October 21st, 2021.
To October 21st 2022.

Hey.

Hey.

2022, wow, you made it.

Mmmhm.

I bet you're a whole different person now, huh? Which is sad, because I love who I am. I love my asexual, aromantic ass. I love my fears, my flaws, and even my breakdowns. What happens without it? Do you overthink still? I bet you don't. You've got everything sorted and you're fucking fine. You've got a job. You love the 3 friends that stuck with you, even though you used to have 20. Do you even remember them? Are they even still alive?

... You know too much bro. What the fuck about yourself did you love? How? Of course I overthink. I don't have a job yet. And yes. I have less friends. You don't even know that yet, you had so much fun your halloween coming. They're alive, but they aren't my friends. I do have some, those 3 that you knew I'd stick with. I love them. So shut up.

I don't want to become you.

It seems we're both jealous of each other. Enough with the attitude.

I hate you.
Slag.

Y'know why?

Because I'm jealous of you. I'm scared of the future because I'm scared of who you are when it comes. I don't want to be you, I want to be ME. I like the way I think - it's reasonable and logical.

Oh fucking no shit look at that, I called it. Yeah I can't blame you. I wish I was you rn. Life is shit.

If I had to ask you questions, I guess I can come up with a few, but they're all relative to ME. I already dislike you.

What did we end up doing for Halloween, and was it fun?

Yes it was fun. It was also gay.

Is Laniya alive?
Please stop wasting your energy on her.

How are your college grades? Did you get into the 2nd year?
No.

I don't think I will.
I know. You were right.

Has anyone killed themselves?
Nope. Not yet.

Is Rhianan with Niamh?
Haha no, that didn't work out. You ask shitty questions.

Am I aromantic?
I literally do not have a clue bestie

... Where's that guy...

I think you mean who I'm gonna call Marge because I think it's funny, and if you mean him, then I don't give a fuck where he is.

You know who he is, you know who I mean. And if you don't know, then you'll hopefully remember when I say that it's not Ellis.
Lmao

You know I miss him.
There are better people to miss, trust me

Tell me he's still around you.
No Marge left 💀

Actually no, I don't care.

I suppose, without getting annoying and emotional (yea pls dont), that I should help you out. You might be struggling just as much as me, and you should remember what happened last time I did one of these. I thought the world was ending. And I'm still alive. Although I do have friends and I feel safe because I'm at college and have nothing else to do, I hope that in some way, you're okay. I might dislike you but you're still me and I wanna be okay. Not TOO okay tho, I like the way I think, and sometimes that includes overthinking.
You gettin a little too deep over there i havent got a clue what ur saying

Hey, wanna see my art? I didn't wanna do this comparison, because I feel like I won't improve. But eh... here's my favourite work from very recently.

Alright you need to have confidence in urself. This is mine

Wait... Ren...
What happened to Jimmy

Who am I?
Is the simulation still real to you? Have you caught them? You know who 'they' are...

Actually no I haven't, I think 'they' are just me but like, the world is in my head, y'know?

Right now, I don't feel like I have a gender at all.
Neither, it's ok to just stay that way. We're slaying tbh

Oh my god did you ever tell your parents about your name change?
NO HAHA

I hope you fucking didn't
I didn't don't worry bestie

That's another life, remember?
You aren't Ren at home
Oh yeah you and your weird double life thing

Ren is a mental state bestie
Lmfao what the balls

Speaking of, how's Crisis? Dead?
NAH STILL GOING BESTIE

I wouldn't be surprised if it was dead, but I wouldn't be sad either. Crisis was a universe outside of ours, and now I have my own. You know what it did to us. It made us stay up all night, it made us never leave the house, it made us miss important moments with our friends. It's kinda good that it's dead, if it even is. We should really arrange sessions for it, y'know? Because I do love it still, it's just hard.

You're gonna hate this. I MISS YOUR VIBE. We miss the vibe you had, staying up all night, not sleeping, not going out, not focusing on school. That shit was brilliant. I want it back. I'd give everything to have it back. It didn't do anything to us Ren, it was an escape for us. And it still is. For nearly 3 years.

I'll never forget, Ren.
9th of December.

Wait, if you got into your 2nd year of college, you would have just started it a month ago, right? So how is it, what happened? Did you get into the 2nd year? I have a feeling I'm going to fail, but I'm not stressing about it. Yet.

I didn't get in, and I didn't want to. I'm looking for an apprenticeship and I'm doing Japanese classes. I'd honestly rather get a job as like a translator or something. I'm sorta lost. I don't want to live.

Fuck I miss that guy I mentioned earlier.
For gods sake stop making me think about MY guy. Your guy is shit, mine is better. Mine has been our friend for years.

Did you ever get diagnosed for any mental problemos?
Nah I never answered cahms' calls lmao

I even wrote down all the symptoms for you :D
OH I KNOW and it was helpful thank you although it made me a bit more nervous so I took like 5 of them off but thanks anyway

Well... I have to get off the bus now. I'm coming back from college on the last day of my first term. 8 weeks y'know, 8 whole weeks. And it flew by.
I'm proud of you bestie, I'm glad you're happy.

Bye, future Ren.
Bye <3

I love you.

I love you too.