Freddie

I had opened my eyes that morning to see myself lying again in an empty bed.  With a sigh, I shook my head.  Softly I hummed my new song's melody for memory's sake, as well as that of "One Vision."  Good Lord, but a little official studio time would have been lovely.  I could practically feel our songs going to pot- with that one new exception. That one stuck, strangely.

As I stretched a little more awake, I noticed that Julia's pillow was missing from her side of the bed.  Well, not exactly.  Rather, it had only been moved; it was wedged under the covers in between myself and where she would have been sleeping.   This was new.  So I pulled it back out, set it where it belonged, and wondered what made her do such a thing.  Perhaps she wanted to put as much space between us as possible.

I shrugged.  Who cared?  After all, it wasn't as though I even wanted to be in her arms anymore.  In fact, late last night when I finally decided to retire, the only reason I had wrapped myself so tightly around her warm, sleeping body was because it was too cold to do anything else.  She was my bedfellow for the interim, and I slept with her because it kept me from being alone at night.

All the same, darling, I sighed to myself, would it really kill you to forget the fucking Modo alarm once in a while, and oversleep just a little every now and then, give me something nice to wake up next to?

I rolled out of bed, put on my slippers and just then I heard a big terrified gasp come from the kitchen. I hurried in to see Julia standing there, her face as white as milk, as a shaking hand flew up to cover her wide, gaping mouth.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

She looked up at me, her big eyes hard and frightening.  For a moment, I was quite worried for my life.

"I'm gonna kill him," she hissed through gritted teeth. 

Oh, good, it's not me this time.

"Kill who?  Stanley?"

Julia snorted.  "Yeah, maybe I'll kill him, too."

"Ooo.  Can I help?"

"Sure.  In fact, why discriminate?  Let's kill everyone.  You grab a kitchen knife, I'll grab the gun, and we'll go postal on everyone's ass together.  Be the new Bonnie and Clyde."

"The gun?"

"Yeah.  I have a gun, remember?"

I blinked.  "Oh- I thought you were joking."

"Nope.  It's right where I said it was.  Little .38 revolver.  It was a Christmas present from my parents."

"Your parents gave you a gun?"

She smiled dryly.  "They're Texans, remember?"

"Oh, right," I chuckled.  "Still, I mean- guns."

"Not like I can hit anything with it, of course, because I can't.  It's there to scare away intruders, I guess- but that hasn't happened to us yet, thank God."

Julia sighed then, looked at her watch.  It was on the tip of my tongue to ask why she didn't ask the all-knowing, all-powerful Modo what the time was, but I thought better of it; I didn't feel like testing her aim this morning.  As strangely attractive as she could be when she lost her temper, or else just let her pent-up feelings go wild upon the world, I wasn't awake enough to push those buttons as skillfully as I would have preferred. 

She must have been fairly freaked out about something, though; before my very eyes Julia took out a cigarette, lit it, and breathed it in hungrily after offering me one as well.  I noticed the butt of her last one smoldering down to nothing in the ash tray near her hand.

"Two cigarettes?!" I exclaimed.  "Dear, what happened?"

"Oh, nothing, life just got a whole lot more interesting, that's all."  She placed the device face down.  "I'm sorry about the rant, I'm just pretty ticked off."

"Clearly," I said gently. 

She took another drag, then chuckled.  "Anyway, good morning," she said.  "Cup of tea?"

"Mm, yes, thank you," I nodded.  While she busied herself with that, I looked around the kitchen.  Where's Mr. Phantom?"

"Downstairs, on the computer," Julia replied, "with his fingers and toes crossed that school's closed today because of all the ice last night." 

"It was a bit nippy, wasn't it," I hummed, before I suddenly remembered.  "By the way, would you mind explaining about the pillow?"

She frowned.  "Pillow?"

"Yes, the one you stuffed down under the sheets-"

"OH!  Oh, oh, oh, yes, that."  She waved her hand.  "It's nothing, really."

I didn't think so.  "Be honest, is the idea of sleeping with me really that distasteful, that you have to, um, you know, set up a sort of wall between-"

"Freddie, that's not why I-"

"Then do explain."

Julia peered down the stair, made sure Danny wasn't anywhere within earshot, and answered. "I didn't want to wake you."

"What happened?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Just fucking tell me."

