Part 4 (Final part)

Ki POV

I sit watching the clock in the apartment,waiting for Thomas' call. And as soon as thee door bell rings I dash and open the door.

Thomas stands there,tears down his face,I don't understand and I'm certainly sure I don't want to.

"Tiffany's dead."

It's all these sudden emotions which whirl around my brain as it seems to be lodged out of it's original position, feel myself shake and collapse down then back up into a ball. For a second I won't even let myself believe it. My hands hook onto my hair as I start yanking out pieces,my cries coming out in feel gulp as I cup my hand over my mouth but the noises still break through as my best friend sits beside my cold,limp body with seems to be crawling out of shape and snapping into a million little pieces.

"I'm not going to be a father anymore.." He cries loudly,I do to even now how to respond.
"I'm sorry Ki. I'm so so sorry."

She can't be dead,she can't.

"We can't.. Where did they take her?" I ask.
"Well,we'll burn.. The body.. After the funeral."

Just hearing that breaks me down even more.

"This isn't fair!" I yell,my throat cracking "None of this is!"
"I'll stay here tonight man."
"No!"
"I need to Ki. Look,I know this is hard,I'm gonna get you some help."
"I don't need help."
"Look. My colleague Grace's friend is a therapist. She can help you."
"Nothing will help me."
"We're going. Get your coat."

He drives to a counselling office we wait until I'm called into a room, a woman sits there. Quite old with red curly hair and smudged lip-stick.

"Sit down dear." She says and I do as I'm told "Tell me what you're thinking."

I ignore her.

"I want to try something." She gets up then comes back later with a teddy bear,it's like the evil one off Toy Story which smells of Strawberries "This is Tiffany."
"No it's Lotso."
"I want you to imagine it's her. Your wife. Now,what would you say to her?"
"How the fuck is that gonna help me. It's not her,it could never be her!"
"You need to pretend."
"I can't!"
"Ki, I want you to tell me how you feel now."
"Broken."
"Why?"

I throw myself up,knocking the chair to the other-side of the room,grabbing the bear and throwing it at her...

"BECAUSE YOU SPEND ALL THE TIME AND YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. THEN IT ALL GET'S TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU. AND IT BREAKS YOUR HEART,YOU THINK IT'S OKAY BUT IT BREAKS YOUR HEART!"

I storm out and past Thomas. Sprinting all the way home,I close the door and lock it from the inside as I run up to the balcony surrounding the pool. I think about jumping,couldn't I be with the love of my life then? Wouldn't it all be okay?

I sit on the wall as I look out onto the city,it's dark and lit beautifully by now.

"Please stay strong."

As I hear the voice I turn to my right to see Tiffany sitting there,wearing a beautiful black sequin dress,Bracelets down her wrists and a beautiful smile like always.

"I'm not really here." She says "You're just seeing things."
"I don't care,at least you're here."
"Ki do you have any idea how special you are?"
"I'm not special."
"Of course you are. I love you,that means something. To me,you're like a never ending spark."
"Why did you have to die?" I start to cry "What we had was so good."
"Everything is going to be okay Ki. Because I'll always love you."
"I want you to stay alive."
"Me too."
"You told me to go away... But you never said goodbye."
"Actually. In those final seconds of being conscious,in those final seconds of being alive I whispered how much I loved you."
"Really?"
"Of course.. Look I'm sorry I'm a bad person."
"No Tiff. You're not a bad person. You're a good person,who bad things have happened to."
"That's why I love you. Kind."
"What about our child?"
"Things sometimes don't turn out the way you think they would."
"I should've stayed with you."
"That's okay. I'll love you no matter what."
"You will?"
"Yes... I need to go now."
"Please don't."
"Ki,I'm not real. This is not real."
"Please.."
"Thanks for loving me."

Then she suddenly slips from air,leaving me alone.

"Come back.." I whisper.
"I love you." Her voice echoes "Forever."

