Smile. Shake. Hug. Move on.

If she was lucky, she wouldn't have to talk much. Most people were just satisfied with a simple smile and a half hearted 'thank you' before they moved onto whoever they saw next. She could handle that. It wasn't hard to pretend to be okay so long as she kept a steady pace working her way around the room. And, of course, that wasn't such a difficult task to accomplish given that she didn't pause too long in one place. She had to be like a shark; she had to keep moving forward or else she would drown.

Lisette was just glad that she was only the sister of Azure and not their parents. They would be taking most of the damage of the people who came to offer their condolences today. Right now, she was just the child who lost her sibling. But they were the parents who lost their child. She would be almost spiteful, if not for the fact that she didn't even want to be here talking to her relatives and anyone else who wanted to come by before they set off. Though she felt bad for her parents to be receiving the attention that they most likely didn't want just as much as she did, she knew that someone had to get it. They couldn't leave a house full of grieving people all alone with no hosts.  No immediate family. No one to comfort for the loss of their daughter.

She continued to move forward. She paused here and there to smile and thank that person for coming before moving on to whoever decided to approach her next. In the back of her mind, she silently cursed her parents for making her come downstairs to do this. She knew that she was supposed to, but that didn't make her feel any better. All these people standing so close to her, smiling sadly at her, shaking her hand and asking her how she was. Like they didn't already know. How would anyone feel after they've lost their sister? Their best friend?

She knew should have stayed in her room until it was time to go. Before coming downstairs, she had been sitting at her vanity somberly, staring at her reflection in the mirror and deciding the best way to avoid breaking down completely today. She had been absentmindedly dabbing powder on her nose when her mother gave a small knock on the door. Lisette had known that she'd spent too much time in her room already, but the thought of going downstairs and having to see all those people, and the thought of seeing her teary eyed parents again like she had this past week, made her body shudder with sadness. 

But she still opened the door. She still saw her stony faced mother blocking her way, looking small and vulnerable. When she saw Lisette, her eyes watered and she gave one single sniffle. Without a word, she reached over and pushed a strand of short golden yellow hair behind her ear. Her eyes stared deeply into Lisette's for a long moment before she looked away.

"Its time to go down and start greeting our guests," she said. When she saw the horrified look on her daughters face, she patted her cheek and tried to give what she thought was a reassuring smile. 

"It'll just be until the limos arrive to take us to the church. That should be enough time for us to thank everyone for coming..."

She stopped there and bit her lip. Lisette knew how much this was killing her mother. Since the night they found Azure dead, her mother had been nothing short of a complete wreck. She barely ate, slept, or spoke a word to neither her nor her father. She just sat locked away in her bedroom, crying until she fell asleep or watching old tapes of Azure at her recitals. Tapes that Lisette usually filmed because she was the only one from her family able to make it. And now that the day has come to bury her child, Lisette was genuinely surprised that she worked up the strength to step out her room. She was surprised that any of them had.

Azures death... her suicide... had been a shock to all of them, especially her. None of them knew what to make of it or how to handle it. She herself was still reeling from the fact that her sister was dead. Her sister, who use to braid Lisette's short hair and pratice makeup on. Who Lisette use to force to lay down and try to relax after a long day of ballet practice and her feet were too sore for her to walk on. Who use to brush her rapunzel length hair when she was having a long day. Her lifelong friend... gone. Just like that. By choice. A choice that no one knew or understood.

Azure Shade was single-handedly the most perfect person Lisette has ever known.

She was graceful and elegant. Her hair was the color of lemon chiffon, which trailed down her back in thick silky pools of waves that ended at her waist. Her eyes were the color of emeralds, the greenest and purest shade you could ever imagine. She had a careful splash of freckles dotted across her nose, barely noticeable unless you stood close enough to her to see them. And even though she was a ballerina, she was short. When someone thought of a ballerina, they think of tall, poised girls with swan like necks and legs that ran a mile long. But not Azure. She was five foot four, and her legs were average sized. 

Azure was perfect. People didn't look at her and her older sister and say, "Look! There's the Shade sisters!" They said, "Look! Its Azure and her kid sister." Lisette was always lost in her older sisters shadow, but she knew in her heart that she would rather be lost in her shadow then having no shadow to be in anymore. 

Her Aunt Beverly was the next to approach her. Lisette smiled as warmly as she could at her but prayed that whatever tearful condolences she made would be quick. Aunt Bev always had the worst way of trying to comfort someone. On Lisette's thirteenth birthday, while she was out with her parents for a nice dinner, Aunt Beverly was in charge of hamster sitting her pet, Bernard. However, when they got home, they found Beverly searching frantically around the living room. She had let Bernard out for some "him time" but didn't keep watch of him. Azure was the one to find him a week later, belly up behind a potted plant in the Den and stinking to high heaven.

