(Ep. 5: The Nina Project)

Gwen stood completely still, not daring to make a sound or even remotely breathe. She's afraid the smallest movement would cost her everything and worst of all, she's certain this is another one of her visions happening at the most inconvenient of times.

The clock's chiming can be heard all the way from downstairs, its sound bouncing throughout the walls and piercing her eardrums like hot knives. She whips her head around, nerves consuming her when seeing there's nothing but darkness around her. The halls are vacant and the only thing that serves as comfort is having her flashlight in hand.

She takes a deep breath and cautiously heads down the stairs. Knowing where the clock is makes her feel just a tad bit better since at least, she knows what to expect. The floorboards creak with every step she takes, its wooden planks threatening to break in a matter of seconds that sends a thrill of unease to rummage her body.

She hates how often this is happening, almost like Vecna loves torturing her and is making her pay for visiting his 'maybe' home. The only thing that soothes her is knowing that if he's occupied with her, then no one else is getting killed, but that only means that she can't let him take her just yet.

With her hand on the wooden railing, Gwen sees the grandfather clock ticking vigorously. There's a crack in the middle, one that appears to be going in four separate ways in the shape of some type of path. She turns around, her eyes wandering through every corner just in case this solitude is a trick and something is about to pop up.

When she sees nothing, she continues down to the clock. Her flashlight shines into the antique, its light shaking from how hard her hands are trembling. There's nothing off about this, nothing that appears to be a trick or some sign that this vision will transform into her nightmares, but she knows better than to let her guard down.

The clock seems normal, well, if you ignore the haunting sound and its terrible condition. She leans closer to get a better look when she suddenly sees something moving behind the pendulum. As if her eyes are deceiving her, she swears whatever is hidden behind it is moving it.

Gwen blinks profusely to try to adjust her sight to the darkness. She leans her flashlight closer, her arm just a couple inches from the clock when she finally sees what's behind the pendulum.

"What the hell?" she whispers as her hair falls down her shoulders from how far she's craning her neck. There seems to be a pale finger swinging the pendulum back and forth. Its nails are cracked and covered with dirt and its skin has tons of cuts and has a gray tint to it.

She shakes her head, refusing to believe what she's seeing is real. This is just Vecna's way of trying to scare her and make her let her guard down, but she's not going to give him the satisfaction.

Gwen starts leaning away, her arm slowly falling back to her side as she's chosen to head back upstairs. She lets out a shaky breath, her eyes never once leaving the sight of the clock just in case something happens. Whatever is hiding behind the antique, she's not an idiot to go ahead and inspect it. Not when she's stuck in one of her visions where anything is possible.

Just as she turns around and presses her hand on the railing, the chiming comes to an abrupt stop and an ominous silence is left. She freezes and her entire body becomes filled with trepidation. She wants to move, to keep going forward, to maybe hide somewhere, but all her senses are failing her and leaving her deserted with no other choice than to remain as still as a statue.

This reminds her of the way her fight or flight response took another turn by making her a bystander back at the mall. She simply watched how the mind flayer struck Billy continuously and as much as she wished to help him, she couldn't will herself to try and save him.

Being reminded of that night in this circumstance makes this a million times worse because if anything, she should've learned. She should've taken that night and used it as a lesson to improve and not just stand there like a complete fool in the face of danger.

And yet, all she can do is stare ahead and listen to her pounding heart rummaging through her body.

From the corner of her eye, she starts to notice something moving by the clock's crevices. The sound of nails scratching the surface sends shivers down her spine and slowly but surely, it gives her enough time to perceive what's happening.

Gwen's chest heaves uncontrollably when seeing the clock start to crack open. The pendulum falls to the ground in a loud clatter and the glass shatters into a million pieces. Two arms start paving its way past the gaping hole and soon a torso and legs start crawling past the wooden gaps.

"Gwen, help me!" The person yells and it is only when hearing its voice that Gwen recognizes who it is.

Billy Hargrove.

