Chapter 9

Samaritans are the worst kind of helpers unless the help involves losing virtue.

Ash

15th March 2018, Thursday
17:45

The bracelet broke in the morning, the necklace broke now and the invisible string tying us had twisted into knots. I could not break it, I could not keep it without letting her twist it further. Did she even know? Did she know how stupid her idea was? Did she know how her strokes were wrong? Did she know that she held the brush wrong? Obviously she did not.

I glanced at my phone, then at Vicky who raised an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

I smiled. "Perfect."

He nodded and looked at the doors again, waiting for Kiara to return and Shay to show up. My phone's screen lit up and just when I thought she had messaged, I realized it was just another notification. I resisted the urge to grunt. This whole thing was stupid on so many levels.

"I'll think about it," I had said. And I did think. I just couldn't bring myself to admit the truth, so I did what I felt was right.

"Where's Shay?" Vicky asked.

I shrugged. It was funny how he called Sheereen Shay, Kiara Junior but Ashiamma by her full name only, no Ash; not that it mattered. It was just funny. It did not matter, not when I had what I wanted. I glanced at the phone again. I was not letting it go that easily. After watching numerous faces fall year after year I got a prize, I simply used my power to hold the one thing that made me feel good.

"We had a fight," I said.

Vicky turned to me with a frown. "What?"

"Shay and I had a fight, not really a 'fight' but disagreement about the portraits. I don't think she'll come here."

20th April 2018, Friday
14:15

When Rishab abruptly cut the phone, saying his mother was calling him, I did not pay any heed to it. They had silly banters at times, not that I cared. I had other things to worry about, like how he sounded just like Shay to me. To me. I knew that wasn't his tone but somehow my mind begged to merge the two.

She had never showed up at the party Vicky organised to celebrate our results but at my birthday. And she had brought up the silly, stupid, senseless topic again. I stared down at my hands and put the phone aside.

Paint a world that says nothing, paint a word that speaks for the world and the latter wins.

I laughed at the thought, a shaky, dry, tearful laugh that echoed above the words Vicky had once said, "Doesn't matter. The world is yours to paint and understand, not anyone else's to interpret or break."

My phone buzzed. I breathed out slowly and picked it up. The corners of my eyes wrinkled at the notifications. I clicked on one of them and Instagram's screen popped up.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the smartest of them all?

I don't know who's the smartass

but dear little Ash
has some dirt in that pretty head. ;)

I blinked once, then again and rubbed my eyes.

"Wow," I breathed out. "Really, Shay?"

My fingers scrolled up and down the post, reading through the comments. Wow. This girl really was something else. Dirt. Seriously? Dirt?

I was trying to control my laughter at those petty lines when I ended up clicking on her profile. I saw the video then. My laugh turned to silence and like a paintbrush dangling in air, my fingers swayed to the light breeze in the room. It was suffocating, the breeze as well the paper in her hand that swayed periodically to the breeze - the air dripping of stench and God awful stuff.

My jaw ticked and I rubbed my chin, twisting the small curled hair on the skin under the chin. Out of habit, my fingers jabbed at the flesh of double chin that still existed.

It was her smile, that twisted grin, which slapped me. It was the paper, her attempt at mimicking my signature on that sick drawing.

All done out of spite.

I called her.

"Be courageous enough to pick up my call, Sheereen," I muttered.

It had been her idea, the painting. She had showed up with a magazine on sculpturing, saying anything could be art. She had been mistaken. Fat, hair covered skin was similar to a fly in a glass of milk.

Another notification chime bounced off the walls of the room and my head fell into my hands, my sweaty hands that wanted to strangle the person who had just sent me the message.

'Scooping this low now? Is my absence affecting you this much?' He wrote. 'What are our classmates saying? Bad, Ash. Bad.'

I stared at his username. Karan.1208. Blithering idiot.

"Breathe," I told myself and counted till ten. These were morons talking. It was all right. She did it, not me. It was fine. I was fine. People might not even take her seriously.

I muffled a sob. "Stop, Ash. You're worth much more."

My first instinct was to call Vicky. That idiot had to go home early today. I wiped my eyes and blew out a breath.

"Ashiamma?"

I looked up and saw a maid frowning at me.

"Child, are you crying?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I was about to leave. You can clean the room."

"Where is your friend?"

'Burning in hell, I hope.' I shrugged.

She opened her mouth to ask something else but I quickly got up and walked out of the room.

"What about those?" She pointed at the frames.

I halted. "Throw them."

