Julia

"...And we can pick up where we left off today sometime in the first week of next semester," I concluded. "Does that sound like a plan?"

"Yeah," the shy young man nodded, rising slowly from the chair. "Sounds cool."

"Fantastic. Any other questions?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't think so."

I smiled thinly. "Then I'll see you next year, Connor." That's such a nice name- like Connor MacLeod from Highlander, I noted to myself.

"All right, see you." He slung his bag over his shoulder. "Nice flowers, by the way."

I glanced at my black and white roses, forcing the smile to stay glued on as I answered, "Thank you."

While he strode casually out of my office, I glanced at my phone, reading the time to be about twenty minutes until five. At first I felt quietly delighted- until I remembered what could be waiting for me when I returned home.

Assuming, of course, Freddie had not already flown the coop, and made a beeline for Preus Hall as soon as we hung up- which if he had, to be honest, I could totally understand. He had no reason to stay here after all. All the boxes were checked: he had terrified half the world by virtually rising from the dead; placed the secrecy of Stuart's Speck operations in dire jeopardy; eroded Danny's near-immaculate standing at his school; and for the luscious, red revenge cherry on top, made a complete fool out of me.

And I let him.

Before I could dwell too long on these thoughts, I dragged myself back to the real world. I could not let the darkness overtake me yet. I could feel it ebbing and swelling inside me, rising and falling as it had ever since that morning- but this was no place to surrender unto it. In fact, I had already promised myself to pop a "happy pill" into my mouth as soon as I got home. If I was dining with Stuart tonight, I would have to postpone any more tears till tomorrow at least.

Nevertheless, I decided to go ahead and pack up a few minutes early. So I logged off and shut the computer down. I gave my phone one more look for good measure, but there were still no messages from John. Perhaps the flight had been delayed somehow.

Or maybe Brian and Roger kidnapped him, I quipped to myself. Ah yes, I could see it now: two polite English rockers stooping as low as kidnapping their former bassist just to get a little more information about Rick. An elaborate, darkly amusing scenario filled my head- images of Deacy tied to a chair with Brian standing over him, demanding that he talk "or else" while Roger, of course, would be the one providing the actual torture.

I used to ask John what it was that made him so paranoid about his former band mates. There had to be a reason; it was one thing to simply retire from the band and music-making, but quite another to totally disconnect from the other two on everything aside of business-related matters. But he never would tell me, instead would shake his head with a little scoff and change the subject. So, like Veronica, I had learned to shrug my shoulders and take him as he was. Sometimes, that's the only way.

Just before I tucked my phone back into my purse, I slid my finger down the screen, scrolling further up until I ran across the picture of the three of us Danny had sent John. For a little while, I just stared at the photo, studying those sweet smiling faces, unsure if I wanted to smile or tear up all over again.

Perhaps I couldn't blame Freddie for just leaving without a word of farewell. But oh, how I prayed I might still see him nonetheless, just one last time before he returned to the comforting familiarity of 1980s Munich, for no other reason save to tell him goodbye.

For despite everything, despite how I was feeling even now, the thought of us parting on such frigid terms only cut me deeper. As furious and heartbroken as Freddie had made me, I still loved him. I couldn't help it. I belonged to him, as I had for a whole decade- and his, I would remain, no matter how many more years God planned for me to spend kicking around the planet.

"Anyone else," I murmured. "I could have picked any other guy to obsess over. I could have attached myself to any other man, lost my mind for any other famous pretty boy that caught my attention. Keanu Reeves, Colin Firth, Tom Hiddleston, Taron Egerton, Jeff Goldblum- I could have picked any of those fellows- and I would have been a million times better off."

With a shake of my head, I gently slid my finger against the image of Freddie's cheek. "But no," I sighed sadly. "It had to be you, didn't it. You and no one else."

Suddenly the image blacked out. A split second later, my phone began to vibrate, and the darkened screen was replaced with Stuart's profile picture.

I touched the green icon, held the device up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Jules! Are you still here on campus?"

"Indeed," I coughed, jarring the emotion from my voice. "You caught me just in time. What's up?"

