Ryan's POV

I've never really had a true best friend.  I was never popular and with my anxiety it was hard for me to make friends in general.  I had a little tiny group of friends but ever since I came out to them as trans most of them rejected me.  That group and I slowly grew apart until I had no one left.  But being alone really doesn't bother me any more.

Kai definitely seems like someone I would want to try to be friends with.  He's a nice guy and he's new to the school.  I can at least try to befriend him before he finds a group of people to hang out with.

"Hey Ryro!" Colton held his hand up to me and I gave him a high five, "How's it going, big bro?"

"I'm okay." I told Colton, "And also I think I've lured a new kid into our clutches."

The rest of the members of our GSA soon trickled in.  And by the rest of the members I mean three other people.  Our club is pretty small, but everyone there is nice and supportive.  They're the closest to friends that I'll ever have.

Colton is the secretary of our GSA and he is very very gay.  Like, almost as gay as Ryan Ross.  His blond hair is quiffed and was dyed blue.  The president is Simba, who is agender.  Our genderfluid president is Bo and the treasurer is Olive, who is a male to female transgender.  I don't get a role yet since it's only my first year.

As soon as everyone was here we started off with a game of cards.  I know it sounds boring, but we get little to no funding so it was the best we could do.  I kept looking over at the door to see if Kai was going to come.  He sounded interested so I was really hoping he came.

I heard the door open.  I whipped around and saw Kai standing there in the doorway.  I grinned and waved him over, "Kai! Come join us!"

Kai smiled wide and headed over to us.  I grabbed an extra chair so he could sit down with us. 

"This is it?" He asked, "Wow it's such a big school.  I expected a bigger group."

"Nah dude.  It's not 'cool' to be friends with the queer kids, I guess." Bo said.

"But it is cool." Olive proclaimed and set a few cards down on the table, "Because we're the coolest motherfuckers on the planet.  Oh, and I declare war."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That's certainly an interesting club." Kai said to me as we walked out to the parking lot.

"Yeah." I chuckled, "We have lots of fun."

For the rest of the club meeting we had ended up playing various card games, such as BS.  We also ended up talking about the Pride festival that was going on next week.  All of us agreed that we would have an interest in going but we highly doubted that the school would let us take it as a field trip as part of the club.

But I still really liked hanging out with Kai.  He's too cool for me, to be honest.  He deserves to have a nice friend group like everyone else.  I don't know why he wastes his time with me. 

"Hey Ryan!  Come suck my dick!" A black Kia pulled up to the curb in front of the school.  Jack rolled down the window and beckoned me over, "C'mon kid!  It ain't gonna suck itself!"

I could feel my face flush a bright red.  Of course Jack had to say that right in front of Kai.  Well, there goes my newly formed friendship.

"That's my uncle." I said quickly, "He has, um, a pretty explicit sense of humor.  I'm not going to actually...y'a know."

Kai cracked a smile, "Yea I get what you mean.  You should probably get going before he yells anything else.  I'll see you tomorrow."

I mumbled a goodbye and walked away from him as fast as I could.  I'm so embarrassed.  I can't believe that just happened.  I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.  I'm ready to die.  I want to die.  I bet Kai thinks I'm really weird.  Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Hi Ryan!" Jack greeted me cheerfully, "How was school today?"

"Jack what the fuck?" I hissed, "You can't just say that!"

"It was just a joke.  You don't have to take it so seriously." Jack said and pulled out of the school.  He was smiling, it was obvious he wasn't taking this very seriously.

"No!  It was embarrassing!"

My humiliation and anxiety turned into anger and diverted itself to Jack.  He ruined my only chance at a friend.  Maybe living with him wasn't great like I thought it would be.  I don't know if I would rather live with parents that didn't care or a person that did care but was embarrassing.

"Okay okay!  I'm sorry.  I won't make jokes like that when your friends are around.  Also I'm going to drop you off at home because I've got to be at the studio until like 8.  I promise I'll bring you home some ice cream or takeout or something.  We can eat food and watch Home Alone." He stopped in front of the house.  I unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed my backpack.

"Hey, Ry." Jack said right as I was about to close the door, "The key in the flowerpot on the left side of the door.  And you forgive me, right?"

"Sure." I told him.  "And I'll see you at 8."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was almost 2 in the morning.  Jack still hadn't come home.  My anxiety was in full swing and I was more nervous than I had ever been before.  I had tried calling him multiple times but he didn't answer.  What if his car crashed?  What if I never see him again?  I decided to do some of the homework I had pushed aside.  Doing geometry seemed to take my mind off of it for a little bit.

All of a sudden the door opened and Jack staggered in, reeking of alcohol and sweat.

"Little man!" He shouted, "Alex there's a little man in my house!"

My eyes widened and I dropped my pencil.  Jack must be drunk.  Really drunk.  He isn't thinking right.  What if he hurts me?

"The little man is Ryan, don't you remember?" Alex came in the door.  I've never been more relieved to see anyone in my life.  I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here.

"It's okay, Ry." Alex assured me and sat down next to me on the couch, "He's a happy drunk.  He won't hurt you."

"I don't trust anyone that is drunk." I said and eyed Jack, who was ranting on about how hot the girls were at the club they were at.

Although I knew that Jack was an adult and he could to whatever he wanted, it still sort of hurt that he blew me off just so he could go get drunk somewhere.  It's stupid that I would even be hurt by this because he doesn't even care about me.  I'm just letting myself get attached even though I know it will hurt me later.

The anger and frustrated that was once directed at Jack turned back to me.  Why should I even think that he cares about me like a son or some shit like that?  He's just a guy in a pop punk band.  He doesn't have time for me.  The only reason he's letting me stay at his place is so that I'm not on the streets.  Just because I'm living here currently doesn't mean that he has to care.

"I understand.  Do want to stay at my place for tonight?  It's about a half hour away from here, which means that it's 45 minutes away from your school though.  You'll just have to skip tomorrow." Alex offered me, "I don't want you staying here if you feel unsafe.  Also I have dogs."

 "Yes.  I'll go.  Will Jack be okay on his own?" I think it would be better for me to be at Alex's house.  I don't want be hurt by Jack, even though Alex said he's harmless when drunk I didn't completely trust that.  Besides, Alex also has dogs.  I would never pass up an opportunity to pet some nice dogs.

"He'll be fine." Alex got up from the couch and helped me to my feet, "Sebastian and Peyton will be so happy to have someone new to play with."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING I LOVE YOU ALL I PROMISE IM SO SORRY

my mental health has been really bleeehhhhh  and i've been having trouble finding motivation for writing and stuff but i 100% promise that i will update more