She hesitated, then continued. "You were having a very, very nice dream last night; I know because your, uh- I felt -" Julia waved her hands helplessly around her nether parts, then went straight for it: "Look, it's not your fault, these things happen.  I don't know who you thought I was, and I don't care, but I can't sleep with you moaning and rubbing your crotch up and down on me, so I tucked my pillow down between us- and I didn't mean to make you stop, but as soon as I did, you calmed right down. You didn't let go of me, but that's okay, I just didn't need- you know- the extra stuff."

I blinked, feeling myself go quite red in the face. "Oh."

Julia nodded. "I'm sorry- but you asked."

"I did," I conceded sheepishly. "Sorry, dear, I suppose I'm just, er- uh-"

"I know," she smiled.  "Slim pickin's round here.  I don't blame you, I really don't, that's why I'm not upset."

Darling, if I wanted it that badly, believe me, I would go out and get it, was what I would have said to her, had she not turned away a moment later and called to the boy, "Any luck, Daniel-san?"

"Nope," came the reluctant reply.  "But- but can I still stay home?"

"Danny, if there's school, you're going to school," she told him.  "So I need you to stop pressing the 'Refresh' button every ten seconds and finish getting ready please, we'll be leaving pretty soon."

"Aw, man- but the roads are gonna be slippery and Mr. Adams doesn't like driving the Tesla on ice."

"I'm taking you to school today, offspring."

"You are?" The boy sounded surprised.

"Yes." 

"Yay!"

"I want to talk to you."

A pause.

"Oh."

Even I didn't think that sounded too good.  "What are you going to do?" I whispered.

"I told you, I'm going to kill him."  Julia handed me the hot cup of tea she had been absently holding in her hands almost the whole time.  "Don't you believe me?"

"Not really." I took the tea from her and clinked it against her coffee.  "Cheers." 

She laughed again, but this time, sweetly- and like she meant it. "Cheers, Freddie."

I watched her lift the drink to her lips, her gaze moving away from mine- and changing.  I couldn't say exactly how, but there was something new there- and it was not a happy change.  I'd even go so far as to say that in that split second, Julia looked awfully sad- and that was the oddest thing of all.  My mind drifted back to what Roxie had said about the last ten years. 

Before I could ask, however- and I most certainly wanted to- we were Strakered.

"Lauren just texted me, apparently the Tesla's not starting right, he has to take it in," Danny hollered, coming back upstairs. "Can she ride with us?  Oh, hi, Freddie, you're up!"

The Magic Mirror buzzed on the counter.  She nodded with a sigh, face wiping of feeling.  "I bet that's him right there.  I guess that's how it's looking.  You ready for school?"

The boy answered that of course, he was, all he had to do was grab his backpack and he'd be good to go. 

"All right, guess I'm driving, we have to leave now though," she sighed.

"You do?" I pouted. 

"With ice on the roads and my work schedule, yes," she answered briskly.  "Hey, Modo, how bad are the roads en route to the school?"

Modo replied that on the main roads conditions were indeed severe, causing multiple wrecks along Julia's preferred travel route, but there were other available routes to take and frankly I don't remember what all the thing said, but you get the idea.

"Good thing I already put the chains on the tires this morning," she said, then turned to her son.  "Thanks for your help with that, Danny.  I mean- domo arigato, Daniel-san."

He grinned.  "Doitashimashite, okasan."

I touched her shoulder.  "Why didn't you wake me up and tell me that's what you were doing?"

She blinked.  "What for?"

"To- to help.  I mean- that's not easy, is it?  The, um- chains on the tires?"

"It's okay, I had Danny-"

"You shouldn't have had to do it at all," I said, playfully flexing.  "We can handle ourselves, can't we, Danny?"

"Oh yeah!" he cried. "I got muscles, too, look!"  He ran up to me and showed how big a bicep he could make.

"Now, that's impressive," I declared.  "See, darling?  You're surrounded by He-men.  Next time, just tell us, and I'll -we'll- be on the job in two shakes."

"Even at five o'clock in the morning?"

I swept my arms around theatrically.  "Whenever."

"Oh, sure," she scoffed.  "Wake you up at five?  Right.  Why don't I just eat Pop Rocks and soda at the same time, while I'm at it."

At the time, I would have never admitted it, but that stung.

Fortunately, the banter flew right over Danny's head.  "You coming with us?  To school?"

"Not like this, I'm not," I laughed, trying to restore my good humor.  "I'll see you this evening though, we'll catch up then."