Aunt Beverly's reaction? Oh honey, this is why we don't have pets at such a young age. Things like this happen. 

Even though she was the whole reason he died.

"Oh, honey!" she cried out. 

Oh, great.

In a flash Aunt Beverly was upon her, crushing Lisette into her large, superficial breasts, forcing her to take in her overly spritzed perfume and itchy clothing. 

"Oh, my sweet, sweet girl. I'm so sorry! How are you holding up? Oh, what a stupid question of me to ask! I know how you're holding up. You look terrible! Absolutely terrible!"

Lisette pried herself away from her Aunt and self consciously straightened out her clothes. She wouldn't say she looked terrible, just... not as well as she normally does. And would it be a crime if she didn't? Its not like this past week has been smooth sailing for her. But instead of vocalizing her opinions, she merely nodded once and kept a somber face, trying to remember her mantra. Smile. Shake. Hug. Move on. 

"Thank you, Aunt Beverly."

She tsked against her hand and frowned. "Poor Azure... God help her soul. She was a good one. Lord only knows what possessed her to do it..."

Lisette bit her lip and tried to keep her temper in check. Of course no one knew why she would do it, but hearing someone continuously bring up her sisters decision was maddening. Didn't they see that she didn't want to talk about it? Didn't they see just how much neither her nor her parents wanted to bring up how their eldest daughter killed herself? 

A sob nearly parted from her lips when she thought of that. Azure... Azure had killed herself for crying out loud. How could she? She had a wonderful life. She had a loving sister and supportive parents. She had talent. A future. Potential. A gorgeous life paved with gold lined up for her. And she did this? She ended her own life over god knows what? Just thinking about it left a sour taste in Lisette's mouth. Her older sister had killed herself. She had been so... so deeply unhappy that she decided that she couldn't handle anything anymore? But what was she to be unhappy about?

"You're not having any thoughts, are you dear?" her aunt asked. "Any thoughts like Azure may have been having? Any thoughts to...?"

She opened her mouth to tell her aunt that she should get going when someone cleared their throat behind her. She and her aunt both turned around to find she and Azures life long friend, Harrison Knight, standing directly behind them, eyes bloodshot and lips turned down in a frown. His normally perfectly tossed sunflower blond curls were disheveled at best, and his large brown eyes were staring vacantly at Lisette. She immediately dropped her gaze away from his face and took a particular interest in the detailing of the wood flooring. She hadn't seen a wink of Harrison since the night of Azure's death. And she had a feeling that he didn't have the urge to see her over this past week either. 

Her mind flashed to a week ago: last Saturday evening. A beer bottle. A teasing smile. A flash of blond shimmying in her peripheral. Blood. Blood all over the Den floor...

"If I could have a moment to speak with Lisette please, Aunt Bev," Harrison said gently. Aunt Beverly smiled at him halfheartedly. 

"Of course Harrison, of course... I'm going to go find your parents, honey. I'm sure they need me right about now anyhow."

She gave her one final firm pat on the shoulder before she was off, leaving Lisette alone with her life long friend. She took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes, trying to tell herself that she wasn't as scared as she seemed to be talking to him. 

"Harrison," she said curtly, giving him one stern nod of her head. His usually playful eyes and happy face were gone. Now, he looked to her like he was looking at a stranger. A random passerby. Not like someone he grew up with. Not like someone he had any affection for. Not like anything. Her insides deflated. 

"Lisette," he replied back. He took a shaky breath, trying to calm down his nerves just like she was. " I wont take up much of your time... I just came to say i'm sorry."

That caught her off guard. "Sorry? Sorry for what?"

He looked down, his eyebrows crinkling in the adorable way they did when he was upset. 

"For Azure. For your parents. For us." He paused, his mouth trembling uncontrollably. "For what happened. Between us. It is... it was...the biggest regret of my life."

Her heart stuttered. "E-excuse me?"

He bit his lip. "Everything about that night..." he paused and took a deep breath, trying to collect himself. His eyes began to glisten and she knew he was recounting that night. "Everything about that night was one big mistake. And I will never forgive myself for it."

She couldn't believe this. She knew that they had both done things that they weren't proud of, but in the moment that it did happen, she knew in her heart that she didn't want it to be a mistake. She wasn't sure what she wanted. She wasn't sure what was supposed to be real and what wasn't. Talking to Harrison didn't make her feel better. It made her feel worse. 

"I have to go," she spat out. He looked at her with pity in his eyes. Pity that she didn't want and was ill received. 

"Lisette, don't do this. I just had to be honest with-"

"I said I have to go. Thank you for your condolences today, Mr. Knight."

She dashed away before she could hear anything else he had to say, not knowing how many more times her heart could break before she couldn't take it anymore.