Julia

I jostled my computer's mouse, awakening it- and let out a groan when I read the time. Two whole hours I'd spent sitting in this chair of mine, and in all that time I'd had only one full session. Not surprising, of course, most of the students tended to either wait until late in the afternoon before their family, their feelings, or their future got the better of them and they needed someone to hear them out- and after all, this was the last day of the semester; most of Princeton's promising youth had already flown the coop and headed home for the holidays.

Still, right that moment there were a million other places I would rather be- and a million other things I would have preferred to do. And in spite of how precariously the lives of Danny and myself now hung in the balance, I pictured myself in these situations with only one man alongside me- a man who this time tomorrow would yet again be a mere shadow from my past.

"Some break the rules, and live to count the cost," I sang under my breath, the Howard Jones from this morning still gently lilting about in my head. "The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost/ And you want her, and she wants you-"

"Special delivery for Ms. Samuels," the receptionist's cheerful voice shattered my reverie. I looked up to see her in the doorway holding a large vase of roses.

My eyes widened. "Oh, wow, where'd that come from?"

"FTD, I think," she said with a shrug.

I fought back a sigh of annoyance. Big help, as usual. All the same, I managed a grateful smile as I rose and took the flowers from her with an obligatory "Thank you so much, Brenda!"

When she was gone, I set the vase on the corner of my desk. There were twenty-four in all- a dozen black, a dozen white, and painstakingly arranged with no two roses of the same color nestled side by side, reminiscent of a chessboard. An odd combination for a bouquet, let alone a bouquet of roses. I looked them over quizzically, wondering at the intent. Not for long, though; the brief note attached cleared things right up:

To the bravest, sweetest woman in the world:
Congratulations! You survived the week!
Love, Stuart

P.S. Please call me when you get these.

I drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, for now I knew that Stuart still had absolutely no idea about last night. How long this would be the case, I did not know- but for the moment, his ignorance was my bliss.

Turning away from the "finish line" flowers, I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone, doing my best not to so much as let my hand graze against the paperback still hidden inside- a book I had every intention of returning to Stuart as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

Three rings later, Stuart's voice crackled through. "There you are, Jules," he said.

"Hi!" I chirped through another forced smile. "I got the roses, they're beautiful."

"Oh, good, I was starting to worry they'd made a mistake, sent them to the wrong place or something," he chuckled.

"Nope, they're here. Thank you so much." I fiddled with a loose-hanging black petal, accidentally knocking it onto the desk. Without thinking I actually mouthed an apology to the injured rose.

"My pleasure." He cleared his throat. "Here, I was thinking. Once we've shipped him back later this evening, we should make a night of it, you and I."

"Sure," I nodded. "Oh- wait, I've got to take Danny up to New York for his rehearsal."

"Even better. There's a top-notch French restaurant in Manhattan that some friends of mine were raving about recently, I can meet you there!"

"Oh, okay. Sounds good."

"Fabulous, I'll make the reservation as soon as I hang up, so we can celebrate getting our lives back on track!"

"Not quite," I said dryly. "I mean, about lives getting back to normal. Freddie's caused a lot of buzz, it'll be a while before things simmer down again."

"Not just on this side either," Stuart agreed. "Did you see the article about Queen possibly banding together again to meet him?"

I blinked. "What?"

"There's a BBC news piece that was published a few hours ago, talking about the other three guys all on the same plane, heading over here-"

"Three? Are you saying- Brian and Roger are in on this too?"

"Oh, is that the drummer's name? Well, then, yes. I wouldn't say they're in on it, per se, but they're probably curious," Stuart sighed.

And I was dumbfounded. Now not only was it confirmed that John was coming our way- but now we had the other two to worry about as well? Was that how far this had gone?

John is sharing a plane with Brian and Roger for eight hours straight. Yes, that's how far it's gone.

"Good Lord," I whispered.

"I know." He sighed wearily. "Ol' Bucky's not going home a moment too soon. I would have preferred to have sent him sooner, as you know, but anyway. The goal now is to make sure he doesn't get the chance to interact with the band under any circumstances."

