(Ep. 8: The Battle of Starcourt)

Time appears to run slowly when life doesn't feel real.

The mall started shaking, mirroring the trembling coming from the mind flayer as it started shrieking in pain from having his portal sealed shut. Its arms flail around the food court, impacting the pillars running from the first floor up to the second until finally collapsing its lifeless body to the ground.

Mike runs towards El, embracing her tightly while Max and Gwen slowly walk towards the dying boy laying a few feet from them.

"Billy," her voice breaks as she kneels next to him. His hand starts reaching for hers, hoping to get one last touch of the sun before drowning in the darkness of death. He chokes out a breath of relief once her fingers curl around his, sending black blood to drip down his chin like an open faucet.

"Hey... beautiful," he breathes out, forming a gentle smile through his blood stained teeth.

"You're going to be okay. Just hold on," Gwen feels like such an idiot in assuring him of something that's beyond her reach. She hates herself for having remained frozen and not having done anything to try and save him. She should've done more, she should've dragged him away, and saved him.

But all she did was watch.

"Billy, get up! Get up, please!" Max cries and shakes his shoulders vigorously. Her eyes glance over at Gwen as she wishes for some kind of reassurance that her brother is going to be okay, "Please get up! Please!"

"I'm sorry," he softly says, his eyes switching between both girls before falling firmly onto Gwen's. He wants to say more, to let her know how much she means to him and how there's never been a time where he doesn't regret everything he did. His hand firmly holds her hand, embracing the warmth of her touch before his chest slowly drops.

His once tight grip falls loose, and it's only when his fingers slip from hers that Gwen realizes Billy Hargrove is gone.

"No, no, no! Billy?!" Her voice breaks and her hands start trembling as shock overcomes her. She reaches forward and shakes his shoulders, praying to the heavens for some kind of miracle that will bring him back and give him one last chance.

Instead of miracles being received, she's met with Max's sobs as she cries to her brother and begs him to come back.

Gwen brings herself closer to the young girl and gently places her arms around her. She holds her head against her and tries to refrain crying for him because why does she feel immense loss for the boy she can't ever forgive? He hurt those she loves most and made his sister's life a living hell, and even if he died protecting them, no matter how hard she tries finding the will to forgive... she can't find any.

"It's okay. It's okay," she whispers, letting the young girl grieve for her brother for as long as she needs. Her eyes glance up, immediately scanning the second floor and sees Steve and the others running down to them.

Her name echoes throughout the mall, filling her with a wave of relief and safety when knowing everyone she loves is alright. She starts noticing the flames becoming bigger, a clear sign that they need to get out of here. Gwen tries getting up, but now with the adrenaline having disappeared, she's left with nothing but the pain inflicted by the flayed.

She calls out for Max, trying to let her know they need to leave, but the young girl is drowning in her grief that she's unable to hear anything.

Not even realizing the others made it back to them, she becomes startled when Steve kneels down beside her and cups her face. His eyes fill with tears when seeing she's okay and that she's alive. She didn't leave his side and is safe. He kisses her forehead and starts helping both girls get up.

Steve tries avoiding looking at Billy's body, but for a split second, his gaze falls upon him. The boy that nearly beat him to death, who hurt the girl he loves, and tried making his life a living hell was gone. His stolen throne had crumbled and left him alone, but even if Billy had been a complete asshole, Steve would have never wished this upon him.

He used to be a terrible person and got the opportunity to change, which is now something Billy will never be able to have, even if he did give his life to protect them.

__________________

Loud sirens were all that could be heard through the chaos of the burning mall. Helicopters flew around, landing with American soldiers who ran inside with their guns raised and ready to fire. Ambulances kept arriving with rushing paramedics staring in complete awe that the grand summer hangout was burning right in front of them.

Gwen sat in the back of an ambulance with a blanket over her shoulders. Her fingers were covered in a temporary cast and she was asked not to move since there's a high possibility that some of her ribs could be cracked. Thanks a lot, Natalia. Even with three broken fingers, a concussion, and some cracked ribs, she was still fairly grateful to have escaped with only these injuries and that she didn't completely fail in saving at least one of the flayed.

Billy's screams have yet to leave her mind. They were haunting her with every breath she took. She just stood there and watched the mind flayer steal his life. She could've saved him... but she did nothing.

How will she ever face Max again? How can she after having promised to try and save her brother?

She was nothing more than a coward and the fact that she survived made her feel undeserving of it because if anything, it should have been her. She knew about the upside down, about the monsters, about the gate, about everything, and he didn't.

He had been oblivious, confused, and scared as to what was making him commit these acts up until his last dying breath.

