, but she did not continue.

Very true, my dear, I heard myself thinking. You did indeed say goodbye. Now, to be fair, you also promised well before the goodbye that you actually would not leave me, at all, and therefore there would logically have been no reason for a goodbye in the first place had you lived up to-

Calm down, I cut myself off, quickly before the bitter thoughts became words. You've got the girl's ear, don't fuck it all away now. Pull yourself together.

I must confess, it took a great deal of effort to pull myself back from the ledge, but I managed. I had to.  Our harmonious moments were too precious, and too hard-earned, to squander.  Too often in the past had I allowed some small, ridiculous thing to interfere- but not this time. 

For now, anyway.

"My dear," I whispered after what seemed like an eternity, "listen to me. You can take this much to heart: I would never leave you without saying goodbye. No matter how angry, or how upset, either one of us might be at the other- I could never just leave you without a word. Never."

She swallowed quietly.  "You... don't know what that means to hear you say that."

I kissed her cheek.  "But, I am terribly sorry for frightening you so."

"And I," Julia sniffed, "am sorry for not listening to you from the start- and, for being such a bitch all this last week.  You didn't deserve any of it."

I arched my brow.  "Oh, I wouldn't go that far, exactly."

"Well, I would.  I was a bitch, and I'm very sorry."

"Only on occasion," I assured her with a wink.  "The other ten percent of the time, you were simply divine."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll take that, I guess."

But her own soft chuckling in response told me it was safe to continue, "But, that being said, I do accept your apology."

"Thank you."

"Do you accept mine?"

Her eyes glittered.  "No."

"What?"

"Sorry doesn't cut it. I want you to admit it."

"Admit what?"

"That you're an asshole."

I began to laugh. "I mean, really-"

"If I had to admit I'm a bitch, you have to admit you were an asshole.  Come on."

"Fine!  Fine.  Have it your way."  I took a deep breath, lifted my arms in the air, and announced dramatically, "I... am... an asshole!"

Just then, a voice above my head spoke uncomfortably, "Uh... Good evening, my name is Corey, I'll, uh, be your server tonight."

We looked up at the awkward young man standing over us with a pad in his hand- and burst out laughing.  God only knows what he heard up till that point- but neither of us were brave enough to ask for certain.  All that mattered was that we were able to laugh again.

Once we calmed down, Corey poured water into the waiting glasses, rattled off an impressive little blurb about the Tavern's history that neither Julia nor myself gave a fuck about, and then presently asked us if we had any questions thus far about the menu.

"Oh, dear," I sighed, "We've just been chatting away this whole time, haven't had a chance to even look at it."

Julia was confused.  "Wait, are we eating here, too?"

I turned to her.  "Are you hungry at all?"

Her lips twitched.  "I could eat, but-"

"If you want to leave, we can," I shrugged, "but I mean- after all, we are already here."

"True," she said thoughtfully.  "Plus it's a couple of hours before Danny's through with rehearsal."

"Exactly."

Julia pretended to think it over.  "I guess we can stay, then."

"Lovely!  In that case," I turned to Corey, "we'd like a bottle of Moet & Chandon-"

"Oh, sir, I'm sorry," he interrupted, "we only have Dom Perignon and Bollinger."

I just looked at him a moment.  "Bring us the Perignon, then," I sighed.  "And a Stoli and tonic.  Another drink, dear?"

Julia shook her head.  "No more for me, thanks.  I'm driving."

When Corey fluttered out of earshot, I exclaimed, "No Moet & Chandon?  What sort of fucking place is this?"

"The savages," she remarked dryly.

"Oh, I tell you.  No more, no less."

She hid a wide smile behind her menu- but the eyes gave it away.  "By the way- thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

"For those red roses- and also for kicking Ms. Rydinger in the teeth."

I gave her a wicked little grin.  "I tell you, it was my supreme pleasure." 

"I'm sure it was," she giggled.  "God, I wish I'd been a fly on the wall."

"Oh, no, don't wish something horrible that, I much prefer you like this." 

"Like what?"

"The Red Queen, of course."

"Red Queen, eh?" She leaned back in her chair, looking me up and down. "What does that make you?  The White Knight?"

I shook my head.  "I'd rather be a prince, myself."

Julia hesitated, and very slowly met my eyes once more- but she didn't say anything, gave no sign she knew what I was referring to. So, before she could ask what on earth I was on about, I changed the subject.

"Tell me something, darling," I said.

"Of course."

I cleared my throat.  "Would you have believed me, even if you hadn't caught Gertrude in the act?"

"I would," she replied after a moment.  "Yes."

My brows rose.  "Really?  Why?"

"Because you wouldn't have gone to such lengths to convince me you were framed, if you hadn't been," she reasoned.  "If everything he had said was true, we would not be sitting here.  You would have gone home.  There would have been no point in trying to defend yourself, especially since you wouldn't even remember what went down that night in the first place- or anything at all that's happened this past week.  Am I right?"

I thought about it, then nodded somewhat half-heartedly; that wasn't exactly the answer I'd hoped for, but it would do.  "I suppose."

We fell silent for a little while, vaguely listening to the jazz band, of which we had a terrific view. Very quietly, then, Julia laid her hand over mine.

When she didn't say anything, I looked up.  "Mm?"

She shook her head.  "Nothing," she whispered.  "I'm just- I'm so glad you're here, Freddie."

As sharply as we had spoken to one another minutes ago, the sweetest of feelings coursed through my veins. Unable to help myself, I took hold of her hand once more, but this time, I lifted it up, brought it to my lips, and kissed the tops of her fingers, watching as she gently smiled, her eyes shining in the candlelight.