I sit alert in bed,smelling the sheets as I watch home videos. There's thousands,there's us all Thomas,Tiffany,Olivia and me making pancakes,on the beach,dancing,getting kicked out of nightclubs. And the best part is that she's always happy. Her laugh could cure the world from anything. She looks into the camera,her blue eyes piercing the camera lens and locking into mine through the television. Like she's sending me a message as she blows a kiss off the screen.

"Tom film us!" She says giving him the camera as it focuses on me and her,she wraps my arm around my neck and kisses my cheek "Say hello Ki."
"Hey!" I yell,my voice sounds awful on tape.
"I love this one." She says.
"I love you too." My voice says as the real me begins to cry again then suddenly the tape changes,the dates flick back. This was Tiffany's old camera after all,it's her as a fifteen year old. Same old style and she's sitting in her room.

"My name is Tiffany." She begins "And if you're watching this,that means I'm all ready dead. Okay,I'm joking. So, this is my camera and I thought I'd film a video telling you some information about me. So let's begin.. I wake up,around six and get ready for school,I spend the day there,then I arrive home to my mum,dad and brother Thomas. He's okay. And so is his friend,best friend,names Ki,Ki Hong Lee. I don't know what else to say,I don't know how to act around others,I want someone to love me for who I am. But is that even possible? I spend all night awake,I never sleep. I keep going until I never stop,waiting for the end, of everything. I love someone. And he doesn't know,and I can't tell him. Because I break hearts,and I swore to myself that I'd never ever hurt myself again in any way. And that's what I'll do,because I need to... So if you've found this camera I say hello,and welcome to my world. Goodbye."

Once the video switches off I just sit there. In disbelief. I had no clue this even existed. I dash out and look at the other home DVD'S,but some of them are from our wedding,old school plays,dance shows,and other movies. Nothing else apart from that. I feel the need to watch it over and over. This video is a perfect representation of the real Tiffany Sangster,exactly who she was. And that's the best thing I could ever wish for except for her presence beside me.

My phone begins to ring as I see it's Thomas.

"Hey Tommy."
"Hey."
"What's up?"
"There's a funeral service, tomorrow at the chapel at ten,hope you can make it."
"Of course."
"I'll be here,so will Olivia,it's all going to be okay."
"I know."
"Just find something to wear and I'll pick you up then after we can do whatever you want,and you don't have to go back to the counselling service again."
"I don't know.. But I will come tomorrow,of course. Do I have to prepare or write something?"
"It's okay, whatever you want,you know she wouldn't of cared."
"Right,what time is it?"
"11:00."
"Well I should get some sleep then. Night."
"Night buddy."

I turn off my phone and curl under the sheets,thinking about tomorrow.

I burst awake in the morning,not wanting to do anything else but sleep,but today that's not an option. I find myself a black suit and tie,making myself look as sensible as possible. The tears sting into my eyes as I hold them in so I grab a bunch of tissues,dry my eyes then shove them in my pocket. I check my phone to see a text from Thomas saying he's on his way. I reply with an okay then wait for the knock of the door,I run to it to see him standing there,giving me a weak smile.
"Let's go then.." I mutter.

I nod then set out to the car,we drive to the church where plenty of people are waiting,including Olivia and Tiffany's parents,with tears in their eyes. We walk inside then take our seats,most of it I block out by visions of her sitting there on the steps to the alter as her eyes focus on me,smiling then letting out "I love you." After that she just disappears like last night,straight out the door. I dash through the seats and follow her as I see her ghost sitting there among the Graves.

"What are you doing to me Tiffany?" I say.
"Telling you that I love you."
"Can't you just come back?"
"I can't Ki.."
"Why not?"
"Because life is never that nice,it had to end sometime."
"But you'll come back won't you like this!"
"No,this is the last time you'll see me."
"Please no!"
"Goodbye. I love you."

Then she disappears for the final time,I don't know what to do. I sit myself down on the grass as I feel someone behind me. Thomas stands there smiling then sits next to me.