I gulped. "Why? What'll happen?"

"Jules, he's already freaked out the manager. If his actual buddies see him and say the same-"

"Jim Beach?"

"I think that's right."

"He's already met Queen's manager? In person? When?"

"Yesterday."

"Oh, dear God," I whispered. What have I done?

Stuart, however, didn't seem to be as bothered about it as me; how he could still be so cool about this whole fiasco escaped my comprehension. "Don't worry, Jules, it ends tonight. As long as he doesn't make contact with Brian, or Roger, or the other guy before we send him back, we can still pass it all off as a giant hoax- and count Mr. Beach amongst the naive."

"If you say so," I managed, jaw clenching. Yes, Stuart. I get it. Today is his last day. Stop reminding me.

A small pause. "By the way, did you ever get a look at that video I sent you yesterday?"

"No, Stuart, I didn't, I kind of had my hands full, taking care of a hungover diva."

"Oh, well, I highly recommend it whenever you get a chance. You sound like you could use a good laugh, and trust me, that video gave me one."

"Okay, I'll check it out now," I muttered weakly. "Thanks again for the flowers."

"Of course, honey. Love you- and I'll text you with details about tonight!"

"Sure thing," I whispered. "Bye."

"Oh! Wait, wait, wait. One more thing," Stuart exclaimed just before I could hang up. "Jules- who is Charles Burdon?"

"Charles Burdon?" I blinked, wondering what this had to do with anything. "Um- he's the guy who's driving Freddie. Isn't he?"

"His driver?"

"Yes. Don't you remember?"

"Why would I remember that? K said you arranged it, so I figured you might know a bit more-"

"No, I didn't."

Stuart hesitated. "What?"

"I didn't arrange for Charles to drive Freddie. I'd never even heard of the guy until Tuesday, I thought he was one of yours."

"One of ours," he repeated. "I see. Very interesting."

"Why? What about him?"

"Tell you later" was the only answer I received before he finally ended the call and left me to my ever-increasing bewilderment.

"Tell you later," I mused aloud. "I hear those three words from him more than anything else, I think."

Well, if it's not important, Stuart shouldn't have to tell me, I said to myself in resigned obedience. He's a busy man after all, he doesn't need me slowing him down with questions.

"Well, now the fat's in the fire," I sighed, entangling my fingers in my gold necklace. Freddie was leaving tonight, after all, so now was a perfect time to get myself back into old habits, and old attitudes. Therefore, I had donned again my Vegas ring that very morning; feeling that small bit of metal against my chest gave me strength.

Granted, I didn't know enough about Jim Beach to make judgment calls over his gullibility, but I honestly never thought those two would fall for it. John's faith, I could understand, what with his own godson blatantly telling him that Freddie was back. But Brian and Roger, too? How would that work? They didn't know where to find us, as far as they were concerned Danny and I didn't even exist. The only person who might spill the beans there was John- with whom they just so happened to be sharing an international flight.

All the same, I believed in that hard-headed Englishman. And although in the past I had clicked my tongue countless times and lamented the bad blood between John and the last remaining half of the band, now our lives depended on it.

Stay guarded, John, stay reticent! I begged him silently. Please, for Freddie's sake and ours!

I looked at the lonely black petal resting unhappily on my desk, then up at the blooms whence it fell. On a whim I stuck my nose into the flowers, inhaled- then let out a disappointed exhale. There was no fragrance whatsoever.

I drew back, still staring into those lovely, yet colorless, whorls of petals. Already I was questioning whether I had the strength to give Freddie another "lesson" that morning. Scarcely even ten o'clock and I was already drained. I rubbed at the throbbing sensation in the side of my head.

I think I need a cigarette.

At that moment, however, Antonio stuck his head into my office and suggested the next best thing. "Hey, did you know there's cupcakes in the break room?"

"There are?" I licked my lips.

"Uh-huh. Sasha brought them."

"I really shouldn't, we have so many sweets at home- but, dang, that sounds good."

"There's only two left, you'd better hurry. Love the flowers by the way!"

