(Ep. 1: Mad Max)

Dinner with the Hollands was the most dreadful part of Gwen's week.

She hadn't been close with Barb except for sharing a few amicable hellos, helping each other in class, and only knowing her as the best friend of Nancy Wheeler.

When the news of Barb's disappearance broke out, Gwen couldn't help but put herself in Nancy's shoes knowing very well she'd go crazy if anything were to happen to Jonathan. She began sharing small conversations with her, helping her search for clues, as well as officially introducing her to Jonathan.

All three of them bonded over their shared interest in finding their loved ones. Jonathan and Gwen wanted to find Will while Nancy wanted to find Barb. It only made sense for all of them to work together. They figured the chances of finding them would be much more possible. They searched for clues, fought for each other, as well as finding a genuine friendship.

Their search was going smoothly up until a small opening in a tree led Gwen to the Upside Down. Not knowing those brief moments would change her entire life as well as Barb's.

"I apologize for not making that baked ziti you all like so much. I've been so distracted lately that before I knew it, it was 5 already," Mrs. Holland told the three teens as they took bites out of their KFC.

Gwen cleared her throat before saying, "It's no worries!"

"I love KFC," Steve followed after.

The two of them glared at each other, frowning at their proximity that happened out of Mrs. Holland sitting them together.

Nancy, who was seated at the end of the table, simply kept looking over at the two as she prayed they control themselves and are civilized for once. The last thing the Hollands need is two teens arguing when they're in the process of losing their last bit of hope.

All of them continued their dinner in silence, focusing on their food that they seemed to forget they were surrounded by others. Only the crunches of the crispy chicken and clanking of the forks were heard. All of those sounds were much louder thanks to Steve.

Gwen glared at him in disgust at his loud devouring as she wished to be in the furthest seat. She clenched her hand into a tight fist and took a deep breath to control the annoyance he's bringing her. She promised Nancy she'd be on her best behavior so she was determined to go through with it.

Yet Nancy's mind had gone back to the sign outside. The Hollands seemed to be selling their home and the thought of losing any connection to Barb was driving her insane. She tried focusing on something else, but the sound of the grandfather clock that stood in their hallway made the silence much worse. "So, I noticed a for sale sign out in your yard. Is that the neighbors or...?"

Mr. and Mrs Holland turned to each other before he said, "You want to tell them?"

Mrs. Holland smiled, "Well, we hired a man named Murray Bauman. Have any of you heard of him?"

Gwen furrowed her brows at the name. She had in fact heard that name before. Over the summer when she interned at Hopper's office, a man with the name of Murray would come twice a week trying to have a word with Hopper. Hopper would never agree to speak to him so his visits became more insistent.

It wasn't until the week of the 4th of July when Murray gave her a letter that was crucial she handed to Hopper. Gwen wasn't the snooping type, but her interest was at its peak at seeing how much this man was avoided.

Did he know something?

Was he the only one that figured out the truth on what really happened?

She kept the letter for a day and kept going back and forth on whether or not she should open it. She figured Murray knew something about the Upside Down. Why else would a journalist be so interested in an insipid town like Hawkins?

Gwen tossed and turned all night as all she could think about was what could this letter possibly hold that has Hopper so worried. She stared for what seemed forever at the envelope and tried convincing herself to open it and hope that it's some meaningless questions, but what if it's something important? What if she risks her family and friends because of her curiosity? No, she wouldn't do it. She had to return it. If the letter truly holds something of deep importance, then Hopper is the only one who can be trusted with it.

After returning the letter the next day, she received a very long scolding from him. It almost made her lose her internship and if it wasn't for how well the two of them get along, she would've been fired and banned right at the spot. Being friends with the chief sure has its benefits.

Soon after, Murray never came to the office again. What did the letter hold? She will never know.

"No," Nancy said.

"No, I don't think so," Steve responded with his mouth full.

The Hollands turned to Gwen and waited for her response. She didn't want to lie to them, but if they knew Murray had contact with the chief before, their excitement would for sure diminish. "I haven't," she took a big bite of her chicken as the others began to eye her suspiciously.

"Well, he was an investigative journalist for the Chicago Sun Times..."

"He's very well known," Mr. Holland handed a business card to Steve. He was reading over it when he felt Gwen's hand take it from his. Steve turned to her, feeling his irritation grow more precarious at her every move.

"... he agreed to take the case," Mrs. Holland continued with her bright hopeful smile.

Steve was still glaring at the girl who was too focused on reading the card to notice. "That's- that's really great," he told them with his gaze still focused on her.

Gwen read the card over and over as she remembered those summer months. What did Murray know that made Hopper avoid him? Could he have any real idea as to what happened? Or was he just a crazy conspiracist?

Steve studied her concentrated expression knowing something was going on in that head of hers. It's not like her to be this quiet unless something was happening. From the way her face had gotten pale at the investigator's name, he knew it had something to do with him.

Nancy looked over at her boyfriend after noticing he hadn't taken his eyes off her friend. The way he looked at her seemed different. He had a longing expression as well as concern for the girl he claims to loathe. She knew that look too well to know there was more than he let on.