She knows this isn't real and that this is all Vecna's doing in trying to frighten her, but seeing Billy in the same clothes he wore that day at Starcourt, sends the logical part of her into oblivion.

He pushes his way past the clock and tumbles down to the ground as he spits out black blood. His hand clutches to his chest as he struggles in crawling his way to her.

Gwen moves a few steps back. Her feet crash backwards into the stairs as she watches horrifically the sight in front. Why does it have to be him in her nightmare? Why him out of all people?

She pushes herself up and ignores all the memories of July 4th crashing down and scurries all the way to the top of the staircase. The sound of Billy struggling to breathe haunts her like a poltergeist, burning her from the inside out as his gut wrenching screams pound against her skull.

"GWEN! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE!"

His bellowing voice echoes throughout the house, making her tremble at the anger and intense hatred laying behind his tone. She turns around and stares firmly at him, his once struggling stance is no longer present as he's standing assertively with his hands clenched and body covered entirely with black veins.

Her eyes widen and her chest moves up and down uncontrollably. Her blood runs cold and her hands start feeling clammy and heavy. He's staring at her the same way he did when he nearly strangled her; with such a profound and deep hatred that serves as a wake up call to get the hell out of there and attempt to hide.

Gwen runs as fast as possible into the hall and tries opening every door, hoping one of them would cave and let her in. She pounds her fists against them, using every strength within her to push her way through.

A rush of adrenaline courses through her veins as she flings her foot forward continuously. Not even with the stinging pain spreading all around her leg does she stop, especially with his bellowing yells getting nearer.

With every kick and every ounce of strength, she prays for the door to open and let her through. She knows it might not keep her safe from him, but it's worth a shot than just waiting for him to catch her.

"Come on," she seethes, pushing back against the wall and pressing her sneaker against the door. Like a gifted miracle, the door flutters open and she doesn't think twice in closing it behind her, but that's when notices this room is no longer a vacant one at the Creel house.

This is the Byers' living room.

The drawings Will had done of the tunnels are scattered all around, photographs of the family are hanging on the walls, and the kitchen table has a D&D book sprawled wide open. Could it be that she's back in the fall of '84?

"OPEN THE DOOR!!!"

Gwen heads to one of the rooms, but just as soon as she opens it, there's nothing but wooden boards blocking her exit. She can feel herself start to hyperventilate the more Billy's yells fill her eardrums. It's only a matter of when and not if , until he breaks through, and Gwen's not sure if she'd be able to fight him off.

Billy continues kicking the door, his infuriated yells becoming louder and louder that match the intensity of the flashing lights. She counts down the seconds until he bursts in and takes deep breaths as it's of no use panicking when not even her hysteria will solve anything. He gives one more loud yell until finally, the door flutters open and Billy's storming in looking like he did back in '84.

His blond hair is perfectly kempt, his maroon shirt is more vibrant than ever, and his expression is as grim as it had been when he became possessed by the mind flayer.

He stares at her like a hunter getting ready to hunt its prey. His fists and jaw are clenched as he takes a step forward and looks her up and down. "What did I say about you not listening to me?"

Gwen remains quiet, her entire body tensing and becoming overwhelmed with dread in not knowing what's bound to happen. Would she be dying at the hands of Billy? Is this how Vecna would choose to end her life? Regardless of what happens, she's disturbed at the possibility that the last thing she sees is him and not someone she loves.

He steps forward and his heavy footsteps make the room shake. She doesn't move in the slightest, refusing to give him the satisfaction of watching her attempt to run away when it's useless. With Vecna being in charge of this vision, it's useless to fight when it's obvious she's bound to lose.

Before Gwen can even anticipate his next move, his hands reach her neck and the harsh impact of the wall against her back feel like millions of knives. She gasps for breath, his hands only tightening with every struggle and every hit he's receiving into his body from her.

Her eyes suddenly trace down behind them and that's when she sees an unconscious and bruised Steve laying on the ground. If this vision is taking place in '84, then Gwen already knows Steve is alive and is just unconscious. He's bound to wake up any time soon, but despite knowing this, she still finds herself terrified at seeing him this way. The fear of her worst nightmare coming true takes over and it makes her loathe herself for not having been able to do more to protect him.