"Thanks," I smiled. "I'll head over there in a second." I couldn't go down the hall for a little sugar rush without opening that email first. Stuart would have a fit.

So, inwardly downplaying the absolute chaos my life had become, I opened up my inbox and scrolled down to the subject line, reading aloud as Freddie had, "Have You Seen This, Ex Dee." I managed a light little giggle at that, before I felt my throat tighten, pushing more tears closer to the edge. Freddie hadn't even left yet, and I already missed him like hell.

Pull yourself together, you fool, I chided myself. You cried all the way to Princeton to get it out so this wouldn't happen. So don't let it happen. Be strong.

With that bit of tender self-assurance, then, I opened the email, which was comprised of the link, and a single line reading, "And here we see a wild Melina in his natural habitat..."

My eyes narrowed, my jaw clenched. But despite the field of red flags that went up as I read that sentence, I drew the blinds all around my glass office; just in case his little joke was full of bawdy humor, I didn't need everyone else to know how I was frittering away my time. Then I clicked on the link, which sent me to YouTube.

The video was about two minutes long, with clear audio and adequate visual quality. It had been posted to the site over ten years ago, and in that time had accumulated over two million views.

And I did not laugh.

Stuart's little gift was not anything I hadn't seen before, although it had indeed been many years since I watched it. Even back then, it had made me cringe uncomfortably even while I told myself that it was cute, in a weird sort of way. Now, however, I was sick to my stomach after even a fraction of the clip.

I swear, I don't know how that guy's mind works sometimes, I grumbled to myself, referring to Stuart. How is it I'm supposed to be cheered up watching Freddie splash around in a bathtub with his boyfriend kneeling there helping him stack suds on his head?

Nevertheless, I couldn't help but wonder if things might have gone differently the day before, had I watched this home video of Freddie and Jim that afternoon. Certainly it would have been a great big slap in the face, but I would have been also less acquiescent to his wishes- and I might not have had sex with him after all.

Once it finished, I closed the window.

Without warning I found myself not walking, but sauntering down the hall, swinging my hips while I worked my shoulders back and forth, crooning softly in a breathy voice dripping with camp, "I wanna be LOVED by yooooou, just you, and nobody ELSE-"

Unfortunately, my voice apparently carried, so that when I sashayed into view, Kate was staring right at me, grinning in amusement. Without a word I straightened right up and strode in like normal.

"Someone's in a good mood," Kate chuckled.

"It's the last day, why wouldn't I be," I replied dismissively. Boy, did you get it wrong, darling. "A little bird whispered in my ear that there were cupcakes?"

She nodded and pointed at the counter. "Right over there. One chocolate, and- I think one red velvet."

"Red velvet it is!" I declared. "Sasha's a wonderful person." Rubbing my hands together, I nabbed the sugary delicacy and started a fresh cup of coffee brewing. "Big plans for the Christmas break, Kate?"

She told me with the greatest pleasure. It was more than likely that I had already asked Kate this question at some point during the month, but I thirsted for a diversion. I didn't want to think about the father of my child making a seamless transition from my arms to Jim's in a matter of hours, any more than I wanted to dwell on images of him sitting in a tub trilling things like "Every night's a party at Melina's mansion!"

"What about you, Julia?" she asked.

"Oh, same as last year," I shrugged. "Road trip to Biloxi, spend Christmas with my parents and some of my extended family."

"That'll be fun," she hummed. "Does it get cold down there?"

"Not really. It's on the coast, so things stay fairly temperate in the wintertime. Danny's always bummed that it doesn't snow down there, but the sand on the beach is so white, it might as well have snowed, so that helps."

While I was talking, Antonio sneaked playfully into the room, inching toward the nearly-empty box of cupcakes. "Hey, neither of you guys are gonna be super-mad if I take that last one, right?"

"It's all you, Antonio," I chuckled.

"Yay," he sang, reaching into the box. "Ooo, and it's chocolate!"

Kate sighed and shook her head. "I still can't believe you actually met that guy."

