"Look on the bright side, mate."

         "What bright side?"

         "At least you..." Seth flops down next to me on the couch, "won't be fifty when your kid goes to college?"

         I furrow my brows, the alcohol in my organism making me close my eyes at how ridiculous what he'd just said sounded. Either it really was ridiculous, or I've had one too many beers. "How is that the bright side to anything?"

         "Well, one thing fatherhood has taught me is that you don't wanna be too old for the important stuff. Having a kid at 23 was downright devastating to me, but when I think about it now? I was actually lucky."

         "You know what I'm realizing?" I hear Niall's voice – at this point the only reason I can tell him apart from Seth, is because he's kept that damned accent that makes half of what he says sound like he's choking on water. Ten years he's lived in Chicago and still sounds like he came off a plane from Ireland yesterday. "We all had our kids at approximately the same age."

         "...Yeah. Yeah! You were 22, I was 23, Harry- 23 as well, right?"

         "What the hell is wrong with you people?" I mumble, already knowing I'm 100% drunk because I know I sound like I'm crying. "How is- why is that a good thing to you?"

         "...You mean the fact that we had kids? Yeah, you're right, how could that possibly be good to anyone?"

         "I am serious," I raise my voice a little, ignoring Niall's sarcasm and looking over at him, sitting in the armchair opposite of me. Looking at me like I'm nuts. "Who- why-"

         "Look, mate, I know you're saying that because you're worried about Del's reaction, and..." Niall takes a deep breath, "because I might've let you have too much to drink, but-"

         "No," I shake my head, getting up from my seat, immediately feeling the room spin- if only I could pass out right now, right this moment. "You don't... you don't get it."

         "Of course we do, we're both-"

         "If you tell me that you're both fathers again, so help me God I will set you on fire."

         Through a blur, I see Niall raise his brows and turn his head to Seth, "You'll drive, alright?"

         "Okay-"

         "No, don't- don't even think about taking me home." I grab some sort of surface to my left, thinking about what would happen if I went to Del in this state. Yikes. "I can't go home, I can't let Delaney see me like this."

         A long silence follows, during which I'm leaned against the wall next to the TV, Niall has stood up from his armchair and is looking back and forth between me and Seth. I don't even need to look to know that's what he's doing, I've caused plenty of situations like this one – where he was required to silently beg for help from whatever person was in the room with us.

         Of course, in none of those situations have I just found out I'm a father. I feel like he's either gonna have to take me to the alcohol treatment center right now or I'm literally going to drown myself in said substance tonight.

         Okay, not literally. I'm too chicken to consciously kill myself. It's what actually kept me alive prior to the first time I went to rehab, it's probably what's going to save me now too.

         "Harry!" Niall snaps his fingers in front of my face a few times, but by the time I loft my head to look at him, he's already shaking his head at Seth. "Nuh-uh, he's barely there, help me get him to the couch."

         "Excuse me!" I raise a finger, frowning again, "I can get myself to the couch."

         "...That's the spirit, buddy."

         "Just... just..." I pause while collapsing onto Niall's sofa, "whatever you do, don't... don't call Del. Please."

         Niall doesn't say anything to that. Neither of them do, even though they're both at my side, moving my arms and legs around so I don't fall off. "Please. Please!"

         "Harry!" Niall exclaims, getting me to look at him with my eyes a bit wide. "Listen to me - she has to find out at one point, okay? Whether you tell her while you're drunk or sober, you can't keep getting drunk and passing out on my couch-"

         "No, you listen to me!" Miraculously, I've managed to sit up in anger. Or some other emotion, I can't really tell. "You... neither of you have had this situation, I am in a relationship with someone younger than me, and I find out that I have a child- not even a baby, a child, with the woman who-"

         "Ripped your heart out and fed it to the demon inside her, we know the story, darling."

         "Exactly!" I slur, choking a little on my tongue as Seth pushes me on my back, to cover me with a blanket. "You're both good with your baby mamas- you're married to your baby mama, for crying out loud!"

         "Yeah, I'm married to the woman that bore my children. Go figure," Niall sighs as he keeps tucking the pillow under my head, not really reacting to the apparent nonsense I'm saying.

         "No, all I'm saying is, I wish I had that. Okay? I wish finding out that I'm a dad was the happiest fucking thing that's happened to me, but my fate, or the universe, or God's will, or whatever it was that decided my life should be a-a fucking Rubik's cube, denied me that! I cannot be happy about the one thing I'd always been sure I'd be happy about, because there are a million other things that are going to-"

         "Don't you think," Niall cuts me off, crouching down in front of me so his face is in level with mine, "that you're being a bit of an idiot for being worried about all those other things, and not about what's really important?"

         He keeps nodding his head at me, and while he's actually made me think about it, it's just not enough. "Niall," I say slowly, "Delaney. Delaney is what's important to me, okay? A lot of things will change with this, but if I lost her... I don't know what I'd do with myself. I literally don't know what I'd do with myself, I probably-"

         "Okay, okay, why don't we talk about this tomorrow, yeah? When you're sober, and... with a less deadly breath."