She turns back to Billy, but is horrified when it's no longer him that's holding her. It's none other than Vecna wrapping his vines around her throat and glaring down at her with the fire of a thousand suns.

"Your time is coming very soon," he growls and harshly lets go of her, the world around her suddenly turning darker until a familiar voice is heard.

"Stay with me! Gwen!" Steve begs while shaking her shoulders vigorously. Her once beautiful blue eyes were a pale white and no matter how hard he tried in waking her up, nothing seemed to be working. "Gwen!!!"

She gasps, her eyes returning to normal as she falls back into his arms and gazes around her to make sure this is not another trick. Is this real or is this still a vision?

"It's okay. It's okay. You're alright," Steve holds her against him, his arms wrapping protectively around her as he thanks the heavens for not taking her away. "I'm right here. You're safe."

"I brought every tape you-" Dustin's words are cut short once relief fills him in seeing his sister back. He sets the tapes down and doesn't think twice in rushing in her direction to hug her tightly. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Gwen takes deep breaths, ecstasy overcoming her in knowing she's back to the real world and Vecna can't torture her anymore. Well, until he decides it's her time since strangely, he let her go when he had the opportunity to kill her right then and there.

"Are you okay?" Robin questions, her hand resting comfortably on her friend's shoulder.

Nancy pushes her and says, "We need your favorite song now-"

"I have it," Steve cuts her off, looking down at the tapes scattered on the floor and grabbing the right one as he places it inside his pocket. "If that asshole comes back, I'm not letting him take you."

"I'm alright," she assures them, already hating that her trance just had to happen at the most untimely moment. Now everyone knows she's cursed and she's bound to become a burden. "I just- I need to take a breather."

Max doesn't hesitate in taking her headphones off and handing them to her. "You have to take these. When he comes back for you, music will be your savior."

"No, you need it more," Gwen places them back around her neck, pushing her way through them as she tries putting on a brave front. "If he comes back, I'll be able to handle it."

Steve trails after her as she scurries down the stairs, holding his hand out to the others to ask them to stay and let him handle it. As much as he's relieved she came back, he's suddenly angered that she didn't tell them, that she didn't tell him. Something as crucial as this should be told, so why in the world did she keep it to herself?

Gwen opens the door and leans against the pillar as she takes a deep breath and tries pushing aside the fear of these terrible visions. She's been trying to keep her curse a secret because deep down, she doesn't see the point in getting saved. What makes her so special to survive this when tons of innocent and more deserving people weren't granted the opportunity to live? Why is she any different?

It's not like she's done anything useful or even has powers to protect those she loves. She's not brave, she's not strong, and she's not the brains. She's just... nothing, so why bother keeping this up when her presence won't be needed anyway? It's not like her death will affect them as she knows they'll be better off without her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve's voice is low and filled with a hint of anger. "Or anyone at least."

She purses her lips, her head resting on her hands as she sighs frustratedly. After everything she's seen, her energy has been completely drained that she wishes not to speak to anyone. "Can you just give me a moment?"

"No," he declares, refusing to let her out of his sight now that he knows she's cursed. "You don't get to push me away anymore. I'm staying with you whether you like it or not."

Gwen frowns ever so slightly, sudden irritation brewing under her skin. "What part of me wanting to be alone don't you understand? I don't want you here!"

Steve feels like an idiot for not noticing earlier. He knew something was wrong back in Ms. Kelley's office and instead of staying by her side and checking up on her, he did nothing. He settled on taking her word and relying on a simple promise that clearly meant nothing anymore. How the hell did he not see the signs? Everything was right in front of him and he only became blinded by his need in getting her back. How terrible can he be?

He takes a step closer, gently placing his hand on hers and ignoring the way she tries brushing it off. She's upset, he knows that, but there's more to this that he's afraid of confirming. If she refused to mention anything, then that means she's chosen not to fight and settled on letting Vecna take her. God, he seriously hopes this is not the case.