"Life's never simple,but it's never impossibly hard. It doesn't have to be hell."
I sigh "Hell isn't a place you go. It's something you carry around with you."
"It doesn't have to be like that."
"She loved me."
"She still does."
"Can we go?"
"Yeah. Come on."
"Guys!" We turn round to see Olivia running down the steps towards us "Where are you going?"
"On a walk." Tom answers "Want to come?"
"Sure."

We drive to the park he took me before and sit down in the sun.

"It was a beautiful service.." Olivia mutters.
"What am I supposed to do now?" I ask "I don't understand."
"You've just got to try living without her."
"You've obviously never lost anyone before!"
"I've lost her. It's exactly the same,you're not the only one who misses her you know.. And now I don't know what's happened.. Where are my friends?"
"I'm sorry Olivia." Thomas says as his hand squeezes tightly onto hers.
"I'll see you later." I run away from them and back home,slamming the door behind me as I run to the DVD shelf. I need Tiffany. I find nothing until I find a few draws,I had never really cared about them before until I come across these draws,there full of Tiffany's things. And another tape,this one isn't labelled but I put it in the DVD player and watch as it appears on the TV.

Her face flashes up,hair let loose with little makeup and tears streaming down her face. She still looks beautiful. I only see the top half of her in a blue Polo shirt,which I swear used to be Thomas' as she sighs then begins to talk.

"Everyone leaves. So did my brother." This must've been filmed when he went to University after getting his grades "I'm still in love,and he loves me back. This is me happy. I like to hide everything inside. Like when I didn't talk,it made things easier,made it better so I wouldn't fuck things up... I really miss Thomas. An emotion I'm not supposed to feel,but I can. It's weird isn't it? How much people can change you. I wish people couldn't do that.. This is the final video I'm going to film, so if you're hearing this I must've made it through. Maybe it's all going to be okay,look outside,maybe you'll see the Sky's still Blue. Bye."

The tape suddenly fuzzes and switches off. That's all I have.

I fumble through the tape draw and find what else it included-Old jewellery,a few birthday cards and then come across the camera. Of course it doesn't turn on,I groan and smash it on the floor,watching it crack into a million pieces as I hear a knock at the door.

Thomas POV

Ki opens it and me and Olivia just stand there.

"Come in." He sighs.
"You okay?" I ask as I see shattered pieces on the floor "Ki what's going on?"
"leave me alone."
"Huh?"
"Look you don't have to pretend to like me."
"Ki I'm your best friend."
"SHUT UP!"
"Ki,it's okay,I'll can go and get the therapist for you."
"I don't want you to get the Therapist. I want you to get Tiffany!"
"I can't do that."
"Leave me alone then. No one can help me now!"
"Why do you think we're here then?"
"Come on." I grab him kicking and screaming to the car and we drive to the therapist office and I go in first. The therapist sits there,smiling weakly at me. It's a different one this time.

"I'm Dr Sheffield." He smiles,he is a little older than me,deep blonde hair,tall with a broad face.
"Can you help my friend?"
"What does he suffer from?"

I look at him as I start to cry.

"My sister Tiffany died. They were married. And now she's gone and he's dying too."
"Oh." He pats my shoulder "It's okay. We can help him."
"He won't talk."
"I can help him."
"You promise me?"
"Of course. I don't ever break a promise."

"Tom!" Olivia crashes through the door "Ki won't come out of the toilet."
"Shit."

I sprint to the bathroom and bang against the door many times until I burst open to see my best friend lying there,next to a jar of pills which are spilled all over the floor. I grab him as he screams,trying to grab the pills but I tackle him to the ground. Looking up to see Dr Sheffield standing there next to Olivia who has tears falling down her face.

"Oh my God." She cups her hand over her mouth.

Dr Sheffield drags him to a Hospital room, me and Olivia sit outside hand in hand.