Her eyes flicker up, letting the drizzling rain fall upon her face as she tries focusing on anything else. Even with the darkness of the clouds, the orange from the fire reflects onto the navy skies, making it twice as challenging to ignore what's happening before them.

"Is it alright if I sit here?" Natalia stands in front of her completely drenched in water that washed out the dried blood from earlier. Her hands are covered in small cuts and her face has some light bruising that will for sure get worse with time.

Gwen nods and waves at the empty spot next to her. Even if Natalia is no longer flayed, having her this close makes her slightly flinch when remembering all the hits received. She holds the blanket over her more tightly, ignoring the punctures spreading all around her back and stomach.

"I just wanted to thank you," Natalia's voice comes out lower than intended. She takes a deep breath and looks ahead, trying to avoid staring into her and seeing all the damage she caused. "Not everyone would've done what you did and given our history... I know it must not have been easy."

Gwen lets out a small chuckle, catching her by surprise on how sudden and unexpected it was. "You definitely beat my ass. I'd give you that."

Nat faintly laughs, still unsure of how to continue after everything she did. She remembers everything and how terrified she felt in having no control of her body. It was torturous seeing herself hurt others the way Billy hurt her. She longed to forget, to try and move on, but how can she after all of them died because of her?

"I'm sorry," her voice breaks as tears prick at her eyes. She presses her lips into a tight line to refrain from choking out a sob as every memory starts hitting her like a whiplash. "I did terrible things. I hurt lots of people and now Billy is... dead."

Almost immediately, Gwen holds her in a tight embrace knowing it's what she needs. She will never know the hell she went through, but knowing how sadistic the mind flayer is, she knows it's something that will leave her with scars for life.

Nat freezes upon her touch, not having expected the girl she hurt terribly to be holding her. She's reluctant for a few seconds, but eventually gives in and embraces her tightly. It's been too long since she's been held by someone and it isn't until now that she realizes how much she needed this.

"You didn't do this," Gwen assures her, pulling away to stare directly into her eyes. "It was that monster who did it. Only blame him. Not yourself because even though you might have been a bitch, I know you would never go this far to hurt others."

"Hey!" she playfully punches her shoulder, only to regret it when Gwen winces. "Shit, I'm sorry."

She smiles at her, dismissing the pain as they both turn silent for a moment. This feels strange considering all the years they spent going against each other. Sitting down together and not insulting one another feels oddly strange yet also incredibly right.

In view of everything, Gwen doesn't want to pry and ask how she became involved in this. Sure Nancy told her that it started with Billy, but she never mentioned the source and how everything started. She tries finding the right words, searching for the proper way to ask, but nothing seems to come out as she knows better than to ask such a thing.

Nat seems to notice based on the way her hands are fidgeting and the way her leg is flailing nervously. Her brows press together as she says, "You can ask me anything. I'll answer whatever you want."

"Where did he take you?" her voice is barely a whisper and her gaze becomes fixated to her hands. "Like... where did he do this to you?"

Nat exhales sharply, trying to put the pieces together as surprisingly, the source is still foggy in her mind. Maybe it's the fact that the mind flayer was trying his hardest to close her thoughts from El, but what he didn't think of is that Billy was his weakest link.

"It's still kind of hard to piece together, but I'm certain it was the steel mill that's by Cornwallis..."

Cornwallis.

It's near the road where she tricked Billy, the same one where she pretended to follow him to the motel, but drove away instead.

Did she do this? Was she the cause for everything?

Gwen's heart sinks to the ground. She sees Nat's lips moving as she continues to speak, but is now unable to perceive her words. All she can focus on is that everything started because of her. If she hadn't tricked Billy, he wouldn't have driven off in that direction. He wouldn't have gotten possessed by the mind flayer and he would still be alive.

Everything around her starts fading, the sounds, the crowd, the sight, everything is disappearing. Her hands start trembling and there's a heavy weight on her chest starting to press the more she tries to breathe. The air is now unable to reach her lungs, unable to provide her with the needed oxygen. She feels the ground beneath her shake, making it a million times harder to walk any further.

I did this. I caused everything.

Not even perceiving the world around her, she becomes startled when Steve appears in front of her. She tries focusing on him, but all her mind is thinking of is that everything is her fault. If she had simply kept driving instead of stopping in the middle of the road, none of this would have happened.

"It's okay. You're alright," Steve assures her, holding her hand gently while pressing his forehead against hers. "Remember our steps?"

She nods as she tries focusing on the steps of their dance and the chords of their song. Dancing with him is one of her favorite memories and that specific song is always able to ground her.