I did not wait for her response. Kiara was most probably in the library. I would find her. The only thing in my favour was the students in the school would not have seen it. A teacher crossed my path. My eyes widened as another ugly thought hit my mind. Many students followed the teachers and they followed them back.

The coordinator of my block was standing in front of his office staring at his phone. I gulped. He looked up at me.

"Ashiamma," he said. I went rigid.

"Good Afternoon, Sir."

"I didn't get to congratulate you but I met Vicky. You both did a good job." He smiled.

I nodded. "Thank you."

He frowned. "Are you fine? You look pale."

"Just tired. I was leaving anyway. Have a good day."

My phone vibrated and I quickly walked away before he could catch me.

"Vicky," I whispered.

"Your voice tells you saw."

"It is awful. She's awful, Vick. Could you believe this?"

"Hey, stop," he said. "When you get home, call me. Don't think about her. She's just...People saw it and they'll forget in a few days. Ashiamma, stop crying."

It only got worse. "What if the teachers see it?"

"She'll be punished, we both know that. It is clearly cyber-bullying. We have nothing to be afraid of."

"I hope."

"Good," he said.

"Anyway, you should hang up. Your father must be waiting for you." At least someone should be happy.

He snorted. "He's not coming home until five."

I laughed through the tears. "Bye."

I hadn't even pressed the red button and the notifications were popping again. With my gaze fixated on them, I typed her a message.

'No worries, Shay. We are friends. We'll always be good friends.'

15:00

"Congrats!"

I looked up and saw Sameer.

"First of all, stop with the 'congrats'. I'm tired of it. Second, what are you doing here?"

I was sitting at the edge of my bed, far away from my phone.

"I live here, in case you forgot," my brother said, barging in the room. "And sorry if I tried to be civilized."

I stuck out my tongue.

He grinned. "I am on a weekend vacation."

I eyed him. "You're never on 'weekend vacation' unless you have a selfish reason."

"Please. Selfish? How many charities have you done?"

I shrugged. "You weren't here to count. Your problem."

"That's a bad comeback."

"Better for your ears than the truth."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I let you stay here. It's a charity enough."

He hummed.

Something was wrong with him. Sameer never just walked and said hello to his little sister. He would eye my phone and check it. We would fight until he had to leave with a sour mood. Either he had achieved something good in college or he had hidden motives today.

"Stop looking at me like I'd take out a knife any moment," he said.

"Would you not?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Ash."

"Sam."

"Why did our parents name us that?"

We both looked at each other and grinned.

"Ash," Sameer said. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Other than confessing you owe me?" I asked.

He leaned back. "What do I owe you?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just that I'm the best sister," I said nonchalantly.

He gave me a flat look. "I'm serious, Ash."

I licked my lips. "I appreciate your effort to talk to me irrespective of the fact that Mummy may have set you up."

"She hasn't," he gritted.

"Look, Sam. It's been an awful day. You lifted my mood but I'm not ready for any serious talk. And our serious talks involve a lot of stressing and shouting. Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait. You're here for the weekend. We'll talk tomorrow afternoon when my school is over."

"Awful day? What has made your day awful?" He asked. "Wishes from your schoolmates? Or holding a trophy? Did my little sis stress out because she is the school's star?"

"Sam-"

"You're all over the Internet."

I stiffened. Did he find it?

"The school is posting everywhere, so what has stressed you out?"

I sighed in relief. He meant the school's posts and not Shay's.

"You're incorrigible but I'll give you advice. Start thinking about those around you," he said and got up to leave. "And I was simply going to tell you something. But if you think I'm just screaming, I'll shut my mouth around you."

I frowned. "What's your problem, Sameer? I just said we'll talk later. Calm down."

He simply walked out.

21 April 2018, Saturday
12:00

"Somebody is bunking school today." I saw Rishab approaching me.

"I'm not bunking," I said with a shake of my head. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd meet you. Plus, we couldn't talk yesterday." He took a seat beside me on the bench, whistling.

His happiness was rubbing off on me and I didn't appreciate it a bit. After yesterday, I did not want to play 'school'. More than Sheereen's actions, mine were driving Vicky crazy. We had fought in the morning when I had told him I was not coming. He had called me a coward, I had called him a pet who was trying to earn good points from his father. We hadn't talked since.

I stole a glance at Rishab. Everyone seemed awfully happy today. Sameer was chirpy but still ignorant, both my parents had no objection to my leave from school because I was going to 'make up for yesterday and study'. Once they both left to take my grandmother for a monthly dental appointment, I sneaked out of the house and came to the park.

"Is everything okay?" Rishab asked.

I turned to face him. He knew nothing or if he did, he did not care. I gave him a soft smile. "You're the best."

