Ryan's POV

When I woke up I was very warm.  Warm and safe.  I yawned and rolled over.  My eyes were about to close again, but then I caught sight of a small Hot Topic bag on the table.  I sat up immediately.  Hot Topic.  I will take anything from Hot Topic.

The bag was labeled with a sticky note that said 'Ryan' in sloppy handwriting.  I looked around.  Jack was nowhere to be seen.  I guess if it's labeled with my name I might as well look inside it.  Inside the bag was a My Chemical Romance shirt.  It was the classic shirt with The Black Parade artwork.  You can't officially be emo unless you've got one.

"I noticed that you had Welcome To The Black Parade lyrics on the notebook in your backpack." Jack appeared in the doorway and sat next to me on the couch, "I made a quick trip out to the mall this morning."

"Thank you." I said quietly, "You didn't have to do this for me."

"It wasn't any trouble." He assured me, "The mall is only a few miles away.  They were having a sale, too.  Might as well take advantage of it."

I felt something else at the bottom of the bag and pulled it out.  It was an All Time Low rubber bracelet.  That cheeky bastard.  I raised an eyebrow and looked at him with a sarcastic grin.  He smugly shrugged and leaned back on the couch.

"So, my buddy Alex is going to come over in a little bit and talk about some options we have with you." Jack told me, "Why don't you go grab a shower and change into some new clothes?  You can wear the new shirt and I think I saw some other pants in your backpack.  There's shampoo and towels and things like that already in there."

I nodded and gathered up my things to go shower.  I love this house.  It feels so much more comfortable than when I lived with my parents.  What's going to happen when I leave here?  I pushed that thought from my mind.  I need to concentrate on the present and the present only.  Nothing else matters but my shower.

But in the shower was when things started to fall apart.  I started thinking.  I started thinking a lot.  It started when I took a look at my body.  I hate my body.  Why do I have all these issues?  Why did I have to be born a girl?  Everything would be so much more simple for me if I was just born with a penis.  I can't even have the right body parts.  I'm fucking useless.

I turned the temperature of the water higher.  It was already hot, but I wanted it scorching.  I stuck my arm under the water for as long as I could stand it.  The burning sensation started almost immediately as I watched my skin change colors.  Then my veins started to show.  A dark blue against a bright red.  That's when I pulled my arm out.  It'll fade, but I don't want the red to stay for a long time.  I don't want Jack to see.

When I went downstairs there was a new person standing in the den.  This person was tall and lanky with bright blue hair.

"Ryan, this is Alex." Jack introduced him to me, "He's the singer of our band."

"Hey Ryan!" Alex said cheerfully and held his hand up, "Can I have a high five?"

I cautiously reached my hand up to meet Alex's.  He grinned and seemed not to mind my shyness.  I decided that Alex was a nice guy.  I can trust him.

"So let's talk, shall we?"

Jack and Alex sat on the beanbag chairs on the floor and I took up the couch.  I was already preparing myself for rejection.  They can't keep me.  It's stupid for me to even think that.  This is why I'm a horrible person.  I get my hopes up far too soon.

"Alrighty Ryan," Alex started, "The first thing we have to do is talk to your parents."

My blood ran cold, "No.  I'm not talking to them.  They threw me out.  They don't want me."

"I bet they were just surprised." Alex said softly, "They love you, I'm sure they do-"

"No!" I snapped, "They don't.  If they loved me, then why would they throw me out?"

Tears started to well up in my eyes.  I did my best to push them back.  I can't show that I'm weak.  I have to be strong.  I can't cry.  Crying is a weakness.

"Ryan, it's gonna be okay." Jack assured me, "We'll find a home for you.  I promise."

That was when I lost it.  Completely broke down.  I placed my head in my hands as tears streamed down my face faster than I could control.  I couldn't speak I was crying so hard.  I never thought I would ever be in this position, homeless and sobbing on a rockstar's couch.  I hate myself.  I hate this.

I felt a warm arm slip around my shoulders, "Hey Ryan, it's okay to cry.  I bet you're scared.  I would be scared too."  I managed to tear my eyes away from my hands for a minute to see who was trying to comfort me.  I saw a tuft of blue hair, so it must be Alex.

"It's okay, Ryan.  You're going to be okay." Alex murmured over and over and held me close.  I haven't had anyone to comfort me like this in a long time.  It was like all my bottled up emotions spilled over.

"Did your parents say mean things to you?" Alex asked me.

I nodded and wiped my eyes, "Yes."

"What did they say, Ryan?"

"They said that I was a girl and always would be."  I managed to choke out, "They said that trans people were disgusting and if I ever was one they wouldn't love me."

That revelation brought on a whole new set of tears.  Alex still held me close and comforted me.  I started to feel angry at myself for letting my walls down like this.  He's going to take advantage of me.  I really hate myself.

"Alright kid, you can stay for another week." Jack relented, "I'll do some research on what to do in this kind of a situation and we'll see where to go from there.  Sound good?"

I nodded, "T-Thanks Jack."

"But you still have to go to school and you can't tell anyone about this." He emphasized, "No at all.  Not even your friends.  It's gotta stay our secret."

I zipped my lips, "Our secret."

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