"I just had something to ask you," he said. "Do you have a minute?"

His tone was unreadable. It scared me. "Um- sure. Yes. I have several, actually."

"Great. Then could you stop by my office before you leave? It's very important."

Through dry lips, I agreed, "Ab- absolutely. Sure." Please don't be about last night. Please don't be about how you heard us in bed. Please don't. PLEASE.

"Wonderful, then I'll see you in a little while."

His voice sounded cheerful enough in that last; maybe it really was nothing. But my hands shook as I hung up and put my phone back in the purse.

All of a sudden I remembered that Mercury and Me still lay under my desk. So I scooped it off the floor and shoved it into my purse as well. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, I reasoned. Stuart would be glad to have his tasteless little book back anyway; I certainly had no use for it anymore.

I stood up, stretched, worked the cricks out of my neck before slinging my purse over my shoulder. Walking out, I locked the door behind me, not to open it again until next year. I let out a deep sigh, momentarily released from the rest of the world. Christmas vacation had finally arrived.

I didn't stay relaxed long. When I reached the front entrance I saw Antonio standing there, talking to Brenda the receptionist. He looked up at me, and my blood ran cold, even as his smile faltered. Legions of cutting remarks simmered on my tongue- things that made me a horrible person for so much as thinking, let alone uttering aloud. But I choked them back just the same; my expression spoke volumes enough on its own.

"You off, Julia?" Brenda asked cheerfully.

"I am," was my cool reply. Fancy that. She remembered my first name for once.

Antonio averted his eyes from mine as he spoke. "I'm- probably going to be heading out myself in a little while. There's a big party I'm having at my place- and both you guys are invited if you want to come."

I shook my head. "No thank you, I've got a date with Stuart." And, unable to help myself, I offered, "But I can definitely ask if maybe Rick would like to go in my place."

Antonio's mouth tightened. "I- I mean, you don't have to."

"Oh, but it's no trouble at all. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you again in a more, shall we say- intimate setting?"

All of a sudden he was in a great hurry to get back to his desk; the man all but scurried away like a dog with its tail between its legs. A catty thing to say? Perhaps. But I wasn't exactly too worried about how Antonio perceived me at the moment.

"Did something happen?" an oblivious Brenda asked.

I drew a heavy sigh. "Not really. Nothing new anyway."

"Oh."

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes wearily. "I don't know. I guess I'm just- ready for the break."

"I feel you," Brenda agreed. "I still have so much shopping left to do for my husband- how's yours feeling, by the way?"

My heart fluttered. "Mine?"

"Your husband. Wasn't he sick yesterd- oh, damn, I'm sorry. You even said as much- your friend! How's your friend, I mean."

"It's okay, Brenda, I'm not going to melt, I promise," I made myself chuckle. "He's better. Much better. I mean, you must have seen him for yourself when he came in this morning."

"Oh, yes, he looked great." She leaned back in her chair, a dreamy look entering her eyes. "Quite a delicious bean, I gotta say."

I blinked. "Bean?"

"Oh, absolutely. That Rick of yours is the cutest little bean I have ever seen, and if I wasn't married- well, let's just say that a couple of days ago, he would not have walked out of here without my number."

"Fair enough," I conceded. "I'll make sure to tell him if I see him, though."

Brenda giggled, face flushing just a tad. "I mean, you don't have to."

"Don't be silly! It's not every day he's called a bean, I- think he'd get a big kick out of that." Abruptly I recalled that Stu was all the way across campus waiting for me; I cut the chit-chat short. "But anyway, um- I'd better be going. If anyone asks-"

"Say no more. I've got you covered." She gave me a thumbs-up. "Happy Holidays!"

"Merry Christmas, Brenda," I replied with a wave. "Oh, and a Happy New Year too."

*******************************************************************************************

As usual the great glass cube that was Preus Hall was echo-y with silence when I arrived. For all the wild, unheard-of antics that were housed and practiced in its bowels, it had the atmosphere of a tomb. But perhaps that was by design; it provided the facade of having nothing to hide by suggesting there was nothing worth hiding- when all the while the ultra-advanced technologies lurked deep beneath the surface, accomplishing things that other people thought were only achievable in comic books.