She turned to the Hollands and asked, "So what will Murray do exactly?"

Mr. Holland turned to her, "It means he'll do the work that son of a bitch Jim Hopper-" his wife placed her hand on his shoulder to stop him from continuing. Mr. Holland hated Hopper and the Hawkins police for not doing enough for their daughter. He wasn't proud of it, but he wished all the attention Will Byers received was given to Barb instead.

Gwen clenched her jaw at hearing him insult Hopper. She was very protective of him and viewed him as a dad. She despised anyone who dared shit on his name. She wanted nothing more than to speak out, but in doing so, it meant having to reveal everything. And that was something she was threatened to not do.

"Sorry," Mr. Holland said through gritted teeth. "He'll do what the Hawkins Police haven't been able to do. We have a real detective on the case now."

"It means... we're going to find our Barb," Mrs. Holland smiled with a hopeful beam in her eyes.

"This man will be able to find her. I'm sure of it," Mr. Holland said, "He already has leads which makes him worth every penny."

"Is that why you're selling?" Gwen finally said.

Mrs. Holland gave her a warm smile, "Don't worry about us, honey. We are more than fine. For the first time... we're hopeful."

Gwen couldn't help but feel responsible for this. If she comes clean and tells them the truth, they won't have to sell their house anymore, but if it was her in their place, she'd want to leave this town for good.

Nancy turned to her as they both were thinking the same thing. All these efforts would go to waste unless they're honest and tell them everything, but it would mean risking themselves as well as their families.

Gwen turned to the older couple with their hopeful and ecstatic faces. How can she tell them without breaking their hearts? Regardless of what she does, their suffering will continue either way. Is there a point in being honest if it brings nothing but misery?

"Can I please be excused?" Nancy hurried out the room, leaving Gwen and Steve to try and continue this conversation that only makes them feel more guilty for hiding the truth.

The two of them turned silent as they tried ignoring the tension in the room. Only the crunches of the crispy chicken were heard that led to Steve trying to relieve the awkwardness, "It's finger licking good."

Gwen rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disappointment as she tried avoiding his gaze by looking somewhere else. Without meaning to, her eyes fell upon the family picture hanging by the living room.

The Hollands appeared to be standing in front of their home with Barb in between them. They had their arms wrapped around her as she smiled in such a carefree way. Gwen wasn't sure how long it's been since that picture was taken, but it sure doesn't change the fact that their lives changed in an instant and the once happy family is now gone.

She tried looking away, but she was suddenly left in a hypnotic state from her mind starting to recollect the night that became a turning point for Barbara Holland.

November, 1983

Dust flakes fell upon her as she clung tightly to her nailed bat. Her mind couldn't comprehend the world she stumbled upon. Who would have thought there was another world that resembled hers?

She was soon filled with terror when noticing there was no one but her in the void.

She was alone.

Alone with whatever it is that resides.

"Jonathan!" she screamed while returning to the source of entrance.

The small tree that once held the opening of this dark dimension had returned to its normal state. There was no way out. She was trapped.

Panic started to set in as she ran everywhere in search of anything or anyone. She took a deep breath and tightened her grip on the bat and hurried to the road. All she knew was that the forest wasn't safe and she needed to find someplace to hide.

What if they haven't noticed she's missing? Would anyone care? Would she even be missed?

She took a few glances to make sure nothing was following her and headed in the direction of the nearest house she knew of.

Steve Harrington's house was somewhere around. Never did she think his home would be her hope for safety. Out of everything that's happened, this was the least expected.

She turned at every sound and started running, feeling cold sweat when hearing something from a distance. Her eyes squinted in its direction, finding nothing but absolute darkness that only worsened her terror.

Gwen started running to the house, feeling relief once it started getting closer. She twisted the knob and immediately slammed the door shut. Right away, she started observing every inch of the house.

It was not what she expected at all. It was cleaner, more comforting, and despite being in this eerie dimension, his home offered her solace.

That's when she heard a familiar voice from outside.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she felt a warm touch providing slow yet panicked shoves, "Henderson?" Steve asked, trying to mask his concern with an annoyed tone. She had spent a few minutes stuck in some kind of trance, like she had been transported elsewhere and no matter what he did to break through to her, she wouldn't respond to anything.

She moved her hand back at his touch and took a sip of water. Weekly dinners with them were becoming harder to bear. Her mind plagued her with flashbacks despite trying to pretend the guilt is no longer there. Now after hearing their plans, they're returning even worse. She felt as if she was experiencing everything again.

"Where's everyone?" she asked when seeing the Hollands and Nancy were gone.

"Mrs. Holland had to take a breather so Mr. Holland went with her. Are you okay?" he asked.

She turned to face him to be met by those chocolaty eyes of his. His brows were furrowed in concern as he leaned closer to offer his hand. Her eyes fell to his guiding hand, yet she couldn't find herself to take it. It seemed as if at this moment, she was forgetting how much she hates him and detests being in his presence. All she could focus on was the kindness his eyes held. The way they flickered under the lights and burned with compassion.

