Chapter 51

I did not hear you say goodbye when you vanished through the door.

Vee

15th May 2019, Wednesday
20:30

He had said he'd be back in a minute and he'd bring her with him. She had smiled at me and said sometimes it wasn't really our fault. We had shared a drink that he had forcefully pushed down my throat. I had ended up wheezing it out because I had been laughing hard, so hard that I had almost forgotten what Kiara had done.

My eyes snapped up.

Pankaj was sitting in a chair, tapping his foot restlessly while Papa leaned against the wall. He looked at me and I said, "Kiara."

Pankaj, then, realized, "Did you see Nolan or her?"

I shook my head. He cursed and searched for his phone. Papa offered him his. I turned away and stared towards the staircase that led to Shay's room. A nurse walked past me and I stepped back.

"Hello, Nolan."

I finally pulled my eyes away from the crowded hallway and raised an eyebrow at Pankaj. He nodded and I sighed in relief. She was fine. At least someone was fine. I had been too shaken up to notice her. A vague memory of watching her leave after talking to Nolan was there in my mind but it ended there. Everything was a blur after that until the noise began. People had rushed outside, pushing each other. I had made a mistake of looking up the stairs, a little confused as to where Hardik was. So, I had decided to check myself.

"Can you come here?" Pankaj asked. "And bring Kiar-" I shook my head. He frowned. "Nevermind–"

I didn't want her to see the mess, the horrifying blood that had seeped into my clothes and my flesh, wrapped around my torso like skin stretched tightly over my bones. I had opened the door to the sight of Mehak's limp body. I could still hear their noise in my ears when I had rushed to Mehak. I could hear footsteps coming up.

"Ambulance, someone call an ambulance." My throat still hurt from shouting. I was surprised at my steady steps as I had brought her downstairs. Then, my hands had trembled and I had felt people take the weight away from me. Hardik.

I shut my eyes and held my tears back as his image rose in my mind. He'll be fine. He'll be okay. Shay was fine, Mehak was fine. He'd be too. He just needed some time. I nodded. Time, yes. That was all.

I slid down against the wall and sat on the floor. Papa moved to come to me but I shot him a glance and he stopped. Someone wailed. I tilted my head and saw a woman cry as the staff pulled out a stretcher. Suddenly, I was thankful that I'd kept my anger under control and simply walked away from Kiara. A silent goodbye was better than an end on bad terms. She was fine, I reminded myself. It still did not settle the storm in my chest. Something seemed wrong. I shut my eyes and saw nothing, endless black, then white and oblivion. It had always scared me how white was the colour white, like a spiral of never ending tale.

Everyone I had a good moment with at last, left. I told Shay the truth, she had still not woken – doing better, the doctors said but asleep. I wished Ashiamma a Happy Eighteenth Birthday and now she only came at night. I said to Hardik that I wanted to apologize to Mehak, and their silence continued to reign.

"Vicky," Pankaj called and pointed at Papa. He was talking to the doctor with Mehak's father. I looked behind them and saw Roy.

"Mehak will be fine," Papa said. "It is just a head wound, not just, I mean but it's not anything severe."

"Hardik?" I asked.

"There's hope. He may wake up after a few days but there's hope."

Few days. I could wait. I was waiting for Shay, anyway.

"How did this happen?" Pankaj muttered. "This looks so–"

"Unrealistic," I said.

He shook his head. "Planned."

The timing of Roy had to be brilliant. He stopped at us right at the moment and frowned. I grunted and looked away, not quite happy from his arrival.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

Knowing the question was directed at me, I got up. Papa straightened too but I shook my head.

"Stay back with everyone else."

"Did you see anyone leave?" Roy asked once we were at a safe distance from them.

I shook my head.

"Anything out of the blue?"

I shook my head.

"Anything that looked like Mehak has been pulled?"

My eyes snapped up. He gave me a sympathetic look.

"We're investigating the room and there are footprints rising from the bathroom. I can't exactly point out anything. The shoe design is a common sneaker style, criss cross pattern, seems like a size 6. The tap of the sink had also been running."

"Do you have a lead or not?" I asked.