The nearer I drew to Stuart's office, however, the more nauseated I felt. What was he wanting to talk about? This had to be serious; rarely did Stuart ever ask me to come to him when he had questions, it was always the other way around. I didn't yet know if this was a good or bad thing, per se. What I did know, though, was that this was out of the ordinary- and for Stuart to do anything contrary to his routine immediately implied that some serious business was about to go down.

When I reached the doorway, I found him standing with his back to me. Apparently he was on the phone with someone. Cool, that gives me a few seconds to relax, I said to myself. I will take them.

"...Sudden change of heart?" Stuart asked the person on the other end, his tone eerily complacent. "You did me a big favor, what's the- Listen. No, no, hold on. Look. If it matters that much to you, then you can come down right now and we'll discuss-"

Suddenly Stuart seemed to realize he was being watched. He whirled, saw me waiting just outside the entrance. For just a moment the color washed out of his cheeks before he crashed into a hasty send-off, "Here, just a minute, talk later about this, goodbye." He ended the call and just about dropped the smart phone on his desk, he hustled over to me so fast.

"Y-you made great time!" he stammered. "Hi!"

"Didn't want to make you wait," I answered after the kiss.

"Thank you. You're the greatest."

I nodded toward his phone. "What was that all about?"

Stuart shook his head vehemently while he closed the office door; he was all about his privacy. "People."

I shrugged and made myself quip, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

"Right? But anyway, um- first of all- when did you plan to cart Bucky over here for the final voyage?"

It didn't seem as though Stuart still had any clue about Freddie and me making love the night before; otherwise it would have been the first thing out of his mouth. I took a small bit of comfort from that- but this topic of conversation wasn't much better.

"Whenever you're ready for him, I guess," I replied softly.

"Then he should have been gone last Friday," Stuart chuckled. "So! Here's what I'm thinking. You can head to your house in your car, while a few members of the team and myself can follow you in the van. We'll let you try and take him up there yourself at first- you know, keep it cozy as much as we can if you want- but this way, if Bucky, uh- bucks, as it were [a small self-indulgent giggle here], we can swoop in there, put him under if we need to, and take him up there that much more seamlessly- sort of expedite the process, you know?"

"He's not going to buck," I assured him. "He's as ready to go as you are to send him back."

"And you too, right? I bet you're pretty tired of looking at him yourself, much less talking to him."

All I did was shrug, while inside myself I whispered, Freddie's face is the only thing I could look at forever and ever and never tire of it- except for Danny, and even then, he's half Freddie himself. So, I suppose I'm just being redundant.

"Do you know where he is right now?" Stuart asked.

"I don't," I admitted. "For all I know, Charles may be bringing him back here as we speak."

Stuart's blue eyes turned suspiciously clever. "Ah, yes. Funny you should mention him."

"Why?" I asked.

He took his time with the answer. He turned away from me, strolled casually back over to his desk, and plucked something off the corner. "Well- it would seem that he and Bucky stopped by here without my knowledge fairly early this morning and did something down on the lab level."

I frowned, pretending I didn't know a thing about K's checkups. "What did they do?"

"Not sure. There's no record of it- not even on the security cameras. Again."

"Weird." I coughed. "So- what does me mentioning Charles have to do with it?"

"I was just curious if you knew anything about him personally- because he apparently knows about you."

I didn't really see much, if anything, cryptic about that. "Well- if he's a security guard, I imagine it's inevitable the security personnel would get some idea of who's who around the university over time-"

"That's just it, Jules. He isn't."

I balked. "Isn't what?"

"He isn't a security guard. He isn't even employed here at all."

I swallowed, confused. "What are you saying?"

"He left this behind on accident." He held up his hand, still clutching the small plastic card, and placed it into mine. "We used it to run a background check, and came up with nothing. Literally. The guy basically doesn't exist."

Again, I failed to see how this had anything to do with anything- that is, until I inspected what Stuart handed me.