"You know you can talk to me about anything," he tells her and his soft voice is nearly tempting her to confide about everything. "You don't have to face this alone. We're here for you," he pauses for a moment and he can see she's struggling to believe him. "I'm right here."

Gwen has always been alone. Since being forced at nine years old to take on the responsibility of caring for Dustin while their mother grieved, she's never been granted the right to confide in anyone. If she complained about not getting the chance to hang out with her friends, she would get called a bad daughter. If she got annoyed on making her brother dinner every night, she'd be a terrible sister. If she chose herself over others, she'd be called selfish. Nothing she did was enough for anyone, so what makes this any different?

Not even when her mom managed to get her life back on track was she able to dwell on her feelings. She wasn't granted the right because it would bring her mother back into the bottomless pit of her grief, and the last thing Gwen needed was to put her brother through that again.

She only ever got a chance when she got older. With Hopper, she could be a happy kid and be free from all the responsibilities. Whenever she and Jonathan spent time together, she could be a regular teenager and roam freely. And with Steve, she could finally breathe and shoot for the stars. She saw a light at the end of the tunnel and her future became clearer as whenever she looked into it, he was there.

Gwen never expected this change to happen in just a few months. She never expected to see darkness again at the end of the tunnel, especially when she was able to leave Hawkins to study in New York, but even then, the terrible memories followed her like a shadow. The smallest things would set her off and send her back to this cursed town. What's to say defeating Vecna will fix anything? Is there even a point if there's just bound to be another return?

Speaking about this won't solve anything. It won't fix her or save her from this curse, so why bother?

She hates seeing this worried look on Steve, on seeing the amount of hurt she's causing him that only makes her more reluctant to put this weight on his shoulders. "Just go back inside. I'll be there shortly." Steve doesn't move a muscle, which makes her frustrated in seeing there's no way he's about to let her off the hook. "Seriously?!" She rolls her eyes and pushes past him, her feet dragging themselves down the porch steps away from the house.

"I don't care if you hate me-"

"I don't hate you," she corrects as she continues heading into whatever direction just to try and get away from him.

He holds her by her forearm and stands his ground as he continues ignoring her attempts in pushing him away. "You have to know that even if we're not together, you can talk to me."

"I don't care," she argues, the words burning her tongue at their dishonesty.

"Well I care!" Steve exclaims, his hands flailing in frustration. "I care because I still love you! And I'm not about to let you stop fighting, so help me god, I'm not letting you push me away anymore."

Gwen's caught completely off guard by his words. As much as she wants to believe him, the broken part of her is convincing her that he's only saying this out of pity. She's been terrible to him, from the way she ended things and constantly pushed him aside, she doesn't feel worthy of this... of him. How can he love her when she hasn't done anything to deserve it?

"I- I can't-" she wants to tell him she still loves him. That in all these months she's never stopped and it's killing her to be apart from him, but how can she allow herself to be happy when this curse is coming for her? "You can't love me."

Steve furrows his brows, his eyes becoming filled with worry at her tone. "Of course I can. I can and always will."

"No," she shakes her head and turns away as she tries to prevent the tears from spilling. "You can't love me because I'm dying soon!"

A lingering silence stands between them, one filled with heartbreak and a profound sense of love that is obvious yet not at the same time. "No you're not. You're not dying, do you hear me?" he argues, his voice breaking when seeing the pain in her eyes. "I'm not letting him hurt you. I'll do everything to keep you safe and all of us will find a way to kill him."

"I don't want to be saved!" she exclaims, "Just let me die!"

Steve becomes shattered at her words, at seeing the sheer heartbreak in her eyes and hearing it in her voice. He wants to hold her, to tell her everything is going to be alright, but he's left completely silent as her words pound against his head.

Gwen chokes back on a sob, tears streaming mercilessly down her cheeks like an open faucet. "Hopper is dead! Barb and Billy died because of me! They're all dead and it's all my fault!" She hates herself for still being here, for having survived something so traumatic when they didn't. What makes her so special that she was granted this second chance? "I'm tired! I'm so tired and I- I don't want to live like this anymore!"