"He did exactly what Tiffany did you know." I mutter.
"I didn't.."
"And I was the one who found her."
"I'm sorry. That this all happened."
"It's not your fault."
"He'll be okay."
"I don't think he ever will now."
"Don't say that."
"I can't risk loosing anyone else Olivia."
"You've always got me."
"I know.."
"Tiffany wouldn't of wanted this much fuss and you know it."
"Ki doesn't though."
"I should've told him."
"Yeah."
"Look Tom,I'm sorry but please... You think Ki's the only one who needs support and love but you do too. You loved that girl more than anything in this entire fucking world. You don't have to pretend like no one has ever hurt you,or like you never loved her."
"I don't do that! I love you. I've always loved you. Can't you see that?"
"You.. You love me?"
"Of course I do. Since the second I fucking saw you."
"Then all these years.. Where were you?" She cries "I needed you."
"I'm sorry,we were all so caught up in other stuff. All of us."
"You promise you'll always be here now?"
"Yes."
"Because I love you right back."
"You do?"
"Yes."

She lays her head on my shoulder. I can tell Tiffany would've been happy with this. But not with her husband.

We're allowed to see Ki after a little while,he sits lies there in silence.

"I'm sorry Ki." I say.
"That's okay. I just wish it would've worked."
"No you don't."
"You don't."
"Just tell me what to do.."
"It's all going to be okay."
"I wasn't ready to loose her Tom. Neither was anyone in this room."
"I know."
"It's too hard."
"I know. It'll be like that,she wouldn't want it like this."
"She wouldn't want to be dead."
"I know that. But on her wedding day,she promised that everything would be fine. And it didn't matter because we love each other."
"And I reckon she still does."
"I spoke to her last night,and at the funeral."
"What do you mean?"
"As a ghost. Ghosts follow people."
"Do you see her all the time then?"
"Only twice. But know she's told me that she's gone and that she's never coming back."
"Maybe that's for the best."
"How could you say that?"
"I know old habits are hard to let go of. And I'm not saying to forget that she existed but to make peace with it."
"I'll never be able to do that. And I'm sorry."
"We all can. It's what people do every single day,people loose people every single day. Thousands of deaths,six every minute. And I can guarantee that each of those lives had people who cared. And there exactly the same as you right now... Whatever you're going through,there is always someone in the world who is too. You're not alone,it may feel like that but it's not. She used to say that death always wins,remember? She was right. It's just a tragedy. You just need to try your best to fight through it. I know it's not going to be easy. It's just going to be something you have to handle because you can do it Ki,I've never been more sure of something in my life."
"I know you loved her as much as I did.."
"I know. And I always will."
"Thank you. And I'm sorry for making these days like hell."
"That's okay. I know you didn't mean it."
"And I'm sorry if I ever let you down."
"You never did. We'll get through this. I know. I love you man."
"I love you too."

(1 week later-Still in Thomas' POV)

After six days,Ki was allowed out of Hospital. Me,him and Olivia wander around his and Tiffany's apartment as we pack things into boxes. We found a new apartment which we'll share,quite far away, that means a fresh new start. And that doesn't mean forgetting about her,it just means how she would've wanted it.

We chuck out quite a lot of old stuff Ki doesn't want and we make thousands of boxes labeled with Tiffany's name.
"Are you sure we'll have space for all this stuff guys?" He asks.
"Yes." I answer "We've also got an attic so you could store stuff in there. All this stuff is important,so that means it matters."
"Thanks."

We drive about three hours to our new home,I had all ready seen it before but I couldn't help but admire it again. It had four bedrooms rooms,more than we need with everything else we could want.

It takes a little while to find everything a home but eventually we're done. Olivia's in the kitchen and I run upstairs to Ki's room. It's basically immaculate. Big bed with bed-side draws,bookshelf,desk,television and a wall of the room dedicated and devoted to photos. There's thousands in beautiful frames of all of us.

"That's amazing." I say.
"Thanks."
"Come on. We're going outside to have a barbecue."
"I'll be down in five minutes."
"Good."

I walk away but he stops me.

"Tom."
"Yeah?"
"Tiffany would've liked this."
"I know."
"I bet she can see us."
"I bet she can too."
"I wish I could rewind time."
"Then you'd just suffer it all again.. Now is the future. And I promise you you'll barely be able to face the pain anymore."

The end.