He sighed. "It is not that easy to say. It is a guest room and Pankaj said that many people had gone there. He's not even sure who all exactly but we'll question them tomorrow."

"Did he name any?"

"No, he was freaking out. I asked him to rest and come tomorrow. Vicky, have you been trying to contact Rishab?"

I frowned. "Yes, what does he have to do with any of this?"

"He had gone to his uncle's house early morning on Saturday, the day Shay –"

"I know, I remember," I muttered. "Now that we are talking about Rishab, tell me one thing, Roy. Why did you hide it from us that Ashiamma's death was a suicide, not just the notes but the overdos–"

"Because you're kids. I'm not supposed to tell you guys everything."

I looked down. "I knew what she was doing." Slightly raising my eyes, I nodded. "I think it happened in November. She got sick, down with fever and allergy. Kiara and I saw her with the meds in December and, well, it wasn't difficult to deduce they were meds, the ones she had taken in November for a good purpose but now, somehow, had found an addiction? I'm not sure. I'm–I just don't understand anything anymore."

He opened his mouth, shut it again, then cursed under his breath. "Why didn't you tell us? Things would have been so easy for her. She could've got help. Even after her death, why did you stay quiet?"

"Because I can't believe the fact that she'd kill herself. She was never like that. Egocentric? Yes. Competitive? Yes. Aggressive? Yes. But suicidal? Never." He opened his mouth but I cut him. "I know no one is born suicidal and circumstances push people but I... I just cannot believe it. She showed no signs, nothing. She would've given away something, anything."

"Did you see thoroughly? Did you check again if you missed something? Her family is shocked, you were a friend. Don't be hard on yourself, kiddo."

We were friends but we were thicker than family, and a third person classifying what we were made me laugh. I was about to open my mouth and correct him but stopped short because I knew no one would understand.

20:56

Papa patiently waited for me. I stared at Hardik through the glass and sighed. It was a bad idea to go to the party, I knew. I should've stayed in my gloomy state and pulled him with me. That way, we might be at my house, having dinner while Papa enquired about some useless thing. Or we might be sitting in my room, him hovering over me and daring me to drink. If I'd touch the glass, he'd leave. Then, I'd give him a smile and empty the glass in the sink.

My phone rang. I decided to ignore it but realized it could be Kiara. Hurriedly reaching for it. My face fell when I saw it wasn't her. At the same time, the called ID interested me. I turned around and began to walk to Shay's room. She was doing much better now than in the morning.

"Rishab," I said into the phone, "how are you?"

I was glad he didn't answer, familiar to my tone. I sighed and dropped it. "Man, what's up with you? Sameer's blasting my phone. Shit has hit the fan here."

"I left abruptly, sorry."

"I know. Roy told me." I pushed open Shay's door and glanced at her.

"I'm leaving the school, the city actually." He laughed nervously. "It was difficult to convince my parents but they agreed eventually."

"Why are you calling me now?"

"Yes, about that. Um, I'll come back tomorrow morning as early as possible. Can I meet Roy? And you, of course? Listen, please don't freak out but Shay's whole plan scared me and I ran."

My jaw clenched. "Plan? You mean where she chose to take her life but survived?" I shut the door of her room.

"Not the survived part, the rest. Did she write any note?"

"She's not Ashiamma," I said.

"Ash–it reminds me I need to tell you something else. There's someone else. Do you remember when Roy said she was sorry? I was the one who told him that. I saw this–nevermind, I'll tell you tomorrow."

"What? Why not now?" I wasn't even grasping onto half of the things he was saying. The few things my tired mind could register were being postponed. I came down the stairs and glanced at Hardik's door before continuing on my way out. My head did a double take. Nothing. I stopped. I could have sworn that I saw someone there.

"Vicky?"

"Yes, yes, I'm listening." It must have been the nurse. Still, to confirm, I trudged towards his room. A nurse walked past me to Mehak's room. "Excuse me," I called her. "Did someone come here?"

"No, I don't think so."

I nodded and she walked into her room. I stared at Hardik. His eyebrows furrowed and my eyes widened when I saw him move.

"Vicky?" Rishab called.

"I'll talk to you later," I said and pushed the door open.