I took a sip of coffee. "Hm? What guy?"

"That guy Rick!" she answered. "From the radio, the Freddie Mercury lookalike."

"Oh, yeah," I shrugged shyly. "Just lucky I guess."

Kate frowned. "Wait, you met him too?"

I opened my mouth, about to confirm that I'd met him many times- before I checked myself. "What?"

"I was talking to Antonio, actually," she clarified. "I didn't know you'd met Rick as well."

I blinked, allowed my brain a moment to properly register what I was hearing, and then I asked, very carefully, "Wait, so- you met Rick Dubroc?"

"I did- although he introduced himself to me as Richard," he giggled.

"When was this?"

"Couple of days ago, on Wednesday."

"Oh. Oh!" I nodded. "You mean when he stopped by here that morning?"

Antonio looked surprised. "He was here?"

Scratch that idea. "Where did you meet him, then?"

"You haven't heard the story yet?" Kate grinned. "Ooo, are you in for a treat."

"It was absolutely wild!" he chimed in again. "Oh my God, what a guy! He-" Then he cut himself off, checked the time, then took a frantic chomp out of his cupcake. "Hold on, I've got an appointment right now, I'll tell you all about it when I'm through, 'kay?"

"Cool," I nodded, outwardly mustering a smile and inwardly, extremely confused. I took this as my cue to head back to my own office, so, having finished my own cupcake, with a small wave I too departed my colleagues.

Absently I shut the door upon arriving back at home base, plopping down behind my desk with a sigh.

Did John even alert me about his flight? I wondered. I checked my phone to be sure- and my brows rose. Indeed, he had texted me a little while before boarding the plane; even more curiously, it seemed someone had even responded to him before I could get to it.

"Danny," I groaned under my breath. I really don't want to yell at you today, sweetheart, why do you do these things?

For reasons completely unknown to me, save that for some reason I suddenly felt quite gluttonous for punishment, I reached into my purse again, pulled out Jim's book, and opened it. I skimmed through the pictures, even though they all looked the same- at least, Freddie's expression did; in nearly every picture, regardless of what he was doing and where, he wore the same face he was making on the cover. He didn't seem happy to me, per se- his eyes looked so flat, his aura so lukewarm- but what did I know? He was Freddie, and Freddie was beyond capacity for understanding. I had known as much for ten years.

When I was younger, in the days before T-Rod, I had attempted to read this book- but I didn't get past the tenth page, thanks to the strange, empty feeling its words instilled inside of me. Not a unique occurrence, for to be honest, all of the books about Freddie, the so-called memoirs and would-be definitive biographies, made me feel this way. So it was now- and I wasn't even trying to read it this time around. Simply holding the book in my hands, I felt so hollow- like a sieve, as though no matter how much of it I absorbed, I would only come away more unsatisfied- and more unhappy. Perhaps it was because I never could decide which parts of the tale were true, and which were fabricated-

"And WHAT are we reading?" Freddie's voice boomed over my shoulder.

I jumped. The book flew out of my hands, fell on the floor, where I frantically kicked it out of sight while I clutched at my heart, gasping. With a light little chuckle or two, Freddie wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek hello.

"Nothing, nothing," I answered quickly. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I'm here for the lesson, of course," he crooned with a dramatic sweep of the arms.

"And another thing- is it really so much to ask for you to knock before entering once in your life- you know, just to shake things up?" I sighed.

"Whatever for, dear? I was already in."

"You were?"

"Mm. Brenda said it was all right, and the door was open so I just waltzed right in and waited."

"Oh." I slumped against the desk, rubbing my face. "I swear, you need to put a bell around your neck so I can hear you coming from a mile away."

"And deny me the fun of sneaking up on you? No indeed."

I looked up at him finally, and found it very hard not to laugh at the ivy cap pulled rakishly over his eyes, reminding me vaguely of his 1979 concert getup- especially when he lifted his chin and looked over his nose at me with smirking, pursed lips. The smile, though, I couldn't help; all that man had to do was appear before me, and my whole messy world brightened. Already thoughts of Jim and the too-candid "bath time" clip were slipping away.