"Where did that come from?"

I shrugged.

"Ashiamma, are you not going to tell me?" He stopped playing with his bike keys.

Tell what exactly? "It's really nothing. I was tired after yesterday. Sameer is still sulking in the corner of his room and I could not take his negative vibes anymore. So I came out."

"Are you sure?"

I played with a thread lingering out of my jeans and retied my shoelaces. When Kiara had called yesterday, she had mentioned the post. "Shay would take that down," she had whispered in a promising voice.

"I can't believe she'd do that," I said.

Rishab's body turned rigid. I examined his face. He knew.

"She was always jealous," I continued. "How could I not see it? Shay had always been jealous."

"Of you?"

I sat down and considered my reply. Was jealousy the correct word? The pigeon sitting on the cobblestone stared at me with dejected eyes.

"Kiara," I said and tore my gaze from the bird.

I had never given it a thought. I knew a few people who thought Kiara was a teacher's pet. Others took her for a Samaritan. That title tore one's reputation, not entirely but partially. Everytime Kiara came around to meet me, Sheereen would walk away or give timid answers.

"Why? She's a junior." He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets. "And she's lovely."

"She never enjoyed her presence," I replied.

"I thought it was Kiara who did not approve of her."

I got up to walk around. And to avoid looking at the pigeon. It was breezy today, just how I liked it. "Kiara confronted her last evening. She refused to take that down but today morning she took it down. I thought maybe she finally agreed to Kiara but she hadn't."

I fished out my phone and went through the gallery.

"Look." I showed the picture to Rishab. "They had a huge fight and she pinned her down before throwing her out of her house."

"Shay?" He examined the photograph.

I gave him a pointed look. "Sheereen. I can't believe this. It hit me then - the way this girl always criticized Kiara, voted for other people, went out of her way to avoid her but then taunted her. I never realized it. How could I be this foolish?" The words just flowed out of my mouth.

You're a natural.

"Taunt and criticism?" Something about his tone told he just did not believe me.

Should he?

"Do you remember last month when we were asked to vote for the Samaritans? None of us wanted the other girl - the one with a cheeky smile - to be elected. She was downright rude. Sheereen was the one who told us. I saw the ballet box. She chose her."

Rishab frowned. "Ash, I really don't know if that concerns what happened yesterday."

He was not getting this. "No Rishab, nothing happened yesterday. She did it all. I...the way she's been replying to everyone's messages, it's like she is pitting people against me."

"What?" Rishab asked. "Ash, stop overthinking."

I scowled. "I'm not overthinking. Don't you get it? She did it to get to Kiara."

"I get it. Even if she did it to hurt Kiara, it doesn't matter. The elections are not going to be held until after a month. People will forget about it."

I laughed and shook my head. "She won't let them."

"Of course she won't and you'll help her by overreacting."

My jaw clenched.

"Stop being a coward," Vicky had said.

"So you think I'm a coward too?"

Rishab blew out air. "Did I say that?"

"Do you have to?" I countered.

"I didn't come here for this. Are you seriously going to make everything about you?"

My eyes widened. "You're just like them. You're just like my brother." I shouted.

He took a step closer. "Ash, hey."

Could he not see? I had been sitting here and crying. Was he this blind? I turned and saw my reflection in the water of the fountain. Maybe he was right. I was being selfish. I dragged Kiara into this. Tears clouded my vision. When did I become so selfish?

"Why did you come here?" I asked.

"As-"

I shook my head. "I'm not asking out of anger. Seriously, why did you come here? We could not talk yesterday. What is it?"

He opened his mouth and said nothing.

"Rishab?"

"It's–"

"Please do not say 'It's nothing'," I said.

He shook his head. "No, it's better if I tell you. Ashiamma, I-I can't do this anymore."

I laughed. "Are you saying that to divert my mind from Sheereen?"

"I've been meaning to do it since-"

"Since?"

"A long tme."

"Define 'time'." He was playing riddles now.

He took a deep breath. "A month or so."

A month or so.

Or so.

"Leave," I said.

12:45

I climbed up the stairs to Sameer's room, ready to make amends. We rarely got together and did a nice sibling talk. It was time we did one and I apologized. I walked up to his room but halted when I sensed someone else with him.

"You should not have done it. I could've handled," Sameer said. "We were going to talk today. At least you could've told her the truth. She deserves to find out. Don't you understand? She is my sister. God, I thought she was being moody yesterday. Had I known it was because of her friend I would have done something."

"What is going on here?" I asked, looking at my brother and the person next to him.

My gaze fell on Sameer's hand.