While the pair were left under a spell, Nancy stood in the hall peering at the two. For two people who claim to hate each other, they seem quite comfortable together. She found herself bothered at not being the only one feeling their spark start to fade. He was feeling it as well. If he wasn't, his eyes wouldn't be intrigued by someone else.

"Save your concern for your girlfriend, Harrington," Nancy heard her say.

Gwen turned the other way and started gathering the plates. Nancy watched Steve as he had his lips pressed together and his face had begun to display a bright red.

He took a deep breath and scolded himself for what he was doing. What was he thinking in offering kindness? The two of them can only offer aversion to each other. He felt his hands begin to tremble at how much it bothered him to be near her, making him decide this would be the last time he'd try and offer a change in their dynamic.

He helped her with the rest of the dishes, finding himself unable to form any words. She was making him nervous and was starting to get under his skin. She glared at him as he handed her the last plate and headed for the living room.

"Don't think I was worried for you, Henderson," he finally said.

She rolled her eyes and took a seat, "I don't care."

He intensely glared at her and started rambling, "You should because while you were daydreaming, I had to find different topics of conversation. All I could talk about was how good the chicken was!"

"Figures that's all your brain could come up with."

There's the Gwen he knows and loathes.

He dryly chuckled, "Are you incapable of being civil for once? What's wrong with you?"

"That's the same thing I ask myself every time I see you."

"So funny, Henderson," he snapped while leaning back onto the couch.

Gwen crossed her arms in satisfaction as she waited for Nancy and the Hollands to return. She bobbed her foot up and down and ran her fingers against the lining of the couch cushion. Time was running by slowly therefore bringing impatience to rise. She began walking around the living room, pacing back and forth, while avoiding the photographs of the once happy family.

Steve observed her every move and grew more annoyed at the noise she's making. Can she not be still for once? "Do you mind? You're driving me crazy with you walking around in circles!"

"Does it look like I care?" she began stomping the floor and pacing around quicker, bringing a frazzled look to cover his face. He formed a gruntled sound and buried his face in one of the pillows.

That's when Nancy decided to head back. Listening to their arguing made her feel a bit better. She turned her head at the back door, making out through the window the couple walking around their backyard as Mr. Holland tried comforting his wife. Maybe this should be the last dinner since it only makes them feel worse afterwards.

Nancy took a deep breath before grabbing the notepad from the kitchen. She figured it's best not interrupting them and letting them be. More words from her would only make things worse, and that's the last thing she wants to do.

"Let's go," Nancy placed the note on the dining table and hurried out the door. Gwen and Steve exchanged confused looks before following after her.

Gwen reluctantly closed the door behind her. It seemed wrong to leave without saying goodbye, "Shouldn't we say something at least?" Nancy didn't bat an eye at her. She tossed her purse inside the car and hopped in. "Umm, hello?" Gwen said louder.

"Jesus, Gwen! Can you not take the hint that they're not in the right mind to speak right now?! The last thing they need is to pretend to be alright for us when we know for certain that nothing about this is okay! What we're doing is wrong and we can't act as if this isn't our fault!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, Nance. You know this isn't our fault," Steve tried reassuring her.

Nancy rolled her eyes at him, "You know it is." She turned to Gwen, who was now walking back to her car to try and avoid thinking that it really is her fault, "And I don't even know why she came here."

Gwen stopped in her tracks as she lifted her brow in a confused way, "What?"

Nancy got out of the car and walked up to her, "You weren't friends with her so why are you even here?"

Gwen felt every nerve burn at the memory. Nancy was right. Her and Barb weren't friends so it does seem strange for her to come. If only she could tell her everything. How it wasn't her fault that Barb is dead, but hers. How she was the one responsible and would have done anything to swap places.

Only Steve noticed something was bothering her. She was keeping something from them but was holding back for whatever reason. He was now concerned, feeling unsettled that something was deeply wrong.

"Come on, Nance. Let's not do this," he said, trying to avoid the situation from worsening.

"No," Gwen said in a serious tone, "Maybe we should."

"Henderson, come on. It's not the time-"

"Maybe for you it isn't, but clearly Nancy's been holding this in so let her get it out," Gwen's intent wasn't to argue. She merely knows how hard it is to keep something inside for so long. If she's not able to let everything out, then Nancy should get the chance.

"I don't want to fight, alright? I just can't comprehend why you're here when you were never that close with her," Nancy said in a calmer tone after seeing how kind Gwen was being.

For a split second, Gwen was tempted to reveal what happened. How it's her fault Barb is dead and coming here was to try to ease her guilt, but as she looked at the pair, she came to the resolution that they would hate her for what she did.

"I just wanted to be nice, but you're right. I have no business coming here so this is the last time I'll come."

If only she could tell Nancy what really happened, but if she did, Gwen would be blamed for her death. She would be hated by everyone and despite trying to convince herself she doesn't care what anyone thinks, having them know what happened would ruin her. She entered her car and turned to look at the couple, and figured pretending to be alright is the only solution.