"We will?"  The boy's eyes lit up.  "Is he coming with us tonight, Mom?"

They started filing down the stairs toward the garage.  "Danny, we need to go, we'll discuss that on the way, okay?  Now go say goodbye to Freddie, and-"

She cut herself off, watching the way the little chap decided to say goodbye to me- which was to run back up, throw his arms around my neck, and hold on tight.  Danny had given me hugs before, but not quite so affectionately as now.  What could I do but return the favor, unable to stop the smile. It was nice to know I didn't frighten him the way I frightened practically everyone else.  Julia went without saying, but to Danny I was indeed something completely different. 

It's a funny life I had, really; the people I didn't intimidate, instead found me ridiculous.  And there wasn't much in between.  But Danny didn't mind one way or the other.

"Hey, Freddie," he whispered in my ear.

"Hm?"

Danny giggled.  "Do the voice again."

I shook my head.  "Not without the glasses."

"Then here!"  With that, he took the glasses off his face and made me put them on.  "Now do it."

I squinted through the fuzzy lenses, unable to see practically anything; Danny must have been very near-sighted, like his mother, who was still watching quietly- I knew because I could feel her eyes.  It's strange, but no matter what, I always knew, always could feel, when she was looking at me.

And so, with a roll of my eyes, I drawled, "Misssss-ter Anderson."

As ridiculous as my impression may have been, it tickled Danny to no end; I decided that was worth it.

What a silly boy; I'm going to miss him, when this is over, I told myself, still refusing to so much as suggest that I might miss Julia- before I corrected myself. Oh, wait, no, I'm not going to remember anything.  So I won't miss him at all.  That's probably for the best, I think.   

Strangely, the thought didn't comfort me half as much as it did last Sunday.  Instead, it conjured  that one scene from the film last night, The Matrix (which, to be honest, I really did rather enjoy; it freaked me out in a couple of places, especially where there was a phone that looked identical to the Relic, but visually and in terms of the overall concept, I found it quite impressive), where the hero is asked to choose between the blue pill or the red pill. 

I couldn't say why I thought of it, as I know I'm not a deep, metaphorical person by nature; I usually allow people to make up their own minds about what I mean, say, in a song or whatever- and if it's intelligent, then all the better. 

Taking back his glasses, Danny waved to me as he ran on down, and Julia followed as silently as before, leaving me alone upstairs without even bidding me a proper goodbye.

Not that I wanted one, necessarily, but it would have been nice- would have spared me a little more salt into the open wound her earlier words had dealt me. 

But I didn't feel like thinking about that at the moment; I had other, sneakier things to do. 

In a trice, I had pulled down the attic step ladder and was heading up.  Yes, I was still endlessly curious about those pictures- even more so this morning than last night.  It seemed the longer I lived among them, the more I wanted to know what had happened up until this point.  For Julia still had told me practically nothing about the last ten years.  Not that she necessarily owed me any explanation, any details, but the way I saw it, if she knew all the naughty little ins and outs of my whole sordid existence, surely I deserved to know a bit about hers.

And that included Danny's father.

There was the box of framed photos in all its mysterious glory.  I wasted no time.  Yanking the light chain over my head, I flooded the place with yellow light, made straight for the collection, pulled out the topmost picture- and nearly gagged.

"Oh, fuck," I groaned.  "You again."

It was a medium-sized portrait of Julia and Stuart, dressed handsomely in formal wear; it looked like the picture was taken at some gala- some scientist ball or something, if they even have those.  She was smiling at the camera, hand on his chest.  His arm was wrapped around her bare shoulders while the other was holding her waist, that wretched little know-it-all smirk and arching brow plastered across his face. It was all I could do not to smash the damn thing.

All of a sudden, I didn't feel like snooping around anymore; I didn't want to chance coming across another such photo.  God knew how many times they had gone about that way, and how many pictures of them might be swimming around in this very box.  It wasn't worth the trouble.

Down below, I heard a door slam shut, and a soft, low voice call, "Freddie?"

"Up here," I called back before realizing I was still in the attic.  Quickly, I crept back down the steps only for her to spot me before I could reach the floor.

"What were you doing up there?" Julia asked.

I looked at her.  "Thinking."

"Oh," she nodded, then cleared her throat.  "Listen, Freddie, I'm sorry I was so rude back there, I just- I don't know.  I was only being flip, but that was too flip.  I'm sorry."