At first blush it was a perfectly ordinary New York drivers license, complete with Charles's name, address, physical description, and so on. But when I looked at the photo, I found myself doing a double take.

I had never seen Charles without his mirrored yellow aviators; in fact, I had never really gotten a good look at Charles at all, till this moment. Even that night he brought Freddie back from the club, he kept his face turned just so, preventing me from gathering any telltale details. All I knew was he was tall, short-haired, and deep-voiced. But even those key features should have given me the sign, set off the recognition alarms inside my head.

But, oh, were they ringing now.

My eyes widened to Marty Feldman proportions as I stared into the thirty-something's deep-set grey eyes, studied the curve of his mouth, took in the faint but straight-across hairline where the dark brown fuzz grew. Despite it having been fifty years since 1977, when I last saw the man, there were no lines of age, no sign of passing time anywhere on his face; the only change lay in the length of his hair, and the absence of his seventies' sideburns. He had an English accent back then as well. Perhaps if he had used it now, we would have caught on that much sooner.

But most importantly, this man's name was not Charles. Certainly not the man I remembered. He went by something else entirely in those days.

Back then, his name was Rudolph. Rudolph C. Barnes, to be exact. But for short, we simply called him Rudy.

Oh, my God...

"Does that face ring a bell?" Stuart interrupted my harried thoughts.

I passed the card back to him, hands shaking. "N-no, I'm afraid not. Sorry."

"Too bad. Guess we'll have to keep looking." He put it back where it had been lying before. "Jules, you ever thought of bleaching your hair?"

I just looked at him, thoroughly unprepared for the shift in tone. "What?"

"Nothing, just- I was thinking, you'd make a fabulous blonde. Not platinum or anything, just- a bit lighter, a bit more golden than what you're already doing to it."

"Maybe," I hummed. "Never really thought about it honestly."

"Well, now you can- but either way, I think you're beautiful," he chirped pleasantly. "Are you still up for dinner tonight?"

"Have you already made the reservation?" I asked.

"I have- but if you're not up to it, I can cancel. I'll understand, it's been a rough seven days for all of us."

"No, no, might as well, I'll be in New York for Danny's program rehearsal anyhow. What's this place called?"

He told me. "It's on the Upper West Side, so- fairly hoity-toity, if you know what I mean. So, we may have to dress up a little beforehand."

I nodded, mentally trying to will the blood back into my cheeks. "Sounds wonderful. I'm looking forward to it."

"Excellent!" Stuart clapped his hands once. "I've just got a few more loose ends to tie up on my end if you'd like, you can wait for me, or you can go ahead and head over there and wait for us to show."

"I'll go home now, if it's all the same to you," I replied. "Danny's likely all alone at the house."

"Gotcha. See you in a bit. Oh! And, uh- did you get the roses out of your office?"

Dang, I almost forgot. "Oh! Thank you for reminding me. I'll go back and get them."

He kissed me goodbye, watching me closely as I opened the door and ran out. Or tried to, anyway. On instinct I pulled myself to a halt. There outside the office I saw Antonio coming toward me. When our eyes met he took a full two steps back.

"Julia!" He gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"I might ask you the same thing," I said flatly. "But I also don't care, so I won't. Goodbye."

He put his hand on my arm. "Julia, I'm sorry-"

"Yes, so you said- and I do forgive you. That should be the end of it."

I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. "Look, I didn't know you two were-"

I waved my hand. "Of course you didn't! How could you? Why would that even come up? Now would you please let go of me? I'm in a bit of a hurry."

Antonio did as I asked, and with a tight-lipped "Happy Holidays, Tony," I resumed my purposeful pace toward the front door, not even glancing back to ask myself why Antonio popped Stuart's office door open and went in. I had other, bigger things to ponder anyway.

Such as Rudy suddenly showing up out of nowhere.

Not that there was anything random about it. I knew that for certain now. Rudy served as indisputable proof that there was definite order to this whole mess, and a definite end result- but, quite frustratingly, both were hidden. It was like someone matching up all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle without ever being able to see the actual image they were assembling. Everything fit together beautifully- but into what, was the question.