Steve's arms around her takes her by surprise. He holds her tightly against him, one hand laying in her hair while the other around her shoulders. Not even with her attempts at pushing him off does he let her go. Nothing she says or does will make him abandon her, not after having left her for months despite knowing something was wrong. She's been holding this in for so long and it kills him to see her in this much pain.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Gwen," he cups her face and stares firmly into her eyes, "You think you could've changed anything, but it's not true. As much as their deaths are terrible and should've never happened, none of them were your fault. Do you hear me? None of them."

"Barb gave her life to save me," she remembers that night like it was yesterday and even if it's been 3 years, no amount of time will change the constant guilt of having lived when she was supposed to save Barb and take her home. "Billy ended up possessed because I tricked him into continuing to drive up that road. All those people that died, they're on me. Everything about that day, it all started with me."

"You did trick Billy, but what's to say another person wouldn't have driven down the road that night? Anyone could've gotten possessed and the mind flayer would have still killed those people."

She knows he's right, but it doesn't change the fact that this guilt that's been building up for years won't just disappear easily. This weight on her shoulders has dragged her down for too long, and as much as she wishes to find comfort in his words, that lingering voice of self-hatred still drags her down the waters.

"You just don't get it," she argues, shaking her head in disapproval as she moves away from him.

He trails after her and stands in front to block her path, "You don't think I understand? Barb disappeared at my house. If I hadn't thrown that party, she would still be here. She would still be alive, so of course I understand how you feel." He's never told this to anyone before. Not even to Nancy when they were still together and just happened to speak about what happened. It's never a topic he likes bringing up considering everything that happened that night is his fault.

Gwen doesn't say anything, refusing to cut him off knowing this is the first he's mentioned this based on the way his expression has softened and his mind appears to be somewhere else. She feels awful for not thinking about how he felt. This mess didn't just happen to her, it happened to him as well. How could she have been selfish to only think of herself? Especially when it comes to the man she loves.

"I haven't thrown parties since then," he admits and rubs the back of his neck nervously, "I've been afraid that anyone could get hurt and I'd be responsible for it. I know I'm being hypocritical when asking you not to blame yourself, but I want you to understand that you don't have to face this alone." He lowers his hand, slowly grasping onto hers as he stares into her eyes. "You're not alone and you never have to be. I'm here and I always will be."

Gwen stares at his beautiful brown eyes, her gaze melting at his words and more so on the fact that she's starting to believe she might not be as alone as she thought. She never imagined hearing the words 'I love you' from him again as what reason could there possibly be that he still had feelings for her?

She's nothing more than ordinary. There's nothing special about her so Steve loving her has always felt like a gift sent from heaven. His love is one of her most treasured things and yet that December night, she took it for granted and hurt him. How can he still love her after everything? What makes her any different from any of the girls he's been with?

"I don't want to drag you down with me," she admits, not wanting to imagine what she'd do if anything were to happen to him because of her. "You deserve so much better and I'm not the one to give you that."

"Gwen," his voice is anything but a whisper and his tone is stern and assertive. "You're everything I want. You always have been even when we hated each other, and I don't ever want to go through anything without you. Never."

She wants to go through life with him and experiment all kinds of things by his side. Her heart has always called his name and even when she's not with him, she's drawn to him as if an invisible string is pulling them together. She never thought she'd feel this way for anyone, and then he came. He tilted her world upon its axis and brought the daylight back to her. Damn it, why does she have to be cursed?

Steve watches her closely, his heart beating intensely as he prays she doesn't give up on herself. She has so much to live for and it would be unjust if she gives up her life because of everything that's happened. The Upside Down has taken so much from him and he's not about to let it take the girl he loves as well. Even if he's unsure of what the next few hours have entailed for them, he's not about to give up on her.

Gwen parts her lips to say something, but before she's given the chance to, the rest of the group starts heading in their direction. They're all wearing the same knowing expression, one that indicates they figured something out and is about to change the course of everything.