         "...Okay," I reply in a small voice, completely forgetting about the heated explanation I was in the midst of. I'm not worried about forgetting it for a longer period of time, though, I'm actually pretty sure it'll haunt me until I decide to grow a pair and tell my girlfriend I have a son. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? She breaks up with me?

         Yes.

         Yes, that is the absolute worst thing that could happen to me.

         "Okay. Goodnight, Haz."

*

         "Harry? Harry."

         I lift my arms as the person's hands shake me awake, my right forearm ending up over my slightly sweaty forehead as I turn on my back. God, I hope it's not morning yet. My body still feels dead.

         "Harry, wake up."

         My eyes open seemingly all by themselves as I recognize the voice – I can't really see anything in the dark, but I can feel my pulse quickening and my sleepiness fading away within seconds as I notice a pair of small hands lazily placed on my abdomen. Not even Niall has hands this small.

         Speaking of which, I'm going to murder the bastard. "...Del?"

         "Come on, let's go home."

         I breathe out shakily at her flat but somewhat sad voice, already knowing Niall had told her about my alcohol withdrawal tonight; what I don't know – and what's currently giving me actual heartache – is whether or not he'd told her about the reason for what I did.

         "Del. Del," I breathe out as she pulls me up by my arm, searching for her in the dark, my hand coming in contact with the side of her neck within a few moments. "What did... what did-"

         "We'll talk about it home, okay?"

         I still can't see her face, not even the moonlight as the only source of light is helping – thus I have no idea how much she actually knows. And if I don't find out within the next minute, I might spill something that I wouldn't normally wanna spill.

         "Delaney," I breathe out again, trying to avoid tightening my hold on her neck but pulling her closer to me anyway. She sighs, sounding exhausted, her clammy hand on my wrist attempting to move my hand away but not putting enough physical effort to succeed. "Delaney, wait. Wait."

          "Whatever you have to say, it can wait until tomorrow, right? Come on now, you should rest. But not here."

         I sigh heavily and let her pull me up from the sofa, and she's the one that sighs just as audibly when I stumble a little upon finding myself on my feet. I hate to do this to her, I absolutely hate myself for having her see me like this again, but some things just end up being stronger than my common sense.

         In the hallway, Niall is standing at the opened front door, looking at me tiredly and apologetically. I'll probably want to kill him for the next few days because of this, but I know that, in the end, it's not him that did the wrong thing tonight.

         During our trip in the elevator, then to Delaney's car, and the action of her putting my shoes on for me prior to that, I keep holding onto her. Onto any part of her body within reach, shoulder, arm, her sides, anything that could reassure me she's there and not going anywhere. Although, this is just the first thing on the impending list of things that will make her want to leave me. God, I hope she doesn't give into that list.

         "Del?" I drop my head back against the passenger's seat, gulping as she doesn't say anything, not even a hum. "Can I ask you something?"

         "What?"

         She's 100% focused on the road in front of her – not that that's a bad thing, but she doesn't even glance at me in the few seconds of silence I put between her response and my upcoming question. "What... what did Niall tell you?"

         "Nothing," She says flatly, "He just apologized for letting it happen."

         "...Oh."

         "He did tell me there's something you should tell me," She continues, licking her lips, my heart sinking to my toes all over again. "But it can wait until tomorrow, I care about nothing but putting you to bed and knowing you're safe, you fucking idiot."

         A corner of my mouth twitches upwards – there's the loving name-calling that I missed. "Okay. Hey, Del?"

         "I know, I know, I love you too."

         I blink, "That's... not what I was going to say?"

         "...What then?"

         "Please don't be mad at me."

         She sighs again, but this time in relief; she falls back against her seat and her shoulders relax completely, one strap of her yellow tank top falling down her arm in the action. All in all, she doesn't look as angry as she did a minute ago. "I'm... not mad at you, Harry."

         "I know you are, and I'm sorry." These were always the words that sobered me up quicker than anything else could. "You have every right to be mad at me, but it was just one backslide, Del, don't... don't let it do something to us."

         "Of course I won't."

         Her response actually takes me by surprise. "Really?"

         "Harry, I was with you during the time where you looked me in the eye, and told me that you would never be happy and sober at the same time. Six months later, you told me that you'd never been happier than when we were together." Finally, she looks away from the road in front of her, to me, "Of course I won't leave you because of one backslide."

         Not even if I was sober would I'd been able to find the right words to reply with. Just, just- how does one give a decent reply to something like that? "Thank you... thank you."

         "But it can't happen again, okay?" She shakes her head quickly, her blond ponytail getting even messier than before, "I won't be able to cope with it if it happened again under my watch."

         "It won't, I prom-"

         "That's why you and I are going to have a talk tomorrow," This time she nods firmly, looking back through the windshield determinedly, "I'll make you coffee, tea, whatever you want, and then we talk. And you'll tell me about anything that could possibly make you go back to alcohol, anything that crosses your mind."

         Welp, it's official. I am fucked.

         Boy, am I fucked.

         "...Okay."

*

boy do i have a surprise for you lmao

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