All I know is, Rudy's back. My heart pounded in my head. Rudy's back again. He's been here all the time. He's been watching us- watching Freddie- just like before. Why didn't he pick up on it? Why didn't I? What are you doing here, man? Why haven't you changed? Why did you lure Danny into the lab? What's happening?

Before I could continue stewing on these and other frightfully pressing questions, I remembered I still had Jim's book in my purse. With a little high, ear-piercing screech of heels on tile, I click-clacked straight back to Stuart's office. Through the open door I could hear he and Antonio were still talking- and quite loudly I might add. Well, Antonio was, anyway; Stuart sounded as cool as mint.

For whatever reason, I stopped at the edge of the hall, took off my heels, and barefooted it the rest of the way. Shoes in one hand, book in the other, I crept closer and closer, shamelessly eavesdropping on the two men. Soon I could make out coherent sentences.

"...Knew all the time! Didn't you?" Antonio charged him loudly. "You should have told me, otherwise I would never-"

"And you should have asked- before I handed you the check," was all Stuart said. I could picture the smug smile on his face.

"How was I supposed to know? You didn't say anything about her being involved."

My brows rose. "Her"? "Involved"? What's all this then?

Stuart spoke dismissively. "Would you stop worrying? It's not you she'll stay mad at, anyway."

"It doesn't matter. I didn't want to break them up, you never said anything about wrecking a- a relationship! She'll never forgive me- and I have to work with her!"

"Oh, she'll get over it. If she doesn't, then I'm the one who's made the biggest mistake-"

Stuart cut himself off. Antonio turned. By this point I was standing fully visible in the open office entrance. Stuart opened his mouth, perhaps to downplay whatever I might have overheard- but he said nothing. He could see in my face that there was nothing he could say.

I had heard enough. Or rather, I had heard too much.

A few seconds passed in deathlike silence till finally Antonio couldn't take the suspense, and bolted. Only Stuart and myself remained. Still barefoot except for my stockings, I padded slowly inside. My voice was chilly, my emotions once again trapped in the bonds of utter shock.

"I," I began, "just came back to bring you this." I laid the memoirs face down on his desk.

He swallowed. "Thanks."

"No problem." I blinked a couple of times, watched him do the same.

And then I said, "So- you, um- you... put Antonio... up to saying those things? About- the club, and- making out with Freddie? That was- that was you?"

"Not just to you, Jules. Everyone. He didn't single you out-"

"BUT YOU DID- ahem. You did still- it was still your idea, right?"

Stuart took my empty hand in his. "It was just a precaution," he said beseechingly.

"A precaution."

"Yes." He gulped. "I- It's not that I didn't trust you, Jules, I just wanted to ensure for myself there would be no- I guess- relapses into old feelings on your part- I didn't want letting go of him again to be hard for you-"

"You lied to me."

"No, I didn't. Antonio lied-"

"You," I cut him off, voice rising. "You... PAID him... to LIE to me."

"Jules-"

"That's still lying, Stuart." I owed Stuart my life, my everything. I would never cease to be indebted to him. But right now none of that mattered.

For the first time in my life, I thought I saw fear enter the man's eyes. "Jules- it was for your own good!"

That's when I lost it.

"You lied to me!" I screamed. "YOU LIED!"

"I didn't want to, honey, please- I didn't enjoy it-"

"F--- YOU!" I hollered. "F--- YOU, YOU LIAR!"

"Jules-"

As if I had drifted out of my body and stood outside looking in, I watched myself pick up a heavy glass paperweight and hurl it toward his head. To my dismay, he ducked- and the thing splashed spectacularly into pieces as soon as it struck the wall behind. I didn't stay behind to help him clean it up. I was seeing so much red it was a wonder I could still see straight enough to run out of there and drive home- albeit, like a maniac both times.

I didn't know the extent to which Antonio lied- but I knew he had lied. And Freddie had tried to tell me as much earlier. But I hadn't listened. I wouldn't listen. To my own sweet prince, I wouldn't listen.

Oh, God, let him still be there. Please. I'm listening now. Just give me one more chance.I'm begging you. I'm listening now.