I looked her over for a little while.  Then, unable to help myself, I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"What was that for?" she asked quietly.

I looked down, shrugged awkwardly. "Nothing, it's just, um- you're really very pretty."

An idiotic thing to say, but it was true. It was no sin to appreciate a beautiful woman, much less to tell her so. Julia smiled, then, much to my surprise, kissed my cheek.

"So are you," she replied.

I had to smile. "I'm pretty?"

Julia laughed. "Oh, yes.  Very."

"Ah, that's more like it," I crooned. "In the future, don't worry about the 'I'm sorry,' just tell me I look good.  That's all you have to say, I'll always come around."

She rolled her eyes.  "I'll keep that in mind."

"Perfect.  Now, are we still, um- braving the elements at noon?"

"Are you still up for it?"

"Pfft!  What's a little ice?"

"I.e. The show must go on, am I right?"

"That's the spirit!"  I patted her cheek gently- but didn't pull my hand away right off.  Instead it just stayed there.  A second later, it was joined by my other hand on the other side, so that now I was holding her face in my hands.

Julia swallowed.  "I'd better be off now."

"Yes, you should," I nodded.

"K sent me a text, said you had another of those appointments."

"Of course."

"Good bye now."

"See you later."

Neither of us moved closer or further apart.  Her eyes were quizzical as they looked up at me. Big, quizzical, and melancholy, like a kitten's.

In spite of myself, I swallowed hard, wondering why the hell I had to make that comparison.

She took one step back- and before I knew what I was doing, I kissed her.  It happened quickly, so quickly I almost didn't feel my lips touching hers at first.  But then I felt her body stiffen- and heard her squeal a little in surprise.  I should have released her, but I didn't.  No, more than that, to be honest.

I couldn't.

And what should fucking happen not three seconds later, but a computerized voice to pierce the air and say, "E.T.A. 37 minutes, due to current road conditions."

Julia pulled away, eyes still closed.  "Okay.  See you at noon, then."  Her voice was strained, and I couldn't help but notice the almost drunken way she moved back down the stairs, like someone was leaning the room on her. 

The door shut a second time.

Now I was alone with the animals.  Slowly I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, Modo," I said quietly.  "I hate you."

The cheery response?

"Haters gonna hate."

It was a wonder I didn't take a hammer to the thing that very moment.

**********************************************************************************************

Julia

I slammed the door shut, gripped the steering wheel.  The world was tilting, leaning at a dangerous angle to one side.  Two thoughts shut out all else in my head at the moment: Oh, Danny, how could you, and Dammit, what a stupid day to forget my happy pills.

But at this point, I was powerless.  The situation was literally out of my hands. What choice words I had saved for Danny would have to wait till tonight- and even then, after our little theater jaunt with Stuart.   And Freddie didn't know, he couldn't know.  All I could do now was wait for John to lower the boom, whatever that meant.  If I played my cards right, Freddie could still be spared the knowledge, spared seeing John, still a spry thirty-something in 1985, as the white-haired grandfather he was now.

But imagine what it would mean to John, to see Freddie alive...

Wearily I leaned against the steering wheel.  The morning had only just begun, and I already wanted to go back to bed.

"I win again!"  I heard Danny cheer.

Then, Lauren, in protest, "Best three out of four."

"Nope!"

"Aw, come on!"

"Uh-uh."  Danny called, "I won, so does that mean I get to choose music?  That's how her dad does it."

I struggled to pull myself back to Earth.  Don't worry about these things till they happen.  One step at a time.  Perhaps he didn't even get the picture.  Apples and Androids don't mix well, after all.

"Mom?" Danny called.

"Uh- yeah.  Sure, sweetie.  We'll do that."

"Can we hear Queen please?"

I pretended to be shocked.  "No Prince today?"

"Not y-"  He mulled his choices a moment, then said, "Umm, actually, yeah.  Let's do Prince first."

Lauren groaned, and I rejoiced.  That's my boy.

Now was not a good time to indulge in Freddie's singing anyhow.  As much as I loved it, hearing him sing without the shield of my happy pills was an open invitation for the darkness, which I was already trying to ward off.  Besides, my lips were still tingling from that kiss.

We pulled out to the tune of "Alphabet St." but I scarcely heard the music.  I had too much else ringing in my head, there was no room for funk.

Stuart had better hurry it up, I told myself.  That's all I know.