"What?" he asked.

"No hats in the office," I said with playful authority. "Off with the hat."

"Must I?"

"You must."

"Oh, very well." He tore the hat off, fully revealing his lovely face- and placed it loosely on top of my head. "Oh, darling, now you're breaking your own rules."

"Very funny," I sighed, setting the cap on top of the flowers. "Where did you get this silly thing, anyway?"

"Silly?" Freddie sniffed. "Careful, darling. Remember what they say, 'People in glass offices shouldn't throw shade."

I blinked. "Shade?" I repeated, stifling a smile. "Did I just hear you say, 'throw shade'?"

He smiled a bit sheepishly and nodded. "Been looking for a sort of opportunity to say that for a while now, so- I did use it right, didn't I?"

"You did, it's just- it sounded so strange coming out of you."

Freddie rolled his eyes, but he didn't argue. "Where did you get the roses?"

"Uh- Stuart sent them," I replied.

"Mm." His lips twitched over his teeth. "Should have known."

I sighed thoughtfully. "You know, they kind of remind me of your party. All the black and white everywhere, and those tights you were wearing-"

"I suppose," he murmured. "Are you ready to go?"

"Freddie, it's only a quarter past ten!"

He looked at me. "What are you saying?"

"I thought we were saving the lesson for around lunchtime or something. It's too early yet."

"What, do you have people coming in now?"

I hesitated. "Well, not necessarily."

"Then what's the problem?"

As much as I would have loved to drop everything right then and there and spend the rest of the day with Freddie doing whatever he wanted to do, I could not forget my other obligations. Not today. "Listen, Freddie, the earliest I can probably break away without anyone giving me a dirty look is eleven."

"All right," he declared. "Then I'll wait."

I blinked. "What?"

"I'll wait the forty-five minutes, that'll be easy." He seated himself comfortably on the couch, looked at me expectantly.

"What if someone comes in for a session?"

He shrugged. "I was here first."

"But Freddie, it's my job!"

"Very well, then, do your job."

"How can I, with you sitting there staring me and my client down?"

"No, no, dear, that's not what I meant," he said. "You can counsel me!"

I blinked. "You're kidding."

"Do I look like I'm kidding? I'd love to see what you do, and how you do it. Yes, let's give this a go. Ooo, I'm already excited!" With that, he tossed the cap into one of the chairs, then lifted Stuart's roses off the desk and placed them on the end table near where he was sitting.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked.

"I think I'm monopolizing your time. What do you think I'm doing?"

"Wasting it," I replied saucily.

Freddie grinned. "Either way, humor me, will you? I could be leaving tonight, and I may not have this chance again."

I swallowed back the tiny lump his words put in my throat. "Will, not may. Stuart's made it very clear he-"

"Again, f--- him. I'm not here to talk about Gertrude, I'm here to absolutely sort of purge my soul and make you listen to every word like the dreadful sadist I am." He winked, waving me closer. "Come on, it'll be fun. I'll pay you!"

"That's not necessary, I'm on salary." I put my hands on my hips. "You sure you want to do this? Because if you want the real thing, you're going to get the real thing."

"I want the works, dear," he purred. "Now come sit next to me, I can't relax with you standing over me like that."

"Since this is an authentic experience, I will sit where it is considered professionally acceptable," I informed him, adding silently, Even though the ACA makes no bones about how badly it can cloud the judgment to have had a sexually intimate relationship with a client, but we're just going to ignore that part of the rules for now. When I tried to sit in one of the chairs, however, Freddie simply stretched his long legs forward and put his feet up so they were blocking me.

"Right here, darling," he said softly, patting the cushion beside him.

But I wasn't annoyed in the least. I gazed at him for a little while, till finally I shrugged, said, "As you wish," and settled in at his side. As soon as I did, I was astonished at how quickly he seemed to sober up, the smile vanishing as his features molded into something much more serious.

God, I adored him.

"Ready?" I asked him. When he nodded, I took a deep breath. "Okay, let's begin."