Steve starts humming, automatically making it easy for her to recognize which part of the song he's doing. If you're lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time. She tries humming along and begins taking slow breaths. Her heart continues to race as the sound of it rings in her ears, making this much more challenging to control.

"You're okay. You're safe," he whispers, cradling her face as he looks into her eyes filled with panic and sorrow. He places her palm against his heart while maneuvering the other to hers. His gaze remains focused on hers, breathing controllably and with ease as her exhales start to become steady. "You're okay."

Gwen feels herself start to calm down. Her heart starts returning to its normal pace and her breathing has become much more stable. She stares at Steve, admiring the serenity and comfort only he's able to bring. Just staring into those brown eyes helps settle things in perspective and removes the weight off her shoulders.

Pressing her forehead against his, she places her arms around his shoulders as her eyes close to take in the moment of calmness. He holds her close to him, resting his hands on her waist as they remain in this position for a few minutes.

Steve wonders if Billy's death was the cause of this, or if it was something else. He tries asking her, but worries that in doing so, it will affect her much more. As much as his curiosity is begging him to question her, he can't bring himself to do so. He hates seeing her this way, so afraid, so panicked, and so hurt.

"I- I need to find Hopper," she breathes out, pulling herself away in full determination to find him.

Something inside him is telling him this is not right. He senses something is wrong and even though Gwen's the strongest person he knows, he's afraid of just how much more she can take. "Later, okay? You need to take it easy."

"Steve, I'm fine. I just need to find him," she walks around, ignoring the pain in her ankle and ribs. Her brows cinch together as her eyes wander to each set of ambulances. She needs to make sure he's alright before officially finding consolation tonight. The more she wanders, the more terrible she feels when not being able to find him.

He has to be okay. He has to be.

She comes to an abrupt stop when hearing the familiar voice of Joyce. Just hearing the gentle sound of it is enough to fill her with ecstasy and relief. They're fine. They made it safely out from the Russian base.

It takes Gwen a second to find her in the crowd, but when she does, the world falls upon her shoulders once more. Joyce is holding on to her son, her head is buried into his shoulder as she cries more out of sadness than happiness. Her eyes have lost their sparkle and their essence as they're filled with nothing but guilt and heartbreak.

And grief.

Steve is quick to put the puzzle pieces together. His gut feeling was right in sensing something was terribly wrong. Damn it, he really wanted to be wrong in this. He trails behind her, giving her distance just in case she doesn't want to be around others when everything hits.

Gwen continues staring at the Byers' mom, searching for the smallest ounce of hope that doesn't appear to be coming like usual. She's always been pessimistic and has always been a glass half-empty kind of girl. Ever since her dad died, she's learned to expect disappointment so she'll never actually be disappointed.

That is until Hopper started getting involved in her life.

He would come over as much as he could even when living in New York. Every time he came to visit, she would feel like a weight had been lifted. She wouldn't be dealing with all the responsibilities that should've been her mother's, but instead, she could be a kid. She could have fun and try to enjoy life.

Hopper taught her that it's okay to have hope. Sure it might hurt like hell when things don't go according to plan, but that's life, and there's nothing to change that. So for the next few years, she's managed to become a somewhat glass half-full kind of girl. Of course, it's not like she'll be optimistic all of the time, but she's learned that taking a leap of faith is worth a risk.

At least until now.

Remaining hopeful that everything would be okay had been the worst mistake she's ever made. She set herself up for failure and now there's nothing she can do to fix it.

Joyce shakes her head at her, officially confirming that he's gone. She closes her eyes for a brief moment until glancing at someone else.

Gwen tries following her line of sight, but all she can think of is how she'll never hear his voice again or get to see that disgruntled frown whenever he fixes her mistakes. And how she'll never get a chance to go to Moon's Diner like they planned.

She wants to look away and search for him, but she's unable to. Tears stream down her cheeks as she prays this is some kind of cruel joke and he's going to come running in at any second.

They were supposed to spend more time together and now they will never get a chance to.

Slowly, Gwen turns around, her knees have become weaker the more she walks. Nearly on the verge of sinking to the ground, her eyes fall upon El, who's barely come to realize her dad is gone.

Almost as if they have a mind of their own, Gwen's arms embrace the young girl as the rain starts pouring even harder. Holding her head against her, she tries preventing herself from crying because she needs her. She has to be strong and help her get through this, but not even with any will of leftover strength is she able to contain the sobs.

How can she even pretend to be fine when nothing about this ever will be?

All of their plans were now gone and just fading into the distance, leaving her with a void in her chest as the realization of never seeing him again hit.

And that's what finally broke her.